12OmnibusThursday, November 3, 1988
THOUGHTS
Pondering the reality of lemons and vegetarians
By ELIZABETH ELLEN
Staff Columnist
Society is very warped when a
consumer can buy frozen lemo
nade concentrate made with
artificial flavorings and furniture
polish made with real lemon juice,
in fact, it is a disturbing symptom
when anyone feels the need to use
the adjective "real" in describing
lemon juice. The substance either
is or is not lemon juice. "Real" has
nothing to do with it.
I do fee! the need to use the
word "reaL" Maybe you should feel
disturbed.
Watergate is equally disturbing,
and its aftertaste hangs around
longer than that of synthetic
lemonade. Jeb Pagruder acknowl
edged his own sleaziness when he ,
pleaded guilty to obstruction of
justice with regard to the Water
gate affair. Now, processed and
repackaged as the Rev. Magruder,
Jeb has his own church and is
heading a commission on ethics
and values in Columbus. Ohio. (He
wanted to be processed and pack
aged like Chicken McNuggets and
call himself the Rev. McCruder.
However, McDonald's, wanting
nothing to do with him, ethics or
Columbus, vetoed the idea).
Magruder claims, "My politics is the
politics of Jesus now."
On the surface, Magruder now
lives an exemplary life, in his spare
time he marries Midwestern cou
ples, baptizes Midwestern tots,
drinks cleaning products and
cleans his furniture with soft
drinks.
A boll weevil Is a Southern bug
(with a long snout). A certain river
rising in the southwestern Ukraine
is the Southern Bug. Its snout is
not noticeably long, nor does it
destroy cotton, but it does empty
into the Dnieper estuary.
One of the all-time great eccen
tric political parties is the now
defunct vegetarian Party. Even
though Vegetarians ran presiden
tial candidates in several elections,
they didnt actually get on the
ballot anywhere, which is exactly
how the party wanted it.
According to Vegetarian philo
sophy, getting on the ballot is
something only evil parties do.
Party leaders were quoted as
saying, "If we got on the ballot,
we'd be just as bad as the Demo
crats and the Republicans. All
they've got is power, and you
know what that does. It corrupts."
Vegetarians were against killing
animals for food or fur. "we
believe women should be child
bearing, not furbearing,'' was an
environmentally sound but
extremely sexist anti-trapping
slogan of the party. The Vegetar
ian Party was radically pacifist and
iS
fzf American Hoart
U Association
. WERE FIGHTING FOR,
VDURUFE " .v
probably would have advocated
the use of artificial lemonade to
eliminate the Southern bug and
Jeb Magruder if pinned down on
these issues. -Vegetarians
also opposed the
policy of closing bars at r am
when we go back on standard
time. Although prepared to settle
for a year-round 2 a.m. closing
time, they really felt that bars
should be open until everybody
leaves. The reasoning behind this
position was that people who are
drinking in bars are not out doing
evil things like killing animals,
starting wars or getting on ballots.
Sure makes sense to me.
Tfe) IlilT WOT? 337
1. Quality.
It is quite possible to find cheaper car stereos
than those we sell at Stereo Sound. But personally,
we've had a number of unpleasant experiences
with cheap car stereos. (Several years ago we sold '
some "bargains" that came back to haunt us.')
In any case, we decided some time ago to sell
nothing but high-quality, reliable car stereo
. components. We wouldn't be ashamed to sell our
least expensive system to a close friend or relative.
2. Selection.
We don't think you'll find a better selection of
quality car stereo components anywhere in North
Carolina. We represent Alpine. Boston Acoustics.
Kenwood. Nakamichi. 1LPINE KENWOOD
JVC. Yamaha and Polk Boston Acoustics
Audio. Some dealers rr : rc
may carry more JXSdj3SSSSlD YAMAHA
brands, but nobody ir IHS., .,
carries better brands. J vc - ' MNakam,ch'.
3. Straightforward Advice.
There are so many different models and brands of
car stereo components-with so many different (and
occasionally confusing) features-that making the
right decision can be difficult, But unlike most other
salespeople, the staff at Stereo Sound know car
. stereos "inside and out" We'll help you sift through all
the information and help you select q system that is
no more-and no less-than what you need.
4. Professional Installation.
We have one of the most experiencea car stereo
installation departments in North Carolina. We also
think they are the best in North Carolina. (Last year
Stereo Sound won a national award for "best in
installation.") In fact, we guarantee the workmanship
of our installations for the life of your car.
5. Outstanding Consumer
Protection Policies.
We want to take the hassle out of owning a car
stereo. So if you buy your system from and have it
installed by Stereo Sound, we give you these
additional guarantees: -
. We guarantee the workmanship of our
installation for the life of your car.
No lemons: If your Stereo Sound-installed
car system has c defective component
within 30 days of purchase, we don't fix it
we replace it. Free of charge.
6. Service.
Our service department guarantees that we'll
keep your new car stereo system sounding
great . , . we service everything we sell.
7. Guaranteed Lowest Prices.
If you find your Stereo Sound car system cheaper
at a local authorized dealer within 30 days of
purchase, prove it and we'll refund the difference.
FREE
Professional Car Stereo Installation
Now through Nov. 12. we'll install any car system you purchase from Stereo Sound
at no additional charge. (This offer includes all normal materials and labor on
most cars. Antennas, special adapter kits and custom modification additional.)
Come in now, choose your system, and make your appointment today! .
Chapel Hill
210 W. Franklin St.
(Across from Hardee's)
942-8546
Greensboro
2705 High Point Rd. , .
(Next to McDonald . Vi .. x
292-7400
VIDEO CAR STEREO
rry AUDIO
wmm
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Raleigh
7105 Glenwood Ave.
(Next to Circuit City)
782-4111
Winston-Salem
1608 Stratford Rd.
(In front of Circuit City)
768-0150