10The Tar HeelThursday r July 6; -1989-
)oe Bob-thinks Ron's' 'found his true
Funnyman Reagan proves he
chose the wrong profession
calling
You've probly heard that Ron and
Nancy moved into the house next
door to the Beverly Hillbillies, even
though their ceement pond is not half
as nice. This makes sense to me, spe
cially since Jethro and Ronnie Jr. will
have so much in common. It's your
typical suburban $4 million starter
home, right down the street from Merv
Griffin and, of course, Pia Zadora.
You might be under the impres
sion that they don't have much to do
anymore. All Ronnie's been able to
drum up is a couple of speeches in
Japan. His agent got him $2 million,
but he has to fly coach. Nancy, on
the other hand, spends most of her
days waxing her face.
But this won't last long. Ronnie
didn't move back to El Lay for noth
ing. He's done what every red-blooded
American wants to do. He's pursu
ing the new American dream.
He's polishing his stand-up act
His first video, "Stand-Up Re
agan," was supposed to be a knock
off job by some of his White House
buddies. They spliced together a
bunch of old tape from his speeches
over the last eight years. They fig
ured Ron and Nancy would enjoy
playing it for the grandkids, maybe
Joe Bob Briggs
Wisdom on Parade
entertain the housecat with it Instead,
this little video company called J2
Communications has been shipping
hundreds of thousands of these ba
bies. "Stand-Up Reagan: The Wit,
Warmth and Humor of One of Amer
ica's Most Beloved Presidents" is
about to go triple reverse platinum,
and the rumor on the street is Ron's
about to hire Bernie Brillstein to
manage him. "I talked Belushi into
wearing the killer-bee costume,"
Bemie was quoted as saying, "and I
think Reagan in drag could be just as
funny. Maybe funnier."
Normally, I don't do video. In
door teensy-weensy-screen bullstuff.
Who needs it? But for Ron, I made
an exception. He was, after all, our
first drive-in president
The verdict: he's got the timing,
he's got the delivery and he's got the.
material. In fact, he tells one joke
about a three-legged chicken doing
60 on the interstate that ranks right
up there with Jackie Vernon in his
prime. The only drawback: he FOR
GETS parts of the jokes. He kind of
mumbles through the middle parts.
Then I realized what he was doing:
THIS IS PART OF THE ACT! He
HAS to forget part of the joke or else
the audience would be upset
Why?
Because it's like your Grandpa
telling you a joke. It's not HOW he
tells it. It's the fact that Grandpa is
telling a joke at all that makes you
feel good. And when Grandpa starts
mumbling in the middle of it, it's
THAT MUCH FUNNIER. The man's
a genius.
Ronnie's best material is his old
age jokes. Just like Grandpa ("I'm so
old that...", "Why I can remember...").
"When I go in for a physical,"
Ron says, "they carbon-date me."
Parump-pump.
"I'll never forget my first Repub-.
lican Convention, and that great
speech by Abraham Lincoln."
Parump-pump.
His favorite sets are all Commu
nist Russia material. Long, long jokes
about Russians trying to buy cars,
Russians trying to get plumber serv
ice, or this one:
'Three dogs were talking an
tip .-v. lw.
The star of 'Stand-Up Reagan': 'Take my wife, please.'
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American dog, a Polish dog and a
Russian dog. The American dog said
'In my country, you just bark as loud
and as long as you want to, and even
tually someone will give you some
meat.' The Polish dog said, 'What's
meat?' The Russian dog said, 'What's
bark?'"
But his very best routines the
ones he uses for big finishes are
when he brings Nancy up on stage.
"Nancy, would you come up here
a moment? Before we go, I thought
you might have some kind of parting
words for the members of the Wash
ington press corps."
Nancy has a glazed deadpan look,
lips pursed tightly.
"Surely you have something kind
to say to our friends in the media."
Nancy remains mum, staring into
space.
"Not even one kind word?"
"I'm thinking!" she screams. "I'm
thinking!"
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Weaver Dairy Rd.
Georgie and Gracie never did it
better.
Drive-in totals: 40 dead bodies
(White House staff). One motor ve
hicle sequence (Ronnie's limo, cop
ter and plane). Drive-in Academy
Award nominations for Nancy, the
first straight woman First Lady; and
Ronnie, for saying "Excuse me if
you've heard me tell this story be
fore, but after age 40 you have the
tendency to tell the same story over
and over" over and over and over
again. He's a natural comic; he never
changes an act that delivers.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out
JOE BOB'S
ADVICE TO THE HOPELESS
Communist Alert! I keep getting
reports that a) they've ripped down
the eight-screen Union City Drive-In
in Union City, Calif, or b) they're
thinking about ripping it down, or c)
it's for sale. Chris Clark of Fremont
started sending alerts last November,
but lately there's been a strange for
bidding silence surrounding the last
See JOE BOB, page 16
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