Newspapers / Daily Tar Heel (Chapel … / April 1, 1947, edition 1 / Page 1
Part of Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.) / About this page
This page has errors
The date, title, or page description is wrong
This page has harmful content
This page contains sensitive or offensive material
(Periodical Sept. ) Unl vrl of "ort? Carolina 1-31-43 3 W n w ?mM L!9 UVU LR -ra NEWSPAPER ON THE HILL- VOLUME LV CHAPEL HILL, N. C, APRIL FOOL 1947 NUMBER 152. ffieactionarie sBegms rm octay Graham Orders Liq nidation Of : All 1 Liberal Faculty Members Tom N ID)' er rroposes a : : ; . Then Tossed Out Coil Of Gerrard Hall By Warren Order -After introducing a bill to establish collectives farms -on all property now belonging to fra ternities,; Tonv Eller, "the red hound of the Student . Legisla .ture'as forcibly. ejected from last .night's .meeting of: the cam pus law-making assembly. The order to boot EJler from the hall was issued by Speaker Charlie Warren, so incensed at the proposal that he called Eller "a bounder who probably wears red underwear and has borscht for breakfast." Eller proposed "the measure in the form of an amendment to an amend ment to a bill recommending that all students owning more than one con vertible be liquidated. Said the Stu dent party nominee, for president, "Half of the land owned by, fraterni ties is being used for mint beds any way." Give Added j Flavor It was c this . statement about -.the imain ingredient to a good julep; that . brought pin-striped Warren to .his feet. "You have no Tight' .shouted the speaker, "to , accuse fraternities vof misusing the rich ..soil of., our . state. Mint, as everyone . knows, is essential to give added flavor to ; a glass of iced tea." - . effect that the taste buds of most fra ternity men were so liquor-soaked that they "wouldn't tell the difference .be tween iced tea and battery acid." It .was then that Warren gave, the order v for seargant-at-arms James Wallace to "toss Eller out of the near est exit." ' . Eller,. Unpeaceable Eller didn't go peaceably. He fought bard, and his turtle-necked sweater was torn in the scuffle. Finally, Wal lace's efforts were successful, and Eller landed in the rain soaked street outside Gerrard hall. In a voice that sounded a mile away, Eller self-styled voice of the working students shouted, "The Kremlin will hear about this." Drinking Contest Highlights Court Tomorrow Night The Bolshevist Student union, through its local soviet leader, Quiet fiowsda Don, has challenged the Can terbury club (so named in honor of our noble foreign admirer, Hewlett Johnson) to a Vodka drinking con trast, in thp Yasha Memorial court at i midnight tomorrow. The Y court fes-! -in technicolor," he said tivities will include drinking out of i ; ofratory plates and singing "Thelp r 11 . T Lady in Red" while chewing on bach-, t aitlOUS Ballet 1 TOUpe Margolis Says He Will Run For Grand Praesidium Post Before a packed house in the Carolina Inn telephone booth, Comrade Manny Margolis scratched his red flannels,' decried the fact that the spirit of free love was not as powerful here as in Stalingrad, and announced his independent candidacy for the Grand Praesidium of the Supreme Soviet of the Campus. TtfargoEs, who finds the shortage of halivah at Dan ziger's a serious threat to left-wing unity on the, cam pus, 'bitterly condemned the - fact " that Cornell f oot ballers were known as the "Big. Red team." When, in actuality, he siated, VWe have the most powerfully coordinated left wing formation here in Chappell Col litchl" Requesting his audience to move back so that he could expand his chest in the crowded booth, . Mar golis lamented the divisionist tactics of MaXjSchulman in making a fool of Yetta Samovar, his current favorite glamor girl. . eciie - A President Flayed As 'Reactionary' By Red Officials Bill COMRADE MARGOLIS Spring Purge to Be Subject Of Marx Bread, Water Supper Comrade Don Broad Releases Propaganda Entailing Prospects of Siberian Summer , The. annual Spring purge has been decided upon as the subject for discussion at this weeks bread and water supper, of the Young Marxists Communist association. Comrade .Don Broad, president of the association, in an interview yesterday, issued the follow " ' ' , ' fring statement of propaganda, "I ex- rt V ' T a. T 4P4- I pect to see all Party members present TlaA TTinrcdnv. . fnrr this SUtmer. - -. . ' . . . 3 J f hd-w Will at ircj tin "K-iSrt i A 4 Anvone 'desiring -n-summer vacation r- r- ""; :J1"" r Tends to Maroon; PictureCondemned ! Recent controversy aroused by . pre sentation of . the motion, picture, "The Red House," at the local. theatre re mains unsettled, according to a state ment made yesterday by a spokesman for the .CBI group investigating the showing of the picture in Chapel Hill. Termed "a serious menace to all fun-loving reactionaries" by the group, the picture featured Edward G. Robinski and centered about a red house. Its presentation at the local theatre was followed by a display of mass hysteria and a loud demonstra tion by local "sympathizers." The word "red" appeared in prac tically every other senterfce through out the course of the picture," stated "Curly Locks" Holmes, private eye. "No other color was mentioned at any time. This definitely proves the pic ture was slanted in the wrong direc tion. In fact, Robinski kept feigning a limp, which kept him leaning to the left at all times. Such pictures can not be tolerated in any free country." A local sympathizer with the Com munist organization also criticized the production. "The picture should have been made jn Siberia need only miss this unim portant . affair." The -Young -Marxists have openly commended the University for its policy of ; laying red -brick walks, the gutters of which should carry off the flow of blood, which inevitably re sults from this purge. Hear Margolis; Lanierovitch Commissar Lanierovitch, of the Kremlin, and Comrade Manny Mar golis, . political columnist of the Daily i Comrade, will be guests of honor. As both .Communists are considered as ribs of beef for the coming By Sam Whitehall , Recently denounced by i Mos cow as a "reactionary in Red clothing and a traitor to the cause," University .President Frank Graham retaliated yester day by announcing a purge of all faculty members suspected of any liberal tendencies either in their teaching and thinking. In a dictatorial statement delivered to the faculty, Graham, virtualy cur tailed all freedom of thought in the University . arid "promised complete cooperation with responsible , student leaders in surpressing The Daily Com rade which he termed a "filthy Red rag." Discharge Woodhouse Taking a firm stand in favor of the antt-communist bill introduced into the state legislature last week Gra ham announced that his first act un der the new regime would be to dis charge political science professor E. J. Woodhouse who criticized in print Sunday certain features of the bill. ,The , University president stated that effective immediately all prospec tive faculty members must take an cath of allegiance to the conservative principles expounded by him and that In Legislature "Victims Promised Fair Trial By Editor of Daily Comrade Special Ode, 'If He Ain't Red, He's Dead Will Commemorate Cleansing of University By Helen Highwater Tass Enuff News Agency, -Apr;l 1, 1947 (Red April) Chaliapin Hill Editors of The Daily Comrade opened their toothless mouths today to hurl the lie back into the teeth of their persecuters. Open ing a week dedicated to "complete liquidation of the back-biting, fascistic, war-mongering, wife-beater TT jr ' m I reactionaries," Editor Duebillsky Wes- nvuzie nates Concrete Coat Police Picks Pain Lamentable Liberal rigid supervision by him. "A thorough investigation of all faculty members, present and prospective, will be made by the FBI. ' Outlaw Fraternities Graham also said that he intends to outlaw all campus fraternities for their use of russian tactics in obtain ing new members. Turning to The Daily Comrade, Graham launched a vitriolic attack against editor Duebillski Westenred and his staff. "If in the future this radical daily prints any news item unfavorable to the Administration," prime rios oi Deei lor me commg Graham nrociaimed. or if ita New purge neither is expected to sUck to Qrder columnists do not whole.hearted the subject m his speech ly support every measure undertaker! commissar amerovitcn nmteu tu-. . .. . tliim.-Tl4cf-0xin T c1,q11 lavar. Young Marxists Communist aso oiation secretary general, Beel Po teatski will head a committee of judges, including Phillippe Russe, whose new edition of the writings of Tolstoy is off the red hot presses, and Captain Casket, censorship czar, and euthor of a tome entitled "A Free Press Pays Through the Nose." Bulletin! Word was received late last night that a body was seen swinging around in South building's belfry in place of the usual bell. It was suspected that the corpse' was that of Bill Miller, recently publicized capitalist, one of the first victims the cause has singled out for its Spring Purge. The bell itself was supposed to have been sent to Russia for scrap iron, a martyr to the cause of regi To Jump Here Tonight The Ballet Russe de Monte Carr boro will be the feature of the sec ond Student Activity series to be unshelved at Lenin Memorial hall beginning promptly at 8 o'clock this evening. The world-famous dancers come to Chapel Hill after a successful geren-week tour of the - Ukraine following their triumphant sea son's opener of a split week in Le ningrad. According to Judsch Kinberg eki, top Russian dan critic of the Moscow Mirror, "The group is Mar velousch!" All comrades are cor dially invited to attend. WIN FREE TRIP See page 10 for details of contest sponsored by the Order of the Purple Gonyuz which offers a free trip to Latvia daily. Jay that he .will defend his recently invoked system of registering alien students at the Univesity, maintain ing that it is thoroughly consistent with Marxian doctrines and that only renegade capitalistic elements here Lave been speaking against it. Will Charge Kennedy Comrade Margolis, according to reliable sources, will level charges against the American Representative Kennedy, who only last Red Thurs day criticized Soviet policies and at the same time was so stupid as to dis agree with Margolis. Comrade Broad has also stated that no one will be admitted without a ra tion card because of the present short age of bread and water. Blaming capitalist infiltration for this recent shortage, Broad requested all ham mers and sickles be checked at the door to avoid trouble. sonally see that The Daily Comrade is banned from this campus and that its entire staff is expelled from this university and put to work in the salt mines of Siberia for the rest of their natural born lives, Halleluja, Amen." Ben Rouzie, fiery-thatched chairman of the Chapel Hill chapter of the American Veterans committee, was last night placed in a , barrel of ce ment and suspended from the bell tower by unknown assailants. Painted on the barrel in large letters were the mysterious words, "Bourgeois, counter-revolutionary reactionary." Rouzie in a statement issued from the depths of the cement as police worked to chip him out, said he had reason to believe the foul play was the work of Communists. "Only last week I received a letter from Moscow indicating the Kremlin's extreme displeasure with , the work of AVC in this country. The letter in dicated i that if the organization suc ceeded in gaining any strength , it might be effective in its program of se curing equal rights and real democ racy in the U.S. Then the letter went on to say that if this happened the Communists wouldn't have a leg to stand on and would have to pack up and go back to Russia." Rouzie paused while the police used a sledge-hammer to remove a ' particularly recalcitrant piece of ce ment from his nose. After six hours of chipping police announced that the final layer of ce ment could not be removed from Rou zie. It was therefore decided to raise funds to erect him on a pedestal in front of South building as a, memorial to the microscopic contingent of liberal veterans of World War II. This will be major item of business at tonight's meeting of AVC at 7:30 in the Presbyterian church. Women to Visit Lower Quad Under New Dormitory Rules Under the vitally active program of our grand leader, Dewsky Dor settovitch, Juniorivitch, with its ever expanding program of ignor ing the student and his academic interests, the Commissar of the Secretariet for Interdormitory Con trol, Bustlovitch Neyoko, announced that women will be allowed to visit dormitories in the lower volga quad from this great day, a "red letter" day, the commissar stated. Special rules have been instituted, allowing each resident of lower quad dorms to bring in his mother and sisters. However, each man must show evidence that his mother is over 25 years of age, and he is lim ited to three sisters a month. tenred said that the all-out fight would be conducted sanely and fairly. "All those accused of reactionary tendencies and of opposing the party line will be given a fair trial before being exe cuted,' he asserted Ain't Red, He's Dead Asked if the current purge will be commemorated by any special music, Westenred revealed that party song writers had just completed a special ode entitled, "If He Ain't Red, He's Dead; If He's Right, Good Night." Since The Daily Comrade went into the red ink this year, snipers from the Right have constantly picked off news and edit copy couriers as they made the dangerous evening run to the printshop. Although the opposition has displayed craft and deceit, Daily Comrade guerillas have unearthed the names of those leading the back-biting, fascistic, war-mongering, wife-beater reactionary movement. ' Final break came when -, Comrade Managing Editor Foosk Gidusky made love to the secretary of Rightist Frank Graham. Hopelessly enamoured (love to the proletariat) of Gidusky, the tool of the capitalists handed over com plete dossiers on the top fascists head ing the anti-Daily Comrade movement. With the record of these war crimes safely in his hands, Editor Westenred dispatched minions of the OGPUsky to the hovels of the offenders. Named in the indictment which will bring the culprits to trial before a Peoples Court are Dr. Frank (Fascist) Gra ham, Dewey (Watch that name in '48) Dorsett, Charles (Child-beater) War ren and Billious Miller. Even as red cars of the OGPUsky raced through early-morning streets (only one of this type and two mid day streets in Chaliapin) the Editor of the Daily Comrade pulled his pants out of the press and told the assembled throng in an off-the-cuff statement, "Garidubish mistanich aernusky be deoff timoshenko!!" English transla tion: "Beer is on the house! 1" In a prepared statement handed to the writers of the world, the Daily Comrade promised swift apprehension and punishment of the reactionaries. "We of The Comrade have always been peace-loving. We have commit- -ted no overt acts between the couvert. Yet courier after courier has been downed in cold blood. We have sent them out in good faith and they have returned weeks later with a heavy burden. And the thing that we mind most is that our couriers are coeds! There are just about enough of them to go around now!!" Investigation Proves Foo Foo Jellyroll to Be Commie Weakened by loss of blood, sleep and appetite following a week of constant pressure from the CBI, Campus Bu reau of Investigation, Miss Foo Foo Jellyroll broke down late last night and admitted that she has been a fel low traveller for lo, these many months. Miss Jellyroll, who was picked up by one of the local investigators on Red mary lane last week when she dropped her red handkerchief, gave up all pre tenses when it was discovered she had been wearing Commie Red lip rouge. Upon immediate questioning by an alert . Paily Comrade reporter, Miss Jellyroll admitted that her first name was Raspberry and that her real last name was Jellyrolloff. She had drop ped "off" however to become a red. "I was only pink at first," she whimpered, "but I read too much and became widely-red." Borscht! Asked to comment on her current status, the comely Commie said but one word, "Borscht!" "What did you say," asked one of her guards. She repeated. Search of Miss Jellyroll's room in the basement of Carrkov dormitory re vealed many interesting things, some of which were described by coed mem bers of the investigating committee as COMRADE JELLYROLL "unmentionables." They admitted they were pink, however. Also found in the girl's room were 43 books with red covers, a pair of red slippers, red fingernail polish by the quart, (also several fifths), sev eral cans of "Red Hart" dog food to which investigators attributed the barking tone of Miss Jellyroll's voice) and a reddy to wear gown, with a ham mer and scythe down the back. First in a Series The arrest of Miss Jellyroll is only the first in a series of investigations which, in the words of Curly Locks Holmes will "wipe the bloody reds off this campus." Credit for use of the name Jelly roll goes to Took-off Hog ton. n
Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
April 1, 1947, edition 1
1
Click "Submit" to request a review of this page. NCDHC staff will check .
0 / 75