THE ZEBULON RECORD, ZEBULON, NORTH CAROLINA, FRIDAY, -^ UAP v ktV.NINTH, 1937
Our Duffel Bag
What happened when the bari
tone in your quartet tried to tell
his mother-in-law where to head
We became a trio.
A kitchenette is a strip of floo:
running between the sink and :
can of tomatoes. —Bob Burns.
Ist—Where’re you going?
2nd—l’m looking for a wife.
Ist—But I thought you were ma
ried last week.
2nd—l was That’s the wife I’m
Lancelot—Use “Faith’’ in a sen
Elaine —Your faith looketh fami
liar to me.
Latest version— Hero today—
So, your husband is a letter-car
Yeah, he carries it for a week
before he mails it.
Sonny, don’t use such bad words.
Shakespeare used them.
Well, don’t play with him.
First Nudist —It doesn’t take
long to change your wearing ap
parel around here.
Second Nude—No, you can
change from a pleasant smile to a
ugly frown in practically no time.
You brute, since our marriage
you haven’t been half so affection
ate as you were the night you pro
posed to me.
No, and I haven't been half so
Husband—The last time I caught
my wife with a boyfriend he didn’t
think my gun was loaded.
Lover—Did he think right?
Hubby—No, he was dead wrong!
Director—As soon as your lead
ing man gives you a kiss, you’re
supposed to slap him.
Actress —Hadn’t I better wait for
The most practical stunt in par
lor magic is to take a quarter and
make your sweetie’s kid brother
Grandpa in a speedy car,
Pushed the throttle down too far;
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
Music by the G. A. R.
•and 1 go some place where we can
Siamese Twin—l’m not that kind
of a girl.
Little Willie learned to swear—
Sulphur smoke was in the air.
Willie’s mother heard him bray
y Things as folks should never sa:
Moth er, then, in accents terser.
Called papa to whop the curser.
But little Willie was in lack
For dear pap, he drove a track.
When Caesar was a babe in diapers
And chariots lacked windshield
I Before Napoleon ever knew
A That he would meet his Waterloo,
a When Cleo was a howling brat,
■ Women were yelling ‘Buy me that!’
■Here lies the body of Susan Jones,
■sting beneath these polished
name was Brown instead of
Infitit Brown won’t rhyme with Pol
s' ished stones,
■thd she won’t know if it’s Brown
■: [ br Jones.
© UNIVERSAL NEWSREEL-NEWS WEEK
INVENTOR’S SON HONORED
Charles Edison, son of Thomas
Alva Edison, becomes Assistant
Secretary of the Navy, succeeding
Henry Latrobe Roosevelt, Pr-- ;
There once was a gal named Anna,
Who hailed from the town of Ha
She had beautiful hair,
And her face was. so fair,
But her legs came off a piana.
TICKETS NOW ON SALE AT
DRI'G STORE OR FROM ROBT.
The Fourth Annual President’s
Birthday Ball. Raleigh, will be held
•l the Memorial Auditorium to
morrow right, January 30th. This
ball, as is well known, is sponsored
wh year by local public spirited
lubs and 30 per cent of the pro
eeds go to the Warm Springs, Ga..
Foundation Fund and 70 per cent
emains in the county for care of
l ippled children. The Ball is ab
olutely non-profit so far as the
arious workers are concerned.
Brown Sheppard, president of
be Wake County Young Deifio
WHtN YOU BUY VKumUcu^
* Why risk your good money on unknown
ra*os blades? Probak Jr. is the product of
the world’s largest blade maker-a hM f <T “V f S
that “stand, up” for one cool, comfortable fIX
shave after another. You'D be aurprised if!
bow easily this double-edge blade removes f* I
stubborn bristles... bow cool and refreshed
it leaves your face. Buy a package of Probak
Jr. from your dealer today. BT
A PRODUCT Os TNI WOtLO? LAM IST SLABS MAKCtS
>ORTH CAROLINA NEEDS
(By Nell Battle Lewis)
Thirty-one counties in Non
aroiina have no form of iibra
ervice whatever, which mea
tat almost two million people
he state, approximately two-tnir
i the population of North Car
na, are without the advantag
ind pleasures of books. There a
na. ber of other counties in wh!
.rary service at present is ve
adequate, and only fourteen cou
es have appropriations suffieiei
i cording to American Library A
lociation, to warrant the title
• County Library’’.
In order to supply North Car
lina’s book-starved millions th
Citizens Library Movement, hea
ed by William T. Polk, of Warrei
ton, in conjunction with the Nort
Carolina Library Commission, wil
ask the General Assembly of 193 r
for $150,000.00 for State aiii t<
libraries, believeing that such ait
is as much a function of govern
ment as public education, publi;
health, or public welfare.
Members of this movement who
have studied the library situation
in North Carolina fftid that many
counties are too small a unit to
provide effective book service for
all the people. They think that
the supporting region should be
larger, big enough to provide,
with State cooperation, more ade
quate funds. In determining the
size of regions of support, they say
trade areas, roads, and physical
ratic Club, is chairman of the Ba
committee and announces that th
regular admission price for specta
tors and dancers is SI.OO. Howeve?
if dancers are present for the firs
half-hour, in which only square
dancing will be allowed, half th
regular admision price will b
charged. In other words, if you'r
present the first half-hour, you era
remain for the whole dance for on
ly fifty cents whereas, after 9:0 f
the full admission price will be i
Nelms' String Band will play fu
the square dance, which begins a
7:30 and Jimmy Poyner’s Band will
play for the popular dancing fror
9:00 on. A large attendance is ex
peited since this is the first squan
and popular dance staged in thi:
state for a President’s Ball.
.... “Father Di v * ne
onditions v idered . xt city a Negro man
.orth Carolin b . n n. In New York Divine de
-7 ur i K t present has on > Kimself Father
,7 public Hbrar.P combined c ahng h»mse« christ e
election of book 744f36 9 tlar es that h body He has
olurnes, a ratio oi ha , f a rno re in a" \ Uowers who believe
-°k Per person in th. , ation hundreds ot i he says he is.
-rved by these institute aud a him to be just ands> turn ov
tio of only about a fifth Te hy obey nis ngg t 0 be spent
r person if the collection u j d t , r t 0 him their e ed to have
spread over the whole state. , a . he sees fit, are <( p at her Di
lute aid would mean there could al i things in corn^ e to be origin
aiurc public libraries, that those I , ne ” is said by s° has led
.ehno ./ exist could be ally from Alabama. t 0 pay aebts
ed and 'their service expander! som e of his discip es ot herwise
it traveling libraries could vv hich they (leC are^ d Several in
ii into ruial section by means of, woU ld have have bee n pub
,ok trucks or “oookmobiles” likq stances ot this km ‘ g _ Maga
se recomended by the N. C. Li-' Wished i n soUt d evoi^^^^°^ e
r. Co. unission and now being | y p- t . writers
, ..1 i a uiu.'.i’- , I.' i that
I \ v — s |JB I
OFFER NO. 1
Thli Nzwzpaper, 1 Yr. I
6 Magazine* P
from Group D J iOU
OFFER NO. 2
Thi. Newspaper, 1 Yr.l All FouJ
2 Magazines « I for Only
from Group _ _
1 KfSS B)»l-75
□ American Boy $1.50
8 American Fruit Grower 1.23
American Magazine 2.80
□ Better Homes and Gardens 1.50
□ Breeder's Gazette 1.20
□ Capper's Farmer 1.25
B Child Lile 2.80
Christian Herald 2.30
□ Comer's Weekly 2.30
□ Country Home, 2 yrs. US
□ Delineator 1.80
□ Dixie Poultry Journal 1.25
□ Farm Journal, 2 yrs. 1.30
□ Field and Stream 2.15
gFlewer Grower 2.30
Home Arts-Needlecraft 1.30
House and Garden $.30
□ Household Magazine 1.20
□ Liberty Weekly 2.30
□ Literary Digest 4.30
□ McCall's Magazine IJO
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the magazines I !
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