Newspapers / The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.) / May 14, 1842, edition 1 / Page 2
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7"" I il I1 From the Sunday Mercury. SHORT PATENT SERMON. BY "DOW JH." The words of my text, for this occasion, are Of the gamblers habits, dear friends beware, Of the gamblers fate be warned. My dear hearers: The devil, that scientiflc fisher after the souls of silly men and beauti ful women perhaps never baited his hook with a more attractive vice than gambling-, a bait at which there is little or no nibbling- but always fair bites, and sure catch. Il is a bail ,of which many, df our men-gudgeons, I ac knowledge, are apt to be shy at first: but when they once get a smell at if, down it goes, and neither strength nor struggle can extricate the hook from their gills. They repent of their folly when they find themselves dished; but when they are once served up, repentance can avair them nothing. Beware my friends, of tKe habit of gambling. It instills a position into yoor souls that will eventually contami nate yohr characters and your carcasses, and render you loathsome objects of corruption in the, sight of a moral and religious community brings a gloom upon the present, and dark ens all the bright prospects of the future. ' Young man you juvenile wanderer along the sin-stained street of temptation ! turn not into those dens-of iniquity where money and morals are sacrificed at the throw of a dice,and Where the flames of dire dissipation are kindled unon'the wreck of virtue. Pursue the plai;. path of uprightness that lies open before you, which is worth as much more than the fickle friendship of a few blacklegs as a single share of heaven is of greater value than a mortgage on the whole of the infernal regions. What can it profit you, young mortal, if you gain a few dollars of your brother gamblers, and lose your own character, soul and shoes at last? ;Remember that while ou stake your cash, you also stake your reputation; and although you win a trifle on the one hand, you lose that upon the other which should be dearer to you than all the gold ever wasted upon the temple of Solomon, Besides, gambling is almost sure to lead you into habits of intoxication, which you are no more likely to shake off than a dog is to rid himself ol eas by rushing through a bunch of brambles. Although you might swear, as I know many do with the Bible in one hand and a bottle of brandy Fn the other; that you would turn from the error ol your ways, still the unstrung nerves of resolution would so re quire a recurrence to your former follies, as to induce you to continue in your walks of wick edness till you bring up all standing at the door Of destruction, unreformed, unredeemed unsanctified and unmarried. Man of maturity upon whose good beha viour and correct deportment depend the wel fare of a wife and family, I beseech you from the bottom of my bosom, never to lrequent the haunts of gamblers. If you fancy that you are at liberty to gamble away your shillings and your shirt, you have nomoral right to put your domestic partner in the pool, and throw in your children by way of small change. Recollect, that at the altar of Hymen, you promised to love, cherish and protect her; and there was no provisions made for you to sacrifice her at the shrine of iniquity through the Sudden im pulse of an unholy inclination. Noy. what is yours is hers, and what is hers is her own. 3he has an indisputable claim, upon your sup port and protectioB; and if you leaye her to re tire in sorrow to her solitary bed for a single night, while you are wasting the best gifts that the AJrnigbty evtr bestowed upon the creatures of earfh, over farrow, dice or roulette,you ought to bf indicted for weman slaughter in its first degreeand fed upon the crumbs of curses all the days of your life. t Man of gray hairi! whose pathway to the grave is comparatively barren; whose flowers of youthful enjoyment have faded before the frosts of age; whose green leaves of joy have fallen in the autumn of existence; and whose sense of love and ambition has become as dry as a pint of peanuts: cannot expect that you will burn out the last of life's candle in the dark den of of the gambler. Your nose is al ready in the portal of the tomb,and a few tuns more of Time's ever revolving wheel will shove you five or six rods at least behind the confines of this wicked and wo stricken world. The seeds of salvation that have been so long soaking in your sinful breast, I trust, are now beginning to sprout; and my sincere hope is, that the young sciona may not wilt and with er in the sirocco of gambling and dissipation, during the little time you are permitted to so journ among the live stock of earth. My dear friends, one and all: beware of the gambler's habits; they are death even to doc tors. When they once get fastened upon you, they hang on like a consumptive cough, and increase in violence as you grow in years. The only medicine that can possibly do you good when once afflicted, is such aslfdeal out to you in kindness, mercy, love, and christian philanthropy. If ycu disregard my advice,you may go to the devil, and delight in your deeds; but if you listen to it and act accordingly, you can go to glory free of expense. Be warned, likewise, of the gambler's fate. He treads up on miry places through life, and makes his bed each night among the sharpest thorns of re morse. His latter end is as bitter as the ripest extremity of a cucumber; and he leaves a mor al trench behind him when he departs for that country whence no transported individual ever returns. Be warned I repeat, of the gambler's fate, and follow not in his footsteps, lest you be despised and rejected and looked upon as the vilest of the vermin that crawl upon the footstool of the Omnipotent: but when you seek for amusement, let it be that which yields no deadly contagion within itself; but rather that which give health to the body, activity to the mind, and strength to the morals. Protect your pockets; preserve your virtues; be careful of your character; get married as soon as con venient; never get drunk nor gamble; and you will find the light of heaven bursting in upon you before you are fairiy out of the gloomy vale of life. So mote it be ! The Holly Springs Gazette, speaking of the late Circuit court there, says 'Among other proceedings, it is said that 'a limb of the law,' while arguing a demurrer, deliverd himself alter this fashion, in reference to the council on the ether side 'If I had the eloquence of a' Demosthenes or a Cicero, I should not be able to conjugate the gentleman's bombastic super ,rluities and philological inuendoes.' ' Home, Sweet Home. Starving in a New York boarding house ; sleeping between dirty ' sheets; a very cold night, and seven panes of glass shivered out of your window ; and upon awaking in the morning to find yourself cover ed with snow which has drifted upon you during the night. Western Eloquence. 'What, Gentlemen of the Jury ! Do you suppose that my client, Gentlemen Billy Bird, all the way from Cul pepper County, State of Ferginny, would steal three yards ninepenny cotting cloth ? No! I recking not I spose not, Gentlemen. There is a man down South, whose mouth is so extravagantly large, that it requires three men to make use ol it. . Comfortable. Corns on the feet and a pan of tight boots; a tender chin a tough beard, and a dull razor. From the Saturday Courier EPIGRAM. As the poor hungry beggar views If His tattered, torn and worn-out shoes, AlasI5 cries he, 'they're,full of holes ; These are the days that try men's soles ' fNimrod, do you know the meaning of the word amphibious?1 'Yes sir it's a hoss-marine son of critter, what always sits on a rock, 'cause it wont stay, in the water, and can't live on land.' '. Why,' said, a epekney to bis friend, 'has Dickens written better than Shakspeare or Milton, eh 1 Give it up? Because, although they both wrote well, Boz has written Weller? In a lecture recently delivered by Professor Maffit, the following beautiful apostiosphe to water was introduced : 4The strength of rum! give me only the pale water, which nature brews down in the bright crystal alembics of her cloud-crested moun tains. Give me, when I would assail with strained nerves and the arduous outlay of bones and sinews some amount of opposition, reared full and impassable in my path give me on ly that pure flow which followed the Prophet's rod give me that gush cool and clear that bubbled up before Hagar and Ishmael in the desert. Give me only that fluid which trici lesdown the bright sides of our own Amen, can mountains gathers into rills in the woody uplands, then rolls into broad, beautiful, trans parent rirersspread into lakes, the mirrors to reflect all that is dark or soft, or bright, or deep in the unfajhomed firmament above. Give me these crystal streams these cool, fever allaying waves, in health or sickness, when the thirst of the last fatal fever shall as sail my vitals give me these waters, untor tured and free, until that moment when I shall drink the waters of eternal life ! An English lady uho went to make purcha ses at a shop in Jamaica, accompanied by her black maid, was repeatedly addressed by the negro-shopman as 'massa,' whereupon her sa ble follower exclaimed with a look of infinite contempt Why for you speak sosh bad English; "Why for you call my missus 'massa?' Stupid fel lah him's a she.' A person in Ntw Orleans advertises for a little girl who ran away from the corner of Elysian Fields and Good Children street. She left a good name behind, at any rate. Yeasty it is said, has beer given to the Yan kee lasses to make them rise early ; but others, of less industrious habits, have rejected the prescription,and will only rise by 3,-Hevcn. Oh, hops Equivocal Compliments. Compliments may be offered in all sincerity, and yet have a very equivocal sound as in the case of the city knight, unabie to aspirate the letter H, who, being deputed to address William the Third, exclaimed, 'future age, recording your Majes ty's exploits, will pronounceou to 'ave been a Nero P Not leso honest and ambiguous was the ne gro's compliment to the great emancipator : 'Goramighty bless Massa Wilberforce! He had a white face, but he had a black heart.' The following is an impromtu on the fine of 5s. lately inflicted on a schoolmaster at Rye, England, for kissing a lady's hps againts her consent ; The fare of a buss at the most is a shilling, But the buss is a crown if the fair be unwilling. i A most diabolical murder has taken place in New York. A roan named Christian Burk, a tailor of dissipated habits, struck his wife-on the head with an axe a number of times, inflicf- ing ghastly wounds, by which she died in a few minutes. Jealously was the cause. The man was immediately taken into custody, and has since committed suicide by hanging. Strange Coincidence. Tbere is at present living at Tockholes, near Blackburn, a woman named Agnes Brindle, to whom the following extraordinary incidents have happened during her progress through life. She has been the mother of twenty children ten sons and ten daughters of Whom two were born in one day; two were christened in one day ; two were married in one day ; and two were buried in one day. Shortly after her marriage, this said female planted in her garden an . apple pip, which rew, in the course of years, into a tree, from the wood of which she supplied herself, not man; years since, with a wooden leg,hav ing had the misfortune to lose one of the props which had supported her for many years. V : 'What are you driving at?' as the little nig ger chaunted when the dray ran over him. The Farm of Cincinnatus.The farm of the celebrated Roman Cincinnatus, it is said, consisted of only four acres, the other three having Been lost by his becoming security for a friend. Carius. who was celebrated for his frugality, and who. was three times- chosen consul, and thrice honored with a triumph, on returning from a successful campaign refused fromthe people a grant of fifty acres, declaring he was a bad citizen who could not be con tented with the old allowance of seven. A Some miserable impostors (like some of , those who live in this country) practiced upon the credulity of the credulous lately in London. They predicted that the city was to befdes troyed at a certain time by an earthquake. Great numbers left the city in consequence but no earthquake occurred. t Less than one hundred years ago, ninety young women were sent over from England to America, and sold to the planters for tobacco, at one hundred pounds each. Pleasure is but a shadow ; wealth isvanity and power a pageant; but knowledge is exta tic in enjoyment perennial in frame unlim ited in space ; and infinite in duration. In the performance of its sacred office, it fears no danger spares no expense omits no exertion. It scales the mountain looks into the volcano dives into the ocean perforates the earth; enriches the globe ; explores the sea and land; contemplates the distance j ascends to tl e sub-, lime: no place is too exalted for its reach. 'Pray, can you tell me the way to the peni tentiary?' asked a stranger. 'Yes sir pick the first man's pocket that jou meet.' A docter observed of the cow who was kill ed on the rail road the other day, that she would have escaped, had she been able to blow one of her horns. We suspect the doctor's horns had something to do with this joke. Every man of intelligence and common sense, is a subsciiber to a newspaper, and it he is honest, he will pay his subscription punctually, as a matter of course. An exchange paper contains a notice of the marriage of Mr. Gallop to Miss Moon. We expect this is the only example of a man Gal loping to the Moon. The Spring number of the American Jurist contains a sketch of tre life of Lord Chancel lor Thurlow, remarkable for the vastness of his legal acquisitions, for his debaucheries, his rudeness, and his profanity. It is related of him, that just before he expired, he turned to one of his attendants, and exclaimed 'I'll be d -d if t ain't dying!' - Lord Bacon said that he who wishes to live long, should change the position of his body at least every half hour. It's a poor rule that wont work both ways,' as the scholar said when he sent it back again at the master's head. ; Arise every morning as soon as you get tired of lying in bed, and if the weather is cold,dress yourself before going out. Take your meals as soon as convenient after your 'appetite be- comes sharp. Never lay out or pay out any more money than you can possibly command at the time. Do not rob your neighbor's hen roost fter the hens have gone off. Never pick an editor's pocket, nor light your pipe with a piece of red flannel. Endeavor to find some amusement when you have nothing to do,and cannot sleep always be contented when your belly is full, your body warm, and you., have nothing to fear or desire. . If you'd not be thought utterly, hopeless, and irreclaimably abandoned and depraved beyond' the pale of society payyour printer's bill. It is generally agreed now, that Esq. at the end of a man's name, in many instances,is like the 'quirk' in a hog's tail more for an orna- -v. ment than use. TKe following notice was placarded against a house in Long lane,Smithfield: 'This house is removed further down till the repares are compietta. i"i iniiiiMt' n i i'T i - hi t r .ii n "iniiii .i I...K if- 0 ' Says Tom to Tim., 'I love your spouse, Egad she seems a rare rib.' 'Yes, yes,' quoth Tim, and rubbed his brows, 'But mark she's not a spare-n"6 '
The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.)
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May 14, 1842, edition 1
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