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THE PROGRESSIVE FARMER, DECEMBER 8, 1887. 7 A Stroke of Business: He (desirable catch)" How slender Miss Willoughby js !" She : Yes, and they say her mother was just like her once. She weighs 240 now." Life. An Illinois tramp told a farmer's wife she ought to feed him because she "might be entertaining an angel unawares." As this argument had no effect he went out and set fire to the barn. "And what makes you think I'm a slow reader?" asked Merritt. "Because," replied Miss Snyder, " I lent you a book more than a year ago and you don't seem to have finished it yet." Judge. lie What .will you have, dear, candy or ice cream? She No, Edward, get roe some popcorn, please. He Do you like that stuff? She Yes; Ilike every thing that pops. Harper's Bazar. "Women cannot be satirical, says a w riter, any more than they can be humor So? How is it that, wh on n man L'. " -" " after courting a girl for seven years, pro poses, she says : " Oh, George, this is sud den." : - : Wife "Tsee by this paper that the Daily Bazoo is by all odds the brightest and most enterprising journal published in the world." Husband " What paper are you reading ? ' Wife " The Daily Bazoo." . ; To what do you attribute the curative properties of your springs?" asked a visitor at a health resort. "Well," an swered the proprietor thoughtfully, "I guess the advertising I have done has had something to do with it." Candidate (earnestly) " A vote for me means a dead blow to the saloon. Can I count on you at the palls?" Voter " You bet ! I'm with you every time." Candidate (joyously) " Good enough ! Let's go and take something." Lowell Citizen. Counsel (to witness, the father of a family) " Why are you so certain, Mr. Smith, that the event occured on such a date ? May you not be mistaken ?" Wit ness " Impossible, sir. It was the day I didn't have to buy any of my children a pair of shoes." New York Sun. Miss Skeen " Where did you graduate from, Mr. Gill ?" " From the school of pharmacy." Miss Skeen (with surprise) " Is it possible ? What a strange choice for a young man brought up in the city ! hut, if I remember rightly, your grand father was a farmer, too." Judge. He (at Chicago evening entertainment) Do you know that very brilliant-looking woman at the piano, Miss Breezy ? Miss Breezy Oh yes, intimately. I Avill be glad to present you, Mr. Waldo. He Thanks. Is she an unmarried lady? Miss Breezy Yes, she has been unmar ried twice. Neio York Sun. "Who is that young man that just called on you ?" asked the senior member of the firm. " He's connected with the Squarup Life Insurance Company." " What does he do ?" " I don't know, but, judging from his deportment, I should say he must be custodian of the assurance. Mercnani iraveier. u Pass me the butter, Charles," she said. She had been a widow, she had married again, and they, too had gone to Washing ton to begin the honeymoon. "My name is George," he said, coldly and with dis criminating emphasis. I know it, George, she replied: "you must excuse me, I was misled. It is the same butter." Puck. SHE GOT THE CLOAK. When Mr. Montgomery came home the other night he found Mrs. Montgomery weeping. Great, salty tears chased one another down her fair cheek. " What is the matter, dear ?" he asked as he placed a new clove in his mouth and prepared to kiss her. " Oh, everything is the matter," she sobbed as she placed one arm about his neck and laid her head down on his shoulder. " I want to die." . "Oh no, you don't dear," he remon strated. "Tell me what is the matter. Xow do." "Fergy," she questioned, "do you love me as much as you did when you married me?" ' Why, cf course I do. What put such a question in your head?" " Are you sure that you do ?" "What do you mean, ? Ellen? You know that I love you as much as I ever did, and more if anything." - " Don't be silly, Fergy. How am I to know it? The minister was -here today and said that a loving husband was con tinually showing his devotion for his wife. He always bought her everything that she wanted and did everything that she wanted him to do." " Yes. What are you driving at ?" "It pained me when I heWd that, and I have been crying all day." " Have I been unkind to you?" " No-o-o, but then the minister, went from here over to that hateful Mrs. Brown's, and I just know that he said the same thing to her." "Well, what of it?" " Nothing ; only Mrs. Brown is going to have a new sealskin cloak, and she will Ro around and tell what the minister said. Then she will tell how much her husband Joves her and hint that you and I are go lng to separate." Mr. Montgomery ordered the new cloak and next morning, and incidentally put out a story about the minister having lost a great many friends, and that he had better look for a different field. Minneapolis Journal. DEPTHS OF DEPRAVITY. The benevolent old lady's face took on a sadder expression as she drew out a large handkerchief with a pink border and said : "I have been very-sadly afflicted by my children very." "Yes?" inquired the sympathetic friend. "My son Hazubah, my first born, com mitted forgery and went to the peniten tiary for twelve years." . - i. " Sad," admitted the friend. J"- " My next son, Ahimelech, burned up his house to get tho insurance and got twenty-eight years." " What an affliction !" murmured the friend. n " Then my next son, Joshua, embez zled the funds of an orphan asylum and -went to Canada." " Very, very" heartrending, said the friend: ' t'&Z " Obadiah, my next son, took to petty tie,?ing, became a yagant .arid drunk ard," and-lias been a tramp and Anarchist for ten years. But it seems as if it was reserved for my youngest - son, Josaphat, Who should be the support and comfort of my declining years, to.try.me the worst and fill my last days with bi tern ess." "Murder?" faltered the friend, "red handed, bloody " " 0, no," replied the old lady, as she again sought her handkerchief, " no, not murder, though I reckon some of his vic tims wouhi rather prefer it. No, lie went to Birmingham and has gone to booming real estate." A LEVEL-HEADED WIFE. The Governor , of Arkansaw had just turned fi -i a petition bearing G84 names, when a t; .i, angular woman, carrying a gingham Min bonnet by the strings, en tered the room and, dropping on a settee, said : " I want to see the Guv'ner." " I am the Governor, madame." "Shore?" " Yes, I am quite sure." " Wall, I come to ask you why you didn't answer my letter. I live out in the hills. Moved there lately from Indy any. Sent you a letter by a feller named Steve Spencer. Why didn't you answer it?" "Your name, please?" "Jane Bromfield. From as good a family as ever lived in the State. Father was a Mcintosh and mother was a Hark rider." " I did not receive your letter, Mrs. Bromfield." " Look here, do you reckon that feller got drunk an' lost that dockyment ?" "I don't know anything about his habits." " But don't it stand to reason that he got drunk?" " Well, it's far from impossible." "I'll tell you what the letter was. Shortly after I got here, Tobe, my hus band, was sent to the penitentiary. He wasn't a citizen of the State at the time, and didn't think his sentence would hold him." " His not being a citizen makes no dif ference." " And he could be sent to the peniten tiary before he had a right to vote?" "'Yes." " And stay there just the same as any citizen?" "Certainly." "Shore?" " Of course, madam, I know what I am talking about. I would; likp to tell you, before you put' yourself to the trouble of pleading his case, that it is quite useless. He is doubtless guilty, and I therefore cannot grant him a pardon." . "My sakes alive,' man, ,, don't skeer yourself, for I'm not going to ask for' a pardon. The letter I writ you a time when I thought y6u couldn't hold him unless he was a voter stated the fact that he voted at. the last election whether or no. . u : " Then you don't want him pardoned?" " Not much. I'v done so much better sense h's been in their that I never do want to set eyes on him again. It may sound a little strange, but it is a fact that as soon as they took him away the hens that had been mopin' 'round on a sort of strike all spring put to laym', and I wish I may die if I didn't think they would lay themselves to death. One big old domin icker the finest hen on the place, but mighty sulky and hard td please a t times hadn't laid a single egg for two months, but when she found that they bad took, Tobe off she set into layin' an' I never seen nothin's to ekel her. She'd walk around the yard and sing, awhile, an' then she'd go in and lay. Tobe was sent up for a year. Couldn't you, to oblige a poor woman, make it two, Governor?" " Oh, no : I have no anthority to extend the time." " I didn't know but to oblige a po' wo man you mout." "No, I cannot." "Well, don't you think you could slip six mouths on him, anyhow ?" " No, can't extend his time a minute." "But you are sure that you won't let him out under a year?" " We'll keep him in that long." " Well, I'm much oblige to you for doi'n what you can." she said, arising, "and I believe that if you had the power you would do more for me. Good day." Arkansaw Traveler. I mil ... . Custommer (in restaurant) " Waiter, these are very small oysters for the price." Waiter" Yes, sah." " And they don't look very nice, either." " Den dey is all de bettah, sah,, for bein' small." Texas Sitings. CAPE FEAR AND YADKIN VAL LEY RAILWAY COMPANY. CONDENSED SCHEDULE No. 28. Taking effect 5:00 A. M., Monday, Oct. 17th,: 1887. ., TRAINS MOVING NORTH. Arrival and Departure 'Passenger and Freight and of Trains. Mail. Acconi'dat'n Leave Bennettsville. . . 9.45 A. M. 2.15 P. M. Arrive Maxtcm 11.20 " 4.25 " Leave Maxton.' . 11.30 " 5.20 " Arrive Fayette viiie.... 1.30 P.M. ' 8.30 " Leave Fayetteville . . . . ; 2.00 " 8.00 A.M. Arrive Sanford.. 4.05 " 12.00 noon. Leave Sanford........ 4.15 " 1.05P.M. Arrive Greensboro.... " 7.25'." 6.50 " Leave -Greensboro. -. 10.00 A.M. Arrive Pilot Mountain 2.45 P. M. j Passenger and Mail, No. 1 Dinner at Fayetteville. Passenger and Mail,' No. 11-Dinner at Gernianton.; TRAINS MOYING SOUTH. of Trains. Passenger and' Freight and Mail. Accom,dat1n at - - 4.00 P. M. 8.15 " 9.50 A. M. j 6.00 A. M. 12.55 P. M. 12.00 noon. 1.15 " 1.30 P. M. 3.20 " 6.00 " 3.30 6.00 A. M. 5.15 " 9.20 " 5.25 " 10.03 " 7.00 " j 12.45 P.M. Leave Pilot Mountain Arrive Greensboro. . : . Leave Greensboro. : . . Arrive Sanford Leave Sanford Arrive Fayetteville... Leave Fayetteville . . ; . Arrive Maxton Leave Maxton Arrive Bennettsville . . Passenger and Mail, No. 2 Dinner at Sanford. FACTORY BRANCH. FREIGHT AND AC COMMODATION. TRAINS MOVING NORTH. Leave Millboro Arrive Greensboro. 8.05 A. M. 9.35 " 5.45 P. M. 7.25 " TRAINS MOVING SOUTH. Leave Greensboro Leave Factory Junction... Arrive Millboro 2.00 P. M. 3.00 " 3.45 " 7.15 P. M. 8.00 " Passenger and Mail Trains run daily except Sun day. Freight and Accommodation Train runs between Bennettesville and Fayetteville on Mondays, Wed nesdays and Fridays and between Fayetteville and Greensboro on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Freight and Accommodation Train runs between Greensboro and Fayetteville on Mondays, Wednes days and Fridays, and between Fayetteville and Bennettsville on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Satur days. Trains on Factory Branch run daily except Sun day. ' Close connection is made at Maxton with Caro lina Central Railway Passenger Trains to and from Wilmington. W.E.KYLE, General Passenger Agent. J. W. FRY, . ' General Superintendent. CAROLINA CENTRAL R. R. CO., Office of Supirintindbnt, ) Wilmington, N. C, Sept. 27, 1885. f CHANGE OF SCHEDULE. ON AND AFTER THIS DATE THE FOLLOW lowing schedule will be operated on this rail road PASSENGER, MAIL AND EXPRESS TRAIN: DAILY EXCEPT STNDAYS. 1 Leave Wilmington at 7.00 P. M. No. 1. y Leave Raleigh at 7.35 P. M. ) Arrive at Charlotte at. ........ , I 7.30 A. M. ) Leave Charlotte at.V..'... ,.18.15 P. M. No. 2. V Arrive at Raleigh at 9.00 A. M. Arrive at Wilmington at 8.25 A. M. LOCAL FREIGHT PASSENGER CAR AT TACHED. Leave Charlotte at 7.40 A. M. Arrive at Laurinburg at 5.45 P. M. Leave Laurinburg at j 6.15 A. M. Arrive at Charlotte at 4.40 P. M. Leave Wilmington at 6.45 A. M. Arrive at Laurinburg at 5.00 P. M. Leave Laurinburg at ' 5.30 A. M. Arrive at Wilmington at 5.40 P. M. Local Freight between Wilmington and Laurin burg Tri-weekly leaving Wilmington on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays." 'Leave Laurinburg on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Passenger trains stop at regular stations only, and points designated in the Company's Time Table. SHELBY DIVISION, PASSENGER, MAIL, EX PRESS AND FREIGJIT. (Daily except , Sundays.) ! 8.15 A. M. ; 1 12. 15 P. M. Leave Shelby at 1.40 A.M. Arrive at Charlotte at j 5.40 1. JU. Trains No. 1 and 2. make close connection at Hamlet with R. & A. Trains to and from Raleigh. Through Sleeping Cars between Wilmington and Charlotte arid Raleigh and Charlotte. Take Train No. 1 for Statesville, Stations on Western N. C. R. R., Asheville and points West. Also, for Spartanburg, .Greenville, Athens, Atr lanta and all points Southwest. L. C. JONES, Superintendent. W. F. Clark, General Passenger Agent. m- o I Leave Charlotte at. . x!- J- ) Arrive Shelby at. . . , No. 4 IS A Fine, Thoroughbred JERSEY BULL! I have a fine Jersey Bull, registered, that I will sell or exchange for a yoke of Oxen, or a good Mule or Saddle Horse. He is in full vigor and of good size and form. Apply to W. B. SMITH, oc271m Forestville, N. C. WE SELL XBECTTO FAMLIES- Avoid agentsand dealerswhose pro fits and expenses double the cost on every Piano they sell. We send tins First-Class TJPSIGHT Calaaet GE1I I 3-' ranted 6 years, for 198 ! e send for Trlat in your own Home be fore vou buv. Send for circulars to Marchal & Smith, 235 Eat lt St., Jf. IT. The Eastern Reflector, GREENVILLE, N. C. IkJ IT J, S, WHICHARS, Editor and Proprietor. THE LEADING PAPER In the First Congressional District. LATELY ENLARGED T0 2Z COLUMNS! Subscription Price,1 $1.50 per year. Thoroughly Democratic, but will not hesitate to criticise Democratic men and measures that are not consistent with the true principles of the party. If you want a paper from a wide-awake section of the State, send for the Iteflectar. "SAMPLE COPY FREE ! LIBERAL ADVERTISING RATES Say What You Will, People WILL buy goods where they can find what they WANT and at the CHEAPEST PRICES. We do not advertise simply to parade before the public, but .we want the public to bear in mind that we are still keeping up our large stock of HEAVY GRO CERIES, and are as lively as ever. Come and see us. BARBEE & BARBEK TO THE LADIES. I WILL SEND YOU 10 PAPERS of Garden Seeds, guaranteed fresh, and a copy of " Facing the -Truth" a book of 220 pages, well bound in cloth with gilt side title ; has eleven illustrations. It is a story "spun from 'facts T', in real life, opening on a Virginia battle field and closing;. on North Carolina soil, in a vic tory greater,, than the sword ha& won. "The book has met a hearty welcome. The general verdict is: "If you begin to read it, you will finish it." To purchasers who return the book in five days with a . swdrn statement that it did not - interest them; the money will be returned. : The Seeds (10 papers) name your choice of varieties and the book will be sent, post paid, for 75 cents. Address J. P. BARRETT, 2-4-3w Raleigh, N. C. UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE Mi Agricultural and Mechanical Collega, FULLY ORGANIZED AS AN mi) USTRIAL INSTITUTION. A New Mechanical Department! A beautiful, well-ordered farm. Courses in Agri culture, Mechanics, Engineering, General Science, Applied Chemistry, Latin, Science, &c. The military discipline is faithful, but reasonable. Situation beautiful and very healthful. A home like infirmary with free medical attention and nurs ing for the sick. Tuition $40. Best Board $10 per month, looted expenses for nine months, $175. Eightieth session begins Sept. 1st, 1887. For full particulars, address Dr. CIIAS. W. DABNEY, Jr., President, Knoxyille, Tenn. THE HI&H POINT CLASSICAL INSTITUTE, HIGH POINT, N. C. A School to Meet the Demands of To-Day Both Sexes Admitted. Five Courses of Study Expends Low. Large attendance last year. Next Session begins August 29th, 1887. Writ at once for Catalogue. jl283rn Ker. S. II. Thompson, Principal. FOR SALE, ON EASY TERMS! (6) 15 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. (3) 20 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. (2) 25 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. 12 Saw Mills with Saws. 10 Boilers, from 20 to 80 Horse-Power. A lot of Wood-Working Machinery, Cotton Gins and Presses, Saws and Belting. Address, Branch Office, Mecklenburg Iron Works, ma2C6m Columbia, Factory, N. C. HERE WE ARE We make our bow to. the thousands of readers of this paper. WE OFFER A T L O WEST PRICES II zV li 13 W .A. H E , STOVES, TINWARE, SASH, DOORS, BLINDS, LIME, PLASTER, CEMENT, PAINTS, OILS, LOADED SHELLS, BEST GOODS, GUNS, PISTOLS, POWDER, SHOT, SHELLS, CAPS, WADS, BREECH-LOADING MATERIALS, GLASS, TWO CENTS EACH. SQ UA RE DEALING. Thus. H. Briggs & Sons Briggs Building, Raleigh, N. C. oc61y Home-Raised Seeds. Better adapted to our soil and climate than any others. Having enlarged my operations and re duced my prices, I amnoping to enlarge my circle of trade correspondingly. The experience of every year shows more and more the superiority of Native Seeds. Send for catalogues and try them one year. J. W. VAN DIVER, Seedsman, Weaverville, N. C. ISLAND HOME STOCK FARM Pereheron Horses. French Coach Horses. Savage & Firtum, Impor ters and Breeders of Per eheron aad F reach Caach Horses. Island Heme Stock Farm, Crosse Isle, Wayne County Mich. We offer a Tery large stud of horses to elect from, we guarantee our stock make prices rea sonable and sell en easy terms. Visitess always wet come. Large catalogue free. Address SftTagc; A Ttnnw-f &STBOITMICH TEA POT! THE RED TEA POT, THE MAMMOTH TEA POT! The 100 Gallon TeaPot. You can't fail to sec it. You rausn't fail to see it. - Everybody who comes to Winston must look at the ' JUMBO TEA POT. What for? Because it locates the Spot where you 'can sell your Chickens, Tur keys, Eggs, Butter, Potatoes, Onions, Beans" Peas, Honey, Bacon,' Lard, Ap ples, &c, &c, at the highest market prices. And more important still, it tells you where you can 'get your COFFEE, SUGAR, SYRUP, MOLASSES, BACON, LARD, MEAL. And all the best quality of HEAVY and FANCY GEOCEEIES. At prices that will not only please you, but will astonish you. If you want to sell anything or buy anything, come to the BIG TEA POT. OPPOSITE THETOSTOFFICE. WINSTON, N. C. THE GREENSBORO PATRIOT ! JL BKJLCOX LIGHT OF CIVILIZATION ! 63 YEARS OLD, And grows more interesting every issue! 2. W. WHITEHEAD, Ed. and Prop. THE PATRIOT Is Brim full of Local, Statu and Nation al news, together with the Farmers' Val uable Agricultural Department. THE PATRIOT is the largest, oldest and most extensively circulated in Pied mont North Carolina, embracing the en tire tobacco belt. ADVERTISERS Must appreciate, the . value of such & medium for placing their business before a prosperous people. m!2tf ' Greensboro, N. C. Beats tha Escord. The State Chronicle, PUBLISHED AT RALEIGH, X . C, Has doubled its circulation in one year. It is still goinj fdrw&rd. Send for a sample copy; or send one dollar and take it for six months. Address JOSEPHUS DANIELS, Editor and Iroprietor. -RALEIGH- .Christian Advocate, PUBLISHED AT Raleigh, 2T. C. F. L. REID, Editor and Proprietor. Established in in 1855. The official or gan of over eighty thousand North Caro lina Methodists. Every Methodist ought to take it, and every business man ought to advertise in it.- It has a large, circulation in North Carolina. Advertising rates liberal, given on application. SUBSCRIPTION PRICE, $2 per annum. For further information address Rev. F. L. REID, Raleigh, N. C. THE LANDMARK, STATESVILLE, X. C, I a -column newepaper, and is acknowled tobe one of the handsomest in the State. It is Democratic in its politics, but doesn't wear any collar. It has opinions, and expresses them. Lays no claims to being the ableet paper in the State, but has th comfortable assurance that as a North Carolina netcs-paper, it is something of a success. , It would be pleased to hare more advertisements and more subscribers, though it has no right to complain of a great lack of either. f2r"Speciinen copies sent with pleasure to any one who mean? business. J. P. CALDWELL, Editor and Propr. ,
The Progressive Farmer (Raleigh, N.C.)
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Dec. 8, 1887, edition 1
7
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