8The Tar HeelThursday, July 24, 1986
ave a. little for a rainy day
Turn on the shower and wait for the water
to reach the perfect shade of tepid before you
get in and spend 15 minutes of luxury. When
you have washed away yesterday's grit and
grime, or whatever it was that mussed your hair
in the night, you exit clean and refreshed. You
brush your teeth, letting the water run down
the drain until two or three minutes later when
you rinse. You flush the toilet, shave with the
water running and then, squeaky-clean, head out
into the hot. sweaty drought-stricken world.
North Carolina hasn't had any substantial rain
for months and still faces yet another hot
summer month with no relief in sight. Pools
are being closed, restaurants are urged to use
plastic tableware, residents cannot wash their
cars or water brown lawns, and fish are boiling
in the 80-degree lakes.
Yet toilets continue to flush, dishwashers
continue to wash, faucets run and virtually every
household and dorm room in the village
continues to use water unabated in spite of the
drought. Voluntary water conservation mea
sures imposed by the Orange County Sewer and
Water Authority were imposed, but the next
week water use actually increased. O WAS A was
forced to back up the voluntary stage one
measures with stage two and three mandatory
conservation measures that include! fines and
or jail sentences.
The graveness of the situation is clear.
Negotiations are under way to build a two-mile
pipeline to bring water in from Falls Lake in
Wake County through the Durham water system
in order to avert the catastrophe that will happen
if rainfall continues at its present rate zero.
With the town now at stage three, there is serious
cause for alarm. The University, the major water
user, may have to be delay the fall term in order
for the town to have any water buildup at all.
If the situation becomes so severe that the
conservation measures have to be upgraded to
stage five, water to all residences would be shut
off completely and all water would be rationed
from corner fire hydrants. No more showers,
no more dishwashers and no more running
A little conservation now could prevent these
occurrences. If residents continue to use water
as they always do, with no rainfall to replenish
the supply, the situation could become extremely
inconvenient for non-students who don't have
the luxury of going home to areas with vast
Beaiaty contest saves world
A new Miss Universe was crowned in Panama
Cily, Panama, by the eminent Bob Barker
Monday night. . .
The contest began with 77 contestants
representing countries ranging from the USA
to the Cook Islands. Ten minutes into the
pageant 66 of the most promising contestants
were eliminated in one fell swoop for purely
political reasons. All contestants from Southeast
Asia, Asia or the Middle East were eliminated,
although Miss Malaysia was clearly a contender.
The. five finalists were chosen within the next
half hour. Miss USA needed to be, and was,
chosen by the virtue of her long-legged Texas
beauty, but her chances of winning were slim
due to worldwide anti-American sentiment. Miss
Poland was an excellent choice for a finalist,
being the only contestant from a Communist
nation. It would have been fun to see the Jodie
Foster look-alike (imagine if Jodie were real,
real pretty) tooling around Warsaw in the grand
prize RX-7, but the powers that be wouldn't
have it. Miss Columbia was strikingly beautiful,
but the South American presence became
inordinately high so, her chances were slim,
especially in view of past relations between her
country and Panama. Miss Chile's selection was
a mystery the women was so ugly that the
only explanation for her presence was that her
father' had bought her the semi-final spot.
Another possibility was that she was genuinely
the best Chile had to offer a lot of people
have been disappearing in Chile lately. Miss
Finland was a hot ticket, but in the interview
portion she asked for an interpreter and
answered the questions in English. Her English
vocabulary was limited to two or three phrases
like "I do model work," and "I hope to do model
work." She became confused when Bob asked
her to expand on these comments, and had to
resort to the interpreter. You had to feel for
her because it was clear that these few phrases
had always been enough in the past. Her Finnish
probably wasn't ready to tackle weightier
When it. came down to choosing the winner
the judges had to do some quick thinking to
avoid the the outbreak of a small: revolution
in the auditorium dissent was spreading like
wildfire. The Panamanians had made their pick
and if they weren't placated, they were clearly
ready to overthrow the judges, Panama's
President Delvalle and his military master, Gen.
Noriega of Panama (the biggest drug-runner in
the Western Hemisphere, according to Jesse
Helms, but he hasn't met Miss Chile's dad).
Chile was mercifully the first to be eliminated.
The judges chose Finland as the fourth runner
up, the judges probably took off a lot of poise
points for her interveiw blunder. Miss Poland
was the third runner-up, but she didn't seem
to mind; Poles under the Soviet whip are used
to not getting what they want by now. Columbia
was the next to go. Her country hasn't been
on the best terms with Panama since Panama
won its independence from them. That was
before we got Panama, and Columbia invaded
us with an endless supply of drugs. It finally
came down to the Miss USA and Misk Venezuela
standing side by side, and things didn't look good
for the 6-foot Texan. If she won the audience
would demand blood, and the judges weren't
ready to surrender themselves, Bob Barker, or
the future of the strategic isthmus of Panama.
Miss Venezuela was awful-looking,: her upper
lip sporting a deep cleft that even her electric
red lipstick couldn't hide. But the audience was
ready to burn the place if their girl didn't win,
and that girl was not to be that Yankee
imperialist pig, Miss USA.
And the runner-up is ... Miss USA. A
revolution put down, an entire continent
placated, the status quo maintained. Miss
Venezuela took the crown due not to her beauty,
but to maintain the world balance in an uneasy
(3tj ar mini
Jo Fleischer Jill Gerber co-editors
John deVille photography editor
Scott Greig city editor
Tracy Hill news editor
Eddy Landreth sports editor
Michelle Tenhengel arts editor
Christopher Baroudi, Mike Berardino, Chip Beverung, Bonnie
Bishop, James Burrus, Catherine Cowan, Ruth Davis, David
Foster, Nancy Harrington, Bill Logan, Matt Long, Dwight Martin,
Steve Matteson, Randall Patterson, Sally Pearsall, Wendy
Stringfellow, Julia White and Katie White.
Monarchy will continue
as long as interest does
Andy and Fergie got married
yesterday. That's Prince Andrew and
Sarah Ferguson for those of you who
don't keep up with the royal gossip.
Much is made by the colonists
(that being us Americans) of the
maintenance of such a tradition. We
claim that.' the continuation of the
monarchy in the latter half of the 20th
-century is a capitulation to tradition
that has no basis in realistic need.
After all, Britain has a prime
minister and a parliament to replace
absolute rule; why keep a 600-room
palace, yacht, polo club etc., going
for the sake of few people who just
happen to born to the right parents
or in yesterday's case get married
into the fold? Why keep it where the
host country is suffering a prolonged
recession with high unemployment.
1 venture a guess.
"The King is dead. Long live the
King." Translation - A mortal has
passed away. The tradition lives on."
Why has this particular feudal
tradition survived into democratic
society? Two reasons with the second
being contained within the first.
One is that the monarchy has
ceased to be an arm of absolute rule
and has been transformed into a
sphere of nationalistic escapism.
The second is that there is a desire
for such an opiate.
British royalty is fairyland pre
served, a terrarium inhabited by'
exotic humans who are clothed, fed
and jeweled by the common people
of the United Kingdom in exchange
for the privilege of being examined
under a microscope.
In a prime example of overkill, the
activities of the royal family are
recorded by the Fleet Street press,
which are in turn exaggerated to the
point of incredibility and then
touched off by three-inch headlines
and grainy, intrusive photographs.
This pathetic excuse for journalistic
endeavor is welcomed by the tabloid
addicted public. "Those crazy Brit
ish," we chuckle.
But we have our own tabloids and
royalty though we do not furnish
them with palaces. Not in real life,
anyway. Or at least we don't think
The Port Bow
Enter The National Enquirer, the
Star and the Globe. Who graces their
- covers regularly other than Linda
Evans, Joan Collins and John For
sythe? Ladies and gentlemen, 1
present you Dynasty, complete with
mansion, wardrobe, jewelry and
regal names like Crystal and Alexis.
The other palacial estate which holds
our attention from time to time are
the lords and ladies from South Fork.
The question of "Who shot J.R.?"
might as well have been "Who hath
attempted to slay His Majesty King
It seems at first glance that Amer
ican royalty is synonomous with
beautiful capitalists a bit of a
revolting thought but harmless in of
itself. But J.R. and Sue Ellen are not
heads of state and hence they do not
serve the need for a living symbol
America's need for such a symbol
becomes evident when we make the
transition from treating Hollywood
actors like royalty to treating
national leaders like royalty. Or in
one case, having a Hollywood actor
who acts like royalty and is perceived
as such and thus has the presidency
bestowed upon him twice.
Ron isn't the first monarch in our
history. FDR came close as did
President Kennedy in his "Camelot."
On this , day after a momentous
royal event, 1 propose that we borrow
from the mother country, dig into
our coffers and create the office of
Your Highness. An office that can
fulfill the need to observe an ani
mated symbol of America while
giving power to a person who is seen
as fallible and thus feels a sense of
responsibilty to the material rather
than mythological needs of his or her
John de Ville is a senior philosophy
major from Highlands.