North Carolina Newspapers

THE PROGRESSIVE EARMER, NOVEMBER 13, 1887. Dialogue betweed two beggars : " Are you blind by nature?" "No; only by profession." Parts Qaulois. Domestic : " What will I get for break fast? There isn't a bit 'of bread in the house." Mrs. Youngwif e : " Dear, dear That is too bad. I Suppose you had bet ter have toast." X Miss Cummings was recently intro duced to a Mr. Goings at Buffalo, and after hearing each other's name they looked mystified for a moment and then coin promised by sitting down. A machine has been invented that will sew on 3,000 buttons iri a day. No 'one geems to know yet whether a marriage license for that sort of a machine costs more than one for theiHher,kindr ( ;: The foolish virgin in . the Scriptures came with no oil in her lamp. Now she comes with a fouE-gallon can of kerosene to pour on the kitchen fire, and her funeral expenses are added to the loss of the oil Teacher to naughty boy "Now, sir' hold out your hand." Noughty boy "Look out, mu'am, a mouse behind you !' (Teacher screams violently and makes a dash for girls' entry.) Burlington Free Press. " Old Tubal Cain was a man of might in the days when the earth was new," but the man of mite nowadays is the fellow who puts a three-cent piece in the contribution-box and tries to make it out to be a dime. Consolation : Druggist " Now, what do you want ?" Boy " Three cents worth of paregoric." Druggist " What do you mean, waking me up for three cents?" Boy " Why, I had ter git up fer nuffin." fid Bits. Sure Cure for Corns: "Who is that large man with the revolver?" asked a young Eastern man in a mining town. ''He's our chiropodist." "Ah, indeed." " Yes : he fixes up tender feet." Wash ington Critic. " Dot Abram Levi he opens a store next to mine. It wash mean in him." " But didn't you say last summer, Mr. Doppen heimer, that competition is the life of trade?" " Yes ; but I wasn't in no bees ness last summer." While I was standing in a drug store a negro boy came in and asked for some qui nine. The pharmacist, in order to get at the size of the dose, asked : " Is it for an adult ?" " No," said the boy, " it's for a Dutchman around the corner." " Will you marry me ?" asked Augus tus, who is a matter-of-fact yound man. "Oh," she replied flutteringly, "asked papa." "Certainly; I'll ask your father if yon wih it, but I naturally thought you ought to know best." Washington Critic. A Marked Improvement. Wife (con templating her husband) who, coming home late from a ward meeting, had crept into bed without waking her " He ain't quite so drunk as he was night be fore last; he took off his overcoat this time." Texas Sifti?igs. Mrs. Pereby (to new servant) "The last servant had a habit of going into the parlor with her young man and sitting there the whole evening. Save you a young man?" New servant "No, mum; but I might get one, with such in ducements offered." Judge. Mr. Winks, with affected disgust "Whew! This mince pie is terribly strong." Mrs. Winks Yes, 'Bridget got too much brandy in the mincemeat this time." Little Nell" Ain't it funny! Smell jist like pa's mustache did when you was away." Omaha World. WHERE HE WANTED OFF. TO GET The other day a man got aboard of a train on the Detroit and Lansing road, ac companied by a big dog, and in due course of time the baggageman walked back into the car and said r ? ' " Mister, that dog must go into the bag gage car." . - :. . . '.... " I guess not." " But I guess he will ! No dogs are ai lowed'to ridV in passenger cars." ' T ' "Well, we'll wait' and hear" what the conductor says. He is a friend of mine, and if he says the dog can't ride1 here, that will settle it." . .... It was half an hour later Tef ore the con ductor , accompanied by the baggageman, got around to the man. "That dog must come out o'here!" an nounced 'the conductor. - - rs ? ' ' "For why? He isn't hurting anybody." "Because no dogs arc allowed in the cars." . "Arid if I don't. take him to ; the bag gage car you'll" , - - "Put him off." , " "If you put him off," replied! the man, after taking a look from the window, " I shall go with him, .My dog is just as good as I am." "Will you take your dog forward?" "No, sir." - ' The train was stopped and the dog , led out and pushed off the platform. " Are you going, too?" queried the con ductor, with his hand on the bellrope. " Yes, I guess I willx I live in that farm house over there, and if I go on to Howell, where I bought my ticket to, I'll have to walk four miles back. Much obleeged to you, conductor. I just kind o' figgered to have the dog put off at the right spot." Detroit Free Press. SHE KNEW HIS HABITS. "Seen anything of my ; husband?" de manded a Sioux Falls woman one day this week of an officer in front of the postoffice. x "No, ma'am;, has he disappeared mys teriously?" N 4 " Naw ! he came down town the same as usual this morning, but dinner has been ready a hour; and it's all getting Cold, and he isn't back yet." r, " You'have been to his office, I sup pose?" " No, sir, I haven't. I've; no time to fool away ldokirig for him there. Say, is there a sick horse at any of the livery stables?"' .7 " Not that I know of." . " Been any 'dog-fights around lately!" " Haven't heard of any." f "Any ten-cent show orr target gun in town?" - - ' - " All gone, madam." "Any man inta wagon selling brass jewelry!"' ,' "Guess not!" " No, fire any where in town ?" - "fro!"' " No pool being sold anywhere on some face-horse, or trial going on in justice court?" ... " Not any!" , ; , , : " No man selling medicine on the street, no circus bills iust pasted up anywhere, no woman walking a tight-rope ?" "Not one." "Well, that's peculiar I can't see. where John can be." " There's a couple of Frenchmen with a tame cinnamon bear down on Phillips avenue, madam." " That's it, that's it I didn't think to ask about tame bears ! While the pota toes are getting cold as a stone he is down tlx i e making up a purse of seventy-five cents to see the bear climb a telegraph pole! I'll go right down you watch ami see if he isn't up to the house inside ten minutes 1" Dakota Bell. AN UNDERSTANDING. A polite-looking fellow went into a large clothing store in Chicago, and ap proaching the proprietor, who had been pointed out to him, said : " Would you mind doing something for a great cause ?" " You know that every effort is being made to keep the Anarchists from being hanged ?" ' " I suppose so." " You also know that a large percent age of your trade comes from people who sympathize with these unfortunate fel lows ?" " Well." " Now, I'd like you to sign a petition asking the Governor to do something for them," . , , v , "I am opposed to sighing petitions." " Wouldn't like to lose a large amount of trade, would you?" , "No; of course not." " Still you are not willing to sign the petition?" " Still I'm not willing." "If I go back and tell the boys that you won't sign you'll be the loser." "All right." "Not willing, then, to do .anything?" "Nothing at all." . ; " Wouldn't donate a coat to the cause?" " What do you mean ?" . " Wouldn't give me a coat to make it all right with the boys ?" "No." , ; " How about a shirt?" " I won't give you anything." "What will you give me to tear up the petition ?" "Nothing.". " What's that pair of pants worth ?"' "Five dollars." "Trust me till Saturday night?" "No." "Whatwill you do?" "Kick you into the street if you don't get out of here." " Well, I'm glad that you are willing to do something glad that my visit has not been wholly a failure. You don't be lieve I've got a petition, do you ?" " What'! that- vest worth?" . , K " Get out of here." " I'll go. Nothing like getting down to an understanding." Arkansas Trav eler. LIMEKILN CLUB PHILOSOPHY. Gem'len, de fall sezun ar' upon us in all its glory. De golden leaves of autumn am at hand, de price of 'taters am gwine up an' de man who owns a coal yard walks in de . middle of de road wid his hat on his left' year. I take advantage of de occasion , to remind you of sartiri things: ' :1 ' When you see a front gate off its hinges you . may know, dat de . occupant of de house spends moas' of his time in cussin' luck.' ' v' When you meet a man wid a red rose you kin sot it down.' dat his ' tater bin an' flour bar' 1 am empty. - - Doorin' my sixty y'ars of experience in dis wicked world,! has found.dat de man who am de hottest to argy fur religion pays de leas' pew rent to de church. We all want to be purty, but we should all remember dat a purty man will starve to death whar' a laborer will hev roas' beef an suet' pudding. . v '.. vDe cat- fust makes siiah dat she has found a mouse hole. Den she waits for de mouse to come out. De trouble wid moas' of us ar' dat we look fur b'ars to copae out o' fat hples, .'-'"V V- Ebery man should study progress, but de chap who builds a house to fit an old parlor ca'pet isn't helpin' de world along as fast' as he thinks fur. Detroit Free Press. ' CAPE FEAR AND YADKIN VAL LEY RAILWAY COMPANY. ' CONDENSED SCHEDULE No. 28. . t Taking effect 5:00 A. M., Monday, Oct. 17tn, 1887. TRAINS MOVING NORTH. T Arrival and Departure Passenger and f Freight and of Trains. Hail. Accom'dat'n Leave Bennettsville . . . 9.45 A. Mi 2.15 P. M. Arrive Maxton... .... 11.20 'V : 4.25 - Leave Maxton 11.30 " 5.20 " Arrive Fayetteville.... 1.30 P.M. 8.30 Leave Fayetteville .... 2.00 " 8.00 A. M. Arrive Sanford,.,; 4.05 " 12.00 noon. Leave Sanford....... 4.15 " 1.05 P.M. Arrive Greensboro.... 7.25 " 6.50 " Leave Greensboro.. 10.00 A.M. Arrive Pilot Mountain 2.45 P. M. ' t Passenger and Mail, No. 1 Dinner at Fayetteville. x ooocua Aim iuaii, i. u. ix liuutT at fjrernianioii. TRAINS MOVING SOUTH. Arrival and Departure Passenger andf Freight and of Trains. Mail. Accom'dat'n Leave Pilot Mountain 4.00 P. M. Arrive Greensboro 8.15 " Leave Greensboro 9.50 A.M. 6.00 A.M. Arrive Sanford 12.55 P. M. 12.00 noon. Leave Sanford 1.15 " 1.30 P.M. Arrive Fayetteville... 3.20 ' 6.00 " Leave Fayetteville.... 3.30 " 6.00 A.M. Arrive Maxton 5.15 " 9.20 " Leave Maxton 5.25 om " Arrive Bennettsville.. 7.00 " 12.45P.M. Passenger and Mail, No. 2 Dinner at Sanford. FACTORY BRANCH. FREIGHT AND AC COMMODATION. TRAINS MOVING NORTH. Leave Millboro 8.05 A. M. 5.45 P. M. Arrive Greensboro 9.35 " 7.25 " TRAINS MOVING- SOUTH. Leave Greensboro 2.00 P.M. Leave Factory Junction... 3.00 " 7.15 P.M. Arrive Millboro 3.45 " 8.00 " Passenger and Mail Trains run daily except Sun day. Freight and Accommodation Train runs between Bennettesville and Fayetteville on Mondays, Wed nesdays and Fridays and between Fayetteville and Greensboro on Tuesdaj's, Thursdays and Saturdays. Freight and Accommodation Train runs between Greensboro and Fayetteville on Mondays, Wednes days and Fridays, and between Fayetteville and Bennettsville on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Satur days. Trains on Factory Branch run daily except Sun day. Close connection is made at Maxton with Caro lina Central Railway Passenger Trains to and from Wilmington. ' W. E. KYLE, General Passenger Agent. J. W. FRY, General Superintendent. CAROLINA CENTRAL R. R. CO., Office of Superintendent, ) Wilmington, N. C, Sept. 27, 1885. J CHANGE OF SCHEDULE. ON AND AFTER THIS DATE THE FOLLOW lowing schedule will be operated on this rail road : PASSENGER, MAIL AND EXPRESS TRAIN : DAILY EXCEPT STNDAYS. ) Leave Wilmington at f 7.00 P. M. No. 1. V Leave Raleigh at 7.35 P. M. Arrive at Charlotte at -. . . 7.30 A. M. ) Leave Charlotte at ' 8.15 P. M. No. 2. V Arrive at Raleigh at. 9.00 A. M. Arrive at Wilmington t 8.25 A. M. LOCAL FREIGHT PASSENGER CAR AT TACHED. Leave Charlotte at . 7.40 A. M. Arrive at Laurinburg at 5.45 P. M. Leave Laurinburg at 6.15 A. M. Arrive at Charlotte at 4.40 P. M. Leave Wilmington at 6.45 A. M. Arrive at Laurinburg at 5.00 P. M. Leave Laurinburg at 5.30 A. M. Arrive at Wilmington at 5.40 P. M. Local Freight between Wilmington and Laurin burg Tri-weekly leaving Wilmington on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.: Leave Laurinburg on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Passenger trains stop at regular stations only, and points designated in the Company's Time Table. SHELBY DIVISION, PASSENGER, MAIL, EX PRESS AND FREIGHT. (Daily except Sundays.) I Leave Charlotte at ' 8.15 A. M. f Arrive Shelby at 1 12.15 P. M. 1.40 A. M. 5.40 P. M. Trains No. 1 and 2 make cloee connection at Hamlet with R. & A. Trains to and from Raleigh. Through Sleeping Cars between Wilmington and Charlotte and Raleigh and Charlotte. Take Train No. 1 for Statesville, Stations on Western N. C. R. R., A6heville and points. West. Also, for Spartanburg, Greenville, Athens, At lanta and all points Southwest L. C. JONES, Superintendent. W. F. Clark, General Passenger Agent. No. 3. No . ) Leave Shelbv at. . ) Arrive at Charlotte at. WZ SELL 2ISECT TO FAMILIES : Avoid agents and dealerswhose pro fits and expenses double the cost on . every Piano they sell. We send this First-Class UFSI8ET Cabinet GEM 7H Octave Rosewood Piano, War ranted 6 years, for 198 1 we send it-with beautiful Cover and Stooi for Trial in your own Home be fore you buy. Send for circulars to Marchal fc Smith, 35 East 21st St., X. Y. A Fine, Thoroughbred, JERSEY BULL ! I have a fine Jersey Bull, registered, that I will sell or exchange for a yoke of Oxen, or a good Mule or Saddle Horse. He is in full vigor and of, good size and form. . Apply,tp .. " " W. B. SMITH, . oc271m - Forestville, N. C. Eastern Beflector, GREENVILLE, N. C. " J, Dr WHICH ARB, Editor and Proprietor. THE LEADING PAPER In the 'First Congressional District. LA TEL Y EN LAB GED TO 32 COL UMXSt Subscription Price, $1.50 per year. Thoroughly Democratic, but will not hesitate to criticise Democratic men and measures that are not consistent with the true principles of the party. If you want a paper from a wide-awake section of the State, send for the Elector. "SAMPLE COPY FREE 1 LIBERAL ADVERTISING RATES Say What; You, WiU, People WILL buy goods wbere they can find what they WANT: and at the CHEAPEST "PRICES. We do not advertise simply to parade lief ore the public, but we wantv the public to bear in mind that we are stilf f keeping up our, large .stock of HEAVY .GRO CERIES, and are asL lively as' ever. Come and see us. : " -BARBEE & BARBEE. TO THE LADIES. I WILL .SEND . YOU 10 PAPERS of Garden" Seeds, 'guaranteed fresh, and a copy of " Facing the Truth," a book of 220 pages, well bound in cloth ' with gilt side title ; has eleven illustrations. It is a story "spun from- facts'! nn real life; opening on a Virginia battle field and closing on North . Carolina soil, in a vic tory greater than the sword has won. The book has. met a hearty welcome. The general yerdict is: "If you begin to read it, you will finish it." To purchasers who return the book in five days with a sworn statement that it did not interest them, the money will be returned. The Seeds (10 papers) name your choice of varieties and the book will be sent, post paid, for 75 cents. Address J. P. BARRETT, 2-4-3 w Raleigh, N. C. UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE State Agricultural and Mechanical College, FULLY ORGANIZED AS ANIND USTRIAL INSTITUTION. A Hew Mechanical Department! A beautiful, well-ordered farm. Courses in Agri culture, Mechanics, Engineering, General Science, Applied Chemistry, Latin, Science, &c. The military discipline is faithful, but reasonable. Situation beautiful and very healthful. A home like infirmary with free medical attention and nurs ing for the sick. Tuition $40. Best Board $10 per month. Total expenses for nine months, $175. Eightieth session begins Sept. 1st, 1887. For full particulars, address Dr. CHAS. W. DABNEY, Jr., President, Knorville, Tenn. THE HIGH POINT CLASSICAL INSTITUTE, HIGH POINT, N. C. A School to Meet the Demands of To-Day Both Sexes Admitted. Five Courses of Study Expenees Lore. Large attendance last year. Next Session begins August 29th, 1887. Write at once for Catalogue. jl283m Eev. S. H. Thompson, Principal. FOR SALE, ON EASY TERMS ! (6) 15 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. . (3) 20 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. (2) 25 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. 12 Saw Mills with Saws. 10 Boilers, from 20 to 80 Horse-Power. A lot of Wood-Working Machinery, Cotton Gins and Presses, Saws and Belting. Address, Branch Office, Mecklenburg Iron Works, ma266m Columbia, Factory, N. C. HERE WE AEE We make our bow to the thousands of readers of this paper. WE OFFER AT LO WEST PRICES STOVES, TINWARE, -SASH, : DOORS, BLINDS, LIME, PLASTER, CEMENT, PAINTS, X)ILSi ,1 GUNS, PISTOLS, POWDER, SHOT, r 1 - -t TEA POT ! SHELLS, t f 1 CAPS, WADS, BREECH-LOADING MATERIALS, - GLASS, LOADED SHELLS, TWO CENTS EACH. BEST, GOODS, SQUARE DEALING. Thos. H. Briggs & Sons Briggs Building, Maleigh, N. C. . , oc61y " . HomeRalsed' Seeds. Better adapted to our soil nd climate than any others. Having enlarged my operations and re duced my prices, I am noping t enlarge my circle of trade correspondingly.. The experience of every year shows more and more the superiority, of Nattto Seeds. " ' y ' Send for catalogues and try them one year. J. W. VANDIVER, Seedsman, Weaverville, N. C. ISLAND HOME STOCK FARM Pereherom Bonei. Freach Coack Hones. Savage & Faruum, Impor , ten mad JBreeders of Per ch eroa and French Coach Horsea. Island Home Stock Farm, Cross Isle, Wayne County Mich. We ottet a very large stud of horsss to elect from, we faarantee our stock, make prices rea sonable and sell on easy terms. Tisitors always web come m Lare catalogue tree. Address ' DsrooiTiucti THE RED TEA POT, THE MAMMOTH TEA POT! The 100 Gallon TeaPot. You can't fail to see it. You musn't fail to see it. Everybody who comes to Winston must look at the JUMBO TEA POT. What for? Because it locates the spot where you" can " sell your Chickens, Tur keys, Eggs, Butter, Potatoes, Onions, Beans, Peas, Honey, Bacon, Lard, Ap ples, &c, &c, at the highest market prices. And more important still, it tells you where you can get your COFFEE, SUGAR, , ;; SYRUP, MOLASSES, BACON, LARD, MEAL. And all the best quality of HEAVY and FANCY GROCERIES. At prices that will not only please you, but will astonish you. If you want to sell anything or buy anything, come to the BIG TEA POT. OPPOSITE THE POSTOFFICE. WINSTON, N. C. THE GREENSBORO PATRIOT 1 A BEACON LIGHT OF CIVILIZATION ! 63 YEARS OLD, And grows more interesting every issue! Z. W. WHITEHEAD, Ed. and Prop. THE PATRIOT Is Brim full of Local, State and Nation al news, together with the Farmers' Val uable Agricultural Department. THE PATRIOT is the largest, oldest and most extensively circulated in Pied mont North Carolina, embracing the en-; tire tobacco belt. ADVERTISERS " Must , appreciate the value oi such" a medium for, placing their business before ) a prosperous people. " . . ml2tf r ' GrREENSBORO, N. C" Bets the Record! The, State Chronicle, : ' . - . - . : cl PUBLISHED AT RALEIGH, N . C . , Has doubled its circulation in one year. It is still going forward. Send for a sample copy; or send one dollar and take it for six months. Address " ' ' " JOSEPHUS DANIELS," Editor and Proprietor. -RAIjBI.GH Christian Advocate, PUBLISHED AT ' l Raleigh, N. C. F. L. REID, Editor and Proprietor. Established in in 1855. The official or gan of over eighty thousand North Caro lina Methodists. Every Methodist ought to take it, and eve'fy business man ought to advertise in it. f , V - r n It - has a large circulati on in North Carolina. Advertising rates liberal, given On application. '' '; " SUBSCRIPTION PRICE, $2 per annum: For further Information address ' M. v Rev. F. L. REID, Raleigh, N. C. THE LANDAiRK; STATESVILLE, N.: C., ?i Is a 88-coiamn newspaper, and is acknowled to be one of the handsomest in the State. It is Democratic in its politics, but doesn't wear any collar. It has opinions, and expresses them. Lays no claims to being the ablest paper in the State, but has the comfortable assurance that as a North Carolina . nr-paper, it is something of a BUCC&SS It would be pleased to have, more advertisements and more subscribert, though it has no right to complain of great lack of either. 1 JS?-Specimen copies sent with pleasure to any one who means bnsiness. . J. P. CALDWELL, Editor and Propr.