THE ZEBULON RECORD, ZEBULON, NORTH CAROLINA, FRIDAY, -^ UAP v ktV.NINTH, 1937 Our Duffel Bag What happened when the bari tone in your quartet tried to tell his mother-in-law where to head in ? We became a trio. A kitchenette is a strip of floo: running between the sink and : can of tomatoes. —Bob Burns. Ist—Where’re you going? 2nd—l’m looking for a wife. Ist—But I thought you were ma ried last week. 2nd—l was That’s the wife I’m looking for. Lancelot—Use “Faith’’ in a sen tence. Elaine —Your faith looketh fami liar to me. Latest version— Hero today— gone tomorrow. So, your husband is a letter-car rier?. Yeah, he carries it for a week before he mails it. Sonny, don’t use such bad words. Shakespeare used them. Well, don’t play with him. First Nudist —It doesn’t take long to change your wearing ap parel around here. Second Nude—No, you can change from a pleasant smile to a ugly frown in practically no time. You brute, since our marriage you haven’t been half so affection ate as you were the night you pro posed to me. No, and I haven't been half so drunk, either. Husband—The last time I caught my wife with a boyfriend he didn’t think my gun was loaded. Lover—Did he think right? Hubby—No, he was dead wrong! Director—As soon as your lead ing man gives you a kiss, you’re supposed to slap him. Actress —Hadn’t I better wait for a second? The most practical stunt in par lor magic is to take a quarter and make your sweetie’s kid brother disappear. Grandpa in a speedy car, Pushed the throttle down too far; Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Music by the G. A. R. •and 1 go some place where we can be alone. Siamese Twin—l’m not that kind of a girl. Little Willie learned to swear— Sulphur smoke was in the air. Willie’s mother heard him bray v such y Things as folks should never sa: \much. Moth er, then, in accents terser. Called papa to whop the curser. But little Willie was in lack For dear pap, he drove a track. When Caesar was a babe in diapers And chariots lacked windshield I wipers, I Before Napoleon ever knew A That he would meet his Waterloo, a When Cleo was a howling brat, ■ Women were yelling ‘Buy me that!’ ■Here lies the body of Susan Jones, ■sting beneath these polished ■tones. name was Brown instead of ViJones, Infitit Brown won’t rhyme with Pol s' ished stones, ■thd she won’t know if it’s Brown ■: [ br Jones. © UNIVERSAL NEWSREEL-NEWS WEEK INVENTOR’S SON HONORED Charles Edison, son of Thomas Alva Edison, becomes Assistant Secretary of the Navy, succeeding Henry Latrobe Roosevelt, Pr-- ; dent’s cousin There once was a gal named Anna, Who hailed from the town of Ha vana. She had beautiful hair, And her face was. so fair, But her legs came off a piana. President’s Ball Raleigh Aud. January 30 TICKETS NOW ON SALE AT DRI'G STORE OR FROM ROBT. D. MASSEY The Fourth Annual President’s Birthday Ball. Raleigh, will be held •l the Memorial Auditorium to morrow right, January 30th. This ball, as is well known, is sponsored wh year by local public spirited lubs and 30 per cent of the pro eeds go to the Warm Springs, Ga.. Foundation Fund and 70 per cent emains in the county for care of l ippled children. The Ball is ab olutely non-profit so far as the arious workers are concerned. Brown Sheppard, president of be Wake County Young Deifio WHtN YOU BUY VKumUcu^ * Why risk your good money on unknown ra*os blades? Probak Jr. is the product of the world’s largest blade maker-a hM f ORTH CAROLINA NEEDS MORE LIBRARII (By Nell Battle Lewis) Thirty-one counties in Non aroiina have no form of iibra ervice whatever, which mea tat almost two million people he state, approximately two-tnir i the population of North Car na, are without the advantag ind pleasures of books. There a na. ber of other counties in wh! .rary service at present is ve adequate, and only fourteen cou es have appropriations suffieiei i cording to American Library A lociation, to warrant the title • County Library’’. In order to supply North Car lina’s book-starved millions th Citizens Library Movement, hea ed by William T. Polk, of Warrei ton, in conjunction with the Nort Carolina Library Commission, wil ask the General Assembly of 193 r for $150,000.00 for State aiii t< libraries, believeing that such ait is as much a function of govern ment as public education, publi; health, or public welfare. Members of this movement who have studied the library situation in North Carolina fftid that many counties are too small a unit to provide effective book service for all the people. They think that the supporting region should be larger, big enough to provide, with State cooperation, more ade quate funds. In determining the size of regions of support, they say trade areas, roads, and physical ratic Club, is chairman of the Ba committee and announces that th regular admission price for specta tors and dancers is SI.OO. Howeve? if dancers are present for the firs half-hour, in which only square dancing will be allowed, half th regular admision price will b charged. In other words, if you'r present the first half-hour, you era remain for the whole dance for on ly fifty cents whereas, after 9:0 f the full admission price will be i effect. Nelms' String Band will play fu the square dance, which begins a 7:30 and Jimmy Poyner’s Band will play for the popular dancing fror 9:00 on. A large attendance is ex peited since this is the first squan and popular dance staged in thi: state for a President’s Ball. .... “Father Di v * ne onditions v idered . xt city a Negro man .orth Carolin b . n n. In New York Divine de -7 ur i K t present has on > Kimself Father ,7 public Hbrar.P combined c ahng h»mse« christ e election of book 744f36 9 tlar es that h body He has olurnes, a ratio oi ha , f a rno re in a" \ Uowers who believe -°k Per person in th. , ation hundreds ot i he says he is. -rved by these institute aud a him to be just ands> turn ov tio of only about a fifth Te hy obey nis ngg t 0 be spent r person if the collection u j d t , r t 0 him their e ed to have spread over the whole state. , a . he sees fit, are <( p at her Di lute aid would mean there could al i things in corn^ e to be origin aiurc public libraries, that those I , ne ” is said by s° has led .ehno ./ exist could be ally from Alabama. t 0 pay aebts ed and 'their service expander! som e of his discip es ot herwise it traveling libraries could vv hich they (leC are^ d Several in ii into ruial section by means of, woU ld have have bee n pub ,ok trucks or “oookmobiles” likq stances ot this km ‘ g _ Maga se recomended by the N. C. Li-' Wished i n soUt d evoi^^^^°^ e r. Co. unission and now being | y p- t . writers , ..1 i a uiu.'.i’- , I.' i that I \ v — s |JB I BMW OFFER NO. 1 Thli Nzwzpaper, 1 Yr. I 6 Magazine* P from Group D J iOU OFFER NO. 2 Thi. Newspaper, 1 Yr.l All FouJ 2 Magazines « I for Only from Group _ _ 1 KfSS B)»l-75 □ American Boy $1.50 8 American Fruit Grower 1.23 American Magazine 2.80 □ Better Homes and Gardens 1.50 □ Breeder's Gazette 1.20 □ Capper's Farmer 1.25 B Child Lile 2.80 Christian Herald 2.30 □ Comer's Weekly 2.30 □ Country Home, 2 yrs. US □ Delineator 1.80 □ Dixie Poultry Journal 1.25 □ Farm Journal, 2 yrs. 1.30 □ Field and Stream 2.15 gFlewer Grower 2.30 Home Arts-Needlecraft 1.30 House and Garden $.30 □ Household Magazine 1.20 □ Liberty Weekly 2.30 □ Literary Digest 4.30 □ McCall's Magazine IJO H Gentlemen: I enclose $ the magazines I ! year’s subscriptio Street or R. F. D and State—