i The Chronicle. wnJTESBOito. N. a 1 It is an interesting fact, remarks tbe Atlanta Constitution, that; of 1335, acts passed by the recent Congress, 10S1, pt more than four-fifths, were for; pensions to .individuals. " I V :Au English experimenter, E. T. Chap lin, has given an account of hypnotizing a laying hen, and, inducing her in that mariner to sit on a sitting of egg3 until seven of them had hatched out. . ' The Manufacturers'1 Record claims that the agricultural possibilities of the South, are greater than those of the bal ance of the country all combined, based on the aggregate values and ou actual profits to producers" , j Five years ago those who enjoyed bowling on "ten pins" in and about New York city 'certainly did not number mort than 5000 says the Nctt York Times. To-day, if a census would be taken it is doubtful; if less than 20,000 patrons ol the alley would be counted. The Indianapolis (Ind.)' llamas llor.i j says: "An erratic old. gentleman in New York recently went hence and left: a large fortune to be expended in teach-j Ing people to eat with their forks. Had he left one-jhalf of the. sum to provide; something for theni to practice on, his. memory as" a benefactor would have lasted longer.' . I I A Chicago inventor claims to have pro-j duced a machine for picking cotton thai will dp the work in the Southern fields for one-tenth the present ,co3t The pres-j ent cost is "estimated at nearly $100, 000, j 000. a year. It follows that if this ma chine will do all that is claimed for it, - . i - - , ( the saving: effected will be not much less than $90,000,000 a year. Great preparations are beiug made in Australia for the forthcoming Austra lasian Federation Convention, in which all the Austrahau colonies of Great Brit ain will be represented, and the meeting of which will be the first step toward a national organization that is intended rb include all those colonies in one power ful union represented in a federal par liament. .. ! Lawyer Simon Stevens says that when y he jsold the Mariposa giant for General Fremont the latter realized $1,237,500. He urged the General to put $600,000 into a trust fund. "He! was at first in clined to listen to me, but Mrs; Fremont was full of ideas that it could be invested by him in 'speculation, where it would vield him untold millioijis, and she car- riea tne aay. The fact that the French colonists in Algiers show increasing fecundity, while fhe French' in France are steadily falling off in that respect, suggests that iht mother country, is ' overcrowded and the social system unfavorable to marriage. .The cry is . again raised, that the Latin face is dying out," which, asserts -the Washington Stary the jact recorded in Algiers and Latin-America do not bear out. Another reason for decadenca "in population is the, early army . age 1 and long; military service -exacted, which, 7 with other causes, prevent the multiplica tion of the population. I I "It is singular," declares Frank Les lie's, '.'that the rise in silver threatens j tc seriously affect Christian missions in for eign lands. ' When silver was worth - ' twenty or thirty per cent, less than it is, ,, an American dollar .wasj obviously worth : in the debased silver coinage of foreign countries twenty or thirty per cent, more than it is now. V In other words, the rise in silver ha3 brought the' currency? of silver lands pretty nearly to an equality with that of countries banking on ajrold .. basis. - It is said that the Methodist Mis sionary Society will, by reason of the rise in silver; -require a 'special appropria tion of $20,000 to meet the increased , cost f exchange in India, and that I all . , other religious 4 missionary societies will r bo seriously affected." It is interesting to know that when the new naval vessels are completed the ef fective force of the United States navy . compared with the European navies will " be as follows :. United States, forty-two, of which five will be battle ships and ten other armored vessels England, seventy - . six armored, 291 unarmored ; France, fifty-seven armored, 203 unarmored; Rus sia, forty-nine armored, 119 unarmored, and Germany, : ; forty : armored, sixty- . five unarmored. ; ,But . the comparison with these greatest powers .of the world is more flattering, admits the "Washing ton Star ; than -that with the . smaller ! naval powers, such Holland, Spain, Italy, Turkey, China,- Sweden' and Aus. tna ; for we are " surpassed by them ' all even with t!:e new ships added." ., . ' HEVELATION. ' . ... "'." 1 " - Bra!r -weary, heart-weary, soul-weary, I si i me down to-night; . 1 And i ;adsess deep enfolds me ,. ; As the dark engulfs the light. This iaily toil and struggle -- Do :s it not far out-weigh The little grains of gladness . W.pick up, day by day? '. , "Not : or myself I sorrow, J . lot is heavenly 'bright ; f . In ct ntrast to the many . ! Th at throng my thoughts to-night. So n uch of toil and trouble ! ! , f So much of needless pain! j i So n inch of wasted richea' , . i Ol hand and heart and brat ; ' t ' I ' I i ; . ' I str ive to put; it from me, " Tl is puzzle old as Time " Of n arewarded virtue, ; Oi thriving, happy' crime. I gh nee abpu for something f : T( turn my tthoughts' sad strain; . My ;ye falls on. the Cereus j i Tmat wreathes my window nano. ; " aunt and brim and uzlr ! - its torturous twistings therCi ! So full of thorns, so graceless. Djvoidof all that's fair! j . "Fi t symbol muse I, sadly, I , ' 3f our twisted, thorn-strewn lives All barren,, bent and wasted, j , T "here hop! alcne survives r Bu1 even as I whisper . I ' ' " T be3e words of rebel gloom j j A s Grange, delicious fragranco i F ervades my lonely room; i An i starting up in wonder,' I traca the perfume's sourc To x bud upon the branches Ijhad scorned as mean and coarse! I watch it, wonder-stricken, The clasping leaves unfold, j i An i reveal its matchlesi beauty, 'So pure, with heart ofj goldl j ! I f ;el its mystic message ' " o my very being's core. I ! Aiid the buraen that oppressed J s gone to come no morel t !' 1 .. Co aid ever sweeter token Or surer answer cornel Tbjan this perfect, stainless blossom . From its strange, unsightly home? A flash of revelation ! Enlightens all my soul; Tt e clouds of doubt and darknezj forever from me roll I M t heart swells up in gladnes3, 'n gratitude and lovej Id faith and trust, implicit, j 1 ' To the Father-heart above! 1 mow, past all distrustinz, f That from our pain and strife, "W ill bloom in perfect beauty I A. glorious after-life! I j -jBeuIah J?. Stevens, in the Housewife. A DETERMINED WOMAN. J BY MAUBICB BLIIfGSBT in one of the back settlements of South Carolina, in the! days which ren dered the name of Marion, and other he me;?, forever glorious j in" the annals of their country, dwelt a brave and devoted fan ily of patriots, named Hart, j """ Abijah and Abigail Hart were scarcely pash; the prime of life, although they had bee n blessed with a large family of chil dr n, only three of whom, however two bo; s and a girl had survived the'eom mc n ills incidental to childhood. .'. ' Fhe elder son would have been two and twentyjhad his life been spared; bu ; eight months before he had fallen an innocent victim to the rage and mal ice of the Tories, who swarmed in pred ate ry bands throughout this section. Jpon these murdering wretches, who hal thus wantonly deprived them of their eldest born, at a time when he mi ht have been of inestimable service to ! them,; the father and mother, an 1 only remaining sou, Silas, now in hi: nineteenth year afterward the cel eb ated Indian tighter of Hardin County, K ntucky swore to be revenged, when ev it and wherever an opportunity should offer to wreak their vengeance. ' Leah, their second remaining off sp ring, was a beautiful and warm-hearted m iiden of j seventeen, and the affianced bride of Randolph Darell, a brave young of icer, at one time upon the staff of Gi :neral Marion. .. . ! Young Darell was in the habit now ar d then, whenever he could make an excuse to obtain .a furlough, - of paying a iying visit to - Gum-Tree Farmthe hi imble, though comfortable, home of tie Harts. i On one of these occasions a party of se yen mounted Tories pursued him near ly the the entire distance from the Amcri cj n camp to the residence of the Harts, he, however, contriving to elude them in a piece of Woods just before reaching the fa rm. ' - . An abrupt bend in the road had fav ored him, and the iTory rangers, not d -earning of this adroit move on the part o the flying fugitive, dashed furiously 0 x till they came to the farm-house, vs here they tumultuously demanded' of 1 js. Hart, who was standing in the door-way,! if she had seen a horseman plass by who wore the ' uniform bf an A jnerican officer. i ! I. '1 iThe wpman shrewdly surmised, who t ic officer misrbt be who would be com ing alonelin that direction,' and promptly inquired if the' horse' he rode was a sor rel one. I To her seemingly careless ques tion the Torries promptly gave an affir mative reply. . ' : "Then he has rid into the swamp yon- er. bv a cartpath that leads on to th eechknoll road," answered the "quick- itted woman, with an admirable pres- nce of mind, and an apparently cool in ference to the subject, which carried nstant conviction to . the minds of the bries, who again spurred on in supposed ursuit of the furtive; but, to their eat disappointment, the cart-road pres- ntly terminated in a bog, ana, on a care- ul examination, they discovered that no ther horse-tracks had : been left there ut those of their own animals. "He must have taken to the thicket,' said the leader, after fully satisfying his nind on the subiect. There is no use at 'all in bcatiug the ground farther, for h has had ample time already to escape. ( We may as well jmake a virtue of neces sity, and go back and see what is to be got of the squint-eyed old ; woman at the; t arm-house in the way of eatibles. But isn't she a big one in size, though I "Aua uguer-iooKing iuaa biu, iaua dcrin' sight!" added one of the men. . The Cory horsemen now wheeled about and retraced their way to the fann-housei which was only a short distance, just ai Randolph Darell was on the point o j emerging from toe wood; but lucidly he discovered them in season to escape thei f notice, by abruptly retreating back again under cover. 1 t Alighting once more at the door of the farm-house, thejTory leader ordered 3Iri Hart to prepare idinncr for the party, and bestir herself. " " 9 Vllow can I give you dinner when Fre nothing to cooki" retorted the restf- lute-looking woman, angrily. I should need a full larder to satisfy a half-dozen such dirty rascals as you are." ( "Silence, woman 1" thundered the Tory, in a commanding roiee. 4,and do our bidding:' ("I'll soon give you some thing to cook," he added, . leveling his carbine as he spoke, and bringing down. a plump turkey gobbler that was strut ting along under cover of the garden wall." "There, now, go and pluck that fine fellow, my beauty, and don't belong about t, or we rnight be tempted to scrf e you in the same way. ' JLean, who haa shruntc timiaiy into' a corner, started tip in alarm when she heard this threat, and made her way out to the spot where the bird had fallen. ! Randolph Darell, alarmed at the shot, was just on the point of a dashing out of his cover to go to the rescue oz the females, when he saw his affianced rush out, and bear the turkey hastily to the house. .1 ! In a moment he divined the cause of the firing; and not apprehending any immediate danger to his sweetheart, so long as the Tories were only anxious to appease their appetites, he went back to ma cover. ' The quick eye of the Tory leader took in the graceful! outlines of the fair girl's figure, as she rushed from the house. "By the beard of King George l" he exclaimed, admiringly, "who 'ould 'ave hexpected to see such a hangel in pctH coats. ; 'ere. Come, my the lass, and give U3 one kiss j, irom mouth." rose-bud of a "You dare to lay jour cowardly hand on my Leah," cried the enraged mother, doubling up her great, bony fist, "and 1 11 strangle you like a cur I" "Why, you Isouint-eyed old beauty," retorted the Tory, mockingly, "I took you for a hangel. but I find you are wickeder than a she wolf with whelps! ' The rest of the gang laughed boister ously at this weak attempt at wit. Then turning to Leah with a gallant smile, the Tory inquired how loner it would take to pluck and cook the fowl. Leah answered1 in a modest tone of womanly anxiety, that it would require at least three houn to serve it to their liking. "But," she added, in a tone of con ciliation, "we have a piece of roast pork and some cold potatoes and corn cake in the pantry, if they will answer." The hungry! party, who had been some hours fasting, declared that the articles named were good enough, and that they would forego he turkey on this occa sion for her sake. " "Wlth great jalacrlty, but with an anx iously beating heart, Leah spread the homely, board, and brought forth the promised viadds, which she laid out temptingly before them. She then placed what chairs and stools the house afforded . around the table, and politely in vited her unwelcome visitors to be seated. -. Complying with her invitation, the Tories carelessly stacked their cabines near an open window, and, seating themselves at the table, fell to, greedily devouring the repast, i Mrs. Hart,' in the meantime, with a heroism superior to her sex, had watched her hungry guests till she saw she was not observed by them, when she slipped out slyly from their midst, and, noise lessly approaching the open window, she succeeded in drawing out three of the carbines before her little game was dis covered. The moment the Tories perceived the deadly purpose of the giantess, the three nearest the window sprang to their feet in terrified astonishment. . . I "Stand bakl" she cried, in a threat ening tone, presenting one of the loaded carbines with an air of resolute determi nation. "Tlie first villain of you that stirs a step, I'll shoot; and the first one that touches another mite of that pork 111 blow his brains out I" i Without needing her blazing eye, or hcrj stern verbal warning, the Tory leader sprang fearlessly toward the stack of arms; but before he could reach them there was a report of a carbine, and the advancing ruffian fell tovthe floor, while the ! sluar. which had Gassed entirely through his body, struck another in the temple, who was seated at the table, kill ing him instantly. . j , A third, rendered desperate bv the try ing "situation1, made a reckless attempt to get possession of one o( the carbines, and instantly paid the penalty with his life, j Throwing! the second empty carbine aside, Mrs. ilart caught up the third one, with which she now covered what remained of jthe terrified party. There were but four left, and not one of the four dared to move a finger. i"Leah, btow the dinner-horn V cried the mother, jia a tone of resolute triumph. "It is safe now to call in Silas and your father." (' j The young girl," half-terrified out of her wits, promptly obeyed the maternal command, ind a long, winding blast echoed and jre-echoed through the inter vening woods. . . -i jShe had teft the house and joined her mother on the outside before she essayed to blow it, and as she lowered the horn from her Hps. now rendered colorless from her recent fright, her anxious eyes were bent in the direction of the distant corn-field, where her father and brother and a faithful negro servant were at work, although a narrow belt of ti e . stretched between them. She uttered quick exclamation or joyous pleasure, for at that moment sh saw all three strike out of the wood and start on a rapid run toward the. house. Hearing the first shot that had been fired and then alarmed by the other two which had followed in such rapid suc cession, they 'caught up their loaded car bines and started on a run from the field where they were then at work. The moment they hart quitted the tim ber they saw at a glance, by the severa! horses hitched to the fence and the bel ligerent attitude of the heroic giantess at the window, pretty nearly how matters stood at the house, and they all three sent up an encouraging shout to the women, j Just at this point they heard the ring ing sound of a horse's hoofs in an op posite direction, and, turning suddenly, Leah beheld her lover dashing furiously toward the house. This additional i en forcement, coming so opportunely? jet so unexpectedly, filled the heart of the timid maiden with increased confidence. "Oh, mother!" she burst out, excited ly; "Randolph is coming seel He is just leaving the wood. Isn't it lucky for him to come just at thU time, when we had no reason to expect hunt" "I. expected him," said Mrs. Hart, with quiet assurance,. "I knew it was he the Tories were in pursuit of, and I was determined to outwit them, if it lay in the power of a woman to do it. Every thing has turned out for the best; for had Lieutenant Darell ridden straight here, instead of lingering in the wood, as he did, he would doubtless have been captured, and perhaps murdered before our eyes. So you see, my girl, the way of Providence are better than our ways, 'for they always turn out for tho best in the end." In another moment Randolph Darell had alighted at their side, and in the next, the blushing and happy Leah was enfolded in his manly embrace. While the lovers were thus pre-occu-pied, Abijah, Silas and tho negro ar rived, fearfully excited aud wholly out of breath. Silas recovered first, and was about to shoot down one of the Tories, when his mother resolutely interfered. "Don't shoot them! Leave them to me, Silas. I will mete out their punish ment to them. We . haven't forgotten Eben'a murder yet, and shooting is too good for 'em. We will just hang them like a pack of dogs, the whole cowardly kit of them. Get the clothes line, Leah; we can afford to cut it on such a right eous and heaven sent occasion!" Randolph shuddered, for he under stood the determined character of the woman and knew that she would not be long in putting her terrible threat into execution. Nor, indeed, was she; for within the ensuing hour, in spite of their prayers and protestations, the bodies of the four Tories went dangling from the nearest tree. And thus at the hand of a resolute and heroic mother, was the death of a beloved son simply and satisfactorily avenged. After the Tories had hung a sufficient time, they were cut down and tumbled indiscriminately; with the other three, into one common grave. Shortly after this event, LeaU and Randolph Darell were happily united in wedlock; and soon after the close of our glorious Revolution, the whole family j emigrated to Hardin County, Kentucky, where they could have, as Mrs. nart expressed it, more "elbow room.V if leas civilization. Xeto York WeelbJ. ; j ! I A New Puzzle. A new puzzle has been sprung upon the inoffensive people of this weary world. It is an innocent-looking affair, and an inexpensive one withal, but more deadly than "piga in the pen." This latest brain-raking device consists simply of three columns of figures, arranged thus: 1 I 1 1 8 S 3 ! i 9 9-9 No? , the point is to add together any six of the above figures and make the total 21. PhiUdelphia Record. J Trado in Cast-Off Teeth. A ; medical statistician estimates thai the citizens of the United States are car rying gold to the value of $300,000 So the recesses of what ought to be their teeth. -There are no people on the face of the globe who have such bad teeth and who spend so much money upon them as the Americans. No doubt the habit of hunied feeding and the wholesale con sumption of sweet dishes have assisted much toward this end. But is it not a mistake to suppose, as says the medical statistician, that false teeth set in gold are buried when their owner shufilcs off this mortal coil! " If this is the custom in America, it is not so in England, or why the numerous advertisements : offering to to buy old artificial teeth t The old teeth are not bought to use again, as some nervous people fancy, but simply for the sake of the gold. Popular Proxider. ! ! Enjoyed the Pass. Great, men do not always write in the grand manner, but Crowfoot, the-BIack-foot Chief, was not wanting in this re spect. ; lie received a perpetual pass over the Canadian Pacific Railroad, and in ac knowledgment of his thanks sent tho following letter: - 'Grea'tCbief of the Railway: I calata you, O Chiefs O great, I am plraAod with rail road key, opening road rro to me. Tea chains (and rich cover ins of your nam writln?. its wonderful power to oneu tho road, show the greatness of yoar chiefinK. l nTd won. ao wfoot. HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS. to rxjiovE TKVsrt odor. The smell of paint may be taken ir-ay by closing up the room and setting m th centre of it a pan cf lighted charcoal on which have been thrown some juniper berries. Leave this in the room for a day and night, when the sm-U of the paint will be gone. Some persons prefer a pail of water in which a handful oi hay. Is soaking. This is also effectual in re moving the odor of tobacco smoke from room. 2crk jeieyra;. TXTE VrSTSG XtOOX TJLBI.. Tt is a srreat saing of exppnsr, botli as regards your linen press and your laundry work, if you keep your dining room table well polished, and use small center cloth for breakfast and luncheon, re serving the heavy damask tablecloth for dinner only, j Although nothing can be more refined and attractive than a per fectly appointed table,, with the whitest and finest of j damask beautifully laun dered, a cloth that has been used, and is the least soiled, is on the contrary really repulsive. And yet with a large family and an overtaxed laundress, it is some-, times impossible to have a fresh change for every meal. On that account, there fore, we advocate the small center cloth, not as a substitute, be it understood, for spotless napery, but in lieu of that which is not altogether spotless. Moreover, it is a change, and thetablo can be mads to look very attractive with a pretty cloth. These are made in various ways, from the plain square of damask to those with beautifully mado cut-work border or German embroidery in silk on heavy lines. But your own taste and the means of gratifying it will be the best guides in these matteH. Xets- Tori Tribune. j TO FRXBHEN OLD CLOnXCCO. The way to make old clothes look like new is described in the AmerUzn, Anal$tt as follows: j Take, for instance, a shiny old coat, vest or pair of pants, of broadcloth, cassimere or diagonal. The scourer makes a strong, warm soapsuds and plunges the garment into it, souses it up and down, rubs the dirty places, if necessary puts it through a second suds, then rinses it . through several waters, and hangs it to dry on the line. When nearly dry, he takes it in, roils it up for an hour or two, and then presses it. An old cotton cloth is laid on the outside of the coat and the iron passed over that until the wrinkles are out; but the iron is removed before the steam ceases to rise from the goods else they would be shiny. "Wrinkles that are obstinate are removed by laying a wet cloth over them and passing the iron over that. If any shiny places are seen, they are treated at the wrinkles are ; the iron is lifted, while the full cloud of steam rises and brings the nap up with it. Cloth should always have suds made specially for it, as if that which has been used for white cotton or woolen clothes be used lintwill.be left in the water, and cling ta the cloth. In this manner we have known the same coat and pantaloons to be renewed time and again, and have all the look and feel of new garments. Good broadcloth and its fellow cloths will bear many washings, and look better every time because of them. SXXSOKAXLK BRKXKTAJ5T CISXXXSJ Frizzled Beef Cut dried beef very thin. To every half a pound allow a tablespoonful of butter, half pint of milk, and ono tablespoonful of flour. Melt the butter in a frying-pan, add the beef, and stir over the fire five minutes; sprinkle in the flour, stir again, pour in tho milk, season with pepper, stir until it boils, and serve immediately. Kidney Taute Split the kidneys in halves lengthwise, and trim. Cut in pieces. Put two ounces of butter in a frying-pan; let melt; add a small onion, cut in slices, with the kidney. Stir over a brisk fire four or five minutes; then odd a UbUspoonful of flcur; stir again; pour in a teacup of soup stick (or hot water) season with salt, pepper, the juice of a lemon, and a teaspoonful of grape jelly; stir well and serve hot. Lamb Cutlets "With Mushrooms Trim and cut six lamb cutlets about half an inch thick; roll in grated crackers, and fry in butter until browned oh both sides. Stew half a pint of mushrooms in a pint of white sauce until tender; then mash and strain ! them through a vegetable strainer; add a teacup of the sauce, put in the center of a dish; arrange the cut lets around, and pour over brown sauce. Hash on Toast Cut pieces of cold meat into small squares; to" every pint al low one tablespoonful of butter, one of flour and half a pint of boiling water. Put the butter on a frying-pan, let brown, add the flour; mix well, pour in the water, and stir until it boils, and add the meat; season with salt and pep per. Let simmer over a moderate fire ten minutes. Toast squares of stale bread, butter, and lay in a hot dish; spread the hash on thickly and pour the gravy over.4 ' Cecils Take two cups of cold, finely chopped meat, the yolks of two eggs, a' tablespoonful of butter, have a teacup of stale bread crumbs, a teaspoonful of finely-chopped onion, half a grated nut meg, a little pepper and salt, mix all to gether well, put in a frying-pan and stir over the fire until well heated. Take up, aud spread on a large dish to cool. When cold, form in little balls, dip first in beaten egg then in bread crumbs, and fry in boiling lard. Sweetbread Croquettes Trim and par boil a pair of sweetbreads; chop fine. Put a teacup of new milk in a saucepan, and set on the fire to boil. Rub a table spoonful cf flour and two of flavor to gether, and stir into the boiling milk with the mushrooms; let cook until very thick.' Take from the fire, season with salt and pepper, two tablespooafuls of chopped mushrooms, half a teaspoonful cif onion juice and tablespoonful of chopped parsley; mix well and turn out to cool. When cold, form into cro qcettef, dip first in eg and then in bread crumbs, and fry in boiling fat.. LEAVES. Tea Imtm, so brilliant bef ere ther rrm bfd, How changed they when tby c2rrr our deed! -Silently fallen with pathos of tmrs. How Uka they are to tha vanishing years! What prarious, coaso! the: -Lit they in spire. In hearts now as still as a brokra lyre! Under the leaves and. though sadly U! I there. - With a trust as sweet as aa infant's prayer. Under the leaves and the shadowing trs. Their requiem rang by the moaning trees. Under the leaves and the moon's teni-r liht. Under the star of ths sort, jrve'.ed rJht. Under the leaves and the sun's $f!?aiid ray. Prophetic sign of eternal day, Unir the leaves and the dear raaer 2dw- en, Fragrant with memory f happy tour. Beneath the autumnal and stcirm-swcpt sir, Tct peacefully resting "where parties lie. Under the leave and tha whlt vestal saow, Enblema of purooss the angtla know. Under the leaves and the Ucsworns of fprinr. There awaiting ocr risen King. Under the leaves and the it song of bird. Can love be lost that was deeper than words! O'er the sad, dead leaves, oh, do not grisre long. ; Bat breathe a prayer that shall blesd Into For under tha lo&ves, though the mortal lis. How grand is the soul on high! There, through eternity's cycle untold, Tha lova that was trua haU never gror Cold, And there, at lat, by the beautiful stream. May our love and life be like a sweet dream. Th Interior. ncjion of the dat. Koih's arc The rainbow. Each addition to one kindred u a relative gain. A fiery temper gives adverse criticism a tv arm reception. The cat has nine lives, and spend them all in vocal culture. One tray of getting aloa: in this world is to walk. Detroit Free Prcu. There wasn't enough of the Swiss revo lution to go round. Pittilvrj Chronicle leltgroph. The crab may not be as good eating a the lobster, but it does very vrell on a pinch? Elsntra Qanite. Ted "I'm going to run him a race for Dolly a hand." Xed "Then it will be a sack race for one of you." Tie WeeVs Sport. She Why doesn't Mr. Mullias go out into society more!" lie Because society is always out itself when Mullhis begins calling. "Well," said the baseball captain, "our cake is all dough!' IIow do you account for it!" We haven't a good batter. Mux lTVafy. Fred "What is the matUr! You look positively ill. Tom Negatirely ill, you mean, isn't it! My best girl ha said no to me. 2f unity's Veil!y. . The oldest inhabitant is an interesting personage; but he doesn't make half a much noise in his immediate locality as the youngest inhabitant docs. Puct. The man who thinks he knows It all t Upon his noae may take a fall; Iat b who sometimes U In doabt, May find that weakness helps hurt oct. ltcl Politeness generally pays. A gentl maa who gave up his seat to a lady ca an elevated train, afterward foucd out that she had been robbed while occupy ing it. Pueil We are rathr at a loss to know xrLy sunlight is so often described aa gc!d en." The ,ilver moon is accounted fpr by coming in quarters and halves. IlrriiAire JNVtA. flow long has your daughter been practicing on the piano?' 'To be eici she began one month before our neigh bor went crazy, and he been in the asylum a year.' Fijiro. The Obliging Peddler "If you don't stop talking to roe about your wares I will whistle for my dog. I have some most excellent whistle, sir; just try one or these. Fluyend BUeiisr. Landlady "Mr. McGinnis, may I ask what you are trying to find in that cream pitcher! Boarder "I am trying, Mrs. Irons, to rescue an unfortunate fly from a watery grave.': Chica? Tribune. Willie tool: his father razor and his rap To shave himsalf last week; Toe doctor charged a fiver wtiea he sewed the gashes up InlitUe Wuiie'a cheek. Ilumph, remarked a young man. "my cigar has gone out. "Weil, that settles it, replied his room mate. "I was wondering which of us it be, myself or the 'cigar. WaxML.t Grocer "What that about the dcien eggs you bought this morale 3 1" Brown "They were all bad except one. and I've called to see how much extra I owe you. for the good one. -Vr Tori Stat. "This bell, said a well meanirg sex ton, when showing the bcllry of aa in teresting village church to a party ot. visitor, "is only rung in case cf a visit from the lord bishop of the diocese, a calami- tics. Lends Fiparv. Travers "How much are trousers l" Tailor "Twenty thcij dollars, you re Tailor air. Travers "And you aay ouire a deposit from strangers "Yes, air.? Travers (warmly) "Al ready I feel myself growing intlnaie with you. 3V Tort Sun. Brigga "I want tr get some soiled neckties. Astonished Clerk "Soil !sl neckties, iIr! Soiled, did you tayi Briggs That what. When you caII upon a girl four times a week and he"a miking a crazy quilt, you will u-Jer-stand that a man Las got to buy re:V.t at job-lot price or riirr-i pijr-it." C t ier aid JVm u :r.

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