10The Daily Tar Heel Wednesday, September 21, 1988
96th year of editorial freedom
Karen Bell, News Editor
MATT BlVENS, Associate Editor
KlMBERLY EDENS, University Editor
JON K. RUST, Managing Editor
Will Lingo, aty Editor
Kelly Rhodes, Arts Editor
CATHY McHUGH, Omnibus Editor
Jean Lutes, Editor
KAARIN TlSUE, News Editor
LAURA PEARLMAN, Associate Editor
KRISTEN GARDNER, University Editor
SHARON KEBSCHULL, State and National Editor
MIKE BERARDINO, Sports Editor
LEIGH ANN McDONALD, Features Editor
KlM DONEHOWER, Design Editor
DAVID MINION, Photography Editor
Lost in a maze of parking plans
Figuring out
who makes deci-
sions about park- DOaru
irig on this campus Opinion
is like trying to find
a parking Space
near Kenan Stadium on a football
Saturday.
Your head swivels from left to right,
searching for that elusive empty space.
Fate plays cruel tricks. First, you think
you see a spot, but it turns out that
the Traffic and Parking Advisory
Committee is parked there.
You slowly circle around once
again, passing the Department of
Parking and Transportation Services
and the Office of the Vice Chancellor
of Business and Finance. Then, you
honk and curse your path is blocked
by New Construction.
At last! You see the perfect space
ahead.
Everything will make sense if you
can only get to it in time. You speed
up, because you know youVe found
the right answer, the end of the road
for parking proposals. Chancellor
Paul Hardin appears, smiling and
waving you in. But it was not meant
to be: the chancellor's Ad Hoc Com
mittee on Parking pulls in just ahead
of you.
Confused? Of course. No one group
is charged with planning for parking
at UNC. The final decisions are left
up to the chancellor, but he gets
information from so many different
sources that it's almost impossible to
trace a chain of command.
The Traffic and Parking Advisory
Committee (TP AC), a group of stu
dents, faculty and staff, makes parking
proposals to the vice chancellor of
business and finance, who then makes
recommendations to the chancellor.
But Chancellor Hardin also has an ad
hoc committee of vice chancellors,
appointed by former Chancellor
Christopher Fordham before he left
office.
This lack of central coordination has
helped to create the current parking
crunch. If such coordination existed,
officials would have been forced to
contend with the parking problem
much earlier, rather than waiting until
it reached crisis proportions.
Officials must commit themselves to
a logical parking system, one that takes
into account the needs of all aspects
of the University community and one
that does not tolerate special deals or
make promises that can't be kept.
There's one bright spot in the
contortions of parking recommenda
tions: student opinion is being sought.
Three forums today at 7 p.m. in
Morehead Cellar and at 9 p.m. in
Carmichael and Thursday at 7:30 p.m.
in Morrison Rec Room are being
held to hear the student side of the
parking situation.
Go forth and voice your opinion.
Filling those exotic red tables
Deep in the bowels of the Student
Union is a room straight from the set
of "Radio Days." Remember the club
where the dumb girl saw her Mafioso
boss get gunned down? You know, the
place is all smoky and dim, and
everything is red and black.
The room in the Union hasn't seen
such blood and guts excitement yet,
but just about any night of the week,
you can find free live entertainment
to suit any taste. Yes, indeed, it's the
Union Cabaret and after many moons
in planning, the Cabaret is ready.
The red, blue and purple lights chase
around the stage upon command. The
sound is outstanding and the rented
equipment will soon be replaced with
pieces bought by the Union. The walls
are painted black, and red tables lend
an exotic accent to the place. Now all
the Cabaret needs is a regular audience
to fill those neat red tables.
The Union Cabaret fills a void in
the social lives of underage students
and in the fiscal budgets of any
student; few places in Chapel Hill cater
to the underage crowd, nor do many
offer free, live entertainment. The
Cabaret is conveniently located, and
organizers encourage students to drop
by for study breaks, or even after
football games.
Cabaret committee members hope
that soon, students will get a more laid
back attitude about the Cabaret and
stop in just to see what is playing on
any given night.
Billy Pizer, committee chairman,
says he wants people to trust the
organizers' judgment. "One of our
goals is to expose people to a greater
cross-section of music, as well as give
local bands a chance for publicity,"
Pizer said. "People aren't taking
advantage of what we're offering down
here."
Once the Cabaret gets off the
ground, the Union hopes to extend its
programs to include readings spon
sored by the Cellar Door or the English
department, as, well as presentations
by the Lab Theater and the drama
department. Features like New Band
Night, Talent Night, and lunchtime
programming are all in the planning
stages, too.
If the Cabaret can't draw crowds,
it won't be cost effective. Committee
members will be forced to open the
room to private campus organizations
such as fraternities, sororities or
residence halls. Should the room be
used for private functions, the whole
purpose would be defeated the
entire student body pays for the
Cabaret through student fees and it
should always be open to everyone.
So use your student fees wisely.
Bring your own beer, prepare for great
music and come to the Cabaret.
Laura Pearlman
Forest fire debate still rages
In the wake of some of the most
severe forest fires of the 20th century,
the National Park Service is under a
lot of heat from environmentalists over
its fire suppression policies.
Already this summer, at least 70,000
fires have damaged some four million
acres of territory. Yet, most scientists
feel that this years' fires will help rather
than hurt the ecosystem.
That logic is the principle behind
the "let it burn policy." For a century,
dating from 1872, the strategy was to
immediately put out all new fires, a
routine that stemmed from public
outcries over the destruction of wild
life. Officials refer to this practice as
the "Bambi syndrome."
Starting in 1972, Department of
Interior officials decided to pursue a
new policy of burning. This was done
to slow the accumulation of natural
fuels, such as dead wood and pine
cones. The abundance of these mate
rials, caused by the old policy of
immediate suppression,' leads to more
catastrophic fires such as this
summer's blazes.
Most experts feel that controlled
burning is a viable policy for reducing
these natural fuels.
However, the drought and record
high temperatures have created many
more difficulties for the NPS and for
United States Forest Service officials.
The unusually high dryness of the
terrain has sparked more fires over a
much greater spread of land.
Michael Scott of the Wilderness
Society states: "A hundred ninety-nine
years out of 200, it works. This is the
200th year."
Yet, Park and Forest Service offi
cials, along with a consensus of
scientists and environmentalists,
rightly see little reason to depart from
the current course. Restoring the
mandatory fire suppression policy
would be. a mistake. Don't be afraid
of the Bambi Syndrome; deer don't
eat pine cones anyway. Dave Hall
Live from Student Health: it's Typhoid Ian
TTwas going to be jovial, wistful and witty
today, but sometime last Friday whilst
JJLl slumbered, a legion of bacteria
invaded my being and left behind a
biological stocking stuffer that the doctors
call "microplasmic bronchitis." I call it
"being real miserable for no apparent
reason," which of course is the worst part
of this kind of illness I didn't wander
drunk through the snow or kiss some
fabulous Typhoid Mary to get it, so it's
kind of like being grounded for something
you didn't enjoy doing. Fortunately,
writing requires no physical movement,
and you, the DTH readerV can't catch
anything by reading the ramblings of a sick
man, so 111 try but remember that my
synapses are misfiring on a mental rifle
range flooded with codeine.
Whereas other megaliths of entertain
ment like Good Morning America and
Wheel of Fortune get to travel to exotic
vacationlands like Daytona and Pitts
burgh, I am writing to you live on location
from Clinic 3 of our very own esteemed
Student Health Center. I have no blonde
co-host with which to engage in' witty
banter about the weather, only a ragged
back-issue of Outdoor Life and a brunette
sitting across from me who looks up in
disgust every time I do something partic
ularly violent phlegm-wise. I'm not sure
what her problem is; if anything, the
Student Health waiting room is the one
place on campus you're allowed to let it
all hang 6ut the guy down the row
sneezes all over his psychology lab, the girl
two seats from me sits upright and snores
with her mouth gaping open everyone
exchanges hollow-eyed glances of misery
like passengers in a cart jostling along the
track to Auschwitz. I, however, view Clinic
3 as a special country club for bacteria.
All you need is a social security number
Ian Williams
Wednesday's Child
and a debilitating illness, and you have
access to some great periodicals and the
cleanest bathrooms in the Triangle area.
They lead my wracked frame of a body
to the let-me-take-your-temperature-honey
room, where I show them my
impressive thermostatic range. My body
runs a little hotter than most import
engines, about 101 degrees to be exact, so
that I have a fever even when I'm perfectly
healthy. This sort of thing came in useful
on multi-gender nighttime camping trips
and especially during grade school, when
it was a biological carte blanche out of
class for clueless Iowan school nurses
but when I really do get a fever and I start
to braise vegetables on my forehead, the
powers that be get concerned. They ship
me to the blood-letters station, a magical
land where everyone looks like Madge of
Palmolive dishwashing fame. As the AB
negative flows out of my arm, I begin to
drift into a feverish dream sequence.
Interns and grad students dance around
me singing some ancient song about
swollen glands and urine samples, and
before I know it, I'm surrounded by four
walls cluttered with gothic inscriptions of
B. A.'s, B.S.'s and Ph.D.'s. My doctor leans
back in his chair, holding aloft my file.
"Mr. Williams, you seem to have
microplasmic bronchitis."
"What does that mean?" I croak.
"It means you're sick."
"When will I feel better?" .
"When you're well," he says, showing
his subtle yet powerful mastery of the
obvious. "Here, have some Erythromycin."
Erythromycin seems to be the drug of
choice at this place. I have a feeling that
I could come to Student Health having
lost a leg and hop away with a bag full
of E-mycin under my arm.
Inside the Pharmacy Conference room
sits Judy Ludy, who not only has one of
the best names in show business but is the.
wise grandmother queen bee of UNC
pharmacy sort of the female medicine
man of the Research Triangle tribe.
"Now you've taken this before, right?"
she asks.
"More times than you can possibly
imagine." Hospitals make me hostile. Judy,
smiles and says, "Well have it for you in;
a minute."
Luckily,, the pharmacy in the basement;
is pretty fun, especially since the walls are.
lined with cool fliers that you can take,
home to spice up your dorm room. I pick
up some of my favorites, "Venereal Warts
and You" and "Drugs, Drugs, Drugs," and,
plop down in one of the seats to read..
Midway through a cool diagram in
"Vaginitis!" I look up and there's that same
brunette looking with primeval disdain at
me and my flier, so I make the loudest
mucous noise I can muster and leave her
in a heap of disgust as my prescription
and I limp off into the sunset.
Alas, I shall make this short, as my
lifespan seems to be doing the same. So
I shall schlep off to bed, Typhoid Ian, as
the last waves of codeine wash over my.
glossy soul . . . '
Contributions to the Get Well Ian Fund,
can be sent to Los Angeles in care of his
mommy.
Readers - For mm
Lying down
the law
To the editor.
Good grief! How could you
do this to me? DTH reporter
Cheryl Pond called me for
comments on her "Mind Win
dows" piece that appeared in
Friday's paper. She asked if I
was skeptical about expensive
high-tech ways of attaining
relaxation. I said, "I don't know
if it beats lying out in the
Arboretum with a friend and
a can of beer." Somehow my
quite proper "lying" got trans
lated into the 1980's illiteracy,
"laying." This is particularly
embarrassing in that my Psych
94 class is currently working on
a grammar-spelling-usage exer
cise in which they must recog
nize the error in the sentence
"she must be laying in the sun
too much." Cheryl: how could
you? Students: dont come to
class on Tuesday having missed
this one.
EDWARD JOHNSON
Department of Psychology
Cartoon lied
about NRA
To the editor:
As a student of this great
University for the last two
years, I have witnessed many
attacks on conservative issues
by the liberal-dominated Daily
Tar Heel. And, admittedly, my
apathy for these same issues has
kept me silent. But Jeff Chris
tian's editorial cartoon in the
Sept. 17 DTH has shocked and
angered me into speaking out.
At the very least, Christian's
cartoon is in extremely poor
taste. At its worst, it is nothing
short of offensive. Christian's
'111 pi
false, indeed malicious, attack
on the National Rifle Associ
ation distorts the true nature of
its members, and of the group's
goals.
As. a member of the NRA,
let me be the first to assure you
that, we are not paramilitary
fanatics or "crackpots." We do
not don military fatigues and
intimidate our legislatures with
knives, hand grenades and
automatic rifles. And we most
certainly do not gun down
officers of the law in cold
blood. Quite the contrary -
the NRA is composed of men
and women , of all races , and
from all walks of life. We count
among our ranks doctors,
lawyers, teachers, housewives,
factory workers, students and
a large number of police offic
ers, whose only desire is to live
their lives in peace and safety.
So, having cleared up the oft-
tarnished image of the NRA,
let me address the second
untruth Christian so lordly
advanced in his editorial car
toon: that of police support for
gun-control bills. While it is
true that the majority of police
administrators, the pencil
pushers, support the enactment
of such laws, the overwhelming
majority of rank-and-file police
officers who actually walk a
beat do not support such
legislation.
Finally, I feel I must explain
the main reason for the very
existence of the NRA: to ensure
that a citizen's Second Amend
ment rights are not being
abridged by firearm control
laws. Such laws simply do not
work because they serve to
control only legally purchased
weapons. However, 83 percent
of all felonies committed with
a firearm are committed with
stolen or otherwise, illegally
obtained weapons. Conse-r
quently, gun-control laws effec
tively disarm the private citizen;
while leaving the illegally-:
armed criminal to prey upon
the populace. An excellent
example of the failure of gun
control laws is New York City.
In closing, I only hope that
my letter is unnecessary; that
the readers of this paper were
able to see through Christian's
editorial cartoon and to the
truth. If one takes the time to
think, the only way to effec
tively disarm both citizens and
the criminal element is a man
datory, country-wide search of
all persons and their property.
See George Orwell and Big
Brother for details.
STEVE OLJESKI
Junior
Chemistry
Freedom of expression a right for ill
"As usual, those whose dogmas are the
most unintelligible are also , the most
angry. " Thomas Jefferson
The CIA is coming back. Surprise,
Surprise. x
After last year's protest shenan
igans, perhaps some people thought the
agency had been cowed by the UNC Bike
Club. But 1 1 knew better. Any criminal
organization capable of mass murder is
certainly capable of facing down a few
trendinistas with bad haircuts.
Of course, the futility of "the struggle"
is never daunting to true revolutionaries.
"We know we're in for a long fight," Dale
McKinley, head harpy, told the DTH. I
don't doubt his sincerity. I simply doubt '
that his fight is with the CIA at all.
To divine the McKinley group's true
target, let's imagine an all-too-possible
scenario their victory. No more inter
views on campus. Who will suffer? Not
the CIA, unless one presumes that the
agency cannot sustain itself without UNC
graduates. We're a great group of students,
I daresay, but not indispensible to the
security of the free world.
No, the CIA protesters are more
interested in intimidating the University.
"Just the fact that after our actions last
semester Career Planning and Placement
still invited (the CIA) here shows we need
to do some more work," says McKinley,
ever the scold.
But even the University is not the
ultimate target of the protest. Like the CIA
John Hood
Guest Writer
itself, UNC has little to lose if it gives in
to the protesters, except a little self-respect.
What McKinley and his cohorts really
want is to prevent students from interview
ing with or, horror of horrors, getting a
job with the CIA. Granted, this is designed
to communicate a political message. But
the principle that students, like any other
human beings, have the right to associate
with or go to work for whomever they
choose seems lost in the symbolic shuffle.
IH not argue the case for covert action,
or intelligence gathering, or even assassi
nation of enemy leaders. If these are truly
uncivilized measures, a better strategy for
combating them might be to encourage
socially conscious students to join the CIA
and change it from within.
The point is that CIA protesters are
employing intimidation, obstruction,
trespass and other strong-arm tactics to
take away the rights of their fellow
students. This fact cannot be obscured by
a cloak of self-righteousness, or explained
away as a means to some greater cause.
In this country, we are not supposed to
treat individual rights as a means to any
end. Rights are the end. That was the
fundamental message, the "self-evident
truth" of Jefferson's Declaration of
Independence.
I don't think the CIA protesters accept
this basic truth. For instance, McKinley
and-others have failed to disassociate
themselves with and indeeed have
actively supported two Lumbee Indians
who allegedly took hostages at a Robeson
County newspaper earlier this year. The
Lumbees say they were protesting corrup
tion and racial inequities in the county.
But they did so by taking away the liberty
and threatening the 'safety of innocent
people. In short, they are terrorists. V
And don't forget that the CIA activists
are the same ones who foisted divestment
on the University, looking the other way
when their radical heroes in South Africa
were necklacing black "collaborators." ;
A distinct pattern emerges. Activists are
trampling basic human rights in the name
of a higher cause. Yet, what do they say
their cause is? Human rights.
It's time the University community
condemns this -dangerous hypocrisy.
Enforcing the Honor Code on students
who flagrantly, callously violate it would
be a good start. The cause of justice";
whether in Robeson County or overseas,
should be advanced by those with a
consistent commitment to individual rights
not by those who employ the tactics
of tyrants.
John Hood is a senior journalism major
from Charlotte. ;