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Page 2 Sunday, November 7, 1965 I Stye 9aUg war tyert Opinions of the Daily Tar Heel are expressed in its g ?: editorials. Letters and columns, covering a wide range of views, reflect the personal opinions of their authors. g ERNIE McCRARY, EDITOR W-:-:v:-W DTH Awards Of The Week Quote of the Week: Barry Gold water, in criticiz ing Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara and his Viet Nam policy, offered this suggestion "I would like to see him go back making Edsels." Best Protester of the Week: The person who sent an envelope full of ashes and this letter to the mayor of St. Joseph, Mo.: "In protest against the recent in crease of overdue library book fines from three to five cents, I have burned my library card." Best Headline of the Week: In the Chapel Hill Weekly: "Leaders Warn Chest Campaign May Fall Flat." Loser of the Week: Anybody who tries to use one of those new light-weight quarters in a vending machine. Versatility A ward: Two Klansmen, described by the House Un-American Activities Committee as demolitions instructors who also run a "disorderly house" in their klavern. Lizard of the Week: The "friend" who told re porters that Luci Baines Johnson was thinking about getting married, touching off so much romantic spec ulation that she and her boy friend finally told news men to get lost. Cop of the Week: Greensboro Patrolman S. J. Staron, who stopped a driver doing 65 miles per hour in a 50-mph zone. When he asked the caught motor ist his occupation, the answer was, "Grand Dragon." It was James Robert Jones. "Gunsmoke On Yetf It's OK Kid, Everybody Does It Misery Is Remember all those cute little sayings that began with "happiness is" or "security is"? Well, we came up with a more appropriate little quip for these darker days. Misery is . . . Misery is sitting in Kenan Stadium waiting for the Tar Heels to score. ' Misery is taking a shower and someone flushes thejohn. Misery is an 8 o'clock class on a cold winter morning when the radiator isn't working. Misery is a roommate who comes in at 2 Sunday morning after you've been studying all night and tells you about his great date. t Misery, is- waking up in the? morning and running outside the dorm in your pajamas to get The Daily Tar Heel and that girl you have been wanting to date walks by. Misery is getting up for your eight o'clock class and the professor doesn't show up. ' Misery is economizing by going to Lenoir Hall for dinner and finding out the Rat is selling pizzas at half price. Misery is getting your $6 shirt back from a Chapel Hill laundry. Misery is getting to the Dairy Bar at 12:01 Sunday morning to buy a six-pack of beer. Misery is lighting the wrong end of your last filter tip cigarette. Misery is trying to quit smoking. Misery is a "T" sticker. Misery is finding a Honda in the only parking space on the block. Misery is finding a parking place and when you come back you find a parking ticket. Misery is getting a B on that real tough test and everybody you brag to got an A. Misery is writing a term paper and later learn ing that it is on your professor's specialty. Misery is selling your books and finding out that you flunked the course. Misery is a 1.99999 quality point average on grad uation day. Misery is bumping into Otelia Connor and you're already five minutes late for class. Misery is laughing at the coed walking in front of you and then you turn around and there are two coeds laughing at you. Misery is finding out that the girl you took to the Arboretum last night has mono. Misery is spending two weeks in the infirmary with mono. Misery is knowing you voted for LBJ. Misery is worrying about HHH becoming presi dent. Misery is being in the KKK and having to plead the fifth fifth fifth. Ed Freakley Uilje Satly ular SjppI Second class postage paid at the post office in Chapel Hill, N. C. 27514. Subscription rates: $4.50 per semester; S $8 per year. Send change of address to The Daily Tar Heel, Box 1080, Chapel Iffll, N. C. 27514. Printed by the i Chapel Hill Publishing Co.. Inc. The Associated Press is :: entitled exclusively to the use for republication of all x local news printed in this newspaper as well as all ap x news dispatches. " (Reprinted from the bulletin of the First Methodist Church. Cherryville. N. C) By JACK GRIFFIN When Johnny was six years old, he was with his father when they were caught speeding. His father handed the officer a five-dollar bill with his driver's license "It's O.K., Son," his father said as they drove off. "Everybody does it." When he was eight, he was permitted at a family council, presided over by Uncle George, on the surest means to shave points off the income tax return. "It's O.K., Kid," his uncle said. "Everybody does it." When he was nine, his mother took him to his first theater production. The box of fice man couldn't find any seats until his mother discovered an extra two dollars in her purse. "It's O.K., Son," she said. "Everybody does it." When he was twelve, he broke his glasses on the way to school. His Aunt Francine persuaded the insurance company that they had been stolen and they collected $27.00. "It's O.K., Kid," she said "Every body does it." When he was fifteen, he made right guard on the high school football team. His coach showed him how to block and at the David Rotliman same time grab the opposing end by the shirt so the official couldn't see it. "It's O.K., Kid," the coach said. "Everybody does'it." U . W W f When he was sixteen, he took his first summer job at the big market. His assign ment was to put the over-ripe tomatoes in the boxes and the good ones on top where they would show. It's O.K., Kid," the man ager said. "Everybody does it." When he was eighteen, Johnny and a neighbor applied for a college scholarship. Johnny was a marginal student. His neigh bor was in the upper three per cent of his class, but he couldn't play right guard.. Johnny got the scholarship. "It's O.K., Kid," they told him. "Everybody does it." When he was nineteen he was ap proached by an upperclassman who offered him a set of test questions for three dollars: "It's O.K., Kid," he said. "Everyone does it." : Johnny was caught and sent home in disgrace. "How could you do this to your mother?" His father asked. "You never learned anything like this at home." His aunt and uncle were shocked also. If There's anything the adult world can't stand, it's a kid who cheats ... Jerkeley University Solves Arboretum Petting Problem Maupin Clarifies His Editorial Editor, The Daily Tar Heel: I have been asked to clarify several items that appeared in my "soup editorial" on the Student Peace Union. I am happy to oblige. Contrary to a statement in the editorial, the SPU has never picketed the Naval Arm ry. Furthermore, it has never been proved that the ban-the-bomb blitz of building de facement last May was carried off by mem bers of the Peace Union. It is true that the SPU symbol appeared in conjunction with the anti-Viet Nam epithets that were . scrawled on the library, South Building and : other campus buildings, but this is not fctm crete proof that SPU members were respon sible for the action. The hierarchy of the group, in fact, publicly denounced such methods for expressing their "dissent." In regard to the defacement of guns at the Naval Armory, it has been pointed out to me that the people involved were merely "attending" SPU meetings and not official members of the organization. They did not become members of the SPU until after their trials by the Honor Council. In regard to the picketing of South Build ing and the administration, it has been brought to my attention that the Peace Un ion was never officially involved in the "Goodykoontz Affair" last spring. Members of the group may have picketed, but they were simply operating on their own initia tive. Several people have questioned my judg ment in using the word "odorous" to des cribe the SPU. They were right. I looked up "odorous" in the dictionary and it means "fragrant or sweet-smelling." I would like to retract that remark. Armistead Maupin, Jr. 715-A Gim ghoul DTH editor Ernie McCrary is right many UNC students avoid the Arb because of the danger of being stepped on. Here's one school's solution to the prob lem: After the University of Jerkeley arbore tum became overcrowded, Dean of Men William Short announced a new set of pet ting regulations, noting that Jerkeley has 8,800 petters and only 5,316 petting spaces. He added: "If anyone thinks 12,000 young people are going to spend four to seven years at the university just sitting around twiddling their thumbs, they have another thought com ing. "Let's face reality: "All of us may be thinking about build ing that multi - story petting facility, but we'll never get the necessary funds from the state legislature. "Daytime petting will be restricted to specified areas," the Dean said. "Curb pet ting will be eliminated in heavily crowded automobiles. "Failure to comply with the new regu lations will result in the couples' being towed to a compound near the University Airport." " --' '' The regulations also provided for a $5 petting fee. Originally, there was a $2.50 fee, but the university needed the increase to fi nance the construction of new petting fa cilities in dormitories and churches. Graduate students, married students and Today's Chiickle9 Lives I By MARY RICHARD VESTER Chapel Hill won out over California, Florida, Mexico, Washington, Oregon and the Rio Grande Valley (important retire ment area) for the Tom Collins family, 15 Lake Shore Drive. Mr. and Mrs. Collins re tired here with three teenage boys three years ago this January when Tom Collins retired as executive editor of The Chicago Daily News. The writers of "Today's Chuckle" and "The Weekend Chuckle" (famous little con versation pieces that bring a smile every day) wanted just "to be home and write together." They first saw Chapel Hill in 1956 when they were location hunting with the dream of retirement in mind. After looking thor oughly over the United States, they were drawn back to the village by its "seasons, the atmosphere and people and being in a college town. The snow is pretty here," Mrs. Collins said, "because it seldom stays long enough to be the slushy, dirty mess it is in Chicago." Mrs. Collins has been writing chuckles such as "Football player: A man who gets a living out of kicks" and "An eight-year-old's definition of thinking: When you keep your mouth shut and your head keeps on talking to itself." since 1954. Her husband started writing them in 1946, the same year he married Mrs. Collins. He still writes two syndicated columns on retirement "The Golden Years" weekly and "The Senior Forum" five times a week. They appear regularly in about 50 newspapers around the country. Chuckle is the most widely syndicated front-page text feature in the world. It ap pears in 275 newspapers across the coun try: nine of them are North Carolina pa pers. General Features Corporation, New York newspaper syndicate, frequently sells it in Australia, Japan and Canada as well. Mrs. Collins syas she can't understand it. She doesn't know whether it is printed in English or translated. But since it is "a play on words that often depends on a dou ble meaning for its humor," the whole idea might be lost in another language. She works on a 50-50 basis with General Features; some comic writers manage to get 60 per cent, she explains, but no better. She stays about four weeks ahead on "To day's Chuckle," but works two months ahead on "The Weekend Chuckle" because Eugene Payne, staff artist for "The Char lotte Observer," creates pictorial cartoons to accompany them. Where does she find ideas? She has "a very large mailing list," but modestly ad mits some chuckles are original twists of old sayings, combinations or rearrange ments. Do friends contribute their brain storms? Although she's sure it would be interesting, Mrs. Collins doesn't solicit or accept ideas of this kind because of the legal risk; they could be stolen. "I'm afraid to," she said frankly. She calls the chuckle "a quip rather than a joke," but stresses it never involves vul garities. Her husband explained why the -huckles caught on and lasted: "News was grim during war years when tne chuckle was born, especially front-page news. Chuckle guaranteed at least a smile a day." Are favorite chuckles often quoted around the house? Mrs. Collins says she :ries to refrain, "But some mornings I get jp feeling unusually good and tell the boys ibout four before they go to school. Then they go off moaning." The two oldest Kent, 17, and Paul, 15 play guitar in combos. And now Todd, 13, is starting. "I don't know whether we can stand another," Mrs. Collins said. "We can't decide whether it's worse to let them practice downstairs in the den and have the sound rise or to have them practice up here and let it seep down." Kent is cur rent manager of "The Nomads"; Paul's group is "The Shackles." His mother said, "Paul must've written lyrics and music for about 50 songs by now, folk and rock 'n' roll." The! freezer door in the kitchen is Mrs. Collins' medium for conveying sentence sermons to her family. She has clipped and taped ta it morals she wants to get across. Imagine reaching for ice cream and read ing: "I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion," by Thoreau. The ' Collinses are a family devoted to journalism. Mrs. Collins earned her journ alism degree in her home state at the Uni versity! of Iowa, Iowa City. She's a grad uate student here in the Department of Comparative Literature. Although her ob- LETTERS The DaHy ""ar Heel welcomes letters to the editor on any subject, particularly on matters of local or University inter est. Letters must be typed, double spaced and must include the name and address of the author or authors. Names will not be omitted in publication. Let ters should be kept as brief as possible. The DTH reserves the right to edit for length or libel. ( t , .H : ' I I (w veterans over 21 received petting privileges without restriction. The university prohibited single students from registering more than one coed at a time. It permitted couples to pet overnight only in designated lots. Freshmen and all other undergraduates with less than a "C" average were denied petting privileges. Dean Short predicted it may be possi ble to have off-campus petting fields with a shuttle bus service within 10 years. "That's 10 years too far away," said an editorial in The Daily Cowlifornian. "The rule that petters may be sent home after three honor code violations rather than five may reduce the number of them on campus," the paper said, "but we feel the present regulations are sufficient." The Daily Cowlifornian also commented: "Once all petters are removed from the streets, there is little doubt the traffic will increase. Then the street walkers will be come more' visible. "Instead of sneaking out from behind darkened cars, Jerkeley students will be able to walk out into the paths of the Arb in full sight of the housemothers. ' "Towing away couples petting in the wrong zone is a bit extreme, and it will probably keep every moral squad in Jerkei ley overtiitffei "Nevertheless, this regulations is un avoidable because there simply is not enough space for everybody to pet neat the center of the campus during class hours." Chapel Mil jective is gathering background for a worn-", an's novel that she plans, she says her. writing time now will be spent on the thesis; she hopes to complete by the spring. She has done a collection of jokes for minis ters, "For Benefit of Clergy," which proba bly will come out next fall. It has been' accepted by Grosset and Dunlap in New York, and they are looking for an illus trator now. : Her first job was as managing editor for the Ames Daily Tribune in Iowa. Then she worked for the publicity department of a book publishing company, D. C. Heath and Co., in Boston for a year. She met her husband when both were working in public relations for the Navy in Washington, D.C.: She was an aid to the admiral, who was the public relations director. For seven years she wrote a column of down-to-eartir family experiences, "Spouse - Keeping," six times a week. Yes, she sometimes used her own family for subjects, but she put their words in someone else's mouth when ever possible because she feels "there's nothing duller than someone writing about his own children." Tom Collins was reared in Chicago and graduated in journalism from the Univer-. sity of Georgia. His book is titled like his column, "The Golden Years." His wife bor rowed the title of his other column, "The Senior Forum," for another book on retire ment. And Dartnell Corporation soon will release Collins' 12 booklets for industry on retirement's various phases. The Executive Editor and former Foreign News Service Director of 20 years said, "You do some good in newspapering if you're any good. nT Wide tn'' yu can conquer the world." Parental encouragement, inherited abil ities, favorable environment or simply nat ural inclination - something - just might have bred four more journalists: Tom Col ons daughter Carol was a reporter before her marriage, and all three boys aspire tc the profession. yJte lhe CoUins family is as ad ? wlucl they call a good place to rest to tnPS" made" three trips sav fa JUSt retunied fro "aly, and met CLng. 15 De f the of retire ment. The ooys accuse me of always snsisrsf trip on the current ne" added"1"!'.?1'? 15 U" her husband We'rtherVtosf MR. and MRS. TOM COLLINS
Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
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Nov. 7, 1965, edition 1
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