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THE PROGRESSIVE FARMER. DECEMBER , 15. 1887, 7 glsu of gun. The fisherman Has no difficulty in mak- ;,ifr both ends meet when he catches an eelBoston Courier, il An what did de doctor say ?" " lie said de chile had a 'tack of erysip- 7 7 , 11 Ery-sipelas ! I alius said dat chile would have trouble wil his ears some day." Wife (who lias, had. lier , photograph taken) "I think the expression about the mouth, John, is too hrm. Husband'4 A trifle, perhaps, but it was probably an enort tor you to keep it shut, my dear. She "You're ' getting, long-sighted, dearest, you'll have to wear 'classes.!.' r A , Ho (reading a paper at fhll aroVs length 1" Stuff and nonsense! . It'sv not, my simt that s long it s my arms that are not long enough,": ; r ; "Young Mr. Sissv ""Just 6t back from Europe, Jack. Gone two months; had a boss time.' l - Jack " You show signs of age, Sissy." Sissy "Age r ;Jack-rj" Yes, steerage." . . ; v Grandpa," inquired-' Johnny Bliss, "must everybody die i .:.. "Yes, my child. Everyone, in this world must die when his time comes. " Weir' long pause " what I'd like to know is, who 11 bury the last man?". Nothing more quickly curdles the milk of human kindness which irrigates the creamy purity of the bosom of a milkman than tor a customer to order a pint of the lacteal fluid and then tell him to " chalk it down." Hartford Sunday Journal: " How's your son getting along in New York," Mr. Hayseed ?" " I guess he ain't doin' as well as he says he is. He was home t'other day and had on a colored skirt and "a white collar. I rayther sus pect he s behind, with his washerwoman. " Young man," said a cross old lady on a street car, " terbacker smoking makes me sick. " It used to make me sick, too, ma'am," replied the young man, lighting a fresh cigar, " but Lord, you'll get used to it after awhile. Miss Ethel Mr. Bloomer called upon vou night before last. Miss Clara Yes ; he is delightful ! But he staid so late ! Miss Ethel (with a slight cough) Yes ; he told me it was 12 o'clock before he could get away. "Do you believe in reciprocity?" asked Augustus of his Amanda. " Well," said Amanda, thoughtfully, "I don't know exactly what you mean. If you mean fisheries, I don't know anything about it. If you mean kissing, I believe in reci procity every time. First speaker " Say, iellows, you don't know what a bore this thing of wearing glasses is ; and I never have been able to get a pair that suited both my nose and eyes." Second speaker " Well, you ;an't expect the ayes and noes to be unanimous for a thing." Harper's Bazar. Jones (at the circus) Hello, Smith, ou here?" Smith Yes, I had come to take care of my little boy. Jones Where's the boy ? Smith He was taken sick at the last moment and couldn't come. New York Sun. " Can you tell me, darling, he asked, as they sat together in the weak spot of the sofa, the exact physiological and mathe matical duration of a kiss?" "About a second and a half, I believe," she answered, demurely. "Thanks," he replied; "I will make a minute of it." A Mild Reproof: Husband (dressing) " Where in the world are my boots, my dear?" Wife "On the mantlepiece, where you left them last night." " I thought you took an unusual inter est in my welfare." remarked an unsuc cessful lover. " No, indeed ; she replied ; "only in your farewell." Modern Society. Don Atenogenes complains bitterly of the conduct of his son. He relates at length to an old friend all the young man's escapades. "You should speak to him with firmness ' to call him to his duty," says the friend. " But he pays not the least attention to what I sa'. He listens only to the advice of fools. I wish you would talk to him." Mexican Fun. Young man " I love your daughter, Sir, devotedly. May I hope for a blessing from you ?" Old man " Have you spo ken to my daughter upon the subject?" Young man " Yes, and she refused me." Old man "Well, doesn't that settle it?" Young man " No sir. You forget that I am a life insurance agent, and never take no for an answer." New York Sun. ' "Willie Wafflers," said the teacher, "which is the shortest day in the year?" "Twenty-fust of December," replied Willie, who was correct as far as the wri ter knows. "And tommy Tuff may tell us which is the longest day." said' the teacher indul gently. - " Sunday," shouted Tommy. Philadel phia Chronicle. A dreadful State of Affairs: !'Now, isn't that a burning shame ?" said Mrs Sel dom, as she pushed her spectacles up on her forehead and laid down the morning paper. "What's that, ma?" said her youngest son.- " Why, Emperor Williams gave an audience to Prince William yes terday. ? Think of that, my son a whole audience given away like so many cattle It's awful!" Chicago News. A public shool teacher in Portland Ore gon, recently took occasions to lecture her class on the duty of loving their ene mies. " Whiskey is our enemy !" cried a pert young American: Uuglit we to love whiskey, Miss Martin?" As the teacher, nonplused hesitated for an answer, she was relieved by the sweet voice of little Baddy Malopv, - only -nine years' 61d : " Faith," said he,1 we oughtn't to swallow our mimes ; ought we teacher, Doubtful Party (to. gentleman) Can yuu assist me, sir, io a trine ! I'm a stran ger in a strange land, ten thousand milis trom home. vj cuueuiiw xuy conscience 1 bv Here is your home? . 3 , ! , s- , Doubtful Party Australlia. Gentleman- (handing him a ceqt) How do 'you Wer 'exnecCto sret back .there !1J - - Dou p tful partyaLancing v the-penny) wen,-it- don't do better than this, sir. I s'poge I'll-have to walk Drake's Mug azineA: ? t-:J r-f '' Man My gracious J;r We'll be late. Wife My dear, it's raining pitchforks 1.1 1. .. . 0 . -F ana uie wma is blowing a hurricane. " We have strong umbrellas.'.' 'ly dress ,will(be ruined." . "Wear your waterproof." , "And y6tikribw ydu.have a cold." ."I can wear rubbers; I wouldn't' muss .that opere for- "Opera? " This is not opera night; it's prayermeeting night." Oh! I wonder if our preacher thinks people are idiots enough to stir out of the house such a night as this. Madame he besran as the door opened, ", I un selling a new book on eti quette and deportment" ; v- Oh: yy are ! 'she responded. " Go down there on the "grass" and clean the mud on yvir feet. "Yes, 'en. As I was saying, ma'ma, I am sell -' " Take off yotir hat! vNever address a strange lady at the "door ''Without remov ing your hat." Yes, 'em. Now then, as I was saying." Take your hands out of your pockets ! "KT xl ' 1 -lo eiiuemaii ever carries nis nanus there." N '" " Yes, 'em. Nowr ma'am, this work on eti"- - " 4 " Throw out your cud. . If a gentleman uses tobacco he is careful not to disgust others by the habit." "Yes, 'em. Now, ma'ma, in your attention to this valua" calling "Put that dirty handkerchief out of sight and use less grease on your hair. Now you look half way decent. You have a book on etiquette and deportment. Very well, I don't want it. I am only the hired erirl. You can come in. how ever, and talk with the lady of the house. She called me a liar this morning, and I think she needs something of the kind." Detroit Free Press. PHENOMENAL PRECOCITY. "Oh, George!" cried Mrs. Merry, run ning to meet her husband at the door, " I've something the best to tell you." " No ?" said George ; " what is it ?" " Why, don't you think the baby can talk ! Yes, sir, actually talk ! He's said ever and ever so many things. Come right into the nursery and hear him.' George went in. . "Now, baby," said mamma, persuasive ly, " talk some for papa. Say ' How do you do, papa ?' " - " Goo, goo, goo, goo," says baby. "Hear him!" says mamma, ecstatically. " Wasn't that just as plain as plain can be?" George says it is and tries to think so, too. "Now say ' I'm glad to see you, papa." " Da, da, boo, bee, boo." " Did you ever ?" eries mamma. " He can just say everything ! Now you pre cious little honey bunny boy, say, ' Are you well, papa?" " Boo, ba, de, goo, goo." " There it is," said mamma. " Did you ever know a child of his age who could really talk as he does ? He can say just anything he wants to; can't you, you own dear little darling precious, you ?" "Goo, goo, dee, di, goo." "Hear that? He says, 'Of course I can,' just as plainly as anybody could say it. Oh, George, it really worries me to have him so phenomenally bright. These very brilliant babies nearly always die younjr. lxa-isas. TEMPERANCE AND CREDIT. Horace B. Claflin. one of the most nrominent and wealthy dry eroods mer chants of New York, was alone in his office one afternoon when a pale-careworn young man timidly knocked and entered. " Mr. Claflin." said he, "I have been unable to meet certain payments because narties failed to do by me as they agreed to do, and I would like $10,000, I came to you because you have oeen a rnena to my father, to mv mother and might be a friend to me." " Come in," said Claflin, " come in and take a glass of wine." "No, I don't drink." " Have a cigar then ?" "No, I never smoke." " Well." said the merchant. "I would like to accommodate you, but I don't think I can." " Very well," said the young man, as he was about 'to leave the room. thought perhaps you might. , Good day, sir.'' - "Hold on," said Mr. Claflin. '" You don't drink?" "No, sir?" . "Nor smoke, nor gamble, nor anything of the kinJ?i . ; V T. H',f ?f j . "Nosir!'V ' ' Weli,'tsaidMr; Claflin,' with tears in his eyes, "you sliall.haveit and three. limes the atnoinu, ypu wisJU iiour lather let me have Sb.OOO once and asked m6 the same question. No' th'anksI owed to you, for your father's sake." CAPE FEAR AND YADKIN VAL- LEY RAILWAY COMPANY. "CONDEt) SCHEDULE 28. ' Taking effect5:00 Ai M. Monday, Oct. 17th, 1887. TRAINS MOVING NORTIL Arrival aud Departure Passenger and Freight and of TrainH. f Mail. Accom'dat'n Leave Bennettsville. Arrive Maxton... 1... Leave Maxton Arrive Fayetteville Leave Fayetteville. : . . Arrive Sanfoui.. Leave Sanford. Arrive Greensboro; ; . . Leave Greensboro.. Arrive Pilot Mountain 1 9.45 A 11.30 11.30 1.30 P. 2.00 4.05, -r 3t. 2.15 P. M. 4.25 44 5.20 " 8.30 " ' 8.00 A. M. 12.00 noon, 1.05 P. M. 6.50 " M. 4.15 T.25 it- ,10.00 A. M 2.45 P. M Passenger and Mail, No. 1 Dinner at Fayetteville. Passenger and Mail, No- 11 Dinner at Germanton'. TRAINS MOVING SOUTH. Arrival and Departure Passenger andf Freight and of Trains. Mail. Accom'dat'n Leave Pilot Mountain 4.00 P. M. Arrive Greensboro . 8.15 " Leave Greensboro 9.50 A. M. 6.00 A. M. Arrive Sanford 12.55 P.M. 12.00 noon. Leave Sanford.....;.. .1.15 41 , 1.30P.M. Arrive Fayetteville... 3.20 " 6.00 44 Leave Fayetteville.... 3.30 44 6.00 A.M. Arrive Maxton 5.15 44 9.20 '4 Leave Maxton -5.25 44 10.03 44 Arrive Bennettsville.. 7.00 44 12.45 P.M. Passenger and Mail, No. 2 Dinner at Sanford. FACTORY BRANCH. FREIGHT AND AC COMMODATION. TRAINS MOVING NORTH. " Leave Millboro 8.05 A. M. j 5.45 P. M. Arrive Greensboro 9.35 44 j 7.25 44 TRAINS MOVING SOUTIL Leave Greensboro.. . 2.00P.M. Leave Factory Junction... 3.00 44 7.15 P.M. Arrive Millboro 3.45 44 8.00 Passenger and Mail Trains run daily except Sun day. Freight and Accommodation Train runs between Bennettesville and Fayetteville on Monda3'8, Wed nesdays and Fridays and between Fayetteville and Greensboro on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Freight and Accommodation Train runs between Giransboro and Fayetteville on Mondays, Wednes days and Fridays, and between Fayetteville and Bennettsville on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Satur days. ' Trains on Factory Branch run daily, except Suii day. Close connection 13 mado at Maxton with Caro lina Central Railway Passenger Trains to and from Wilmington. W. E. KYLE, General Passenger Agent. J. W. FRY, General Superintendent, CAROLINA CENTRAL R. R. CO., Okfick or Superintendent, J Wilmington, N. C, Sept. 27, 1885. f CHANGE OF SCHEDULE. ON AND AFTER THIS DATE THE FOLLOW lowing schedule will be operated on this rail road PASSENGER, MAIL AND EXPRESS TRAIN: DAILY EXCEPT STNDAYS. ) Leave Wilmington at f 7.00 P. M. M. M. M. M. M. No. 1. V Leave Raleigh at 7.35 P. ) Arrive at Charlotte at -. . . i 7.30 A 1 Leave Charlotte at f 8.15 P, y Arrive at Raleigh at 9.00 A ) Arrive at Wilmington at 8.25 A No- 2. LOCAL FREIGHT PASSENGER CAR AT- TACHED. Leave Charlotte at 1 7.40 A. M. Arrive at Laurinburg at i 5.45 P. M. Leave Laurinburg at 6.15 A. M. Arrive at Charlotte at 4.40 P. M. Leave Wilmington at 6.45 A. M. Arrive at Laurinburg at ' 5.00 P. M. Leave Laurinburg at 5.30 A. M. Arrive at Wilmington at 5.40 P. M. T uol TtVoiorht Viottrooii WHminfrtnn o nrl Tunri'n. bnre Tri-weekly leaving Wilmington on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Leave Laurinburg on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Passenger trains stop at regular stations only, and points designated in the Company's Time Table. SHELBY DIVISION, PASSENGER, MAIL, EX PRESS AND FREIGHT. (Daily except Sundays.) I Leave Charlotte at 8.15 A. M. f Arrive Shelby at 12.15 P. M. i Leave Shelby at 1.40 A. M. f Arrive at Charlotte at 5.40 P. M. No. 3. No. 4. Trains No. 1 and 2 make close connection at Hamlet with R. & A. Trains to and from Raleigh. Through Sleeping Cars between Wilmington and Charlotte and Raleigh and Charlotte. Take Train No. 1 for Statesville, Stations on Western N. C. R. R., Asheville and points West. Also, for Spartanburg, Greenville. Athens. At lanta and all points Southwest. Li. u. d U-N.es, superintendent. W. F. Clark, General Passenger Agent. - A Fine, Thoroughbred JERSEY BULL ! I have a fine Jersey ..Bull, registered, that I will sell or exchange for a yoke of Oxen, or a good Mule or Saddle Horse. He is in full vigor and of good size and form. Apply to W. B. SMITH, oc271m Forestville, If. C. The Eastern Reflector, GREENVILLE, N. C. J, D. WHICHARD, Editor and Proprietor. THE LEADING PAPER In the First Congressional District. LATELY ENLARGED TO 32 COLUMNS! Subscription Price, $1.50 per year. Thoroughly Democratic, but will not hesitate to criticise Democratic men and measures that are not consistent with the trne principles of the party. Tf you want a paper from a wide-awake section of the State, send for the Rejlector. 3"SAMPLE COPY FREE I . . LIBERAL ADVERTISING RATES Say What You Will, People WILL buy goods where they can find what they WANT and at the CHEAPEST i PRICES jc5Ve do not advertise sinaply to parade, before the public; but e' want the pu&lic to' bear ia- mind" that . wee are ;Stillkeeping up our 1 large4 "stock " of HEAVY GRO CERIES; and are asflively tsiererJ Come and see us. BARBEE & BARBEE. TO THE . LADIES. T WILL SEND YOU 10 PAPERS of JL Garden Seeds; 'guaranteed fresh, and a copy of 11 Facing the Truth" a book of 220 paes, well bound in cloth with gilt side title ; has eleven illustrations. It is a story "spun from facts ! m real , life, opening' on a Virginia 'battle field and closing on North Carolina1 soil; in a vic tory greater -than the sword has won The book has met a hearty welcome. The general, verdict is: If you begin to read it, you ; will finish it." To purchasers who return the book in five days with a sworn statement that it did not interest them, the money will be returned. The Seeds (10 papers) name your choice "of varieties ancr uie oook win oe sent, post paid, for 75 cents. Address J. P. BARRETT, 2-4-3w Raleigh, Ni.C. UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE State Agricultural and Mechanical College, FULLY ORGANIZED AS AN IND USTRIAL INSTITUTION. A Sew , Mechanical Department ! , A beautiful, well-ordered farm, bourses in Agri culture, Mechanics, Engineering, General Science, Applied Chemistry, Latin, Science, Ac. The military discipline is faithful, but reasonable. Situation beautiful and rery healthful. A home like infirmary with free medical attention and nurs ing for the sick. Tuition $40. Best Board $10 per month. Total expenses for nine months, $175. Eightieth session begins Sept. 1st, 1887. For full particulars, address Dr. C1IAS. W. DABNEY, Jr., President, Knoxrille, Tenn. THE HIGH POINT CLASSICAL INSTITUTE, ' HIGH POINT, N. C. A ScJwol to Meet the Demands of To-Dwy Both Sexes Admitted. Eire Courses of Study Expenses Lots. Large attendance last year. Next Session begins August 2Sth, 1887. Writ at once for Catalogue. jl283ru Key. S. II. Thompson, Principal. : FOR SALE, ON EASY TERMS f (6) 15 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. ,T (3) 20 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. (2) 25 Horse-Power Engine and Boiler. 12 Saw Mills with Saws. 10 Boilers, from 20 to 80 Horse-Power. A lot of Wood-Working Machinery, Cotton Gin and Presses, Saws and Belting. Address, Branch Office, Mecklenburg Iron Works, ma266m Columbia, Factory, N. C. HERE WE ARE We make our bow to the thousands of readers of this paper. WE' OFFER AT LO WEST PRICES " II .A. R O W .A. 33, 3D STOVES, TINWABE, SASH, DOORS, CRJNS, - PISTOLS, POWDER, SHOT, SHELLS, CAPS, 1 WADS, BREECH-LOADING MATERIALS, GLASS, TWO CENTS EACH. SQUARE DEALING. BLINDS, LIME, PLASTER, CEMENT, PAINTS, OILS, LOADED SHELLS, BEST GOODS, Thos. H. Sriggs & Sons Briygs Building, Raleigh, N. C. octfly Home-Raised Seeds. Better adapted to our soil and climate than any others. Having enlarged my operations and re duced my prices, I am noping to enlarge my circle of trade correspondingly. The experience of every year shows more and more the superiority of Natite Seeds. Send for catalogues and try them one year. J. W. VANDIVElt, Seedsman, Weaverville, N. C. ISLAND HOME STOCK FARM Perefcerom Brset. French Coach HoraM. Sarare & Farwua. Impor ters and Breeders of Per cheros aad F reach Coach Hones. I sland Home Stock Farm, Groat Isle. Ways County Mich. We offer a very larg e stud of horses to elect from, ffnarantee our stock, make prices rea sonable and sell on easy terms. Vbitons always wet ceoc Larr catalogue free. Address forage A ramm, DmxMonuicu' TEA POT ! THE RED TEA POT, THE MAMMOTH TEA POT! The 100 Gallon TeaPot. You can't fail to see it. You musn't fail to see it. . . . r s Everybody who comes to Winston must look at the - ' ! , '...'" ; JUMBO; TEA POT. What for? " Because at locates the spot where you can sell your Chickens, Tur keyt.Eggs, Butter,' "Potatoes, Onions, Beans; Peas, Honey, . Bacon, -Lajfl, Ap ples, " &c.'t &c, at the highest market prices. And'ni;0!ipottantsill, it tells you where you can get your ' COFFEE, SUGAR, ' SYRUP, IfOLASSES, ' . - . - -' : ' ' i BACON; LARD, MEAL. And all the best quality ot ' HEAVY and FANCY GEOC E RI ES . At prices that will not only please you, but will astonish you. If you want to sell anything or buy anything, come to the BIG TEA POT. OPPOSITE THE POSTOFFICE. WINSTON, N. C. . THE GREENSBORO PATRIOT! JL BKJLCON LIGHT OF CIVILIZATION ! 63 YEARS OLD, And grows more interesting erery issue! Z. W. WHITEHEAD, Ed. and Prop. THE PATRIOT Is Brirn full of Local, State and Nation al news, together with the .banners Val uable Agricultural Department. THE PATRIOT is the largest, oldest and most extensively circulated in Pied mont North Carolina, embracing the en tire tobacco belt. ADVERTISERS Must appreciate the value of such a medium for placing their business before a prosperous people. ml2t Greensboro, N. C. Beats the Record. ?5 . The State Chronicle, PUBLISHED AT RALEIGH, N. C, Has doubled its circulation in one year. It is still going forward. Send for a sample copy; or send one dollar and take it for pix months. Address JOSEPHUS DANIELS, Editor and Proprietor. RALEIGH Christian Advocate, FCBLISIIED AT 'Raleigh, N. C. F. L. REID, Editor and Proprietor. Established in in I800. The official or gan of over eighty thousand North Caro lina Methodists. Every Methodist ought to take it, and every business man ought to advertise in it. It has a large circulation in North Carolina. Advertising rates liberal, given on application. SUBSCRIPTION PRICE, $2 per annum. For further information address Ret. F. L. REID, Raleigh, N. C. THE LANDMARK, STATESVILLE, N. C, la a 36-column newspaper, and ia acknowled to be one of th handsomest in the State. It is Democratic in its politic bat doesn't wear any collar. It has opinions, and expresses them. Lays no claima to being the ableat paper In the State, bat has tha comfortable assurance that aa a North Carolina fKir-paper, It ia eomethingof a auccess. . It would be pleased to haTe more advertisements and more subscriber, though it ha no right to complain of a great lack of either. : , "Specimen copies sent with pJeMore to any one who means bnsineee. J. P. CALDWELL, Bditor an Propr. 1 1 1
The Progressive Farmer (Raleigh, N.C.)
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Dec. 15, 1887, edition 1
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