thbn Monmira post. DECEMBER ti, 1004
THE
GENIAL IDIOT
; . ...
Observations Upon Advertising in
! Ptiblic Places
3y JOHN KENORICK BANGS
Copyright 1904 by K. H. Hoi
of the late President Kmgrec of . the McBeth In German to Edwin Booth's
Transvaal: : Macbeth in English. The rest of the
n this, the 14th day of December, company all spoke,' English. Mine.
MM. appeared before roe Wynand Cor- janauschek . records that, --while .she
nelius Veuystingh; notary, at Utrecht. had aiready picked up some English.
Holland, in the presence of the follow- ; dnd had read the gUsh text careful
ing witnesses: His Excellency Steph- , Booth knew' nothing of German;
dent of the South African repub.ic, j . - . . . . a- Kv 0.Qr,.. . .
domiciled at Pretoria, temporarily . re- luY P, if
siding at Utrecht, Holland, who. desdr- The tfir8t Enh interpolation in her
ous of making his will, has inscruted opening coloquy, the cry of the mes
me, and I, in accordance with his enger, 'The - King comes here to
wishes, have taken down in writing, as . nikht!" struck the audience as funny,
follows: j raising an audible titter, and embar-
1, testator, declare as executors of barrassing the actress, bue at the en
my last will, directors of my f unreal, i trance of Booth all laughter ceased,
would bring her ' two tortoise, shell
hairpins from the shelf in the bath
room. ;. " ' .
"Haven't you got your hair done
yet?" he demanded. ' "We'll miss that
train."
"See what time it is' by the clock in
the "parlor," she said. "I .believe my
watch is wrong-" " ' "
"It's a quarter past ten," said Mr.
Brunsmith, . "by . my watch, and the
hall clock is the same."
" "Oh, dear" said- '- Mrs.'. Brunsmith.
"How time does fly!"
Brunsmith w'as summoned to' hook
his wife's waist in. the back at 10:35.
xnes
managers of my inheritance, and ex- " and the bi-lingual dialogue moved ; At 10.40 she informed him that she
I see," said the Idiot as he turned
m a perusal of his morning paper,
the steaming platter of buckwheats
ore him, "that they are having a
nd old row in New York over the
er'tising signs in the subway. An
nent citizen suggests that the pub
kick them to pieces whenever they
?unter them, forgetting apparently
t placed as they are some eight or
ffeet above the level of the plat
h that the effort he suggests par
Jariy in the case of ladies who are
f professional ballet dancers would
yr of disorderly conduct." .
JVell they ought to be kicked to
:es. just the same," said the Bib
ianiac. 'They are an outFage not
7 upon art, but upon morals Eevery
Bed one of them is only' the out
;d and visible sign of that hidden
ft by which the public purse, is an
lly milked to the tune of milliona."
Hooray for art!" cried the Idiot.
bas le graft! as they say in Paris,
gree with you for once Mr. Bio.
: subway being a public utility
uld not be debased to the level of
.ordid commercial enterprise any
re than our parks and nubile
ares should be devoted to the ex
Itation -of patent medicines, hiir
ics. breakfast foods and life-giving
ps. What would we think of a
k commission that permitted ihz
;s of the people's playground tobe
ig with placards advertising t-.e
jlic to keep their teeth white with
ther of pearline, to shine their
es with anthracite polish, and to
J their stomachs at breakfast time
h G-H short for Christian
ence barley which by giving the
estive organ b of the consumer ab
t tneatment is more easily assimi
d than real food? Mot assur2dty
would not tolerate that any move
n we would permit the same com
isioii to disfigure the park lawns
h bill posters exploiting the pecu
I virtues of a new kind of suspe.ic'
pr a patent non-loseable collar-but-
or a new straight front garment
-I gentlemen on the' verge of over
pulence. "tt'e'd stamp those things
I of existence in a minute and a
.n who permitted them would be
iah in the . land. So with other,
Slic property under which classiii
Jon the New York subway
pes and other -subways through
f the country will also come when
?y are built. The people's property
iy not be turned to private prorit
h impunity."
kh nonsense," said the Lawyer.
Tvis whole hue and cry is rot. The
-bHe hasn't got anything to Siiy
but it."
put, Mr. Brief," retorted the Idiot,
fat observation is erroneous on the
le of it. - The public is aiready say-
a g-eat deal about it which is - a
iiplete disproof of your contention,
maintain that these tenants of the
vay have no more right to devote
wall space of those stations to
yertising than the president of the
fited States would . have to . adorn
I wall of the White House intarior
h decorative designs calling upon
itors to use Russian laundry soap,
Dreamiline for the nerves, or ti.e
jjtecii Hairyland Sisters tonic , as a
fe for baldness. A man may oe a
ant of public ' property but that
fs not give him the right to dis
ure it."
AVeil, my friend," laughed the Law.
j, "this is a utilitarian age. Noth
I goes to waste in these times. In
I our industries you will find that
uiff that used to be thrown away U3
"Juelts.s is now turned into by-pro-icts
which oftener than not make
pible profits when otherwise the
jEines would be run at a los3."
jGrai tefi," said the Idiot.' "But
fat of it?" " '
i
?Mi!y this:
that as Ions as there
ii"v ;tvnilahl( siiapn snvn-hprp that
i:ot used for anything, in other
0rls is wasted" said the Lawyer,
e fertile mind of the American Is
I11? tu find a use to which it may
I I 'H. That's all and you can't stop
V' agree perfectly as to that,"
f t the Idiot. "But the question is;
you see it as" to whether ihe -spaces
are to be used but us to
P t they are to be used for. Public
f-lTty should be used for the pub-;
: cr,?fit and there are various use3
' li h the walls of the subway sta
s' '-an be put which will be of pus- i
! n:?tance one of the glories of
is the gallantry of the .Louvre
(l thf- palace of the Luxembourg
Jir- the government maintains col- i
'! of art objects which have been 1
instrumental in bringing the
i people , to knowledge and
i rtciation of what is beautiful,
hat better could New York or
- or any other place that is bless
rith a subway do than turn nil
-li.way wall space to some stich
as that? From Harlem to the
"J " titi CD J CX.- C CllVUgll 111 -
3 tube to hold all the Reubens
Michael Angelos, Tintoret
! I 'ticellis, and other old mas-
- creation. There are enough
' attered between the tracks
-; wren the supporting columns,
' 'i H.e city is kept from caving
'" furnish standing" room for
i' tl-.e ennobling sculpture the
- ? ver known, and which tire
' ' "uM only acquire through the
ii'-fe, the value of these treas--'
P
ures being too great for the resources
of the ordinary man " .
"In other words, you -would turn
the -subway Into an art gallery '
sneered the Lawyer.
"It could be done," said the Idiot.
"And it would have a far reaching ef
fect. Daily contact with such thing
would elevate the public taste and
gradually this high ideal of art would
penetrate every branch of the city's
service. Moreover, if , anybody were
to complain thatthe air of the sub
way was bad, w'hat a withering re
tort it would be for the officials to
say, 'Ah yes but what an artistic
atmosphere'."
Mr. Brief laughed. "I guess the
American people are too busy for the
acquisition of any such uplift as that.
You could see a lot of those pictures
from an express couldn't you?" "
"Yes," said the Idiot. "That is you
would be conscious of a whirr of art
even if you didn't quite catch any
single painting in detail, and I main
tain that a whirr of art that amounts
only to a blur nine miles long is better
than no art at all such as you find. in
a picture of a face powder Laureate
or of an , advertisement for O'Brien's
rubber , necks to keep the weight of
your brains off your spine. Still, I
must admit that there are more di
rect ways of improving the public
than through the delicate intimations
of a beautiful picture. For many
years I have wondered why our the
atrical managers and opera impress
arios did riot utilize the curtain space
for the educational advantage of the
patrons of the theatre or opera house.
If I had my way at the Metropolitan
opera house I would have painted on
the top curtain a lot of hints on be
havior for th-s audience. Do not
Whistle during pianissimo movements.
In accompanying the prima donna in
her arias gentlemen with bass voices
will please not hum off the key. When
you go out . between the acts walk on
your own feet and not upon the feet
of persons sitting along side of you.
Box-holders , with shrill voices will
please not converse above a whisper
save at ' fortissimo periods in the mu
sic and so on. If Mr. Conreld would
print' a few suggestions like that on
his curtain in letters a foot high so
that"" everybody could see them, I am
sure the public at large would be a
great gainer through its moral effect
upon the thoughtless and apparently
unsuppressible individual!"
"At last I agree with you after ma
ny years , of disagreement," said the
Bibliomaniac. "You really have lu
cid intervals -do' you not?"
"Oh well we all have," smiled the
Idiot amiably.. "We can't keep an
occasional .interval from breaking
loose, and I have distinct recollections
of your having 'had one back in 1893
or was it '83 Doctor?" j
"Tush!" said the Bibliomaniac.
"But to turn ; to our discussion, that's
a thing they might do on ''those wall
spaces of the subway," said the Idiot.
There's "room enough to spread all the
rules by the obcervance of which on
the part of everybody riding on the
cars would be a pleasure. For in
stanceinstead of having a guard bel
lowing 'step lively there' in your ear,
how much pleasanter. it. would be to
read that admonition in pretty dtft
tiles artistically arranged on the sta
tion walls. Then other suggestions
could be put in beautiful mo3iac, suer
as: Don't shove; move forward please,
plenty of seats up in front; strap
hangers must not hold lighted cigar3
under the nose of the lady seated in
front of them; keep your hands in
your, own pockets; gentlemen will not
and others must not drop peanut
shells on other passengers laps; if you
do not like the air stop breathing;
this will improve it; keep the hands
of the guard and your; feet off the
third jail both are loaded; children
with muddy boots wipe them upon
as few passengers as possible; shop
ping ladies will please not poke their
solid bundles into the backs of pas
sengers standing in front of them;,
keep the ferrule of your umbrella on
the floor; the eye of a fellow-passenger
is not place for It; if in a crowded
car you cannot find a seat announce
in a loud voice that you have just
come from the. small-pox , hospital
where- your mother-in-law is dying .
and so on. In my opinion that is j
really the sort of thing they ought to
do with those vacant wall spaces. It
is primarily the business of the sub
way to transport the public from one
point to another as . rapidly as pos
sible, it is of secondary importance
that they should be transported in
confort and the . surest wayv to reach
the latter condition is to teach peopl3
how to ride in the subway. My plan
would bring this about, -and in my
opinion in twenty years, the effect
of its operation would be that a ride
underground will become a positiv?
pleasure." 1
"And what then?" said Mr. Brief.
"Then may we use the walls for ad
vertising?" ).-'
"Oh no,". s.ld the Idiot. "It will
then be the proper time .to turn the
tunnel into an American Louvre."
ecutors in my estate, and in my .inner- both the actors and their audience in
itance Messrs. Frederick Christoff el ; the " way intended. So it would 6eem
Eloff, my son-in-law, and Hermanua that the objection to the Adams-Bern-
Christian Bredell, my . private secre
tary."
A codicil was added to his will at
hardt production .must rather be bas
ed on the difficulty of pinches for
cues in the bancony scene than in the
Clarens, Switzersland, bestowing a gift j unpleasant novelty of the idea,
of 200 on Susanna Cornelia Kruger, What Mme janauschek always
daughter of the late Sarel Johannes considered her best part8 she ha8 dled
Kruger.
r Among the articles included in the ; .
1 . . . . . ti . j a ! ica.
movapie property leu oy ex-i resiaeiii.
Kruger in Europe the following , are
without having played to us in Amer-
' Antigone" and. "Phedre" were
among the plays she loved best, but
enumerated for the purposes of the ?ce whA!n asked why she did not
will.
give us these tragedies here she said:
One bottle of stuff, one tall silk hat, j "Phedre is a great play, a very .great
one black ear tube, various psalm
books, a large Bible, six smaller Bibles,
eight button decorations, a purse con-
had mislaid the belt that went with it,
and if she couldn't find it, she simply
couldn't go. At 11 o'clock she was in
tears. The stock collar that she want
ed to wear had not been laundred,, and
she supposed she would have to press
it. At 11:15 she was jerking and slam
ming bureau drawers and exclaiming
impatiently at . two-minute intervals.
At 11:25 she declared she could not go.
There was a button off her gloves.
At 11:38 she asked Brunsmith if there
was not a " later, train, because she
couldn't find a hat pin high or low.
At 11:42 she began to put on her hat.
By 11:50 she had it on. Then she look
ed at the clock and said "Oh! what's
the use? We can't possibly catch the
train now." . '
"Come on," said Brunsmith, hust
ling her through the hall. "The train
might possibly be ten minutes late
it
PANAMAS ANV STRAW HATS CLT
AND SLOCKED. ALSO SOFT WOOL h7tt
man uraers a xpecialy.
Me
WIMtvTainr
DURHAM, N. C.
Expert Cleaning and Dyeing.
Long Distance Phone 523.
J. E. Gartland,
Merchant Tailor,
play but it would not appeal to the
modern theatregoers of this country,
if for no other reason than that there
tainlng one Transvaal sovereign, one is, from first to last no change of
Transvaal half sovereign and one scenery." Those words are in a way,
Transvaal shilling, one straw hat, the significant of Mme. Janauschek's life
German Red Eagle, the Portuguese, and art and she did not pose" in the
the Belgian and the French Cross of scenery, she moved through the dra- or so."
the Legion, of Honor, the Great Cross ma I At the statidn Mrs
of Monaco and tow envelopes contaain
ing the hair and beard of deceased.
There are also pictures of the follow
ing: Cemetery, Pretoria; the Dutch
Xieioririeu Viiuiui, ncimio, "'un - on July
the late Mrs. Kruger. and pictures of y ,
the late president's arrival at Mar
seilles in 1900: portrait of L. Jacobsz,
map of the Transvaal and O. F. S.,
nnrtraits nf TVipr nriso-ners at Ahmed-
T T" m 1 . "T- T -1 C 1 vvAnv rtnn.i r-. . J 1, A O .
nam Fort ahd the Rev. Mr. and Mrs. -tt"ic0ir. iuauiy, m oruuiuyn. one . mac :
Brunsmith dl-
In 1899 she was stricken with par- l rected her husband's attention to the
alysis while living Brooklyn, and in- : station clock." "Why, it says a quarter
capacitated from caring for herself. : to 12! she gasped.
The last time she went, out alone was
1900. On returning from
shopping that day she was again
strickeiv
At the time of her affliction, Janau
schek was the tenant of a grocer,
said Runsmith.
and we can get
"Never mind,"
"The train's in.
aboard." ,
"Henry," said Mrs. Brunsmith, va
few minutes later, "did you set those
clocks ahead at home? Were you
Greensboro, N. C.
We lead the Stale in Style, Fit, Quality
and Price.
P. Postman: Some PSalm DOOltS. a Wire "exo wiuiuui luvney, uui uau many
cutter, a pursi containing one half sov- treasures, including gems given her by
ereign of 18971 one Netherlands ten- kings and celebrated people; gowns
guilder piece, one ten-cent piece, one .celebrated for their association with
English sovereign, two English balf her famous parts, and articles of
sovereigns one shilling, two English virtu.
sixDenses and seven English three-pen- Mr Tossiny refused to permit her
ny pieces, one gold watch and chain, to part with these, sent her to a hos-
a gold ring, another large BiDie ana pital and later to Saratoga. But she
one state coach, with harness. Cash suffered another stroke. She rallied
in European banks as follows: Fyencl1 sufficiently to be sent back to Brook
francs, 183 (about); Dutch gullden. and tQ the Brunswick Home.
eUUiValent tO Ib32,225; EngllSn 5v , mmanrl Vr- nrttinn
eigns, 2,149. Total, 11)34,377.
The fixed property of Mr. Kruger in
Europe was returned as nil.
TURNED AROUND
IN THE SUBWAY
At her command her collection of
treasures were sold a year ago, to pay
her debts and provide for her care.
Mme. Janauschek was 75 years old.
Her full name was Francesca Magda
lena Janauschek. She was born at
Prague, Bohemia. Her parents were
humble working-people. It was while
studying voice culture that her won
derful powers of expression attracted
(From the New York Times.)
The citizen of New York will need attention,
to develop a hitherto neglected sense-! In 1854, she married the Baron Fred
that of absolute direction. Perhaps he erick J. Pillot. who . first brought her
will have to learn to feel the north, or to the United States. She appeared
in someother way be able to take his only in German roles, but her sue
bearings and steer himself in the di- cess was instantarfeous. Her husband
rection in which he desires to go. Sub- afterwards deserted and left her pen
way experiences render this necessary niless, and died in obscurity,
if-he would avoid the bewilderment of! The brave woman then started .the
being "turned round" every time he battle anew. She learned English, and
emerges from it. It is an amusing ex- repeated her earlier successes. She
perience to watch a crowd coming out made many fortunes, but through
of a kiosk over an exit stairway, and mismanagement and bad investments
note how a proportion of those who a,
think they know New York like their
own pockets find it necessary to stop,,
mentally box the compass that some
how north and south have changed
places. Unless the average man does
this on arriving at an unaccustomed
station, the chances are many to one
CATCHING THE TRAIN
(From the Chicago News.)
When Mrs. Brunsmith was informed
that he will start off in the wrong that it was 7 dock sne sleepily mur-
direction, hesitate after he has gone mured that there was no hurry about : said
Brunsmith merely chuckled.
AFRAID OF THE WET
(From the Youth's Companion.)
The crew of a certain life-saving
station on the New England coast
has many times proved itself brave
and efficient in time of need, but of
late its skill and bravery have been
useless, like so much treasure located
in a vault. There has been no wreck.
The sea has "been kind as a big dog.:
Inaction had evidently bred soft hab
its of life, and the idle crew had given
the summer visitors much to joke
about. . Their satirical comments were
rather ungrateful, for the practice
drills , of the crew were a part of the
entertainment of the seaside report.
Twice a week the crew pulled out the
brass cannon, shot a rope over a dum
my mast which is set up on a point
of land, and then practiced sliding
down in the breeches buoy. The
small boys of the place were glad to
play the part of rescued mariners, and
altogether this . serious drill required
by law, was a pretty holiday sport. ,
One rainy day, at the appointed
time, the crew failed to appear at
practice. The summer boarders on the
hotel veranda waited in vain for the
exhibition which should vary the mo
notony of a dull day. Finally one of
them went over to the quarters of
the crew to learn the reason.
"I say, arn't you going to practice
to-day?" "
"No, sir."
Then the brave life-saver, hero of
many rough seas, made an explana
tory gesture toward the weather and
GIVE DECTyriON. PRICeL ETC INCOSITNO
STAMP FOROOKIJETMODWNETfVoDs"
HUMPHKEY-pflfeo COA
a hundred feet or so, take counsel &etting up, and told Brunsmith that
with himself, and finally decide that he need not wait breakfast for her.
the shortest way to the west is not "jjon't you know we have a train
by the east. Some stations are more to catch at n00n?" asked Brunsmith.
confusing than others. We know one ..0f course t d0!" she said. "Oh, do
native New Yorker with a normally go away and don't bother me. You'll
developed bump of locality who has get me so waked up I can't go to
frequent occasion to stop at Worth to sieep again. There's plenty of time,
street on his way down town and At g Brunsmith ventured again,
whose effort to reach Broadway in-, "You know, my dear, that you prom-
variably brings him to the junction .iged to iet Tilda have the whole day
of Elm and Chambers streets. Even and sne'n want to get the break-
at stations at which the environments fast dl3heg out of the way."
are as familiar as those of the Grand .oh, how you do fUSS" complained
Central or Times square, the average nig wife -It takes half the pleasure
passenger is likely to find himself on away of .going with you. I haven't
the street at a point different from got a thing to do but to dress."
what he expected, and to start first "That was what I feared," said her
in the wrong direction and recover husband.
himself with a foolish grin of self- y 'Well, I hope you don't mean to say
deprecation.. it takes me four hours to "dress?"
There is nothing mysterious in this. "Heaven forbid!" replied Brun
Very few people have the sense of-lo- smith. The reason I'm hurrying you
cality sufficiently developed to avoid a little is that you have only three
becoming twisted by going into the hours and a half. We have to start
subway at one point and coming -out from the house at 11.30 sharp."
at another. This involves numerous . you go and read your paper," said
changes of direction without the right Mrs. Brunsmith. I'll get up."
angles of intersecting streets to keep At 84& Mrs. Brunsmith appeared at
him in touch with the points of the the breakfast table in a negligee. At
compass and he naturally loses, all 9:15 sne had finished her breakfast,
idea of "where he is at" in relation to At 9:30 Brunsmith came into the din
familiar landmarks. He has no occa- mg room and found her looking over
sion to be impatient with himself on the advertisements in the morning pa
this account. It is the usual, if not per.
"What, in this rain?"
Hotel.
O
o
ilford
Greensboro, N. C.
Under
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leTUAL
H
IS SUGGESTIVE OF ALL THAT IS
NOTES OF MME.
'JANAUSCHEK et. some."
Great scott!
"I thought perhaps, there might be
a special sale of gloves" she explained i
"I need some badly and I thought I
might stop on my way down town and
)
It.
Paul Kruge's Will. '
(From the New York Times.)
The foil&wlng curious extracts are
from 1 documents .which have been de
posited with the deeds office, Pretoria,
bearirfg on the last will and testament
said Brunsmith. "If
you imagine you are going to have
(From New York Papers.) time to do a day's shopping, you're
In 1867 - Mme. Janauschek came to mistaken. I thought you'd be started
America opening as Medea In German, on your toilet by this time. Do you
at the academy of music. She came know, what the time is?"
almost unheralded, for our German "Henry," said Mrs. Brunsmith,
colony was much smaller then; we had plaintively, "why do, you bother me
not our present managerial Napoleons, so? Didn't I tell you I've only got to
and she, apparently, had no passionate dress?"
press agent. A few students who "I've tried to get you out of the
saw her, however, felt-her force, and house to a train before," said Brun-
Augustln Daly; dropped in one night to smith, grimly. "Hurry now; there's
in urging her to study English and "Well," said the lady. "I'll just get aDSOlUte protection In existence,
return to America with English plays, ready right now, and then you can
When her reputation was establish- have the pleasure of waiting for yourui
ed, there followed in Boston, a most old train." ! THE AGENT.
remarKBDie penorraance, one luai ai ( At xu o ciock iurs. xsrunsmitn canea
the present time has fresh interest, to her husband to inquire whether he
from the fact that a hue and cry is had seen anything of her nail powder,
going up on every hand against the At 10:10 she entered his den to ask
proposed poiy-glot production of Ro- him if he would like her to wear her
meo and Juliet the Bernhardt-Ad- brown suit or the green .corduroy. At
ams combination. At the Boston the- 10:15 as he passed through the hall,
atre, Mme. Janauschek-played Lady . she said she would bless him if he
III
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