OXFORD PUBLIC LEDGER, FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 1S06.
Humor and Philosophy
By DUNCAN ML SMITH
THE TEN DOLLAR SUIT.
I'm not iti tho market for ofiice this fall.
ro snaps irom the nubile 1 se.k.
5Iy name on the ballot you wouldn't ob
serve
Although you might look for a week.
There is no occasion for me to be plain
An.l common and humble to boot.
I won't ostentatiously go to the shop
And buy me a ten dollar suit.
In running for offiec. you know, it's a fad
To bo unaffected and plain.
The candidate comes to the front in a
garb
That gives the beholder a nain.
He climbs on the platform and starts his
oazoo.
And then if the thine: is a frost
He points to the suit and triumphantly
ays,
"Ten dollars is all that it cost."
Although at society's nobby events
And Wh. n he its bid to a f.-ast
His garments are cut on the latest de
signs
And cost forty dollars at least.
Yet when he is running like fury he
no pes
For ollice and what it will brinr
Among common people who scoff at the
styles
A ten dollar suit is the thing.
Hut as I am not. as 1 said at the start,
This year running wild in nursuit
Of ofHce (perhaps, though, it isn't my
iaun )
I won't need a ten dollar suit.
And so I am free to indulge in the tastes
l.e'itting my noble estate.
I thirds I will amble aroimd to the store
And buy one for six ninety-eight.
Training a Husband.
Tlicro :u-o several systems for train
ing a husbi.iul, and some of them are
put into practice by the women of the
land with more or less success.
It so, 'ins to he the general opinion.
lio.)a!)..v based on experience, that a
hushand is not of nau-h use about the
place until he has been trained, al
though many women, after trying all
of the printed recipes from kind words
to the application of a ilatiron. irive the
Jf"- i-p and then claim that thev iike
mm i -est as lie is.
Training a husband so that he will
iie down, roll over and jump through
fi a op ready requires a great amount
oi patience, firmness, skill and tact,
am! it is no wonder that some women
ro:r.e to the conclusion that they could
better pi?t hi the time in putting up
eanned tomatoes.
The reasonable woman, if she can get
n im.mi trained, to give her his wages, is
usually satisfied to let him enjoy such
e.v-entrieities as he may have accumulated.
Eternal Vigilance Needed.
Man. if he values his freedom, should
he mighty careful how he allows the
first suggestion of a chain to creep in.
A few 3 ears ago he was induced to
wrap his manly form in a shirt waist
for a time. Now come the disinterest
ed ladies begging him to wear hats
that have feathers and fruit and sway
backed crowns and in general some
style about them.
Suppose he yields to the temptress
Next she will climb the tall lecture
platform and tell him that he must
braid his whiskers ami tie them un in
a pink ribbon if he would be correct
in appearance.
Then it will be but a step to the
skirt. After that she will have him in
her power, and he will have no option
but to say "Yes" and -No" when the
milliner or dressmaker issues an edict.
With such a prospeef he will, if he ia
wise, throw things at the hat and run.
Gave the Impression.
"Is he much of a lawyer?"
"Considerable. I should jmlg he
wrote the constitution to hear him
talk about it."
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
ITS IHF
i-JXI'.'Vv
' 1 V
1 -fyj!JJjr
A lady doesn't
become of an un
certain age until
we are quite cer
tain about her
age.
XV h e n blue
blood loses its
money and its
grip on things
it becomes still
bluer.
Those of us who would not be
ashamed of our ancestors, could we
meet them, might find that they would
be ashamed of us.
When an honest man hears that he
is an honest man he feels as if he
ought to get out a search warrant to
lind himself.
There is this to be said for baby talk:
Although few people understand it, it
Is no dead language.
Money is a key that will unlock any
door except the one von are Irvine tn
Itet through oiua chilly night at about
NETS FOR WHALES.
Made ot Three-Quarter Ineh Wire
Hope In 5x I'oot Ieslie.
If ' did not nave photographs to of
fer as proof 1 might hesitate to nut
upon 8 fairly well established reputa
tion for veracity the strain of standing
for th? assertion that the business of
catching whales not baby whales, but
bis sixty foot right whales in nets is
carr .'d on n the south Pa e: fie
Th- biggest fish stories ever told may
t)P Leard by the wanderer in southern
seas and on: of the most amaziii"
of them are literally true This whale
netting yarn is not strictlv a fish storv.
because a whale is not really a fish.
and it is not the most startling of the
collection in my south sea notebook,
but let it go as a fish story.
Wangamumu is a little bay on the
east coast, a few miles south of a
prominent cape, which juts out to the
northeast and might easily be mis
taken for the northeastern extremity
of the North island. During Mav and
June the antarctic whale migrates
north into warmer waters, and it seems
probable that there is some set of cur
rents around the headland of Wanga
mumu which deceives him into seek
ing a passage to the Tasman sea bv
boring into the shore at that point.
Whatever may be the cause, the fact
is that schools of whales hug the shore
and pass very close to a great jutting
rock at Wangamumu.
Straight out into the sea from the
paint of rocks is stretched the whale
net. made of three-quarter inch wire
rope in six foot mesh, each mesh be
ing formed of separate sections of rone
attached to iron corner rings, taking
the places of knots. The top euge of
the net is held close to the surface by
barrels serving as buoys. A whale
cruising along the shore gets his head
through a mesh, and instead of at
tempting to back out he rushes for
ward and entangles himself hopelessly
in the net. One of my photographs
shows a whale rushing into the net
and dragging' the shoreward buov
through the water with much commo
tion. Close to the shore can be seen
the disturbance of the surface caused
by the dragging under of the shore end
of the upper wire rope.
From a lookout station on the top of
the headland a watcher signals the ap
proach of whales, and the boftts then
put off and lie in wait. An entangled
whale carries away the net with his
rush, but the great weight of the wire
rope an(i t,e fira3ij Gf a ion line o
buoys impede him. and Instead of hold
ing out to sea and going away at great
spe,i with th whole outfit he thrashes
about and soon gets fins and flukes en
tangled, when the boat approaches and
the whalers finish the business -with
harpoon and lance, as in the old days.
Forest and Stream.
' ' ' n. Sa j
Cw
I Ml
Lnnntlcs.
A "prominent" English physician hag
discovered that the time is coming
when there will be more lunatics than
sane persons in the world. Statistics,
of course, show this, as they will show
anything that is good for advertising
purposes. They will show that we live
longer, that our general average of
physical health is better and that we
grow bigger than our ancestors, but
that our minds are going to the bow
wows. We suspect from some of the
things like the above, written by great
alienists, that it takes a lunatic to
detect lunacy, as a thief to catch a
thief.
Vigorous Health is the
most Dependable Wealth to
possess.
It reaps a steady harvest.
Alum in food will change Health's
ruddy glow into pinched paleness by drying
up the rich red blood, which nature provides.
You take alum into your food by the use of,
so called, cheap Powders in which alum is used as a
cheapening substitute for pure Cream of Tartar. There is
only one sure way to guard your health against alum
and .its injurious effects Buy only an absolutely pure Grape
Cream of Tartar Baking Powder buy by the name
Royal is made from absolutely pure Grape Cream of Tartar.
Royal is a sale-guard to health.
ead the Sign at the Top Again.
Croup' ! A Guaranteed Curt Fr Piles. i frTMr' - ..
'8
Croup.
A reliable mpdlrine and nno thgt
always be ki pt in the house for immediate
u'e is ( hambe Iain's Cough Remedy. It
will prevent t e attack if e-iven a srrn ac i
the child ' e mes hoarse or even after the:
crnnpy Cf ugh ppears. For sale by f. G.
H 11.
2 a. in.
The American Way.
How an American machinery agent
secured an order in Japan is related by
the commercial agent of New South
Wales in the far east as follows: It
was a question of some lathes for a
large factory which was being started.
Tluw were required of a certain size.
Thf agent for the British tirin said.
"That is three Inches longer than thev
are made, and Ave can make no altera
tion." The American "T will
.. - '11VI. M. It 111
make them to any size you like." The
American secured the order United
States Consular Report.
Shoo tin iv Rntterflion.
The ancient question, "Who breaks a
butterfly on a wheel V" should have a
modern counterpart. A Transvaal ag
ricultural paper says: great deal
can lie accomplished toward reducing
the numbers of the larvae of the swal
lowtail butterfly by destroying th but
terflies. The nmst effe.-tive instrument
for this purpo-c is ;i light fowling piece
loaded with dust shot or coarse salt. It
may seem ridiculous to advocate the
shooting of butterflies, but an insect
with such a large wing expanse affords
a very good target."
The War Department has granted
the application of the Norfolk and
Southern Railroad for a five mile
bridge across Albemarle Sound. j
A Year of Blood.
The year 1903 will long be remembered !
in the home of F. N. Tacket, of Alliance, i
Kv., as a year of blood; w hich flowed so cn- f
piously from Mr. Tacket's lungs that death j
see 1 ed very near. He writes: "Severe j
bleeding frorr the lnntrs nr-H a frightful :
trr " - - . ,'.
1 t. 1. - - !
cougn naa orougnt me at aeatn's door when
I began taking Dr. King's Ncv Discovery
for consumption, widi the astonishing re
suit that after ta klnpr four hnttloo T urae mm-
pletely restored and as time has proven
peimanemiy curea." Guaranteed for sore
Lungs, Coughs and colds at Hamilton's
drug store. Price 500 and 1.00. Trial bot
tie free.
A Guaranteed Cure Fer Piles.
Ttching, blind, bleeding or protruding
piles. Druggist refund monev if PAZO
OINTMENT fails to cure any case no mat
ter of how long standing in 6 or 14 days.
r H3i iippinjaiion gives ease and rest. 50c.
If your druggist hasn't it send 50c in stamps
and it will be forwarded post paid by Paris
Medicine Co., St Louis, Mo.
The Pennsylvania Eailroad Compa
ny has placed orders for 600 new pas
senger coaches, to be constructed next
year.
Greatness alone is not enough, or
the crow would outrun the hare.
Vour stomach churns and digests the food j
you eat and if foul, or torpid, or out of or- !
der, your whole system suffers from blood ,
poiso". Hollister's Rocky Mountain Tea
keeps you well cents.' Tea or Tablets.
J. G Hall i
He who can reckon well will not be
poor. j
Famous Strike Breakers.
The most famous strike hrairri in thr-
land are Dr. King's Life P. lis. When liver
a"d bow-l go on strike they quicklv stttl.
the trouble, -nd the purifying work goe-
He'll on. Rf"t rurc for Tncti nation IijH.
ache and dizzinese. 25CIS at Hamilton's
drug store.
Sells More of Chamberlain's Cough
Remedy than of all Others Put
Together.
Mr. Thos. George, a merchant at Mt. El
gin, Ontario, says: "I have had the local
agency for Chamberlain's Cough Remedy
ever sine- ft was introdnced into Canada,
and I sel' as much of it as I do of all othr
lines I have on my shelves put together. Of
the many dozens sold under guarantee, I
have not had one bottle returned. I can
personally recorrmend this medicine as I
have us-d it myself and given it to my chil
dren and alwavs with the best results."
For sale by J. G. Hall.
m m m
The oldest inmate of the Soldiers
Home at Raleigh is dead, at the age
of 97. His name was Bunn. He and
three his sons vere in the Forty-seventh
North Carolina Regiment and
served throughout the war. Two of
the sons are now living.
CASTOR I A
Por Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
Bears the
Signature of
mw
Opingj It to Xfie
Uncle Sam's largest burying ground
is the dead letter office.
It is moro than likHy Hint ::n honest
cl Iv i ofrt-n ashamed of tho purpose
t which it is put.
V-m ran forgive som- poonle wIipu
yon think of the parents iuey drew In
tin lottery.
Too 31 11 cli Aii'ectioii.
Dr. Zamcnhof. the inventor of Espe
ranto, went through a trying ordeal at
the conclusion of the recent Esperanto
congress nt Geneva. Hundreds of the
departing delegates shojk him with
every show of affection. This he bore
with patience. Rut when the Esperant
ists of the other sex insisted on kissing
hhn goodby the fortitude that had
stood by Lim so well throughout the
conference deserted, him. lie broke
Cow n.
"For years 1 starv.u ihcn I bought a 50
Cents bottle of IConol nvsrpncia iir arH
what that bottle bt efitted me all the gold
1 netH&ia couici not uu . 1 Kept on taxing
it and in two raont: s I v- t bavk to my
wok asnachinisi. In three rr-on'hs I was
as well and heartv as I ev- was. I ttll u2e
a hule occasioiiitilv s i l.n-i .1 a fine LI0O0
purifier ; nd a good toric. May you live
long and prospe.." C. N. Cornell, Roding,
Ga.. Aug. 27. 1906. Kool is sold here bv
J. G. Ha,..
DeWITT'S
WITCH HAZEL
! SALVE.
Criminals are punished that others
mav be mended.
Ml
EMM
And I Will Give You
THI ORIGINAU
A Well Known Cure for Piles.
Cures obstinate sores, chapped hands. o
cema. skin diseases. Makes burns and scalds
painless. We could not Improve the quality
if pah) double the price. The best salve
that experience caiv produce or that monej
can ouy,
Tlie Linn Way Around.
That was a long distance message
throngli the earth, or ovr it. to the
Gootting-n seimo-rrnnh from "a pow
erful eirthquake l-l.OOO miles away."
If ir was 14 noii miio oiir way. if must
hae been only n.ti'tn n,H other. Per-lia-.s
th( repor-er Ihoughr the longest
way round was th- shortest way to tell
about the mysterious shake. Bmfalo
News.
TYNER'S DYSPEPSIA REMEDY.
Many Have Dyspeosia Don't Know ft.
Do you belch up w:nd ? Taste your food
after eating? See specks before the eyes?
A ..... 1
tre you pa e ana naggara .' uoes your
hert nutter? Are you dizzv ? Do j'ou have
pains in side or back? Rising or pimples
on the skin? Are you low spirited? Is
there a sour taste ? Breath bad ? Head
ache? Weak Kidneys? Billiousness ? ('on
stipited ? Are you nervous ? If so you have
Dyspepsia, and it is a dangerous condition.
To cure take Tyner's Dspepsia Remedy.
It is made tor just such troub es and symp
toms. Tyner's Dpsve sia Remedy removes
acids from the stomach, strengthens weak
stomachs and cures the worst Dyspepsia or
Indigestion. Druggists o- by express 50Cts
a bottle. Monev refunded if it lails to cure.
J, G. Hall, Oxford, N. C.
Cures Piles Permanently
DeWItt's Is the original and only pare and
f enulne Witch Hazel Salve made. Look for
the name DeWITT on every box. All othao
re counterfeit. PREPARtD
K. C DeWITT & CO.. CHICAGO.
J. C HALL.
With Best Wishes, I am
Very truly yours,
KO (A
il'SSSSSSSSSSSS KSSSSSSSSS5ll
SUBSCRIBE FOR PUBLIC LEDGER.
2
1
Grove's TflRteleas Chill Tw
hos stood the test 25 years. Average Annua! Sales over One and a Half Minion
bottles. Does this rprnrH rsf rr.or.Ir io.l ,r O t "su iT!P
EndOSMl With PVPTV ItrtttTo Sc a Tan, rQn t - . n. . . J
- - c - - j uuiia xv.oo'l uver fins.
1"
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