Thursday, July 27, 1972 The Tar Heel 11
Les Wagoner
No
I hometown party
fun
a
Candles in cheap, sleazy Japanese
lanterns cast eerie shadows, dancing
across the walls and ceilings; ice tinkled in
the bourbon-filled glasses and laughter
bawled across the room in raucous,
ear-slapping waves.
The butcher, the baker, the
candlestick maker, all passed the same
time-worn and tired cliches around as
though they were the bright and witty
thoughts they were supposed to be. Even
the quidnuncs were having a thriving
evening.
It was a party. Hadn't I heard? A
party! We were all celebrating. It was a
happy, happy time.
I'm glad someone told me. I was sure
that I had stumbled onto a half dead
wake, having seen more genuine
merriment and enjoyment in a corn field
on a hot, sweaty Friday afternoon.
Ayn Rand covered the situation
perfectly when she said parties were for
people who had something to celebrate.
From what I could see and hear, the
height of celebration for these people
came the day they learned to tie a bow in
shoelaces, without knotting them.
Oh well, into each life, some joy must
rain.
What was that sound? Oh hell, the
"Top-40's-Hits-Parade" was being piped
through a super-poor sound system.
Turned loud enough, anything masks as a
background for these mass miscarriages.
"Hi. Are you going to vote for George
McGovern? Personally, I think he's a
good man, but I just don't believe hell
make a go of it with the common
people."
"My God! Lady," I came back, "I just
got here."
"Well, well. Look who's here. Doing
any more writing for that commie
newspaper? These affairs aren't exactly
your type of thing, judgin' by what you
been writin'. Wouldn't 'a thought ya
would ah been here."
"Hmmmmm. Never thought Id few
been here, either."
Someone jammed a glass in my hand.
"Gin O.K. buddy?"
"Well, actually, I rather prefer to have
Scotch when I drink, but right now I
don't care for anything, thank you."
"Oh! Not a Scotch drinker myself. Gin
and tonic man."
You look it too, I thought to myself as
I grimaced what must have looked like a
sickly grin.
"It's a shame about the Yankees, aint
it."
"I beg your pardon?"
"It's a real shame."
"Yes, I suppose so," I said, wondering
what in hell I was supposed to say.
"You stayin' over tonight?"
"No, actually I've got to drive back to
Chapel Hill tonight. Classes on Monday
morning, you know, and I have to be at
work on Monday afternoon, too. I've got
some studying I've got to get done."
"You oughta stay over, anyway. You
guys dont study or nuthin' down there,
so what difference it gonna make?"
"Sony, I really can't. I've got to write
a column tomorrow and get some reading
done for a couple of courses I'm taking."
"Les! Haven't seen you in ages! Where
in hell you been keepin' yourself? You
comin to Bettie Lou's shindig tomorrow
night?"
"No, I'm driving back to Chapel Hill
tonight. I've got some things to do before
class Monday."
"Saw youh mama 'while back and she
said you was livin' down there now, goin'
to school or sumpin'? Said you don't
hardly ever git home anymore."
"Yes, in school and working."
"Well, funny place to live, 's all I gotta
say."
"Yes, well, you know how it goes." I
was trying to remember some of these
people and wishing desperately that I
hadn't remembered quite a few others.
Promising myself that my revenge on
Jean would be sweet for dragging me to
this affair, I gritted my teeth and tried to
sound and look at least human for the
short while she and I were supposed to
stay at this stockyard shambles.
"Ya want a Bud, fella?"
"No, thanks. I don't care for one."
"Hummmmmph! Try to be nice to
some people!"
That did it. "Jean, it's time for us to
go. We've got to get to Marge's before it
gets too late. We don't want to miss
Scott's singing at the tavern tonight.
Come on!"
"Yes, dear. Just let me say goodbye to
a few of the girls."
Oh my God! Jean's idea of saying
goodnight to a few of the girls means
giving each one a detailed itinerary of
events for the. coming biennial.
"That's O.K. IU take care of it right
now."
"Good night, everybody. Take it easy
and thanks. We've got to go. It was
interesting. Perhaps we'll see you again
the next time we're up." But I hope to
God we don't, I thought to myself as I
hustled Jean and myself out of the house.
The sign says, "Chapel Hill-29 miles."
My mind says, "Chapel Hill-Southern
part of heaven."
Reader says costs of
bing too high
plum
To the editor:
It's a pity some of these students who
have to work to get through school can't
do little plumbing jobs such as were done
for me at such high prices.
Re: "Stores rip off students" by Les
Wagoner. Small consolation it evidently
: $
:'
: The Tar Heel accepts letters to :
i-jj the editor, provided they are typed
: on a 60-space line and limited to a $
:$ maximum of 300 words. All letters gi
: must be signed and the address and :
S phone number of the writer must
::) be included. :
The paper reserves the right to ::
edit all letters for libelous
: statements.
;:: Address letters to Editor, The j$
g Tar Heel, in care of the Student ji?
$: Union.
1
V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.W.V.V,
would be to the students to know that
they are not the only ones "ripped-off,"
over-priced, or whatever we wish to call
it. The writer has before her a plumbing
bill as follows:
2 one-inch fiber fib washers .60
tax .03
labor IVihrs. 12.00 18.00
$18.63
This for putting in 2 30-cent washers, a
job of 15 minutes!! Another one is dated
a day or two later:
1 refill tube .75
tax .03
labor 1 hr. 12.00 12.00
TT78"
$12.00 for putting in a 75-cent tube in
the toilet tank, about a 5-minute job!
There must be a lot of satisfaction in
getting a "liberal" education, but if
someone wants to get rich, why not go
into the plumbing business!
Name withheld by request
Phil Whitesell
.Know
your
9
o
Since it's becoming quite apparent that
most students at the University
(particularly freshmen, transfers and
visiting students) know so little about
campus personalities,' places and events,
this article is intended to inform the
ignorant, enlighten the knowledgeable
and disgust the majority.
Prizes for the most correct answers will
not be awarded but contestants will be
enshrined in The Tar Heel Hall of Fame
(whatever that is) and remembered in the
anals of history.
1 . The chancellor of the University is:
a) J. Carlyle Sitterson
b) N. Ferebee Taylor
c) Jyles Coggins
d) Nyle Frank
2. The sportscaster for University
Television is:
a) Larry Carr
b) Larry Stogner
c) Larry O'Brien
d) Larry Olivier
3. "Silent Sam" is the nickname given to:
a) The guy behind the bar at
Clarence's
b) The wrestling coach
c) The bouncer at Abraxas
d) The ram mascot at the football
games
4. The famous gangster's biography that
is required reading for some courses is
that of:
a) Al Bentz
b) Al Neuman
c) Al Capone
d) Al Inthefamily
5. UNC's cross-town rival is:
a) Duke
b) State
c) Jesse Helms
d) The Karrboro Klansmen
6. A former director for the CBS network
who is now a professor at UNC is:
a) Paul Nickell
b) Paul Crawley
c) Lara Hoggard
d) Paul Coder
7. Jack Cobbs is:
a) An instructor in the English
department
b) A former editor of "The Carolina
Quarterly
c) A pseudonym for a writer of sex
paperbacks
d) a, b and c
8. "The Rock" is:
a) What everyone wants to own a piece
of
b) The weatherman at channel 4
c) Willard Smith
d) Peyton Farquar of the swim team
9. The president of the student body is:
a) Richard Stoner
b) Richard Epps
c) Richard III
d) Richard Daley
10. The "Greek of the Year" award went
to:
a) Frank O. American
b) Nick Galifianakis
c) Spiro Agnew
d) The owner of Hector's
11. The biggest money-makers at the
Varsity Theater during the past year
were:
a) "Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice &
Ozzie & Harriet
b) "Son of Sex-Crazed Vegetable
Man"
c) "Lassie Catches Dodge Fever"
d) "Jim Daily-Ace Reporter"
12. The only "love boutique" in Chapel
Hill is called:
a) Pegasus
b) Adam & Eve
c) Barclay's
d) Bertha Butt, Ltd.
13. The president of the University is:
a) Leonard Woodcock
b) R. Milhous
c) Terry Sanford
d) Leo Jenkins
14. The general manager of Granville
Towers is:
a) Mel Rashkis
b) Mel Daniels
c) Mel Rinfret
d) Mel Douglas
1 5 . The purpose of this article is :
a) Hardly worth mentioning
b) Hamster litter
c) a and b
d) To help me get a job