The Daily Tar HeelThursday, June 28, 1 9901 5B
STOIE
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Haven't started worrying about getting a bum roommate yet? You will now
It's August 25. Your parents have ...a phone bill rivaling the cost of the
just deserted you. You turn and walk recent Rolling Stones world tour, with
slowly into the dorm that will be your all calls placed to 1-900-HOT-MAMA...
home for the next eieht months.
Of course college has its good points
and its bad points. For instance, it's
better than being in jail there are no
bars on the windows, and the toilets
work most of the time. One of the draw
backs is having to live with someone in
a room the size of a small telephone
booth.
Welcome to UNC.
It's doubtful you'll find yourself
sharing a room with a purple-haired,
leather-strapped roommate who has a
safety pin through the nose, but let's be
HalversonSudderth
...and of course, snoring.
Finally, we would like to dispell a
myth that has circulated among fresh
man classes longer than the legend of
Silent Sam and state budget cuts have
been around: YOU DO NOT RE
CEIVE A 4.0 IF YOUR ROOM
MATE DIES (although, if it's your
fault, you might get life). So remember,
nomatterhowbadyourroommatemight Chip Sudderth and Grant Halyer son
be. some iurv. somewhere, iust mieht are rising junior s from Kernersville and
convict you. Clemmons, respectively. They hope to'.
Have a nice year. be funny one of these days.
,4
realistic. There's just no way of know
ing exactly what species you'll be
rooming with this fall, and there are a
quite a few clunkers out there. Perhaps
you haven't stopped to think of every
thing that could possibly go wrong.
For example, make sure the person
sleeping in the other bed understands
the necessity of paying the phone bill,
especially if it's in your name. If that
bill doesn't get paid, Southern Bell will
drop you like a two-month-old fish.
Speaking of fish, when check-out for
Fall Break rolls around, be sure you're
the last to leave. Otherwise your roomie
will forget to turn off the aquarium
heater, and you'll return to the lovely
aroma of goldfish soup. There are many
methods of dealing with this type of
person: our favorite is a really big shotgun.
College is where you get to experi
ence freedom at its finest late hours,
frat parties and continuous pursuit of
the opposite sex (remarkably, all or this
tends to happen at the same time). You
chase and flirt and finally you discover
Ms. Right. You invite her back to your
room...
But beware! Remember that guitar
your roommate has stashed away in the
closet? The one he said he can only
"play a few chords" on? As soon as you
leave to get some ice, he'll begin to
serenade her with Debbie Gibson's
"Lost In Your Eyes." Nauseating, to be
sure, but it works, and suddenly you're
spending the night with Arsenio. Mean
while they're on the balcony playing
tonsil hockey. No justice in this world
This is not just a male problem. La
dies, if your roommate has this strange
urge to walk around in nothing but a
towel whenever your significant other
is around, guess what? It's the '90s, and
the date-stealing company has become
an equal opportunity employer.
Another amusing diversion that might
endear you to your hallmates is the
ever-popular Stereo Wars. You are
perfectly comfortable with Guns n
Roses. Your roommate leans towards
Randy Travis. Both of you get vicari
ous thrills from feeling the speakers'
vibrations emanating at 140 decibels
But when both of you are in a musical
mood at the same time, the ensuing
bedlam is guaranteed to result in major
structural damage, irate neighbors, and
mutually homicidal feelings between
you and your roommate.
The solution: get in touch with your
roommate beforehand and decide which
one of you brings the stereo. Out of the
goodness of your heart, volunteer. That
gives you the upper hand, and insures
that there's only one type of obnox
iously loud music coming from your
room at any given time.
Space prohibits us from describing
all the gory details of living with some
one. And we haven't even scratched the
surface. We haven't even talked about
...living in a triple when you know
you paid for a double (For the unin
formed, this is college. People spend
time in others' rooms, especially others
of the other sex. Lots of time. Go fig
ure.)...
...stacks of three-week-old dirty
dishes that would be more appropriate
in a biology lab than in a dorm room...
...piles of clothing that haven't been
washed in so long the smell sets off
dorm smoke alarms...
(fa T
i
John
from page 14B
be called The Daily Tar Heel and it was
to be published every day or until they
all got kicked out. I think you know
what happened next. They all did get
kicked out, and it wasn't until ten years
later, in 1893, that The Daily Tar Heel
became the respected college newspa
per that it remains today, even if it does
publish junk like this.
. After that, nothing much happened
until the fall of 1 986, when a intelligent,
vibrant, oh-so-good-looking freshman
named John Bland entered the hallowed
balconies of Morrison Residence Hall.
; But I'm gonna need a whole 'nother
column for that.
Want to keep up
with the news at
UNC without
haying to rely on
your kids writ
ing to you? Sub
scribe to the
Daily Tar Heel!
Call 962-1163.
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