Bartender
fender
I Ddi l
Complaining readers get personal cocltail recipes
By JOSH KARDON
I truly enjoy getting letters about this column. Many
of these letters contain good drink ideas as well as some
kind words. However, not everyone is delighted with my
articles, as some of the mail indicates. I thought I might
air a few of these letters and deal with each accordingly.
Dear Sir, . .
, . I was shocked and saddened to read your ar
- tide appearing in The Daitylar Heel on Septem
. ber 1 7, 1 981 . Isn't it enough that you advocate the
7 ' use of alcoholic stimulants? Must you also encour
age this country's youth to engage in "Orgasm af
ter Orgasm?" Don't you realize the serious impli
cations of your urgirigs? The good book never men
tions anything about Orgasms, only man's sacred
duty to multiply under the holy sanctity of mar
riage. There is no roorri f or Orgasms in marriage! I
can assure you that my wife and I have never had,
and will never have an Orgasm.
I will pray for your return to spiritual and men
tal health, you pitiful and demented person, you.
Hoi ier-than thou, anyday, '
Rev. Gerry Halwell
P.S. Don't bother ever running for political office.
I have in my possession action photos of some of
your exploits at a nearby massage parlor.
Bummer. You shoot from below the hip, rev. As a
matter of fact, ! have a drink just for you the Dirty Ba
nana. After all, you're the biggest one I've ever seen. .
Pour 1 Va oz. vodka and V oz. kahlua over ice. Add 1
oz Creme de banana (the syrup) and 2 oz. cream. Shake
and garnish with two straws, Gerry, one for both sides-of
your mouth.
Dear Mr. Kardon, ' -
We certainly enjoyed your article in the Spot
light last week (Oct. 1, 1981) concerning the writ
ing of term papers. However, due to the prompt
ing of your former English 1 T.A., we have investi
gated the footnoting in your final paper and find
you in violation of the honor code concerning pla
' gerism. You are hereby suspended from school for
a period of no less than one year. This is effective
as of the first day of the spring semester.
Yours truly, :
Majoris Drool, Chmn. Honor Court
What a practical joker! 1 mean, this has to be a joke;
right? I always thought there was some sort of statute of
limitations. Oh well, I've been wanting to take some
time off for a while now. Honor Court, may I suggest a
drink for your most ruthless selves the Banana Ban
shee. Pour 1 Vi oz. banana liquer and 1 oz. vodka over ice
Add Va oz. white creme de cacao and 2 6z: cream.
Shake vigorously. The Honor Court always gets their
man.
Dear Sir, -
After following your column over the last nine
months, we are saddened to see the alarming de
cline of humor in your column. First you resort to
writing about sex for a cheap laugh. What will
come next weak humor at the expense of well
known campus personalities?
Lighten up, . .
Randy Harpon and Earl Warren
Law students for Better Humor
; Okay. Okay. So I bailed out with a cheap gimmick. I
was groping for an idea! Hell, I was a week late and my
editor kept calling. How much longer would she believe
it was "in the mail?" So I groped, okay? I mean, give me
a good beat and Til show you some humor. You ought to
try writing a humorous weekly article about a mixture of
rye, barley, corn and assorted fruits. I bet you'd be a real
funny guy.
Here is a drink just for you, fellows the Jelly Bean.
Pour AVa oz. of both grenadine and Southern Comfort
over ice. Stir and float 1 oz. Bacardi 151. This can also
be fixed as a flaming drink by pouring the drink in the
same order without the ice. I hope you singe your nostril
hairs. q)
Josh Kardon is a graduate of the Fox School of Mixol
ogy and bar manager at Harrison's on Franklin Street
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Spotlight October 29,1 981
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