Tuesday, November 17, 1003.
7
TTiVher Lifer started to get up, btft
the Doc was already on his feet, and
he whispered to him:
"Set down, young man;" and the
young man sat. The Doc had a way
of talking that didn't need a gun to
back it up.
The old man conducted the services
right through, just as he always didt
except that when he'd remembered
in his prayer every None in America
and had worked around thrpugh Eu
rope to Asia Minor, he lingered a
trifle longer over the Turks than
usual, and the list of things which
he seemed to think they needed
brought the Armenian back into the
fold right then and there.
By the time the Doc got around
to preaching Deacon Wiggleford was
looking like a fellow who'd bought a
gold brick, and the Higher Lifer was
looking like the brick. Everybody
else felt and looked as if they were
attending the Doc's furieral, and, as
usual, the only really calm, and com
posed member of the party was the
corpse.
"You will find the words of my
text," Doc began, ."in therevised ver
sion of the works of William Shake
speare, in the book I mean play
of Ronieo and Juliet, Act Two, Scene
Two: 'Parting is such sweet sorrow
that I shall say good-night till it
be morrow,' and while the audience
was pulling itself "together he laid
out that the text in four heads, each
with six subheads. Began on part
ings and went on a still hunt through
history and religion for them. Made
the audience part with Julius Caesar
with regret, and had 'em sniffling at
saying good-bye to Napoleon and Jeff
Davis. Made 'em' feel -that they'd
lost their friends and" their money,
and then foreclosed the mortagage
on the old homestead in a this-is-very-sad-but-I-need-the-money.
In
fact, when he had finished witff Part
ing and was ready to begin on Sweet
Sorrow, he had not only exhausted
the subject, but left considerable of
a deficit in it.
They say that the hour he spent on
Sweet Sorrow laid over anything that
the town had ever seen for sadness.
Put 'em through every stage of grief
from the snuffles to the snorts. Doc
always was a pretty noisy preacher,
hut he began work on that head
ith soft-pedal-tremolo-stop preach
' iug and wound up with a peroration
hke a steamboat exnlosion.. Started
th his illustrations dying of con
sumption and other peaceful dis
uses, and finished up with railroad
wrecks. He'd been at it two hours
hen he got through burying the vic
tims of his last illustration, and he
as just ready to tackle his third
Jead with its six subheads. But be-'
fre he took the plunge, he looked
at his watch and glanced up sort of
surprised:
'I find,'' he said, "that we have con
sumed more time with these intro
story remarks than I had intended.
e would all, I know, like to say
good-bye till to-morrow, did our dear
young brother's plans permit, but
fas! he leaves us on the 2:17. Such
e t0"day we are here, to-morrow
e are 111 St. Louis, to which our
young friend must return. Usual
ly, I don't aDDrove of traveling on
the Sabbath, but in a case like this,
where the reasons are very pressing,
I will lay aside my scruples, and with
a committee of deacons which I have
appointed see our pastor emeritus
safely off."
The Doc then announced that he
would preach a series of six Sunday
night sermons on the six best sell
ing books of the month, and pro
nounced the benediction while the
Higher Lifer and Deacon Wiggle
ford were tring to get the floor. But
the committee of deacons had 'em
by the coat tails, and after listening
to their soothing arguments the
Higher Lifer decided to take the 2 :17
as per schedule. When he saw the
whole congregation crowding round
the Doc, and the women crying over
him and wanting to take him home
to dinner, he understood that there'd
been a mistake somewhere and that
he was the mistake.
Of course, the iDoc never really
preached on the six best selling
books. That was the first and last
time he ever found a text in any
thing but the Bible. Si Perkins
wanted to have Deacon Wiggleford
before the church on charges. Said
he'd been told that this pastor
emeritus business was Latin, and it
smelt of popery to him; but the Doc
wouldn't stand for any foolishness.
Allowed that the special meeting had
been called illegally and that settled
it; and he reckoned they could leave
the Deacon's case to the Lord. But
just the same, the small boys used to
worry Wiggleford considerably by
going into his store and yelling:
"Mother says she doesn't want any
more of those pastors emeritus eggs,"
or, "Shell send it back if you give
us any more of that dead-line but
ter." If the Doc had laid down that
Sunday there'd probably have been a
whole lot of talk and tears over his
leaving, but in the end, the Higher
Lifer or some other fellow would
have had his job, and he'd have be
come one of those nice old men for
whom every one? has a lot of respect
but no special use. As it was, he
kept right on, owning his pulpit and
preaching in it, until the Great Call
was extended to him.
I'm a good deal like the Doc wil
ling to preach a farewell sermon
whenever it seems really necessary,
but some other fellow's.
Your affectionate father,
JOHN GRAHAM.
To "Wither Warts While You Wait."
A formula is in the possession of
the editor which "withers wafts while
you wait." The formula is as fol
lows: Sulphur sub .dr. 5
Concentrated acetic acid.fL dr. 2
Glycerine fl. oz. 2
Mix, and apply the paste to the
warts on small pieces of linen, or
spread with a brush at night, then
wash off the next morning. Repeat
until the warts drops off.. This Tvorks
every time.' Surgical Clinic
Ruth Bryan's llarriage. ,
In this paper is published something
of the first unhappiness that seems'
to have come to the Bryan home
the marriage of Miss Ruth, ., the
eldest 'daughter, to an artist whom
Mr. Bryan brought to his home for
the purpose of having him paint a
portrait. Miss Bryan was to have
given herself to some kind of phi
lanthropic work. There is a sugges
tion of sadness about this marriage,
aside from the opposition of the pa
rents. It is based upon the' almost
pertain fact that this young girl, full
of life and vigor, and the sedate ar
tist, more than twice her own age,
have nothing in common upon which
to base a life of happineS3. The
chances are that after a bit the pub
lic prints will tell a ddivorce story,
or there will be a sadder story, known
perhaps to but few, of long years of
patient and uncomplaining suffer
ing. Sometimes it's one way and
sometimes the other. Monroe Journal.
College Training and the Business Han.
President Charles F. Thewing, of
the Western Reserve Uniyersity and
the Adelbert College, contributes an
interesting paper to . the October
number of the North American Re
view on college training for the busi
ness man. The main trend of the
argument is that a college training
is good for all business men. He
admits "that sometimes when the
young man starts to college, say at
eighteen, and his peer starts to busi
ness without the college training, the
latter for the first ten or twenty years
may seem to outstrip the former in
life's race, but he says that before
they both reach their three scores
years and ten the college trained
man will have the advantage and get
much more out of life.' President
Thewing admits that certain boys
should not go to college. We quote
him on the boys referred "to. He
says: "Boys who dislike study should
not go, for they are in peril of be
coming social rebels and pessimists.
Boys who cannot bear freedom should
not go, for they are in peril of be
coming slaves to unworthy habits.
Boys who are lazy should not go for
they are in peril of adopting a soft,
luxurious life, which it is .difficult to
throw off and which ill becomes the
hard worker of the workaday world
of the new America." The Com
monwealth. How Buchanan Became President.
James Buchanan, the fifteenth
President of the United States, prac
tically obtained his office through a
disappointment in love.
At one time, when he was in Lon
don, he said to an intimate friend,
"I never intended to engage in poli
tics, but meant to follow my profes
sion, strictly. But my prospects and
plans were all changed by a most
sad event, which happened at Lan
caster when I was a young man. As
a distraction from my great grief,
and because I saw that through a
political following I could secure the
friends I then needed, I accepted,
a nomination." November -Woman's
Home Companion:
How Old Is Ann ?,
We do not want to seem ungraci
ous, but it is none the less a fact
that our time is yery much occupied
just -now with really important mat
ters, and it is inconvenient to step
aside for the purpose of 'deciding
a bet as to the age of Ann a young
lady with whom we are not acquaint
ed and the number of whose summers
does not concern us in the least. We
cannot, however, resist the importu
nities of "Pro Bono Publico," "Old
Subscriber," "Vox Populi," and com
pany. They have stood by us through
many a crisis and vicissitudes, and
we'll not desert them now.
Here is the problem:
"Mary is twenty-four years old.
Mary is twice as old as Ann was
when Mary, was as old as Ann is now.
How old is Ann?"
Obviously Ann must have been
twelve when Mary.was as old as Ann
is now. Twice twelve at the time
is twenty-four, and Ann was twelve
at the time in dispute or Mary could
not possibly, at twenty-four, be twice
as old to-day. There is no escape
from these premises. The only point
remaining to be settled is the pres-,
ent age of Ann, and we do that. by
advancing Ann from twelve to a fig
ure at which Mary, going back from
twenty-f our, would meet her. The
midway point is eighteen. Six years
ago Mary was eighteen. Six years
added to twelve makes eighteen.
Six years ago, 'therefore, Ann was
just half as old as Mary is now, in
other words, twelve, and hence, at
this moment Ann, being six years old-
Commenting on the article on page
6 of the The Progressive Farmer of
October 27th, regarding the descen
dants of Jonathan Edwards, the
Roanoke-Chowan Times says :
The above will be read with special
interest by Northampton people
when it is known that a well-known
family of this county the Burgwyns
are descendants of the great
preacher. Upon reading the above
extract from World's Work, we ask
ed Col. W. H. S. Burgwyn if he is not
a descendant of Jonathan Edwards,
and he replied:
"Yes, it is a singular fact that I
am in direct descent from Jonathan
Edwards, both on my father's and
mother's side. On my father's side,
I am the great-great-grandson of
J onathan Edwards by the youngest
daughter Eunice, who first married
Mr. Thomas Pollock of this State."
Beauty ha3 little to do with engag
ing the love of woman. The air,
manner, tone, the conversation, the
something that interests, the some
thing to be proud of these are the
attributes of the man made to. be
loved. Bulwer.
Joy is well in its way, but a few
flashes of joy are trifles in compari
son with a life of peace. Which is
best: the flash of joy lighting up the
whole heart, and then darkness until
the next flash comes, or the steady
calm sunlight of day in which men
work F. W. Robertson.