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WSDAY, SEPTEMBERS
THE DAILY TAR HEEL
'Cotton-Picking . .
Smiling Service
Pleasant Atmosphere
Add fine food to our
enjoyable surround
ings and the total is a
treat in dining!
Whether it's a fountain snack or afull-course
dinner, our huge menu offers a fine selection.
Come in any time for the tops in food and
service.
UNIVERSITY RESTAURANT
Best By Any Test
Best by Any Test
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Jewelers
QJAREL HILL, N. C.
Ab
eceoanan opms
Out Frosh
By ROGER WILL COE
Well, here we go again in an
other swing of North Carolina's
oldest abecedarian merry go
round, the 161st opening of Tar
Heel-on-Franklin. And the urge
to preach at, sermonize to, and
take from, so far as the new frosh
class is concerned, remains as
strong as it was when Upper
Classman Cain interested himself
in the affairs of Freshman Abel
at old Eden Agricultural & Un
mechanical. It is, however, an urge to be
purged, and not merely because
the Bibilical example of "cor
recting" freshmen eventuated in
Civilization's unswerving solu
tion of how to handle non-conformists:
"Kill 'em." Ah,' no.
Times have changed . . . and to-day
wc-uns matriculate at a reason
able facsimile of Eden A & U
with this one improvement: . we
are now, the colleges and univer
sities of these allegedly United
States, Eden Agricultural &
Mechanical: 4,Let 'em kill them
selves!" And they will, the fresh
men, kill themselves academical
ly, physically, mentally, morally,
spiritually and incentively, to the
tune of one half the class by
the time Commencement four
years hence hoists its mortar
boarded double-dome on the
scene of academical carnage.
BRIGHT PEOPLE
But this decimation to the
fifth-power of our bright young
college people is not to be taken
as the end of everything for Civ
ilization. Indeed, even if the whole
durn class was to fall on' its
assegais by the end of the fourth
year, throughout the United
States, we'd bumble along some
how; because, since the first and
most important requirement for
admission to college is the fi
nancial requirement, and since
one third of the top two percent
of our high-school seniors, intelligence-wise,
are unable to en
ter college, one-third of our best
brains would Jiave been at work
those four years making the
moola to pay the taxes; and any
politician,' from two-bi ward
heeler to the peerless-leader
clasj which is another way of
saying, from left to right can
tell you that paying taxes is the
sine qua non of Good Govern
ment; and any politician now in
office can tell you, if you can
find him in his office, that Good
Government means supporting
the incumbent government.
FROSH
Ad
VIC
Spoonerisms &
t
: Palindromes
fully
"and"
wards
strained, and besides that!
doesn't read right back
Words dominate our lives so
much that it is a good idea to take
them out an play with them and
slap them around once in a while,
just to show then who's t
Greensboro tkiibj Ketcs
It is the fashion to rush at or
into anything and everything;
so to be in fashion, we rush to
say that aeademic mortality . is
nejther the aim nor the wish of
the Faculty, whether fur-bearing,
forbearing, or completely indif
ferent. It is reliably estimated
that one-half of our college pop
ulation populates carnpi of our
nation because their bucking,
middle-class parewtes.. wish tt
demonstrate something that ain't
so, to wit, or to half-wit, tha
they can afford to send them.
ADVICE
So . . . here we go again . and
despite our earlier lies to the
contrary, we chip in some small
advice to the frosh class:
1. Keep your cotton - picking
hands off other people's proper
ty;. -. ' .v;-:
: 2. Keep your cotton picking
hands off other people's persors
. . . social activities excepted, of
course . . .'
3. Don't, be a hypocrite unless
Politics is your goal;
A Be pefc?nally responsible
for yourself and to others. '
' ' 5. And . . V Beat Dook '. . .! ;
Spoonerisms were named after
the Rev. William A. Spooner of
Oxford ' University, England, who l
was always getting his words
mixed,' palling a crushing blow a
''blushing' crow" and saying to
a lady' in church, "Madam," you
are occupewirig my pie!" ' J
T Word players ' go to all '
lengths to imitate the Rev. Mr. ;
Spooner. Thus when the' Basques ;
got bombed while crossing a gap ;
jn the Pyrenees cluring a" war,
somebody saaj it just showed j
what comes of "putting all your '
Basques in' one exit" pf course
th Tfnjted und is a matter of
"putting all your tegs into one
askit.' When ' little' "i-ena finally
got' her parents per "eontrol,
tne process was inevitable' de
scribed by the neighbors as "the
teasing power of Lena."
Palindromes are sentences
which read exactly the same way
backwards as forwards. The best
known ones are: "Able w;as I ere
I, saw Elba" and Madam I'm
Adam." Others are "Niagara or
roar again," and "Nor I nor Em
ma had level'd a "hammer on
iron." Webster's New Interna-
tional Dictionary gives this ex- j
aniple: "Lewd did I live & evil
I did dwel," but this seems aw-;
Quote, Unquote
DON JUAN .... In this Palace
of Lies a truth or two won't hurt
you. Your friends are all the
dullest dogs I know. They are
not beautiful: they are only dec
orated. They are not clean: they
are only shaved and starched.
The are not aignitiea: xney are
only fashionably dressed. They
arc not educated: tliey are only
college passmen. They are not
" religious: they are only pew-
renters. They ; are not moral:
they are only conventional They
are not .virtuous: they are only
cowardly. They are not even vic
ious:1 they are only "frail." They
are hot artistic: they arc only
lascivious. They are not pros
perous: they are only rich. They
are not loyal, they are only ser
vile; not dutiful, only sheepish;
not public spirited only, quarrel
tic; not courageous, only quarrel
some; not self-controlled, only
obtuse; not self-respecting, only
vain; not kind, only sentimental;
not social, only gregarious; not
considerate, only polite; not in
telligent, only opinionated; not
progressive, only factious; not
imaginative,, only superstitious;
not just, only vindictive; not
generous, only propitiatory; not
truthful at all: liars every one
of them, to the very backbone of
their souls. George Bernard
Shaw in Man And Superman.
disciplied, Only cowed; and not
The Lark
Creation, new springing
From winter, from night
Is a lark in me singing
High up, out of sight.
Love is a bubble
Which never1 shall burst
But Eve was in trouble
For knowing it first.
By" Witter Bynner in
The Saturday Review
Further, if the entering frosh
class did survive our collegiate
obstacle-course, we woul be in
a'' dither,' to say the least. It is
a fact that the 'f:r?hman and
sophomore classes are the profit
classes, moneywise; that junior
and senior classes break even;
and that graduate schools cost
money Many are called to Wool
len Gym; but few, comparatively
speaking, are chosen to- break
even. Graduate schools are nec
essary to tone up the diggings
and to supply a hew crop, sea
sonally, to augment the degree
bearing (as distinguished from
the fur-bearing, or Lower Edu
cation) ranks of the Faculty.
HONESTY
An old and trusted flunkie was
left in charge of a store for the
afternoon. Business was slack
and he began idly looking over
the stock. Finally, he tried in
a pair of boots that he had eyed
for several days. They fit per
fectlybut the price was S15.
Reluctantly the old man took
- off the ' cherished treasure, and
turned his attention to another
pair, priced at $3. They also fit.
so he wore them away, mumbling1
to himself: "Now, some folks I
know woulda took them $15
jhoes, but not me! I is honester
than them!" Financial Post
Every Cent Counts
4
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Is? .r
AT THE
G. M. BARBER SHOP
75c A CUT
2 BARBERS
JUST
RENOVATED
WHY WORRY
.... -. - t j
WITH THIS CONFUSION
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RESTAURANT
RALEIGH ROAD
WITH ACRES OF
PARKING SPACE
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O CAROLINA HEADQUARTERS