MEETING OF THE LAZY CLUB,
For the first time, since my notinss of t li is. !
sociable body, 1 could but admire the happy
temperament which seemed to exist at their
last meeting, April 1st, 1812. I somewhat
feared to attend, knowing the waggishness of
j several pf its members, I did not know but tney
; might play an 'April fool' trick off upon me
But knowing that you were dependent upon
me for their interesting proceedings. I thought
it. my duty, as the faithful chronicler of their
pottpt deliberations, to be present and give you
the result of my "pryings." Reader, I wish
from my soul, you could have seen them, as 1
did, when I first got view-of them. Smoking
seemed to be the entire order of the evening.
On an old worn out cushioned arm chair, sat,
. . u t . i r l : l . u r t t- j . i
ir riiifr I h I ihitiii t'li I h rn tin r rpw I n u n I ur
legs crossed, and head enveloped in smoke,
proceeding from the huge cigar which he in
dolently held between his teeth, listening in
expressive silence to the eulogium being pro
nounced by Sir Jack Barrister, upon the cher
ished -weed. He must have been indulins in
pleasant reveries, and doubtless from the hap
py smile that played upon his lazy phiz,he was
indulging in all the luxurious day-dreams of
ideal pleasure; he uttered not a single soundj
ku jk auv ii iuuoi tja UUIUIU (UUVCISC Willi
the bright creations of the Poet, and with all
his most rapt and glowing enthusiasm. But
the great treat consisted in the Barrister's
panegeic of the delicious weed. I wish I were
possessed of the Stenographic art., to enable
me to give you verbatim et literatim, this elo
quent production, but I will relate according to
the best of my recollection:
'Bulwer' said he, has said, it is a great moth
er, a pleasant comforter; blue devils fly before
its breath it ripens the brain, it opens the
heart, and the man who smokes, thinks like a
sage, and acts like a Samaritan. And an old
writer of the 17th centurv, presents us with
the following exquisite morceau:
Though many men cracke,
Some of ale some of sack,
And think they have reason to do it,
Tobacco hath more,
That will never give o'er,
The honor they do unto it.
Tobacco engages
Bot sexes, all ages,
The poor as well as the wealthy;
From the court to the cottage,
Fiom childhood to dotage
Both those tnat are sick and the healthy.
All classes alike appreciate its enjoyment j
the toil-worn artizan, finds solace in its sooth
ing influence, while the Poet draws inspiration
as he muses on the fleecy vapor?, as they glide
" A 1 . I I .1 .
in i rsi tin t iPn r noniiTir inrnnrrn Tha ononintaii
air. What can be more luxuriously delightful
than. to sit esconced quietly before a blazing
fire, and regaling oneself with the rich fra
grance of a fine cigar whether it be one of S.
L's best Regalia, Principe, Havanna, Cuba,
Imperial, or Queen Victoria's, you will find the
same delightful, dreamy, enchanting effects.
As Byron has emphatically said before me, so
say. I, give me a cigar! A cigar! the very word
has fragrance in it. Its odor transcends that
of a rose, or a roast pig. It springs up as from
an altar, and floats, on the air like incense.
Apart from eyeryother consideration, it is one
of the great help-mates to the glorious cause
inwhichIrani engaged Temperance. To
enter into the true relish of a cigar, no drinks
should be allowed. 'I can no more,' Mr. Presi
dent, so 1 concluded,
'To sing the praises of that glorious weed,
Dear to mankind, whate'er his race,his creed
Condition, color, dwelling, or degree,
From Zembla's snows, to parch'd Arabia's
sands;
Loved by all lips, and common to all hands !
Hail, sole cosmopolite Tobacco, hail!
Shag, long-cut, short-cut, pig-tail,quid or roil,
Dark negro head, or Orouoko pale:
In every form congenial to the soul!
Tobacco hail!"
And the speaker made his exit in fumo!
Here Mr. Quidlover rose and said, 'he be.
longed to the chewing crowd, and as there was
none of the 'pig tail' upon the board, he should
forthwith despatch their faithful valet George
for some and as the speaker who had just ta
ken his seat seemed to be of the opinion that
smoking was the only way in which the deli
cious weed inspired Poetic genius, he would
indite his order in poetic strains, and thus con.
vir.ee him of his error. He accordingly per
petrated the following:
My boy George,
Not very large,
Goes straight ftom me to you,
To get some weed,
Virginia breed, .
To soothe me while I chew!
The meeting was a very convivial one, and
ended in grinding and smoke.
PAUL PRY.
tClT Why is a rum tavern unlike a pair of
blue spectacles ?
Because in looking through one, we find
that all objects apparently are blue, and in
looking through the other, we find some of
them to be so in reality.
'You are wherry flat,' as the sailor said to
the small boat.
Affection Kissing a girl with your mouth
full of tobacco.
A Bootless Task, For a barefooted loafer
to discuss the merits of French and American
boots. Better split the difference, and earn
eoough to pay for a pair of split cowhides.
Dark Doings. Some years ago, a colored
gentleman, who was very dark, died suddenly.
The coroner came and the verdict of the jury
was 'So black that he couldn't live.'
'There is Nothing in it.9 A gentleman
once introduced his son to the late Rey. Row
land Hill, by letter, as a youth of great prom
ise, and as likely to do honor to the universi
ty of which he a member. "But he is shy,'
added the father, 'and idle, and 1 fear buries
his talents in a napkin.' A short time after
wards the parent,anxious for the reverend gen
tleman's opinion, inquired what was thought
o( his son? 'I have shaken the napkin,' said
Rowland Hill, 'at all corners, and there is no
thing in it.'
Poor picking for Thieves. A man of an
agreeable and merry disposition, but very poor,
finding one night some thieves in his house.
told them, without putting himself in a pas
sion, 'I cannot imagine what you expect to find
in my house in the night time, since I can
find nothing in it in the day time.
VERY FAIR.
'Are you fond of novels, Mr. J6nes?'
'Very,' responded the interrogated gentle
man who wished to be thought, by the lady
questioner, fond of literature.
'Have you,' continued the inquisitive lady,
"ever read 4Ten Thousand a Year V "
'No, madam I never read that many nov
els in all my life !'
COURTSHIP.
BY THOMAS MOORE.
Oh! Laura!! will nothing I bring thee
E'er soften those looks of disdain?
Are the songs of affection I sing thee
. All doom'd to be sung thee in vain ?
I offer, t bee. fairest and dearest,
A treasure, the richest I'm worth;
I offer thee, love, the sincerest,
The warmest e'er glowed upon earth V
But the maiden, a haughty look flingiDg,
Said, 'cease my compassion to move:
For I'm not very partial to singing,
And they're pooi whose sole treasure is Jove1
My name may be sounded in story
I offer thee, dearest, my name,
I have fought in the proud field of glory!
Oh Laura come share in my fame!
I bring thee a soul that adoreth thee,
And loves thee wherever thou ait,
Wtieh thrills as its tributes it brings thee
Of tenderness fresh from the heart.'
But the maiden said, 'cease to importune;
Give Cupid the use of his wings;
Ah, fame's but a pitiful fortune
And hearts are such valueless things!'
'Oh Laura, forgive, if I've spoken
Too boldly nay turn not away
For my heart with affection is broken
My uncle died only to day !
My uncle, the nabob who tended
My youth and affection and care,
My manhood who kindly befriended
Has died and has left me his heir '
And the maiden said, 'weep not sincerest,
My heart has been yours all along ;
Oh ! hearts are of treasures the dearest
Do Edward go on with your song.'
Cent per Cent. A worthy dame, late from
the Emerald Isle, went into a grocery store on
Saturday, to buy a fip's worth of candles and
some other article, and laying down a railroad
quarter, asked timidly 'what is the discount
to-day, sir?' 'Twenty-five per cent., rnadam.'
'Twenty-five per cent! O, by St. Patrick, are
you going to take out the whole quarter?'
Baltimore Sun.
A gentleman travelling in Ireland, asked a
fille de chamber, at Belfast, if she was sure
the rail-way from thence went no father than
Lisburn; she replied, 'Indeed it does not, but
it comes back again.'
Two men by the name of Beans were hung
in the north of England. A countryman pass
ing near and seeing the crowd, enquired what
they were doing? 'Only stringing Beans,'
was the reply.
Why are a company of soldiers like Lavater,
the physiognomist ? Because they right a
bout faces.
Epitaph on Joseph King, a Tall Spare Man.
Here lies a man than whom no better's wal
king,
He was, when silent even, always tal-king,
A king by birth was he, and yet was no king,
In life was thin-king, and in death was Jo-king.
A Winter Scrat. The following quaint
Epitaph was written on the tomb-stone of a
youth at Firth, in Denbigshire, in England.
'Our life is but a winter's day;
Some only breakfast and away;
Others to dinner stay, and are full fed,
The oldest man but sups, and goes to bed !
Large is his debt, who lingers out the day,
Who goes the soonest, has the least to pay.'
TO KATE.
I love you, Kate, I do by gosh !
As Uncle Ben he loveth spuash !
As hens love corn, or pigs potatoes,
I love you as I do tomatoes !
The sage Boston papers are discussing the
question, whether a lady who has been mar-
M.
ried three or four limes, can properly be said
to be in the habit of marrying.
LOVE.
Associated with Friendship, and following
as. the perlection of that principle, we inculcate
Love. The former leading to the establish
ment of reciprocity, and friendly aid founded
upon union in the prosecution of benevolent
operation, Icve applies. the finish and perfects .
the beauty of the picture, and implants deeply
in the soul the love of mankind,-' and a desire
to promote their happiness universally. ; It 13
not in the wild whirl of worldly engagements
that we are alive to the beauties of this princi
ple the mind is then too active. Nor is it
perceived in its claims by the drone in crea
tion's hive, who sits surrounded by the beauti
ful phenomena of nature, without having his
soul elevated by their grandeur, or roused to
their contemplation by the harmony of their
action and regularity of recurrence. In nei
ther state are the beautiful influence of love to
be perceived. It is in that calm hour of soli
tude, when the soul has its communings with
the spirit world when the busy and tumul
tuous scenes of life and its pursuits appear in
their true aspects when the moral feelings,
elevated by an inquiry into the springs of hu
man action, and viewing man as the citizen of
two worlds, realizes the only source of happi
ness in the existence of the affections. It is
then that the cold speculations of false philos
ophy are lost sight of selfish feelings are
merged in a more extended view of human
responsibilities, and the tendency of human
actions it is then that the law of our being,
'Love thy neighbor,' is interpreted aright, and
acknowledged as an emanation from the great
source of moral being. Hail, Heaven-born
Love, lelt, like the prophet's mantle, to afflict
humanity, when He ascended who first exhib
ited its precept to mankind in a life of tender
est sympathy with suffering,and consummated
the grand exhibition with the blood that rolled
the rocky steeps of Calvary. Along the drea
ry and bleak wastes of life, there are few spots
fertile with flowers, the sun light of beauty
falls unheeded on many a desert, and penetrates
many a recess of misery and destitution ; yet
is thine, oh love ! to cheer these desert reces
ses of sorrow, and to sustain with thy smile
the traveller worn down with toil.
A gluttonous fellow in days past, while on
his way down the turnpike for Albany, stop
ped near dinner time to refresh himself at a
country tavern. Applying to the landlord for
sqme dinner, he was answered that a pig had
been roasted for a party that would 6e there in
half an hour; but it he would cut smoothly
from the Caledonian, he might go in before the
party arrived. In went the glutton. Half an
hour after, the landlord followed to see if his
visitor was near done, when to. his astonish
ment, the glutton (as the last of the pig was
disappearing in the vortex of his mouth) ex
claimed, 'Landlord, landlord, have ye got any
more ob dese leetul hocks.'
'Ladies wear pantaletts. remarked Mr. Jay,
to hide the holes in their stockings.' And gen
tlemen, replied Miss Tartar, wear their hair
long to hide the places where their ears were
cropped off.
GET MARRIED.
Bachelors, old and young, read the follow
ing:
If you are desirous of wealth, get married.
for a good wife promotes habits of industry and
economy, and prevents a great many unneces
sary expenses which cannot be avoided in a
single life.
If you are looking for stations of distinction
and honor, get married, for a good wife will
seek to advance her husband in ihe prosecu
tion of all honorable purposes, and lend him
that aid and encouragment which he can de
rive from no other source.
If you would become a good citizen, get mar
ried, for he is alone worthy of the title, who is
connected to the great familj of man by the
tics of husband and father.
If you are fortunate, get married for a good
wife will increase your prosperity and render
you twice 'blessed' in the enjoyment of your
riches.
Get married Let your plans and purposes'
for future life be what they may, ihe business
ot getting married is one that should be atten
ded to first, as it neither interferes with your
plans, nor prevents their execution.