SOME “CRACKING” GOOD JOKES
FOR ONE TO PERUSE OVER
Items Gathered Here
and There For
Our Readers
• She —How can I possibly go to the
dance when I haven’t a thing to wear?
He—Well, I could get a closed car.
—Merton Item.
“So you and your wife eloped?”
“Yes; but 1 have since had reason
to believe that her father bought the
ladder I used and placed it just
where I couldn’t help seeing it.”—•
Walton Messenger.
Crawford—So you can’t understand
why your boy in college flunked in j
all the foreign languages?
Orabshaw No, it’s a mystery to
me. He picked up :II the college yells
in no time Legion Weekly.
»„ •>
Guide —Don’t you think my wife
sings well ?
Britten Beg pardon?
Guide—Doesn’t my wife sing sweet- I
ly?
Britten —I can’t hear a word you 1
say, on account of that woman’s howl- [
ing so.—Stockholm Kasper.
“It says, here in the paper,” began : f
Mrs. Fumblegate in the midst < . h r
perusal of the county seat newspa- I '
per, “that a man dropped dead right
in front of the ticket window in the j *
railroad depot in Torpidville.
“I guess likely the station agent
must have given him a civil answer to
a civil question,” replied Farmer :
Fumblegate.- Moorestown Star.
T'< boys met in the sir-. tt.
“What’s that you’ve got in your |
button-hole?” asked one.
“Why, that’s a chrysanthemum,” j
the other replied.
“It looks like a rose to me.”
“You’re wrong, it’s a chrysanthe
mum.” j '■
“What do you mean? Spell it.”
“K-r-is. ... it is a rose!” ejaculated
the first boy, as he took another look
at the flower, — London Tit-Bits.
Servant —Professor, your little son ;
has broke bis leg.
Professor- How many times must I
tell you that it is not “broke;” it’s j
“broken..” —Christiania Vilkingen.
A Londoner with a reputation as a
pugin had gone from London to fight
a Scot farmer whose great strength I
had been praised in the press. lie
entered the yard of the Scot, tied his
horse to a tree and approached the
farmer who was working nearby, j
“Friend,” he sad, “I have heard a ;
great deal about you and 1 have 5
come a long way to see which of us
is the better wrestler.”
The Scotchman, without answering 1
seized the young man by the middle
of the body, pitched him over the
fence and returned to his work. When
his lordship recovered his breath he
stood silent.
“Well,” said the farmer, “have you
anything more to say to me?”
“No,” was the reply, “but perhaps
you’ll be good enough to throw me
my horse.” —W’ilson Exery Evening.
“What do you mean. Smith,” a
friend inquired, “by pawning ail your
nightshirts ? ”
“Haven’t you heard?” said Smith.
“I’ve got a job as a night watchman.”
—London Tit-Bits.
He —Do you like candy, young lady?
She (eagerly)—Oh, yes, sir.
He (calmly)—Thanks. I’m gath
ering statistics for a candy company.
—Jack-o’-Lantern.
Store Clerk—Pardon me, sir, hut
our rules forbid us to receive bent or
battered coins from customers.”
Customer —But I received that very
coin here as change.
Store Clerk—Very likely, sir. We
have no rule against giving bent
coins to customers!—Dalton Breeze
First Flapper—-Say, what is an oc
togenarian, anyway.
Xex: Flapper—Aw, I durno. Why?
First Flapper—Well, they must be
an a awfully sickly lot. because when
ever I hear of one of them they're
always dying. Legion Weekly.
A man of the world had slipped
and fallen on the icy sidewalk. A
deacon of the church came along : m:
remarked quite solemnly, “The wick
ed rtandeth in a slippery place.”
“I see they do, hut 1 can’t,” replied
the fallen man, trying to arise.—
Scribbler:- Magazine.
Mrs. Elephant—Gracious, that was
a close shave!
Mr. Ed.—Yes, it would have served
the fool right if he had hit us.—Lon
don Humorist.
News Editor —Did you interview the
celebrity?
Reporter—Yes.
Editor—What did he say?
Reporter—Nothing.
Editor —I know that. But how
many columns of it?—Boston Tran
script.
Jane—Oh, Mary, I’ve a secret just
for you. I’m engaged, but don’t tell
anyone.
Mary—Marvelous. W’hom shan’t I
tell fiist?—Peabody Star.
Man (standing on coroner) —Could
you give a poor cripple enough for a
cup of coffee and a sandwich ?
Good Old Lady—Why, my poor fel
low, how are you crippled?
Man—Financially.—lowa Frivol. i
]
Employer (to applicant for a posi
tion, who hes handed in testimonials
from two ministers—We don’t work ;
on Sundays. Haven’t you a reference ,
from some one who sees you on week .
days?—Sydney Bulletin. I
Tho two stood on the darkened
porch after the dance. She waited.
"Love is blind,” he quoted rapturous
ly.
“Well, can’t you toll where T am by
feeling?” she asked peevishly.—Y rel
low Jacket.
“Isn’t there some fable about the
ass disguising himself with a lion
skin ?
“Yes, but now the colleges do the
trick with a sheepskin.”
“You are gathering fireflies? What’t
the idea?”
“They are for fishing at night or in
muddy water.”— Paris Hire.
A movie actress had married her
sixth or seventh husband in Paris
and then sailed for home on hn
honeymoon. When she arrived in
America a customs officer said to ner:
“Have you anything to declare?” ;
“Nothing,” she said, “except that I
still love Clarence!”—Tophmam ‘
Courant.
Smith You say the speculation has ■
proved a failure?
Janes- A total failure.
Smith—But I thought you said
there was a fortune in it?
Jones (with a groan)—So there
was. Mine!—lpswich Beacon.
Counsel (to witness) —You are mar
j ried ?
I Woman (blushing)—Yes—but how
j did you know’ ? London Tit-Bits.
“Your honor,” said the burglar. “I
! \vas foodless, friendless and home
iless.”
“My man,” said the judge, “you
move me deeply! Food, shelter and
| companionship shall be yours for the
j next nine months.”—Judge.
Judge Your face seems familiar.
Prisoner —We were boys together.
Judge—Nonsense.
Prisoner —Yes, we were, because
you’re about 52 and so am I.—Fenton
News.
We Have Just Received a
Full Line of
Ilosiory, Underwear, Dress Goods
-mm j wii nj jml tiggi inn ■■" n - M'wssaassssasmsmavmvmn ■■ui bwb——i. I ———i
We Also Have a Complete Line Os The
Famous Mirro Aluminum
(Anne To See Us When In Xeed
Seed Oats Seed live
©
N.* Yl ~ FINCH & (X>7
THE ZEBU LON RECORD, FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 1925
Juniors to Meet
Next at Sanford
The only sp’rited contest for office
in the Junior Order convention which
came to a close in Winston-Salem
Thursday, August 20 resulted in the
election of Charles W. Snyder, of Win
ston-Salem, as State Vice Councillor.
Other contestants were Walter L. Co
hoon, of Elizabeth City; J. C. Kestler,
of Saulishury, and Charles A. Isen
hour, of Concord. The vice councillor
usually is chosen councillor the follow
ing year.
Sanford won out over Goldsboro as
the place for the next meeting, but
the Wayne capital put up a brisk con
test for the honor.
Both of these contests were com
menced on the first day of the meet
ing Tuesday, but such was the inter
est in them that they could not be
disposed until Thursday.
M. W. Lincke, of Nashville, was
elected State Councillor without oppo
sition. It has been understood all
along that there would be no opposi
tion to him. He has long been a lead
ing figure in Junior Order circles.
AWARD CONTRACT FOR
I
TUBERCULAR HOSPITAL
I
The contract for the erection of the
Mecklenburg County tuberculosis san
atorium has been let for 897,304, ac
cord ng to the Public Welfare Pro
gress, published by the North Caro
lina State Board of Charities and Pub
lic Welfare. The article also calls
I
WE HAVE
17 Stalls and 5
large Mule Pens,
And we will he glad to accommo
date any of our former friends
with space for their stock any
lime they are in the city, free of |
charge.
M. C. Chamblee
& Sons
ZEBULON, N. C.
Delay Causes Decay
Clean Up! Paint Up!
WHILE THE WEATHER IS GOOD. WE
CARRY EVERYTHING
IN LOWE BROTHER’S
HIGH STANDARD
PAINTS, OILS and VARNISHES
WE APPRECIATE YOUR BUSINESS
Zebulon Drug Co.
ZEBULON, N. C.
attention to the tuberculosis situa
tion in Guilford and Edgecombe coun- ;
ties. i
The article follows:
“The contract for the erection of
the Mecklenburg County tuberculosis
sanatorium has been recently award
ed to the contractors for the total of
$97,304. The buildings will be locat
ed 13 miles from Charlotte and work
will start at once. The plans are
very like those by which the Guilford
sanatorium was built, the Mecklen
burg commissioners having inspected
the latter while they were studying
plans for the institution. The hospit
al will be two stories in height and
w.ll accommodate 96 white patients.
Another building will provide quar
ters for 24 colored patients.
• “Guilford county has had a tuber
/ M \
i j
W
(
Beauty and brains.
require a healthy body.
"That tired feeling”
is a foe to good looks;
a drag on effective men
tal or physical work:
a bar to pleasure.
Dr. Miles’ Tonic
Lr-ngs health, energy
and rosy cheeks.
Your druggist sells it at
re- war prices—$1.00 per
aille. (
culosis sanatorium for over a year, |
and Edgecombe county followed suit
about six months ago. The first of
May a Preventorium for undernour
ished children who would be likely to
be act.ve tubercular cases was opened
in Cumberland county with twenty
children.
' in Cumberland county the city
of Fayetteville and the county have
jointly appropriated $2,0U0 to use
tor employing an assistant welfare
officer. Ihe office has not ye. been
filled, but the person selected will pro
bably oe a registered nurse.
WANTED—To buy good sceond-hand
Ford roadster. Must be cheap. H.,
care Zebulon Record.
LOST AND FOUND—The Record
will help you solve such questions, j
Do You Need
Any of These?
Windows, Doors,
Window Or Door
Frames, Mouldings
or Trimmings
Get Oer rices
Before You Buy
Massev Bros.
READ THIS, EVERY WORD;
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TO THE RECORD PUBLISHING CO.,
ZEBULON, N. C., AT ONCE
Dear Reader:
If you are not a regular subscriber to THE
ZEBULON RECORD, we want you to be. We are
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• The note follows:
note for one subscription to the
ZEBULON RECORD
$1.50
I promise to pay to Record Publishing Co., Zebulon.
N. C„ on or before October 1. 1925, the sum of $1.50 for
one year’s subscription to Zebulon Record, without in
terest. If 1 fail to pay when due, come or send to us
for the amount and we will pay same.
(Signed):
t\ O.
R. F. 1). No.
Witness:
DR. J. C. MANN ,
Dr. J. C. Mann, the well known
Eye-sight Specialist, w ill br at his
office in the building with Dr.
Barbee and Dr. Flowers, in Zebu
lon, N. C., every second Tuesday
in each month. Glasses fitted that
are correct. Headaches relieved
when caused by eye strain. Chil
dren and young people’s eyes
given expert attention.
His next visit here will he
SEPTEMBER BTH