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Hello. This is Jerk Anderson again, with another
scoop of dirt from the slimy soil of the nation's capital.
An unimpeachable source at the White House, a
rarity these days, has informed this reporter that
President Nixon and former Vice-President Agnew
have patched up their differences and are now
collaborating on a book. My informants in the
publishing industry have obtained a previously secret
set of galley proofs of this book, which is due to be
published next winter under the title, Dick and Ted's
Tax Tips. Here are the chapter summaries of this
upcoming blockbuster:
Chapter One "Cheating the IRS: As American as
Apple Pie;" comprehensive study of the colorful
history of income tax fraud and evasion in the United
States. Case studies of famous tax dodgers of the past
and present, including the current record-holders,
Dick and Ted. The authors explain their own
spectacular attempts, and express a hope that future,
office holders will continue to experiment with their
formulas until perfection is achieved.
Chapter Two "Income Tax Evasion for Fun and
Profit;" The readers get an inside look at large-scale
cheating, as the Dodging Duo explain how a fat salary
and high tax rates can easily be converted into
miniscule payments during youf spare time at home.
They advise their readers to forget about penny-ante
fudging on charity deductions, and move into the more
profitable field of big-time cheating on ill-gotten
capital gains and shady real estate deals. Other high
yield low tax endeavors are also mentioned, like
secret contributions, under-the-table payoffs and the
Letters to the editors
ever-popular kickback.
Chapter Three "How to Turn Your House into a
Beautiful Deduction;" Lists ten ways to make your
home work for you, including: declaring it to be an
"office;" putting in flowers and hedges for "protective
security" purposes; and installing a big swimming pool
for a big deduction. Lots of tips on how to get someone
else to pick up the tab for useless home improvements.
In addition, there is a special section on how any citizen
can change a bundle, of old letters and junk mail into a
bigger bundle of exemptions through the use of
charitable donations for historical purposes. The
authors emphasize that anything can be taken as a
deduction if you have the nerve to put it down, and
they'll show you how to declare everthing from
debutante balls to new furniture without blinking an
eye.
Chapter Four "The Long Arm of the Law, and
How to Chop It Off;" Ted tells the tragic tale of how he
ran afoul of those pesky tax regulations, and he uses
that experience to relate various schemes the reader
can employ to avoid such costly mistakes. There is
advice about obstacles to successful evasion, like
honesty and integrity, and what the reader can do to
avoid them. The use of every possible loophole and
questionable practice is explained in detail, and the
reader is advised to look to the examples of this
nation's leaders for inspiration in overcoming these
legal difficulties. Dick refused to comment in this
chapter.
Chapter Five "If You get Caught, Deny
Everything;" Includes a list of the Duo's favorite time
tested excuses and denials, like: "I cannot recall," "1
was too busy to worry about it," "Talk to my lawyer,"
"No comment" and Ted's favortie, "It was a
conspiracy." Lessons on how to cop a plea, how to
hamper an investigation and how to look innocent
while telling everyone that all of the charges against
you are maliciojis lies circulated by your enemies. Also
included are examples of speeches that can be used for
unequivocal denials or for tear-jerking admissions as a
last resort.
Chapter Six "Does it Pay to Cheatr After a final
evaluation of the pros and cons, of which Dick is the
former and Ted the latter, the Dodging Duo answer
this question with an emphatic "Yes!" They emphasize
the need for the continuation of this sacred American
practice if this nation is to retain its reputation as a
first-rate power in global dishonesty. Mention is also
made of the famous domino theory, and the authors
point out that if one or two people start to employ
integrity in filling out their tax returns, the whole
nation might soon be conquered by the invasion of the
alien force of honesty. Dick and Ted close the book by
disclaiming any responsibility for the consequences of
the content, and they state that if any questions are
raised, they will deny that they ever wrote it.
I can only add that rumors circulating around
Washington have hinted that the purchase price of the
book will be tax deductible. This is Jerk Anderson,
reminding you that if you don't have anything nice to
say about someone, tell it to me.
InincD
9
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To, the editors:
Mr. Cashion's comment regarding the
1868 KKK Law, as reported in the DTH
several weeks ago, seems especially
appropriate at this time since Mr. Cashion
has been attacked by someone wearing a
mask the mask of anonymity. Mr.
Cashion's job and reputation are at stake.
The person who wrote the letter published in
the D7(April 10) should remove his mask.
The circumstances surrounding the letter
indicate that the author is a graduate student
in history. I, as a graduate student in history,
deplore this action by a fellow student.
Furthermore, I call on the editors of the
DTH to discontinue this policy of allowing
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anonymous letters to be printed. The
accused has a right to know and to challenge
his accusers.
William T. Moye
Cashion's work
worthy, exciting
To the editors:
Dear name withheld by request:
After having read your rather impertinent
commentary on Mr. Cashion and the
evaluation you had for his course, I feel that
there are many facts you are deliberately
overlooking. I offer the following in
opposition to your illogical explication:
1) Of most of the "American history
teachers even those teaching North Carolina
history, you will find "Pop" Cashion is one
who not only takes a personal interest in the
student but also is one who makes the
material and subject matter interesting. I
think the extremely low percentage of
absences in both his American history and
North Carolina history classes accounts for
both his popularity and capability as a
teacher in either subjects.
2) Another correction to your letter deals
with your reference to his History 162 course
which you described as "reminiscent of
junior high school history courses with
emphasis on fact, fact fact, trivial detail and
admittedly very entertaining anecdotes."
How can you portray Cashion's History 162
course in this matter is beyond my
recognition because not just Cashion's
course but other history courses offered at
this university place emphasis on fact and
trivia. At least Mr. Cashion attempts to
make the course interesting. North Carolina
history itself is extremely detailed and trivial
which accounts for the content covered on
the tests; moreover, when you condemn Mr.
Cashion for his trivia tests you are alsq
condemning both Dr. Lefler and Mr. Powell
in that the interests are (and were) very much
the same as Mr. Cashion's.
' If you wish to see such changes in the
history department as the one you spoke of
in your letter to the editor, I propose you talk
to Dr. Taylor, head of the history
department and discover for yourself the
impossible task of which you attempt to
propose. I do not feel that Mr. Cashion
should carry the burden of disapproval as
you suggest, I appreciated Mr. Cashion's
History 162 course and hope that he will be
able to remain at UNC.
Russell Proctor
N-9, Royal Park Apts.
Transit system
boon to the Hill
To the editors:
No doubt the proposed hike in parking
fees and the new regulations on campus
parking will bring a storm of protest from
certain quarters. However, I would like to
register my full support of the new measures.
Longtime citizens of Chapel Hill have seen
the number of residents (and automobiles)
double, over the space of a few years. As a
consequence, gardens, woods and residential
sections have been increasingly eliminated to
make way for paved parking lots. The town
and the university have had to face a
decision: whether to curb the number of
automobiles which invade the campus daily,
or to uproot more of Chapel Hill's charm to
accomodate the monster of Detroit.
The town planning commission and
university officials are to be congratulated
for having taken an enlightened stand. The
use of buses and extra-urban parking should
solve a growing problem. For the good of the
community, for the beauty of the campus, to
preserve the high quality of life in Chapel
Hill, I urge car owners to submit to the new
system of public transport. If they refuse,
they may well see McCorkle Place become
the next North Campus parking lot.
Whitney Reed
103 Kenan Street
Letters I
X
:: The Daily Tar Heel welcomes the
expression of all points of view
: through the letters to the editor.
ijij Opinions expressed do not necessarily
:: reflect the views of the editors. This ::
newspaper reserves the right to edit all
jiji letters for libelous statements and
:: good taste.
8 Letters should be limited to 300
words and must include the name,
:: address and phone number of the
: writer. Type letters on a 60-space line ::::
jiji and address them to Editor, The Daily
Tar Heel, in care of the Student j
:: Union. ::
8
Si
82nd Year oj Editorial Freedom
All unsigned editorials are the optraon of the editors. Letters snd
columns represent the opinions of individuals.
Founded February 23, 1893
Thursday, April II, 1974
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The recent housing panic was
caused by about 60 displaced
students. The reason for so much
worry and confusion was that no
one knew who the unlucky ones
would be. Since it could be anyone,
it could be you. Another musical
chairs situation is coming up in the
near future but hopefully, unlike the
housing crunch, it won't become a
crisis.
The new transportation system
will displace (according to current
demand which should decrease)
between 400 and 1,000 commuters.
Hopefully the panic will not increase
proportionally, if it has to exist at
all. Applications went out today and
Wednesday for the decreased
number of spaces. But unlike the
housing situation it will not be
enough to act mature and still fight
like hell for the few remaining
places. It will not be enough to
praise the innovative transit system
and still grab for whatever parking
places you can get.
Attitudes must be changed.
Lifestyles must respond to the twin
problems of energy and space now
faced by the community. In other
words a lot of people will have to
want to ride the bus.
It won't be a question of "Well,
parking places are too expensive so
I'll have to ride the bus." People
must learn, to ride the bus even if
they are free to park on campus.
People should ride the bus because
they feel good conserving energy
and space.
Of course, buses aren't the perfect
solution to the problem. They won't
conserve time as well as everything
else they are saving. Commuters will
have to realize that it will take more
time to drive to a fringe lot and park.
It will take more time to stand on
streetcorners and wait for a bus that
will be late, no matter how exact the
scheduling.. Lost time can be
hopefully cut to a minimum by an
efficient operational management,
but there will still be waiting and
inconvenience and sacrifices that
have to be made. And with luck they
will all be worth it.
If a substantial portion of the
community embraces the transit
plan (and I mean more than
continuing to vote for it, or paying it
lip-service: actually riding on it) then
Chapel Hill will be a better
community. No one will need to
worry about panic in the parking
sign-up lines (or mailing in
applications special deliver'), or the
frustration of present "hunting
license" permits, countless parking
tickets, or a university which is more
parking lot than school. Chapel
Hill's practical version of busing will
be used to provide environmental
quality. We are taking a leading step
and it is a bold one, as it should be.
Ted yes or mo
9
It appears that Senator Edward
Kennedy is fast changing his status
from de facto, on-the-surface,
forever and for all times non
candidate for United States
President, to that of possible
erstwhile non-candidate for that
office.
If that is not the case, we hope
Sen. Kennedy is enjoying his
leisurely sojourn through Bonn,
Warsaw,. Belgrade, Moscow,
Leningrad, etcetera.
Actually, Sen. Kennedy said
before he went that he was going
because he wanted "to make an
impact," presumably on the issue of
U.S.-Soviet detente.
He also said outright, "I'd like to
broaden the options for the
Democratic Party and the American
people." But when he arrived in
Bonn, the only commitment he
made was that he would make a final
decision on whether or not to run in
late 1975.
As they say, he's definitely
keeping his options open.
It all sounds so vague as we sit
back here waiting for a decision of
which we already know the
outcome.
If you stay, vou pay
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steals mi on a
Amnesty is a controversial issue. Nixon '
frowns at the mention of it; yet, in the same
breath, he tries to stalemate Congress's
attempts to increase veterans' benefits.
Exiles, 1 am sure, have had a rough time of
it. Yet, it should be remembered that
veterans have not had it so great either.
America, for the most part in its attempt to
forget the war years, has seemingly turned its
back on vets and their problems.
Unemployment, insufficient Gl Bill, and the
stigma that all Vietnam vets are hard drug
users are the main problems facing vets in
America today.
Vietnam, more so than any otherwar, was
a draftee's war. The greatest percentage of
those who fought and died in combat were
draftees. Those who opted to leave the
country rather than be inducted were
replaced. It was these replacements who
fought and died. "Loss of opportunities"
versus loss of life, limb and the other stresses
of war and military service is a bu lopsided, I
do believe. As a vet, I have mixed emotions
about the whole situation, but I wouldjind it
hard to swallow unconditional amnesty. .
I would like to see all Americans return"
hone; if its their desire to do so. 1 feel that it
is a shame that something as disgusting and
71:3 Daily Tar Heel
Jim Cooper, Grog Turosnk
Editors
ICevSri f.'sCarthy, Managing Editor
i,lzhzz Csl3, Assoclata Editor
'Jssn Swallow, Associate Editor.
Ken Allsn, Nsws Editor
V.ztxXzX Cussr, Feature Editor .
ZHistt Vsrnock, Cports Editor
Tchi Rnlph, Fhclo LCizr
Zzi J-:"r.: l:v;;cz, f:;;: Editor
totally useless as the Vietnam War should
continue to create hardships and misery in
thousands of homes across this nation. Yet,
what about the misery created in thousands
of other homes by those who fulfilled their
military obligation and suffered in so doing.
I disagree with Mr. Jones's viewpoint that
the difference between a draft dodger and a
deserter is "a matter of class background"
' and "the point at which the decision to refuse
Vietnam was made.'" From my limited
experience, and from rap sessions with my
drill sergeant, the impression I have received
is that the greater number of deserters are
enlistee's who go over-the-hill (desert)
during their first two months in the military.
In fact, the point that draftees make better
soldiers than enlistees was the topic of many
discussions and was considered near
unanimously to be true between career
sergeants and officers alike. During this time
period, the trainee has no idea of where his
duty station will be, and, rather than the
moral aspect of Vietnam, I feel that the
pressure and strain of adjusting to military
life is the cause of desertion.
I feel that the question for those in exile is
not "admitting I was wrong and the
minute fraction of Americans, both civilian
and military, feel that the war in Vietnam
was right. But, I feel that draft evaders do
owe a debt. If they feel that alternate service
is too great a price for their return, then they
should stay abroad. It was their decision to
leave while others stayed and fulfilled their
committments. Deserters have little right to
begrudge the system, for the first six weeks in
the Army, I was saturated with films,
lectures and pamphlets describing the effect
desertion would have on my family and my
future. To allow the return of deserters
would belittle the effort "of those who stayed
and stuck it out. .
Gary Lobraico
is .
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3 I
3
To the editors:
1 am opposed to blanket amnesty. Either
the thousands in exile in Canada are the
cream of the moral crop or a hell of a lot of
them are lying, because in every article I've
ever read by a war register, which is the title
they prefer rather than draft-dodger or
deserter, they've all given the same reason for
leaving the U.S. a high sense of moral
obligation.
Bullshit.
The reasons that the majority left are that
they are lacking in self-discipline and cannot
accept responsibilities. I say this because I
spent a year flying helicopters in Vietnam
and know what pressures there are on
individuals in a combat environment. '
Here are a few examples. The helicopter's
door-gunner is mainly responsible for his
and the crewchiefs machinegun. If these
two guns jam your aircraft is defenseless, and
at times this could mean the difference
betw een making it out of an area or not. The
crewchief is mainly responsible for the
maintenance on the aircraft. If something
malfunctions in flight and you are forced to
land it could be the last time.you will land,
because friendly basecamps are often
damned few and far between.
The pilot is not only responsible for a
S350.COO aircraft, but also for the lives of
everyone on board. He is continuously
making judgements while flying the aircraft
in which if he miscalculates he could kill
himself and a lot of others. Please note that
these decisions are often made while the
enemy is trying very hard to kill him. Any of
these responsibilities are hard to handle.
Here is one example of self-discipline. As a
pilot one of your jobs is to take your aircraft
hto an area where guys are going to be
shooting at you, let your troops off, and get
out. Then do it again, again, and again. Then
go back to your basecamp so that the
maintainance people can repair the WT&B
(wear, tear, and bullet) damage to your
aircraft so that you can go out tomorrow and
do it again.
This goes on every day for 365 days. You
count the days off one by one and wonder
just how long your luck is going to last.
Someone once defined bravery as
controlled fear. I agree. 1 don't consider
myself as being exceptionally brave 1 was
as scared on my last combat assault mission
as I was on my first but I and everyone with
me did have enough self-discipline to
maintain our composures in a shitty
situation and help keep each other alive.
When I joined the Army I knew what the
consequences would be as did the other guy
when he left for Canada. He should be strong
enough to accept these consequences, but
now he's unhappy. He's whining to come
home. The few who left the country because
they actually were morally opposed to the
war have my sympathy and respect. The
others do not They won't even accept
alternative service of any kind.
When you advocate blanket amnesty for
them you are giving everyone who was ever
in any of the services a slap in the face. Think
about it.
If I sound a little angry it's because I'm
tired of seeing guys get out of the service and
all they get is an "Oh really?" from their
friends and an insufficient monthly veterans
benefits check from the government.
Meanwhile everyone else is busy weeping for
the poor exile in Canada. How about
someone weeping for a few of my friends
who had their heads blown off in Vietnam.
They can never come home again either.
Rick Brown
A-7 University Gardens