North Carolina Newspapers

THE JOKER'S BUDGET. THE CHOICEST ORTHB SAYINGS OF OUR fuNNx MEX. 0 - is . HK C Robinson Avas - Happy Fell Tvitb. Thud A" Generous "Bootblack His Little Boy How it Worked, &c. &c. THE PICNIC SEASON. 7 Now hie we to the picnic ground. With pit-8 of peach and custard; . .YHieie-aiYers snake meander xounaV - And frolic in the mustard. - - . . . f V - '.-y;;;,- i ? PIDN'T MATTER. 1 - Wire-Pnller Well, Spilkins,-1 trust that we shall give you . a handsome majority "when election comes on. Spilkins I don't care if it's as homely as a. brush fence so long as it's a. major ity. .. . - A THUD. The. dramatis personnae in this little moralette for flirtatious young women are Miss Amy, Miss May, her sister, and Alfred, Amy's suitor. Alfred Then you will not marry me, Amy? ' .. Amy I cannot, Alfred. You have no money. . . ': " Alfred I had not, but I made $500, 000 in Wall street last week. "Amy Then, love, I am thine. Alfred Too late, I proposed and was accepted by your sister May. ; May (entering) Are you ready, dar ling? . Alfred Yes,' sweetest. We will go right away to Tiffany's. -They go. The curtain and Amy fall with a dull thud together. Town Topics, NEAR-SIGHTED. "So you ran away with one of the Smith twin-girls, eh " . - "Yes." "Which one V "Hanged if I know. I'm so near sighted." Town Topics. "T "iWr.Tk T-vrr c? r Brown You don't look very happy, Robinson. ' ' - Robinson No. : I left off my flannels this morning and caught cold. . . Brown That's bad. ' . Robjnson Oh, I don't care anything about the cold, but my wife told me I was leaving them off too soon. Life. AT THE ACADEMY. Young artist (to friend) Charley, do you see that lady and gentleman who are looking at my picture and talking in such, low, earnest tones ? ' Friend Yes. Young artist I wish you would saunter carelessly by and find out what they are saying. It looks like busi ness. Friend (after sauntering carelessly by) She is blowing him up, Gns, for taking toff his flannels so soon. New York Sun. - BEVETGE. Arthur, who is forbidden to speak at the table, had his revenge the other day. As dinner began he was uneasy, and finally said, "Ma, can't I speak just one word?" "You know the' rule, Arthur." "Not one word ?" "No, Arthur, not until your father finishes the pa per." Arthur subsided until the Daper was finished, when .he was asked what he wished to say. "Oh, nothing ; only Nora put the oustards outside the window to cool, and the cat has been eating them up." Harpers' Young People. ANSWERED PROMPTLY. He was talking to & Kentucky audience on the subject of the tariff. Said he: Take whiskey, for instance." when every man in the audince arose with the re mark, "Thank yon; don't care if I do and the lecturer had to stand treat or die. Texas Sif tings. . A GENEROUS BOOTBIiACK. As a bootblack was passing a tobacco shop he picked nja stump of a' cigar from the gutter, and went into the shop and asked for a match He wss .met with the reply: "We don't keep matches to give away." The boy dtarted out, but stopped at the door, turned back, and asked the proprietor, 'Do you sell 'em ?" He pur chased a box, paid his two cents, and lighted the stump, after which he closed the box and asked the proprietor to put it on the shelf, and said: "Next time a gentleman vasks you for a match, give him one out o my box.". KIND TO HIS LITTLE ROY. "Mother writes that she will be here to-morrow for a short visit, my dear." "Very well," he replied, and as he left the house he patted his little boy on the head kindly, and said: 'Bobby, didn't you ask me to buy you a tin whistle and a drum, the other davi'" "Yes. pa." "Well, I will bring them to you to METSOROIiOGICJLU, -fYon mnsrnr hair amanV j V hen heVfogsy. I insist ;1 Tmr tTuloTvVmlv rifrns within. - i -' When hCs gone he nerer mat." i Thus pbie the; funny editor -'Tn k iSn&n wVir tTAXfillTJirJl "Whor feeling somewhat bored, replied JLS Fl UO V Willi Iq A PItAN. "Phairest Phlora' wrote an amoroui youth who is smitten with the phonetic craze,-Vphorever-xiisniiss your ; phearsy and r pbly with : one whose ,phervent phanCY-i vla. phi red con you alone. Phriends phamily phather phorget Ihemj and think" only of the pHelicity of the phnture. ; Phew phellows are so phastidious as your Pherdinand; so pheign not phondness if you pheel . it not. ' Thorego phrolic and answer phinally, Phlora." - - , "Oh, Pherdinand, you phooV .was phair Phlora's curt reply. Galveston V" T i 'v ..... . : ... .. ... . Item. - i . : : : , l i ' , ..... - , . ONE WAS ENOUGH. Agent Can I ; put a burglar alarm in youriiouse, sir? Citizen Nop: I had one once. 5 Agen't-What was the - matter? Wouldn't it go off? -.-u- uJ'A-z-zt-d Citizen-Oh, yes,- it, went off - easily enough.." Burglar got into the house, one night and carried it off. V ' I , A JUDGE. ; Judge The witness swears you stole. hi3. coat and have it on. I- must, there fore, find you guilty. '! ,.!.' i Tramp-yOhV ' well, your Honor, if you're going to judge a man by the clothes he wears, I s'pose ;IH . have to give in." Detroit Free ' Press.' , - ,- . NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE. Woman to tramp You must find life very easy. Tramp Easy! Why, madame, the amount of brain work that I am forced to do to obtain food,' and to partially clothe myself, would kill a weaker man. Competition, . madame, has wrecked the profession. . , A DIFFERENCE . "It's a caution how time flies, isn't) in, . "Oh; I don't know. It seems to me that it drags along with leaden feet. You see I expect considerable money next month, and now a day seems like a week." "Ah, I see. Well, time flies like lightning with me. I have to pay out a great deal of money next mouth. Ne braska State Journal. REPUTATION MADB. ' "Young man," he said, "why don't j you give . up . this life of idleness and luxury and try to make a name for yourself?" "Twy and make a name for myself? Why, my dear sir, my little English fox terrier took the first pwize at the dog show, b'jove. - - A MATCH. Old gentleman (to small boy) Are they playing a match game of ball, son ny f Small boy Ya's, it's a match 'tween de Goatwilliams and de Harlem Rockies for blood. : Old gentleman Why aren't you play ing. . . Small poy 'Cos I don't have ter. I'm der mascot for de Goatwilliams. Epbch. AN OPENING. Boy Want a boy, sir? Hobson What for? . Boy Why to pay 3 a week to Satur day night. Hobson For doing what? Boy Why, for waiting all the week for it. CLIMATIC IMPROVEMENT. Montreal lady (to American financier) Do you not find our Canadian climate rather cold, Mr. Boodler American Financier Oh, not at all; it agrees with me. I left New York be cause it was too warm for me there. Texas Sif tings. NO BETTER. "He's U9 better, doctor. You told me to give him as much of the powder as would lay on sixpence. I hadn't a six pence, but I gave him as much as would lay on five pennies and two half -pennies and it's done him no good at all, at all." San Francisco News Letter. A CHURCH MOUSE, "I want a warrant for the arrest of a hated rival," said a Western young man. "I may be poor, but no man can insult me and get awav with it." "What's the trouble," asked the Justice." .4 "Disturbance. It was at the' wedding ceremony. I won a girl, and just as I repeated, 'With all my worldly goods I thee endow,' there came from the organ loft in the voice of my hated rival, the word 'Rats.' I go on no wedding trip until this thing is settled. DELAWARE'S WHIPPING POST. The drotesque Comrt that Condepna Sleu to" thf lsh-The Pillory. "v. y ?7.rr -N. - - i-x . v i V iV-'- 4 v New year this old town, that seems to be the connecting link between the last century and the present time, is aroused a little from its lethargy by the ! Sheriff throw 'ing'open the heavy wooden gates of the old- jail yard: These four Jmes. are upon the occasions of " the quarterly whippings of petty criminals .jtrnot been sentenced by the Court to stand in the' pillory ': and " to be struck upoTt the bared back by a cat-o'-nine-tails in the hands of the sheriff. . These whippings are the 'outcome - of : a court'of qiiartex sessions of the peace and jail delivery. To the natives of this sleepy old place the, whippings have lost most of their attraction, and the audience that gathers in the jail yard upon such occasions is made up principally of children some times little tots hardly able to walk and loafers of. the village, a few, curious men from Wilmington, and. three or four, re porters. The offences , for which pris oners are sentenced to the whipping post are the various grades of stealing, - from petty . larceny - to highway robbery and burglary, and the punishment is accord ing to' the offence. .The pillory, senten ce accompanies higher grade offences,' and the number ' of lashes is larger to those who aspire to lead in ' the professions of stealing. r t .... ..,. .z vstm i Tho most: celebrated whippings in "Nfew Castle took place about 1871, when several celebrated' bank burglars, ' who attempted to rob a' Wilmington bank were made to stand in the pillory for; an hour and were afterward - given forty lashes. The punishment is the most se vere in winter, when it is not an unusual thing for the victims to stand for an hour in a cold rain, and be literally covered i with ice before taken down and flogged Five lashes is the minimum and forty the maximum number. The court that dis poses of these criminals and imposes the sentences sits in Wilmington (although this place is the county seat), and is a very austere body. ; The Chief Jnstice is 75 years of age. Judge Houston, one of his assistants, is 74 years, and has been on the bench for thirty-three years. The other, judge, Paynter,. , appointed two i years ago, is as deaf a post; ; These three old judges sit and hear argument before a jury in case ' after case that ! should be settled by a Justice of - the Peace. - Most of the offenders are poor miserable blacks, and it looks to an out sider as a travesty of justice to watch the process. A. black boy, for instance, is brought into the court in charge of a deputy sheriff. : The Clerk of the Peace (clerk of the courts), who resembles Na poleon Bonaparte, then in a loud, sing song voice reads the indictment of, the Grand Jury. This document is a pon derous affair, copied after the old Eng lish, as is everything connected with the court, and cliarges the defendant with stealing two chickens of the value of $1. -The prisonerpleads not guilty, and asks to be tried.? f . jury is drawn, the Attorney-General, who is . the : prosecuting officer in all the criminal courts of the State, reads the indictment again, and the hearing of witnesses begins. The result is generally the same. The pris oner is found guilty, and the dignified Chief Justice commands the prisoner to "stand up!" The trembling wretch stands up in the dock, and this is what he hears: ''The sentence of the court is that you pay $2 restitution money, the cost of the case, be given five lashes on the bare bapk on Saturday next, and then be im prisoned for a period of nine months. You are now delivered into the hands of the sheriff." ; , That is a fair sample of the kind of work that often keeps three Judges, the Attorney-General, his assistant. tne Clerk of the Peace, the Sheriff, the Grand Jury, and the petit jury occupied for four or five days at a time. For some offences prisoners are put in the pillory only, and not whipped at all. A very few years ago a prisoner couvicted of larceny was also, in addition .to the specimen sentence quoted, ordered to wear a convict's jacket for six months after his release from prison. That por tion of the sentence, which had really become a dead letter, was rerealed in looo. It is a mistaken idea that wife beaters aro. whipped ct the post, when. as a matter of fact, only offences that re late to stealing make the offenders liable to the pillory and the whipping-post. The whipping post and pillory in use here at New . Castle are plain affairs. First there is a heavy upright post about twelve inches square and fifteen feet high. About eight feet from the ground is a platform ' about six ; feet KJ " . . UIA iVAJ V square, through the centre of which the post runs: The platform is braced by numerous stays, arranged somewhat like the ribs, of a raised umbrella. On either side of the. post, about four feet from the ground, is an iron semicircle with flanges at the end.' One- end is fastened to the post, so as to swing loose. The other end slips over a staple, into which a pin is placed when the wrist of the victim to be flogged is placed against the post and encircled with the iron. The portion of the post above the platform has a. cross beam about five feet from the floor, and forms a large cross. The arms of this cross, on either side are cut through the centre, the up per portion lifting as a hinge. Three openings are made in the centre of the arms, one for. the victim's head and the other two for his wrists. The upper portion of the arm is lifted up, the prisoner places his head in the lower half of the centre hole and his wrists in those at the side. The upper part of the arm is lowered and fastened at the end, and the prisoner is secured. They are generally compelled to stand in a stoop ing position, and not on their toes, as some aver. .The post and pillory are used between the hours of 10 and 12 o'clock, and al ways on Saturday morning. ' At ' 10 o'clock the-.Sheriffplace those under senten.ce to the piuory iu ioxw. n f rWrYTr, A replied by; ft ladder., and pbtrorm beinfeacliecl Dy, thrums the jail jara ppeniu in yuu. a- 'n drwv.hvtQrs are few. bus sometimes they may DevB3mvww. ... 1 . " I . a. 200. r tio viillnrv TrKn never stand mere more than an hour, "and who squirmnd. twst with the painful monotony of their position. : Then the prisoners to be flogged are brought out one by one, bared to the waist. . Their arms .are fas fnAd tn the Dostrand a-deputy sheriff; Pwith"a IIstin hls haiid; tell, the Sheriff how many lasnes are 10 oe givcu. . Sheriffrstands-io- the-left,acdJf he brings'' the lash down each time the deputy counts aloud; The cat-o-nine tails' is ' not laid on ; heavily, blood ' is never drawn sufficiently to. run; and the Sheriffs, as a rule, are very; lenient, Nearly every blow of the leather thongs makes a welt, especially upon white men, and the 'Sheriff distributes the cuts over- the entire v back. -When twenty lashes are given, no matter how gently laid on, the victim's ,back is in ayexy tender condition when the operation is over; The last blow' is, as. a rule, the hardest, and generally : 'surpises the !victim-.who imagines that. he is getting 'off.easily., -i -ol'-rr i'-'- Black men pay the1 least attention to the whipping, and . it is hot an uncom mon ' thing f Or therd to jump- and kick their heels,' ask'- for a chew of tobacco;' crack a joke, or, laugh - as they;are:; led; back to their cells. .With the:the white's it is diffrentl' They squirm a great deal, and freajuently give vent to emphatic ex clamations. 'The crowd of spectators is ready to laugh at any semblance of ley ity on the part of the prisoners, and the one who has enough grit to crack a joke after 'his punishment is repaid by , the greeting of the crowd. The last to be whipped are the men rin the pillory, - if any there be. - They . suffer the mosf , their backs and limbs, having .become stiffened by standing in one position. The first, time a stranger witnesses a whipping the idea is disgusting, but af ter two or three exhibitions it loses its unpleasant features , and is looked on merely as a relio of the old English laws." Two or three years ago at. a whip ping every one of the victims was white, ah event that has never been "heard of before in the - history of. the : State. It' frequently happens that . they are all black. Then the Sheriff struck with his left hand, also a very unusual inci dent. Women are 'never whipped 'now, the . last oho , having beei whipped in 1864. Some men have T been whipped four and and five times, but this is un usual. SATED FROM HYDROPHOBIA. The Gladstone Successfully Applied to a, Dog-Bitten Cowboy. . Tom Harris, a cowboy from the Staked Plains, Texas , is : lying at the : Pacific Hotel, in this city, recovering from an attack of hydrophobia. , .Last Saturday night he was bitten, by a "hydrophobia cat" while nway from the ranch gather ing up stray cattle in the Indian Terri tory. As the fatal result of such a bite is well known in those parts of the country, the man left the herd at once and rode to Fort Elliott, Tex., in search of a madstone, but failing to find one, he started for Kansas City, where he ar rived, Wednesday morning, with his left hand and arm swollen, suffering in tense pains." Dr. J. W. Dickson, of this city, who possesses a pair of madstones which his grandfather brought with him from Ireland, was at once sent for, and began treatment. - The wound is a very small and harmless-looking one, consist ing of three tiny teeth marks' on the in side of the third finger of the left hand. The madstones have drawn moro or less ! pus from the wound since they were nrst appneu yesterday morninor as j much as half an eggshellf ul at one time. I The swelling has decreased in propor tion, and the doctor thinks now that the case is under control. . ' Harris is a very intelligent and well behaved cowboy. He now feels a great deal better, but admits that he was bad ly scared over the increasing pain and the constant swelling of his arm. He IT. t . 1 ininKS ne nas iiaa a pretty serious ex perience, and refers frequently in his conversation tn that.-fnnWmf u1a liffln animal thai cnma npr RAndinr him sflF ding "unprepared," as he confesses. f Dr. J. M. Dickson has two stuffed specimens of the "hydrophobia cat" at his residence, 1307 Dripps street, . . He says .it is an entirely distinct species different from the skunk or polecat, with which it is often confounded. - The animal is no larcrer than an ordinary i crav sanirrel. with red evphalls wnA it long, shacrcry hair and feelers standino upward .and forward.- Its bite is always poisonous, and fatal if not attended to. The doctor atributes the frequency of hydrophobia in this Western country to the prevalence of this animal. It is found in. Texas, Kansas and Western Missouri.. Often, aDd especially In severe weather, the "hydrophobia cat" will make its way into houses, dugouts and stables, biting people and animals it may come in contact with, and many cases of hydrophobia in domestic and wild animals are due to its bite. Very frequently hydrophobia patients come in from the Staked Plains in Texas and Indian Territory, to be treated with the madstone. Among Dr. Dickson's for mer patients was Chief Keokukowa, oi the Sac and Fox tribe, in the Indian Territory, who was a grandson of the bid Chief Keokuk, after whom Keokuk, la., was named. : ' A young woman rushed in upon a wedding party in Paris before the mar riage, and presented the bridegroom with a baby, screaming "Coward, . take charge of your offspring." , The groom's protests were coldly received, and the bride fainted. But a moment later the intruder said "I really beg pardon; I made a mistake. This is not the fathex of my child." The Remarkable n English Glrl. 5 --" fTrom the Detroit xr - w ow ruver i -i "citi and new generations seem i5t literated the romantic makes it the most iert the beautiful shoret S . than "a hnnd r 1 " J DOiJ? - - up me stream C and new jrenpm;. .ri bat :! King ol En.lfcff;ffW, m lore with a be.nWnl riir iffiM ter of a country y. squire ir,. anires near snires near lxndon. .7 seemed to be reciproeited. anJ? officer trusted his a Job .fidence worthy a better nnll . being somewhat of - disloyalty, to induce her to eWwT?.' him. I : The shock killed ih eemed to quite break the vom,, .heart ' He rallied, howevr lobtained leave to join the BritS im-Amenca, whowere enra2 with the French and India ItV? this. servifl that loif ti: AiTSfil iife -:hfl hnrrr iwhich gained for him the ranr of v! It wasalsb in this servic, that .covered the grandeur and beaut? of S greailakes and their borderiaff .T and it, was, here that he resolvTS his commission should expire to E! the remainder of his days ay fS the world Some years afterward, S he had secured his release from the a vice, and was about to put his resoi tioninto effect, having been allotted pension, he received one day from ITo treal a letter bearing the postmark his old English home. The letter protrf to have been dictated and vas to tj effect that his former love, betrrrtf and deserted by her hushand, Wei her death bed, but could not die nithorf again seeking his forgiveness, aadeadej by committing to his care her trt daughters, aged 12 and U respectirei and imploring him to watch over tia for her sake. He hesitated, but the oli ilame still burned in his heart, as & does ever in a man's heart for a vajrcd love, and the next day found him on hi way to, old England, which he had de termined never to see again. He lad imagined the children destitute, Ud that consideration had also had ft weight in ; his conclusion to. proted them. Imagine his surprise to lean after a short greeting that the estates of their mother's father, willed avay at t! time of their mad marriage, nov carat back to them through the death of fit relative to whom they were left, aad tM inheritage amounted to 6,000. It was one day after securing ids offi cial appointment as guardi&a of the girls that a strange thought came to him. He would take his wards to America. So, calling the two beautiful prlstobim, the oldest a tall blonde, just budding into womanhood, he unfolded a gloving plan to which the girls made no objec tions, and within two weeks the parr sailed for Montreal, whence the thret journeyed to St. Joseph's Island, in tb St. Mary's river, and settled for lift. Whether the sequel was foreseen a Major Keins's mind when the idea came to him that day in England is to be guessed at Certainly a like course va their mother years before wold w made his life different. He vas the oa white man in the region, and the ereiiu which followed showed that the gsjf had no longing for other society, ma in two years the Major, by some sort ceremony, married both his Wowaaf wards, and in the years that foUoired over forty children were born of tne pjp gamous union, many of whom sI! in the vicinity. And at the home of oaj of the renowned Major's descendaaa the writer lately dined. t . The Major and his wives 12 been dead, and the blockhouse and ot&B substantial buildings, erected L by w pension and the girls' fortune, end structure, over the door of inscribed : . "Meals, 25 cents -Hotel. A Singular Accident. hich For more than sixteen ye A B. Sniffer of New Holland, ..WJ partaken of solid food. He has milk and other liquid substanoe. nevertheless, he is an active v&Z ingly healthy man. Besides tc. toll on the New Holland PV in horses. He has a wife is v pretty daughters to care lor, gy does it in cood style, toe. was eating a watermelon, which stuck in his throat, and rt mained there ever since, hot efforts have been made to The first treatment mfS. pi nally.butit stuck in thejhrott producing inflamniation,a etneture cesophagus was the result x j latef the stricture was redxice Sniffer's ambition to do caused a reaction, and the str -came worse than ever. f1 the man has had an instrumen 8 in his throat to ' otherwise he would be Hquid nourishment The man Jy erally in a happy frame of 'j o hardly troubles himself abou fortunate condition. He lA just the same. A bushei, of corn makes fan f wfn'cV. T alla for 1. lengtn leu a victim to a desiW worthless snnD. whrt .JS M The Government gets 40 cents, the railroad Sj, turers 4, the vendor ST.' v