THE PROGRESSIVE FARMER. SEPTEMBER 9, 1890.
!
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JOHN INGALLS, OH, MY JOHN.
TUNE: " AKDEESON, MY JOE, JOHN.
John Ingalls, ch, my Joe, John,
When we were first acquaint, v
"The Kansas people worshiped you,
And thought you -were a saint,
But now their eyes are opened,
They see as ne'er before,
They see you have betrayed your trust
And helped to make us poor.
John Ingalls, oh, my Joe, John,
For lo ! these eighteen years,
We've kept you and supported you,
And till lately had no fears
But that yo'd do your duty, John,
As became an honest man,
And work for Kansas' interest,
But that was not your plan.
By craPy manipulation, John,
You've kept us blind as bats,
And fastened our chains closer, John,
While vou yourself lived iat.
Don't think that you will get a chance,
When this last term is o'er,
To sit in state at Washington,
For the people say, " no more.
John Ingalls, oh, my Joe John,
Do you think the people blind (
It so, you may soon hear of things
W hereby you'll change your mind,
Your " by request " is thin, John,
You tal vour " eulogies,''
You make the people tired, John,
With your high-flown vagaries.
John Ingalls, oh, my Joe. John,
The only chance 1 see
Is you should be allowed a rest,
And go across the sea,
Where you can sit with Royalty,
In which you so delight.
Where laborers do not dare to croak,
Or dare assert a right.
John Ingalls, oh, my Joe. John.
It would be well if you
Would take along for company
The rest of the Kansas crew.
We've no more use for Peters,
Plumb. Parkics, or Anderson,
We'll lay ou all upon the sheif,
John Ingalls, oh, my John.
Compr eed and sum at the Harper Alliance,
Kansas, convention, June 3rd, by Hattie V.
Btldin
RICH BREAD.
Two cups milk, two cups boiled rice,
one cup white corn meal, three eggs well
beaten, two tablespoonfuls butter, tea
spoonful salt Bake in a hot oven, in
rather shallow pans.
TOMATO CATSUP.
Cut ripe tomatoes into thin slices; then
put into a stone jar a layer of tomatoes
and a layer of salt, and stand aside for
three days. Then press through a sieve,
and spice to taste, bottl: and seal.
GOLD FEATHER CAKE.
One and a half cups sugar beaten to a
cream with half a cup of butter, half a
cup of cold water, two cups sifted flour.
1-J teaspoons of baking powder, three
eggs. Fiavor with one teaspoonful of
lemon extract.
VANILLA SNOW.
Cook ore cupful of rice in a covered
dish, lo keep it white. When nearly done,
add one cupful of cream, a pinch of salt,
the beaten whites of two eggs and a cup
ful of sugar. Flavor with vanilla. Pile
in a glass dish and dot with jelly. Serve
with cream and sugar
SUGAR CAKES.
One cup butter, one cup sugar, f ur
cups flour, two eggs, one teaspoonful
vanilla. Cream, butter and sugar, mix
with the beaten eggs, add tbe flour and
the flavoring, rcll out vt-ry thin, and bake
in a raoderate oven, sprinkling the cakes
with granulated sugar just before baking
CURRANT JELLV.
Pick ripe currants from the stems, and
put them in a stone jar, mash them, and
set the jar in a large iroa pot and boil.
Pour the fuit in a flannel jeny bag, and
let drip without squeezing To every six
pints of juice add lour pounds of sugar.
Boil twenty minutes, kim. When thick
put in glasses, let cool, and cover close.
CREAM COOKIES.
To one cup of thick, sour cream add
one teaspoonful level full of soda, one
and one-half cups granulated sugar, one
egg, one heaping teaspoonful of baking
powder, a pinch of salt, carraway seed or
any other flavoring you prefer, and flour
enough to make a stiff dough ; roll out
thin, sprinkle sugar over it, and pass the
rolling pin over; cut out and bake quickly.
SMALL CUCUMBER PICKLES.
Wash and wipe 100 small cucumbers,
and place them in jars. Cover them with
boili g brine, strong enough to bear an
egg; let stand twenty-four hours. Then
take them out, wipe, place in clean jars,
and cover with hot vinegar spiced with
an onioD, twelve whole cloves, one ounce
of mustard seed and three blades of mace.
They will be ready to use in two weeks.
VERT NICE CROQUETTES.
A nice way to use cold beef for supper
or luncheon is to take oae pint of chopped
beef, four medium-sized potatoes, juice of
half a lemon, half a cup of stock or hot
water, one teaspoonful of onion juice, salt
and pepper. Mix all together, shape
nicely, dip in beaten egg and cracker
crumbs, and fry iu boiling lard two or
three minutes until they are a delicate
brown.
SUPERIOR BLACKBERRY WI5E.
Bruise the berries, measure them and
to every gallon add a quart of boiling
water. Let this stand for twenty-four
hours, stirring it three or four times dur
ing the interval The third day strain off
the juice, and to every gallon of this
strained liquor put two pounds of refined
sugar. Cork it tight and let it stand un
til cool weather, when you will Lave a
wine that you never voluntarily be with
out, as it will be found so efficacious in
sickness and a ood and harmless tonic
for the feeble and convalescent
SUMMER PUDLINO.-
Butter a plain charlotte mold and line
it with neat slices of bread; then fill it up
with any kind of stewed fruit (currants
and raspberries, plumbs and apples, or
apples and blackberries, etc.) Lay a piece
of crumb of bread on the top, citing it
to fit exactly (all crust must be removed
from the bread used for this pudding)
and stand the mold in a cool place tili
next day; then turn it out, and serve
with custard or cream poured over it
hoose juicy, well-colored fruit, so as to
eomphtely saturate and color the bread
BILL NYE'S LETTER.
Nye Writes of the Relief Expedition
The Story Told by the Rear Guard
Tutewiler Would Have Been Relieved if
He Radril Taken the 4 O'clock
Boat for Home The Ex
plorers Set Right Be
fore the Public.
So Irian y conflicting stories are now
afloat regarding the conduct of the rear
guard of the expedition which started out
last July for the relief of Emin Tutewiler,
who was supposed to be somewhere in
the jungles of interior Coney Island or
Far Rockaway, that I make bold to write
th)s defense of myself and our party in
order that history may, as Emerson says,
give us a fair sh-yw.
Early in June we received permission
from Mr. Joseph Cook, of Boston, to ex
plore the interior of Coney Island if we
would give it back again and I began to
look about me for a suitable company of
men to assist me. My first selection con
sisted of Mr. Owen. S. Kinney, whose
middle initial sometimes adheres to his
behindest name, but who is a loyal gen-
tleman whose clothes fit me. I owe him
much which I cannot ever repay, but he
agrees to let me off if I fpeak kindly of
him in my writings.
I was also so fortunate as to secure the
services of Eli H. Jaggs, professor of
horsemanship at the Central Park acad
emy of Equestrianism ; also the author
of " How to Overcome the Riding
Habit;" cloth fifty cents, paper two bits.
He was secured partially because of his
political influence, and also because he is
a thorough connoisseur of spoopju.
He said he would go cheerfully. Be
side these two I a'so invited Mr. Sawdorf
Astor-Plaice, of Lennox. He is not
large, physcally, but he has a brain which
is what might be called a teeming brain.
When he is thinking real earnestly, if
you go quite close to his brain you can
hear it purr. I never saw such a brainy
cuss as he is. His thoughts sometimes
rumble like a teh graph pole, he thinks so
hard. I selected him because I wanted a
bunch of picked men, and 'any one could
see that he was a picked man to just look
at him. He seeme i somehow to have
been picked too soon. He took a banjo
with him
That also was picked. Before we had
fairly started he got everything about him
to haimonize by having his pockets
picked.
My next thought was to procure the
needful food supply for our long journey,
and obtain permission of my paper to
draw on it whenever I needed any money.
I also wrote an editorial regarding my
sagacity and things, leaving it to be
printed on the day of my departure.
I now began to look about me for food
and whangwhang, jinsang and colored
beads to be used for purposes of traffic.
My rst purchase consisted of a small
hamper of Rockford cheese, which is an
anti-scorbutic and also insure absolute
isolation to 'the happy possessor. I fully
believe that the Rockford chesse giving
it the Anglicized spelling, for I am always
kind to the Rockford and Limburger
cheeses, never laying a hand on eyether
of them otherwise than in kindness I
say that the Rockford cheese, aside from
the Excelsior stench works east of New
ark, has no living rival. And I would
also add that its dead rivals would do well
to look carefully after their laurels. So I
got a hamper of this cheese with a little
damper in the top, which I could open
whenever I wanted a little solitude.
I also procured some biltong and a small
mill to use in grinding mealie, against the
time when we should be beyond the
reach of Acker, Merrall & Condi c's deliv
ery wagons. I took with me in my in
side pocket a small autograph album
which I purposed getting Emin Tutewiler
to write into as soon as we had relieved
him. I said little to my chief, who has
preceded me via Ocean Grove and Cape
May; but it was my idea while he was
thus leisurely scouting through the game
country and tracing the sources of the
Passaic to quietly slip in and relieve Emin
Tutewiler myself, thus compelling my
chief to play the rear guard act and give
me an opportunity by means of a stere
opticon and lecture to a good business
with the Young Men's Christian Associa
tion on my return.
Mr. Astor-Plaice said that he would
vise me to procure two or three gu i bear
ers who were familiar with the interior,
and who had become acclimated. I there
fore secured two gun bearers for my own
use named Sahib Williams and Congo
Briggs. I got them of Sir George Pull
man, who said he did not want them anj
more. One of them had lost a cake of
soap somewhere between Fort Wayne
and Chicago, and although he had looked
very diligently over every inch of the
ground he could not find it so Sir George
had to bounce him for the example and
in order to preserve the discipline. Congo
Briggs had thoughtlessly shut up one of
the director's children in an upper berth
and forgotten about it till he got into
Forty-second street, where the parents
discovered that they were short one child.
Our start was auspicious. I had armed
myself with an elephant gun and an ex
press rifle, which, with my hat and oil
stove, were in the hands of my gun bear
ers. We carried with Us & few macad
amized biscuit and some impervious pie
inja shawl strap, in case we should not find
any pie trees in bearing on our arrival in
the interior. We sailed on the 16th and
stopped at Hell Gate on the same day,
making this way out in order to head off
Emin Tutewiler, who I had some fears
might, via Newport and the steamer Pil
grim, get home before the relief expe
dition got to him. ' .
The head of the expedition has stated
m one of his magazine articles that we
fooled away too much time at Far Rock
away, and also took two-thirds of the
spoopju designated for the entire enter
Pnse, so that he ran short a little south of
Red Bank, and was thus compelled to
f top and go into camp for over a week
until four pagazis could be sent back for
more spoopju, for which he had to pay
the exorbitant price of sixteen dolti per
plambo. I do not know how much a
plambo is, neither doth I reck a plain, low
price reck. I know that we did not stay
any longer than necessary at Far Rock
away, as some of our party had to get
some laundry work done there before we
could proceed to the interior. One of
our gun bearers also became violently ill
at that place from eating the rind of a
watermelon that had been prostrated by
the heat.
So far as the spoopju is concerned we
took what Mr. Jaggs thought would be
necessary, thinking that the maintxpedi
tion, perhaps, had made other arrange
ments. I also remained a day or two
longer at Far Rockaway than had at first
been intended, partly because I did not
know but that Emin might be disguised
and stopping there, and partly because I
wanted to.
On arrh ing at Coney Island I intended
to leave Mr. Owen S. Kinney in charge
of Manhattan Bea h, Mr. Jaggs in c arge
of Brighton Beach, and with Mr. Sawdoif
Astor-Plaice to pu?h on along tbe low,
flat country ly ng between Pernambuco
point and the WTest End, for thus i would
cut Emin off from other relief expeditions
unless they should come in via the iron
steamboat or par droska from Brooklyn.
We had only proceeded a little way to
the westward when one of our Wang
wana was taken with violent retchitgs
and paroxysms, caused, as I afterward
learned, by over-eating the luscious but
unripe dingle dangle fiuito: the island,
which grows in great abundance to the
southward and resembles our American
popcorn bah. I administered a box of
large navy blue pills ntade by a dealer on
Broadway, whose name and check I did
not get in time for use in this report.
The,e pills are about the s'ze of a brass
thimble, and I think are called the ne plus
ultra, or seek no further pill. It is by far
the most faithful and painstaking pili, I
think, that I ever used in my African ex
plorations. No matter how far I would
go into the interior, this pill was there,
like my good angel, urging me and cheer
ing me to go still further.
This delay, caused by the illness of
Congo Briggs, necessitated oar return to
Brighton Beach, wiiere I was also com
pelled to draw on our paper for moie doti.
This consumed time and money, but I
felt confident that if I could reach the
West End before autumn with my justly
celebrated reinecy I could certainly re
lieve Emin Tutewiler before tbe main ex
pedition got there.
My delay was also fortunate, I may
add, for during my stay I met the great
Aruwimi chief, Croker, who came to the
coast at this ti:ne. He is the head of the
powerful tribe of the Aruwimis, which
dwells to the northward, and which gets
its name from a part of its war cry, which
is this :
"Aruwimi or Aginme?"
This is uttered in a ringing, guttural tone
of voice, and serves to encourage and
unite the tribe much more than Con
junctio firmat, which is the motto of the
Butter maker's union, of Orange county.
At T a week's rest, during which our
supply of whang leather spigheUi and
durable pie gave out, so that we were
obliged to resort to the hunting case
oyster and the wall- eyed clam, we pro
cured a wad of mealie', a jag of spoopju
and resumed our journey. We entered
the poorly ventilated jungle on the fol
lowing evening and camped beneath a
huge axle tree, which was loaded with
Vienna bread fruit. I must here mention
that the whole country would be far more
healthful if the jungles could be better
ventilated. As is well known, the ele
phant and other noxious fauna penetrate
the jungles and sleep there nights, some
times as high as three or four in a bed.
They get up in the morning and go away
without doing their chamber work with
any degree of care or tiring the jungle
even, forgetting that it must be again oc
cupied on the following night. As soon
as the canniba's of Coney Island, who live
off eaca other, are shown the method
of salvation and its absolute freedom
from duties and imports, I hope that
philanthropists will cail their attention to
ventilation. Those who may have had
charge of elephants for any length of time,
and been thus compelled to room with
them, will remember writh what paucity
of diligence and with what lavishness of
neglect they' bathed their feet. This in
their home life gives the jungle an ele
phantine flavor which is bound to keep
many of our tropical missionary cafes in
the background for years.
We had a pretty tough journey c ver the
entire trip, but made our trusty gun bear
ers do all the work while we did the best
we could. We were sustained and soothed
during this trying ordeal by the knowl
edge that we were doing a good deed and
also that there was nothing for us to do
at home.
On the 28th of July the largest elephan
I had ever st en hove in sight, and in an
hour's time we had struck his spoor. I di
rected my trusty gun bearer to get ready
with the express rifle loaded wth double
pointed tacks and barbed wire, also to
load up the elrphant gun, as the animal
seemed now ready to charge, which in
less time than it takes me to write it, he
had done.
I was somewhat disappointed in the
power and extent of his charge, however,
as I remarked to Congo Briggs at the
time, for it was really a very reasonable
charge indeed.
In a short time we had reached the
point where I was sure we would run
across the spoor of Emin Tutewiler. I
began to inquire, of the natives and to
look about me on every hand, but I could
get no clew of him whatever until dark,
whtn a native came to my tent withs me
tulu, which he offered to excHStige for
some colored beads and a small Bible
which I was reading, gave me my first
news of Emin. He said, which I after
ward found to be true, that Emin had
heard that he was shortly to get relieved,
and so he took the 4 o'clock boat home.
The above is written in good faith, in
order that the public may understand the
true inwardness of this expedition, and in
order that my trusty fellow travelers, who
paid their own expenses and took their
lives in one hand, as it were, and their
washing in the other, may stand before
the public in their true lights, and not
suffer the grave injustice which others
have sought to thrust upon them. Whilst
we did not relieve Emin Tutewiler, we
had it there for him if he chose to accept
it He could take it or he could let if
alone. We do not go around coaxing
people to be discovered and relieved
by us.
Both Mr. Jaggs and Mr. Sawdorf Astor
Plaice will deliver a few lectures this
coming season on "Insect Life on the
Congo, and How to Share Elephants."
Letters addressed to my care will be just
as safe as they would anywhere.
Bill Nte.
Late Chief of the Rear Guard of the Emin
Tutewiler Relief Expedition.
QUICK TO TAKE A HINT.
Yesterday forenoon a tall, si m man,
wearing a faded Greely hat and well en
veloped in a linen duster of ancient date,
entered the Woodbridge street station
and said to the sergeant :
" I jut come in on the train. Look at
me aud see if I resemble Capt K dd or
Charlie Ross."
" I can say that I do," said the ser
geant. "But people are all looking at me and
grinnirjg. Anything wrong in my dress?"
" Well, thatthat duster is a little off,
perhaps"
"Oh! it is the duster. People don't
wear 'em any more ?"
" Not that style and color."
" I see. I'm a little ancient ? '
"A trifle."
Well, off she comes. I bought it in
this town six years agoT The man war
ranted it to me as a combination of dus
ter, hammock, flying-jib, liver-pad, bed
blanket, burglar alarm, life preserver and,
certificate of moral character, and it has
pulled me through a steamboat explosion,
two railroad smash-ups, a hotel fire and a
half dozen free fights. Kinder bate to go
back on her, but style is style. If the
style has changed, then I've got to change
with it."
He pulled it off, rolled it into a bundle
and laid it on a chair and said :
''Give it to some sad and disconsolate man
some one who hasn't a sensitive soul.
It has kept out the flies, ward d off the
moths, and saved me from rattlesnakes
and mad dogs, but the time has come
when we must part. When I strike De
troit and hear a boy call out, " Is that
thing alive ?" know he means me and
tht duster. When I go up the street
and a man calls out, "Sch xmer ahoy !" I
know he means that duster fend me.
When I get into a car and see the women
look me over and then hitch away, I know
they are wondering which of us is who,
and whether it will bite or not. I'm toe
sensitive by half, but I can't help"it, I
leave har in your hands. Good-bye."
Detro t Free Pre.cs.
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
The Western Editor Also has His
Troubles.
We extract the following from the last
issue of the Arizona Kicker :
They Got Left. Feeling the need of a
few days' rest from brain work, we hied
ourself to Jim's Peak last week, to re
main about ten days. Soon after supper
a stranger approached us and gave us a
hint that the boys were planning a ser
nade, and that we had better have a
speech ready.
In this Western country some words
have a double meaning. A "serenade"
roy mean sweet, soft music by the band,
wi h a call from a l:t of jolly good fel
lows, or it may mean a vib.t from the gang
who are provided with a rope but no
music. In order to be on the safe side we
took up a temporary home in a thicket,
and from thence discovered that this was
to be a rope serenade. Some of the boys
from Johnson's ranch had determined to
lynch us as a great moral warning, but
while th- y were hunting for us around
the hotel we were meandering through
tbe jack-pines and midaight darkness to
safer quarters.
In one sense, we don't blame the boys
so much. An occasional hangnig adds
zest and gusto to this Western life, and it
is very rare that the victim's friends can
claim that any mistake was made. In
another sense, the boys are to be blamed
for their lack of taste. We have it on
good authority that they meant to hang
us with an old mule-chain. There were
thirty of them in the crowd. We make
no boasts, but let our readers watch for
developments. We'll have sheriffs and
and detectives here after at least thirty
one of them, before the week is out, and
then we shall borrow a shot-gun and go
on a hunt after the odd one.
Sold Again Our esteemed contem
porary has made another dismal failure.
On Monday he came out in a double
leaded two column article on the Whar
tOD shooting case and tried his beat to
prove that we had an active hand in it
and were responsible for Judge Johnson's
death. At the coroner's inquest, held on
that same afternoon, Major Bliss t-stifled:
" I was sitting at a table in the Red
Cross saloon with the editor of the Kicker
We were there to talk over the McKinley
bill and to take the initiatory steps to
ward establishing another Sunday-echooL
Judge Johnson came in. He was pretty
drunk. He saw Bob Wharton at a table
beyond us ad pulled his gun. The
editor of the Kicker kindly asked hi n to
put it up, and offered him a year's sub
scription to the paper to go home and
take a nap.The Judge refused and pressed
forward to get a shot. Next moment
Wharton dropped him.
This was the truth and the whole truth,
and yet our jealous-pated contemporary,
hoping he had a hold on us, tried his
hardest to make out that but for us there
would have been no shooting. We used
to refer to him as toothless, knock kneed,
bow-legged, lop-eared, hump-backed,
white-livered, cross-eyed, and so on. We
have a mortgage on his whole ou1fit, and
we used to threaten to foreclose on it
We ued to meet him on the street and
scare him into kneeling down and begging
our pardon. We vnow let him have his
own way. Some day we will bury him
in (?ur private graveyard some day when
he has tired us completely out.
They Are Wrqxg. Those of our citi
zens who are asserting that our late
trouble with the postmaster was caused
by jealousy of his position on our part are
doing us a grave injustice. True, we
were a candidate for postmaster, and true,
a'so, we are a mighty sight better man for
the place than the present incumbent, but
we are not jealous. Wanamaker refused
to appoint us, and we refuse to wear
Wanamaker's clothing. It's an even
thing thus far.
The trouble began as soon as this matt
entered the postoffice. He held back our
mail and made us weary in many other
ways. We pounded him half to death
one dayr-and for two months he was a
model postmaster. Then he got sassy
and shot at us, and we left a bullet in his
shoulder. That lasted him until the other
day, He then got on his ear and tried to
prick us with a bowie knife, and in sheer
self-defense we t-hot off a part of his left
ear and banged him with the butt of the
revolver. It was in the interest of th
whole pnblic. He'll be on deck in a
week, and for the Lext three months he'll
work like a steer and be as pleasant as
a peach. Detroit Free Press.
FOUND HIS ENEMY.
Thirty Years of Waiting for Vengeance
Upset.
We were sitting on the veranda of a
hotel at Niagara Falls, writes a New York
Sun contributor, when I noticed tie man
on my right looking sharply at the man
on my left, and presently he got up in an
excited way and walked about. After a
bit he halted before ; he other "man and
asked :
''Isn't your name Graham ?"
" Yes, fir," was the prompt reply.
" Didn't you used to teach school at
Elmira, New York?
a v.
les. sir.
"In 1863?'
" Yes, sir."
" Do you remember a boy named God
kin ?"
" Very distinctly, sir."
" Do you remea ber that he put a pack
age of fire crackers under his desk and
touched them off?"
" As if it happened only yesterday."
" And you basted him for i' ?''
" I did. I licked him until he corild
hardly stand, and I've always been glad
of it."
" You have eh ? ' said the other, breath
ing fast and hard. " Do you know that
boy swore a terrible oath?"
" I presume he did, as he was a thor
ough young villain."
" He swore an oath he would grow up
and hunt for you and p und you within
an inch of your life."
" But I haven't eard from him yet."
" You hear from hiii now ! He stands
before you! I am that bo;. !"
" Well ?"
" Prepare to be licked I My tme has
come at las( !"
He made a dive for the old man,-but
the latter evaded him, made a half turn
and hit him on the jaw, and Godkin went
over a chair in a heap. Then the whilom
schoolmaster piled onto him and licked
him until he cried ' En .ugh," and it
didn't take him over three minutes to do
it. Then he retired to get on another
collar and replace some buttons, and I
helped Godkin up and observed :
" You didn't wait quite long enough, I
guess."
"Say! That's where I made amis
cue !" he replied. " I see now that I
ought to held off until he had got to be
about 150 years old. The old devil is all
of 70 now, but he licked me right off the
reel, and I'll never have the sand to stand
up to him again. Here's thirty years of
waiting for vengeance knocked into a
cocked hat in threie minutes !"
BROKE THE COMBINATION.
How a Wisconsin Man Came to Lose
His Faith in Lotteries.
A colored man had passed around the
hotel office offering lottery tickets to such
as he thought might buy, says the New
York Sun, when the man who had been
sucking the head of his cane and looking
out upon the street with a vacant air for
half an hour, turned and said :
"I used to play the lottery every
month the year round, but I never touch
a ticket now."
" Ever strike anything ?" was asked. ,
" Oh, a trifle now and then, but what
cured me was ticket 55,555."
" By George ! but that ought to be a
lucky ticket!"
" You shall hear. I was in La Crosse,
Wis., when a man broke into a house to
rob it. He was discovered and shot at,
and he shot back and killed the citizen.
Among his plunder was the ticket I have
named. The officers pursued h m, and
he took refuge in a barn and there com
mitted suicide."
" Gracious, but what luck that ought to
have brought !" gasped one of the list
eners. " Now, mind you," continued the re
later, " the house he broke into wa3 No.
5 on that street. It contained five in
mates. It was five o'clcck in the morn
ing when the murderer rushed out. He
was pursued five miles by five officers,
and shot himself with a five-chambered
revolver."
" Jewhitaker, but what a combination!"
" I sent over at five o'clock in the even
ing and offered the widow five dollars for
the ticket. It took her five minutes to
make up her mind, and she sent it to me
by a man who had five white rabbits at
home. I received it in the presence of
five men, and we took five drinks to bring
luck. I was five days going home, and
it was just five days to the drawing."
" Why, man alive, you must have hit a
million dollars on that!" shouted one.
Did't get a red," was the answer.
" You don't say."
" Not a red ; but I know the reason. It
was a combination of five, and we broke
it."
"But how?"
" By not hiring fire jackasses to kick
me five blocks for bein' fool enough to
suppese I might hit it."
HELPING ON THE BOOM.
Prominent Kansan Hang the luck !
They're goi- ' to put another pa sengei
train on the P. D. Q railroad !
Newcomer I cannot see as that gives
you any cause to grumble. I
Kansan Grumble. Wat, I reckon
you'd grumble, too, stranger, if every
time a train whistled you had to drop
your work and jine the rest of the popu
lation in rusbin' to the depot and paradin'
up and down, so's, in case there was any
capitalists from the east on .board, they'd
think the town was on a big b )om !
NOTICE.
County and Sub-Busines3 Agent3 will
please send their names and postoffice
address, with certificate of bond, at once
to the State Business Agent,
W. H. Wobth, Raleigh, N. C.
NOTHING SUCCEEDS
LIKE SUCCESS.
The reason KADAMb
MICROBE KILLER ie
the most wonderful
medicine, ia because it
never failed in any in
stance? no matter what
the disease, from LEP
ROSY to the simple
diseaf e known to the hu
man system.
The Boientirlc raou or.
to-day claim and prove
that every disease ie
CAUSED BY MICROBES.
AND
RADAM'S MICROBE KILL OB
Exterminates the Microbes and drives them
out of the system, and when that is done you
cannot have an ache or pain. No matter wbt
the disease, whether a simple case of Malan
Fever or a combination of diseases, we euro
them all at the same tiuia, as wetreat all dis
eases constitutionally.
Asthma, Consumption, Catarrh, Bron
chitis, Rheumatism, Kidney and Liver
Disease, Chills and Fever, Fe
male Troubies,in all its forms,
and, in fact, every Dis
ease known to the
Human Sys
tem. Beware of Fraudulent Imitations!
See that our Trade-Mark (same as above s
appears on each jug.
Send for book " History of Microbe Kiiler,"
given away by Lee, Johnson & Co , Druggists,
sole agents, corner Fayette ville and Martin
streets, Raleigh, N. C.
The stockholders of the Border Farm
ers' Alliance Warehouse Company will
meet at Masonic Hall at 11 o'clock in
Danville, "Va., on Wednesday, the 3d day
of September, 1890, for the purpose of
electing a board of directors and attend
ing to other important business.
Jas. H. Wilsos, Pres't B. D.
IMPORTANT NOTICE.
Dear Brethren: In future please
write orders and letters on separate sheets
of paper. It will save much time to this
office, and we will be less liable to errors
in transcribing your orders. When mark
ing inquiries about orders and letters of
importance please give date of same, and
duplicate of the order. Don't fail to give
your postoffice and also shipping point
In sending money please state who it is
for. Fraternally,
W. H. Worth, S. B. A.
WAKE COUNTY ALLIANCE BUSI
NESS AGENCY READY
TO WORK.
The Wake County Alliance Business
Agency is now established at 307 South
Wilmington street, Raleigh, and the
Agent is now ready to attend to the
wants of the Alliancemen of the county.
If you want to sell your farm products,
stock, or the handiwork of your wives or
daughters, or if you wish to purchase
anything in this market, your Agent may
be of material benefit to you. If you
have stock of any kind to sell, give me a
careful description and price of same that
I may record it in this office, or if you
wish to buy stock, call at this office and
examine my registry. Consult this office
on the market prices of all your producets,
and bagging for covering your cotton.
Cotton stored and money advanced on
same at the lowest rates for charges. Let
your wants be known at this office and
they shall be attended to.
R. Jas. Powell, Bus. Agent.
NOTICED
To Business Agents and Cotton Raisers
in North Carolina :
Look to your interest. Norfolk is the
best market fcr your c otton. Write me
for particulars. Address
J. J. Rogers,
Man'g'r Alliance Exchange, Norfolk, Va.
Box 364.
THE BRUNSWICK COUNTY ALLI
ANCE READY TO WORK.
Shallotte, N. C, Jan. 30, 1890.
The Brunswick County Alliance Busi
ness Agency is now ready to attend to
the wants of the Alliancemen of the county.
If you want to sell your farm products,
or if you wish to purchase any thing in
the markets, your agent may be of mate
rial benefit to you. Consult me on the
market prices of all your products. Let
your wants be known to me and they shall
be attended to. E. L. Stanley,
Business Agent.
COUNTY BUSINESS AGENTS.
I want your name, postoffice address
and shipping point immediately after your
election in July. This is important busi-
ness.
' W. H. Worth, S. B. A.
NOTICE TO FORSYTH COUNTY
SUB-COUNTY SECRETARIES.
Please' send the name and address of
your Sub-Business Agents U our bounty
Business Agent, Bro. J. F. G iflith,
Winston, Forsyth Co., N. C. Tnis is im
portant, brethren, as he has business f
importance with your Alliance, but has
no list of the Sub-A gents.
Fraternally,
E. A. Co-srad, Co. Soc'y.
MAKE A NOTE OF THIS.
On all matters relating to the State Alli
ance, address E. C. Beddingfield, Ral
eigh, N. C.
On all matters intended for the organ
of the order? address The Progressive
Farmer, Raleigh, N. C.
On all matters relating to the Business
Agency, address W. H. Worth, Business
Agent, Raleigh, N. C.
On all matters relating to the National
Order, address L. L. Polk, President, 511
9th St, N. W., Washington, D. C.
The agency will always keep posted
and buy ia the best markets at lowest
prices on the day the order is placed.
W. H. Worth, State Agent.
( H' l