The Tar HeelThursday, July 6, 198915
1 " 1 ' " ; ' i1
Opinion
Briteimi
There's a map of the world on the
wall of my room at home that I hope
to pass on to my grandchildren.
I can't remember not having the
map. It was my mother's when she
was a child. It's the view of the world
she grew up with and most of it is
pink.
That's pink for British dependen
cies and the Commonwealth.
I intend to pass it on to my grand
children as a symbol of how much
things can change in a short time,
how nothing is guaranteed to stay the
same, how empires of any kind come
and go and world power shifts.
I was reminded of the map by a
column by University alumnus David
Broder. Broder's columns are syndi
cated by the Washington Post Writ
ers Group. I happened to catch this
one in Monday's Charlotte Observer.
There's one of those shifts in world
power taking place right now, and
Broder was writing about it. I'm re
ferring to the closer and closer union
of the 12 members of the European
Community.
They've been moving closer ever
since the Treaty of Rome, which es-
Pire-pybescemit love from the other
Regarding my column of June 22
in which I asked for pre-pubescent
female crushes, I have just one thing
to say about the tens of responses I
got:
You women are SICK!
I thought my liking Dr. Joyce
Brothers was pretty bad, but really..!
just can't fathom some of these things.
Then again, I can't fathom just
about ANYTHING attributed to the
pre-pubescent mind. Kids don't ever
have any motives.
Anyway, I got a few responses in
the mail, but most of them were in
the form of conversations at bars and
whatnot. I was really surprised at how
willing some women were in letting
me know about their young lust. One
poor girl, after consuming waaay too
many blue cups at He's Not, literally
cried on my shoulder about how
Shaun Cassidy never returned her
phone calls when she was nine. I re
ferred her to a local mental institu
tion and escaped by jumping over
the wall.
Also, almost EVERY woman
made a point of letting me know that
she was an ARDENT FEMINIST. I
thought this was hysterical, but it also
gave me comfort in the knowledge
that, yes, some feminists do have a
working sense of humor, something
we males tend to forget
Well, then. Shall we begin?
From E.B., Chapel Hill: "I think
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Jim Greenhill
Staff Columnist
tablished the European Economic
Community, came into effect Jan. 1,
1958. By 1992 member countries hope
to have removed all trade barriers
and established a true Common Mar
ket. This has enormous implications
for everyone, including the United
States, whose economic power will
be surpassed by that of the newly
united Europe.
Not for the first t:me in the EC's
history, Britain is exercising a great
deal of caution in proceeding. The
British were late entering (1973) and
now they're worrying about the ex
tent of the changes that must be made
for 1992.
Broder mentioned a July 4, 1963
speech by President Kennedy in which
the president proclaimed a "declara
tion of interdependence." The presi
dent welcomed the greater economic
and political integration of countries
John Bland
Less Filling
that rock stars and hippies really
played a part in the female fantasies
of that era...We all had things for
Davy Jones from the Monkees, young
(read pre-surgery and pre-feminiza-tion)
Michael Jackson, Arlo Guthrie
and Jim Morrison. I think the last
two on this list probably brought out
our budding maternal instincts... I
mean seriously, look at 'pictures of
Jim Morrison in his early days or
Arlo Guthrie on the cover of 4 Alice's
Restaurant' You just wanted to feed
them."
Arlo Guthrie? ARLO GUTHRIE?
(I know you threatened me with cas
tration if I ran part of your letter,
E.B., so right now I'm hiding some
where in the Andes and you'll never
find me never never never.)
Anyway, Davy Jones was on eve
rybody's list We guys thought Davy
Jones was a wimp. We liked Mike,
because he had the nerve to wear his
blue toboggan ALL THE TIME,
which got us thrown out of Mrs.
Ragan's third-grade class on more
than one occasion. Plus, Mike had
sideburns down to his navel, and we
all waited for the day when we had
facial hair and could do the same.
in the world.
Broder then said that Kennedy's
speech "stands in clear contrast to
the gyrations Prime Minister Marga
ret Thatcher has gone through as she
tried to avoid acknowledging the
reality of Britain V interdependence'
with the rapidly forming European
economic union."
According to Broder, Britain "lacks
the tradition and instinct of federal
ism, which America was lucky enough
to be bom with. That concept of shared
sovereignty between the states and
the national government ..."
Thatcher's gyrations . are to be
welcomed. She'd be doing Britain a
disservice if she wasn't cautious. And
Broder's comparison of British and
American attitudes to federalism is
inept.
Thatcher is resisting a single Eu
ropean currency under one central
bank and greater control of the inter
nal affairs of member states by the
European Parliament. She's worried
that the political goals of the EC may
at times not match those of some of
its members. She's particularly wor
ried about socialism.
Some of us are still waiting.
M.S. and J.H. of Chapel Hill liter
ally sent me a grocery list. Like, what
am I supposed to do, run down to the
Food Lion and pick up these guys for
you? These men are not pieces of
meat! Among their early favorites
were such fairly obvious ones as the
Fonz and Potsie from "Happy Days"
and Wally Cleaver, along with some
truly bizarre ones like Mr. French
from "Family Affair" and Buck
Owens, of all people.
It seems to me that girls at that
age had things not only for the he
roic, sturdy types like Captain Kirk
and Superman, but also for guys who
were not the most masculine in the
world, like Davy Jones, Radar
O'Reilly, Gopher from "The Love
Boat" and the Professor from "Gilli
gan's Island." In fact, the Professor
actually TOPPED every list. Must
have been the size of his brain.
Michael Landon of "Little House
on the Prairie" was also at the top of
the lists. Yuck. K.M. of Durham said:
"I used to run up and kiss the televi
sion screen when he came on. Per
haps some brain damage was done."
(Har BppI
be wary of EC
She has reason to be. Broder didn't
grow up in the socialist state that
Britain had become by the 1970s. I
did, and I remember how nothing
worked, how there was a pervasive
attitude of apathy and hopelessness.
I particularly remember the Labour
party's total loss of control in the
winter of 1978. There was no fire
service, no garbage collection, no state
schools, substantially reduced hospi
tal services, etc., etc.
It has taken the Conservatives a
decade to restore Britain to the point
that the country can have some pride
again. Strikes are down, productivity
is up. Many of the nationalized in
dustries have been privatized. And
more and more Americans are buy
ing British cars again.
A single European currency and
any further loss of political control
could endanger Britain's recovery.
And suppose there was a swing to
socialism again in Europe? British
voters have shown they have long
memories in three national elections
by making sure that Labour doesn't
get a chance to plunge the country
back into chaos.
She added: "I have to admit I was
infatuated with Capt. Kirk that is,
until 'Star Trek 27' came out and he
had to wear Depend undergarments."
You know they make those things in
a low-rise bikini style now, don't you?
Perhaps the most interesting com
ment about male-female relationships
came from the aforementioned E.B.,
who said: "When I was young, the
feminist movement was still in its
infancy, and we infants (or young
children) of darkest suburbia were
still indoctrinated with the thought
that we had to get married. While we
all wanted to 'be something' when
we grew up, crushes naturally led to
thoughts of domestic bliss. Did little
boys do this, too? Would you admit
it if you did?"
No, I never experienced these fan
tasies, and I think that they were purely
a female trait I just couldn't, at that
age, picture myself coming home from
a long day at the office, walking in,
setting my briefcase down and ask
ing the Catwoman, "What's for din
ner, honey?" Somehow it ruined the
whole effect
But it's an interesting point, and I
Editor Dave Glenn
Assistant Editor Sarah Cagle
Assistant Editor John Bland
Staff Reggie Alston, Amy Andrews, Randy Basinger,
Maddie Bauman, Beth Boorman, Paul Boyd, Paul Bredder
man, Richard Broadwell, George Brooks, Jennifer Brunnemer,
Chris Chalfant, Eric Chasse, Joanna Davis, Susan Dellinger,
Dawn Delvecchio, Stacia Fairchild, Kelly Ferrell, Natalie
Godwin, Jim Greenhill, Jada Harris, Johanna Henderson, David
Hildreth, Gary Jacobs, Jason James, Susan Jensen, Sheila
Johnston, Jim Justice, Gray Kelly, Jeff Kiel, Ramesh Krish
naraj, Elizabeth Murray, Mike Partridge, Al Ripley, Erik Ro
gers, Jason Sanford, Theresa Seastrom, Donna Sellers, Eliza
beth Sherrod, Brian Springer, Barbie Stuckey, Cameron Tew,
John Voncannon.
As for Broder's talk of federal
ism, the comparison is not appropri
ate. England, Scotland and Wales can
be compared to states in the union
that is the United Kingdom.
England, Spain and Germany (to
pick three at random) cannot be
compared to American states. They
are three separate countries with dif
ferent languages, histories, aspirations,
lifestyles, political systems and eco
nomic structures. They don't share a
common history of revolution against
a foreign master. Instead, they share
memories of the divisions of the First
and Second World Wars.
Better to think of the EC as the
same idea as Canada, the United
States, Mexico, Nicaragua and sev
eral other American countries form
ing a union. And I think we all know
what a high view Americans would
take of the idea of the Nicaraguan
government having a say in U.S. in
ternal affairs, don't we?
Jim Greenhill is a senior journal
ism and English major from London,
England.
side
think it says a lot about the incon
gruities of our relationships. Did we
males only want to "Love 'em and
leave 'em" back then? Did you fe
males only want to hear the words "I
do"? And is it still like this?
Reading these letters and listen
ing to these conversations made me
understand two things. One, I'm no
closer to figuring women out now
than I was before I started this whole
mess; and two, we're a lot more alike
than we'd like to accept
So keep those cards and letters
and conversations coming, folks.
Maybe together we can figure this
thing out and make a whole lot of
money off of it
John Bland is a senior English
major from Charlotte who's really
pissed that he had to work on the
Fourth of July. But Dave, Sarah and
I brought in beer, a barbecue grill,
bottle rockets and a truckload of sand,
so it could have been worse. And
when the fire department showed up
to put out the fire started when Sarah
shot a bottle rocket at Dave, they
gave us an ocean for our beach.
K 1 .