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Focus On (Dating - ot a Trl By LEIGH ANN MCDONALD Features Editor , tudent activism may rise and kfall over time, but one subject 'on which students remain vocal is dating. Durine the colleee w w fc years when they are studying, party ing and getting the right classes, finding "Mr. or Ms. Right" may not occupy student thoughts as much as finding the right career. But the dat ing process is uppermost in many people's minds. "Girls here beat around the bush about how they would like to go out, but they have some excuse," says one male junior business major. "I would rather them be more straightforward." A female senior econonomics poli-sci major disagrees. "I think guys here will all sit together in bars and watch the girls go by," she says. "They don't have guts they wait for the girl to make the first move. They will say, 'Well, the ball's in your court.' " So who is doing the asking when a male and a female decide they want to get together? Somebody definitely is because, of the students surveyed by the Daily Tar Heel, 30 percent claim they are involved in a serious relationship, while 29 per cent are more than just friends, but not serious. Three percent are merely biding time until someone better comes along. So the majority of those students are involved in a dating relationship, leaving only 38 percent who are not. Do we need Sadie Hawkins Day? Apparently, UNC students don't. The majority students surveyed feel that it is fine for a female to ask a male out. A whopping 98 percent of the males say they like women to take the initiative. But females seem still to be a little shy; only 70 percent say they would ask a man out. "I have too much of the Old School in me," says one female senior RTVMP major. Tm glad I Renowned From Associated Press reports MADRID, Spain Salvador Dali's best-known painting, "Persist ence of Memory," hangs in the Museum of Modern Art in New York, but hundreds of other works were in his possession when he died Monday at age 84. In addition to the scene of limp watches draped over objects on a barren landscape, the New York museum owns "Gala's Angelus" and the Metropolitan Museum, also in Tatthe atoomislniop tram u don't have to ask guys out IVe watched guys agonize over asking a girl out. I'm glad I'm not a guy." Being responsible for getting things going and keeping things going in a relationship is stressful for anyone, according to Dr. Caryl Rusbult, associate professor of psychology. "I think everyone's afraid of asking someone else out there's a terrible fear of being rejected," she said. "For women, there is the additional problem of traditional expectations. These two forces acting on women make them less confident about asking someone out." One female junior English major says she has never asked anyone out. "I was brought up under the impression that I should wait for guys to ask me out, that girls were desperate if they ask guys out." Dr. Joseph Lowman, associate professor of psychology, says he is amazed at how hard it has been for cultural stereotypes to fade. "We have many thousands of years of biology that have had men to initiate sexual overtures," he says. "Part of (a female's reluctance) may be biology, but it would be a small amount that culture can overcome." Females can take heart and over come any fears in their attitudes about asking men out because the men do like it. "If I had any prob lem with it, I wouldn't go out with girls who asked me out," says one male senior journalism major. "If I'm the least bit interested, HI go out. Some of my best dates have been with girls who asked me out." With many females taking the initiative these days, there is the added problem of deciding on who pays for the date. Most students (55 percent) solve the problem by pin ning the bill on whoever initiates the date. Thirty-two percent say the man should pay, while 10 percent say "go dutch," and only three per cent claim the woman should pick up the tab. "I never go out expecting some Spanish artist leaves New York, has "Corpus Hipercubi cus," a large oil of a crucifixion scene with Dali's wife, Gala, in the background. A 1936 work that Dali called in part "a premonition of the civil war" that began in Spain that year, hangs in the Philadelphia Museum of Art. No complete Dali catalog exists, but experts say the most authoritative compilation is "Dali, The Works and the Man" by Robert Descharnes, a former French photographer who one to pay my way," says the female RTVMP major. "College students usually don't have a lot of money, so the guy shouldn't pay all the time." Of course, before people can even decide who asks whom out or and who will pay, there has to be some initial attraction. Don't judge a book . . . A person's face is the first charac teristic that strikes 42 percent of stu dents when they meet a person. Twenty percent say the eyes make the first impression and 1 1 percent say conversation, while the rest are divided between body, hair, clothes and other characteristics. One stu dent surveyed claims intelligence is the attractive factor. Research suggests that humans do pay attention to superficial aspects, according to Rusbult. But inner qualities decide if a relationship lasts. "The face is important because it is the first part of a person you see," says the female senior RTVMP major. "Appearance makes the first impression, but this will last prob ably through the first date. Then you get to know them." Sense of humor, personality, social style, intelligence, attitudes and values are traits that should be compatible between two people if they want to develop a longer rela tionship, Rusbult says. "We want a partner whose per sonality and behavior fit well with our own so that together the two people are more than they would be otherwise," she says. "We carry around these ideals of what a good, desirable person is like, and we match the ideal to a partner. If my ideal is myself, then I might find that my partner is like me." Lowman says that "psychological complementarity" is a factor in rela tionships. Opposites attract because they will enrich a relationship and provide a balance between the cou became the artist's close associate and principal dealer. Dali's theater-museum in Figueras, his hometown in Catalonia, and the Gala-Dali Foundation he established after his wife's death in 1982 have the works the artist owned. The Figueras museum has 116 works, including the Mae West apartment with lips as a sofa, nostrils as a fireplace and eyes as two windows. The Gala-Dali Foundation collection contains 621 paintings, etchings, prints and sculptures. Artwork by Pete Corson alt ple. "People who are outgoing usu-. ally don't go out with others that are very outgoing," he says. Communication with each other is important to the stability of a relationship, Lowman says. "What's best for a relationship is if they can share what they are feeling in a way that doesnt accuse if they see fights as a thing to be avoided, not as something to win or lose." Three emotional qualities are present in a dating relationship: car ing, intimacy and trust, Rusbult says. "You are concerned about the other person's welfare, you desire for all forms of closeness, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, and you trust them not to hurt you. A decline in any one of these features will hurt a relationship or turn it into a different kind of relationship." Rusbult says relationships fail when personalities don't fit together in a way that works well, when one person begins to bore the other, when there is the availability of an attractive alternative partner or simply if they are inconvenient. "In college, relationships often end at the end of the academic year." Toward the altar? "Personally I don't want to date sertously there are too many peo ple out there to see first," says one male junior accounting major who recently was caught dating two women at the same time. "I get bored with girls pretty quick. When I feel like I have to call, I begin to resent it." This junior's longest relationship lasted one semester during college, which mirrors the survey respond ents, with 23 percent saying they usually date a person one to three months and 21 percent dating for four to nine months. Nineteen per cent say they are involved for more than a year. But the respondents divided equally (500) over whether they legacy of Elsewhere, the largest collection is believed to be in the Dali Museum in St. Petersburg, Fla., founded by A. Reynolds Morse, an acquaintance of many years. Madrid's Museum of Contempor ary Art owns two 1925 paintings of Dali's sister Ana Maria, showing a young woman with her back turned looking out a window. The Thyssen-Bornemisza collec tion, housed for a decade in an annex of Madrid's Prado Museum, contains The Daily Tar " ' UNC , thought they would find their future spouse during their time at UNC. "I'm open to the possibility of find ing a spouse," says the junior accounting major. "I think what has happened is people are delaying when they will get married until about the ages of 25-30," Lowman says. "People wisely put it off. It is a more urban, adult way of meeting people where you meet people in a lot of different settings, so you don't latch onto the first person that is acceptable." Forty-eight percent of those sur veyed say they think they will get married around the ages of 25-30, while 36 percent answered between the ages 22-25. "I think women are more inter ested in careers these days," says the female senior RTVMP major. "I think they want to fulfill their indi vidual needs before they need to be a part of a couple." Rusbult says there are benefits to being involved in a number of differ ent relationships at some point in a person's life. "You will know what it's reasonable to expect from another person," she says, "and the different forms of love and intimacy and what forms are good for you. But it does not mean that one after another trivial, superficial relation ships are good." Marrying at a young age carries the danger of a couple growing in different directions as they grow older, according to Rusbult. Lowman agreed, saying that peo ple must grow together, not apart, to keep a relationship working. "Relationships are like sharks; they have to keep moving or they die," he says. The male junior business major says students can't be sure about the type of person they want for a long term relationship until they date sev eral people. But he doesn't mind this because he thinks dating at UNC is fun. "I enjoy it," he says, "it's a part of life everyone has to go through." paintings worldwide a Dali dream sequence of tigers leaping from the mouths of fish. "The Last Supper," painted in 1955, is in the National Gallery in Washington, and "The Crucifixion of St. John of the Cross," a 1951 work, hangs in the Museum and Art Gallery of Glasgow, Scotland. "Lincoln in Dali Vision," a giant nude painting of Gala that turns into a portrait of Abraham Lincoln when seen at a distance, is at Figueras along with "Leda Atomica," the painter's version of the mythical Leda and the HeelTuesday, January 24, 19895 Where we found the numbers The DTH Dating survey was conducted throughout the first week in December 1988, in the Pit, Lenoir Dining Hall, and Davis and Wilson libraries. There were 93 re sponse sheets filled out. Not all questions were answered by each respondent. Fifty-six percent of those surveyed were women. Forty-four percent were men. The class break down was 20 percent freshmen, 19 percent sophomores, 28 percent juniors, 27 percent seniors and 6 percent graduate students. The survey was organized by the managing editor's desk of The DTH and cannot be consid ered scientific. swan. An oddity in his hometown gallery is "Rainy Taxi," an old black Cadillac with a fountain inside that is activated by putting a 5-peseta coin in a slot. The highest known price for a Dali was $2.3 million paid by a Japanese buyer in 1987 for a 1974-76 oil called "Gala Looking at the Mediterranean Sea, Which From a Distance of 20 Meters is Transformed into a Portrait of Abraham Lincoln (Hommage to Rothko)."
Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
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Jan. 24, 1989, edition 1
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