A4 I FEBRUARY 7,2018
BERTIE LEDGER-ADVANCE
Opinion
A little
bit
about me
The fabric of Bertie County since 1832
■ ■ ■
My name in Tonza Ruffin, and welcome
to my new column, SouthernMomJD.
1 am a single mother, daughter, and attor
ney living in Bertie County, a small commu
nity in Eastern North Carolina. Growing up
1 moved back and forth between the Bronx
and Bertie County, so my personality is
a little bit city and a little bit country (al
though 1 prefer the term southern).
After being back in Bertie County for
more than 15 years, 1 have finally em
braced all things southern! Just thinking
about that makes me laugh
because when 1 left Bertie, as
a young adult, 1 vowed never
to return. Now, here 1 am,
sitting in my southern home,
feeling extremely thankful.
My mother, who absolute
ly would rather be nowhere
else besides New York City,
Tonza convinced me to return.
Ruffin She was adamant that the
Southern area needed more attorneys
MomJD who were dedicated to the
people in the community.
As a single mother of two
girls, 1 could not ignore the fact that my
“village” was in Bertie County and 1 needed
‘ them if 1 was going to have any shot at rais
ing halfway sane little girls while tr3nng to
develop my career as a litigator. So, after
graduating from Georgia State University
College of Law 1 threw everything 1 owned,
. including my two little girls, in a U-haul,
and moved back “down south,” as my
northern cousins said.
Over the past 16 years 1 have evolved
" into the complicated human being that 1
am today. Fortunately, 1 am pretty excited
about who 1 am! One more little girl has
_ been added to my pack, and, we are all on
a constant journey of love, peace, under
standing, and joy as we navigate through
this great blessing called “life”. 1 am ex
cited to be sharing my journey with you! 1
hope you enjoy!
A few facts about me:
My name is Tonza D. Ruffin.
1 am the oldest of three children raised
by my mother.
1 am a single mother of three girls ages
27, 18, and 9.
1 graduated from East Carolina University
with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Political
Science and a minor in Women’s Studies.
1 graduated from Georgia State Univer
sity College of Law with a Juris Doctorate
degree.
1 have been practicing law in the state of
North Carolina since 2000.
1 am the owner of the Ruffin Law Firm in
Windsor.
Prior to going to law school, 1 dreamed of
being a Women’s Studies Professor but life
made it such that I became a litigator.
I am passionate about education and
n capital punishment.
1 currently serve on the KIPP ENC Board
^of Directors.
N 1 currently serve on the Center for Death
^Penalty Litigation Board of Directors.
5 1 love to travel. Some of the places 1 have
^visited:
J France
1 Italy
k-. England
Greece
Hawaii (1 learned to surf there)
* Bermuda
St. Maarten
Puerto Rico
Jamaica
Mexico
Various places throughout the United
States of America
1 love to write and began my Southern
MomJD blog in 2016. Check it out at www.
southernmomjd.com.
Letters to the editor
Email Letters To; twhite(3)ncweeklies.com
Mail Letters to: P.O. Box 69,
Windsor, NC 27983
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The cost of children listening
■ ■ ■
L
Deborah
Griffin
Farmlife
Wife
On any given, normal day, one
would hope that as a parent,
one’s children are
listening.
Not only does one
hope they are lis
tening, one desires
that they obey.
Getting a 16-year-
old to obey is much
like getting a 5-year-
old to obey. You
tell them what you
want them to do.
Then you repeat it,
and then tell them
again.
By the time you request them
to do the task you’ve asked them
for the 19th time. One must use
all the self-control one has not to
scream, threaten and pull one’s
hair out.
This kind of parental behavior
does not set the best example.
1 can think of only one time,
when by the time my oldest teen
had finally done what 1 had asked
him to do, 1 regretted it wholly the
entire next day.
A few weekends ago, the day
started innocently enough. He
went mudding in his Jeep before
work.
As he was leaving for his job,
his dad asked him to wash the
Jeep before the next day, which
was Saturday.
And 1 reminded him, again, for
the millionth time, to take his
laundry, neatly folded in a basket,
upstairs and put it away.
The answer is always the same:
“1 will.”
That night after work, he, sur
prisingly, obediently, washed the
Jeep.
He then came home and imme
diately flopped onto the couch.
“1 asked you to put your laun
dry away,” 1 nagged.
“1 will,” he said.
“NOW,” 1 emphasized.
With a moan of reluctance, he
got up and said loudly, “OK!”
1 came to regret this conversa
tion.
1 did not discover until the next
day, that while washing his Jeep,
unbeknownst to him, he was step
ping all the while in a mess of mo
tor oil someone had dumped in
the car wash.
Granted, it was at night.
When he came home - if he had
just stayed on the couch - we
might have caught it in time.
He might have taken his shoes
off had 1 not been so hasty in my
desire for obedience.
But... Every... Single... Step... left
a mark of grease on the hardwood
floors, the stairs and eventually,
the off-white carpet in his room.
Had it been a crime scene, there
would have been blood every
where.
1 could trace his every move
by the designs of how the grease
played out across the floors.
It has been years since 1 had to
pull out the Resolve cleaner to
clean up messes made by chil
dren or pets.
Now, 1 had one of the biggest
messes on my hands, and it was
going to take more than Resolve
to resolve.
It took me most of the next day
to get the stains out of the carpet
- while he was at work, not real
izing what my insistence on his
obeying had cost me.
My only saving grace was that
the laundry basket was still full of
neatly folded clothes.
Had he obeyed me entirely, 1
would have had to replace the
carpet.
The lesson 1 learned through
this whole process, beside what
best cleans greasy carpet, is that
while listening and obeying are
important - paying attention is
another thing entirely.
Deborah Griffin is a Staff Writer
for the Bertie Ledger-Advance and
the Martin County Enterprise &
Weekly Herald. She can be reached
at dgriffin@ncweeklies.com
Say what you will about a dog..
It is said that the cat chooses
you, not the other way around.
The cat in my life has chosen
to trash even the slimmest of
chances that we
might have become
friends.
1 definitely did not
choose the cat that
lives at our house.
My wife, Sharon,
discovered a kitten
outside her office.
Mark He was near death,
Rutledge so she brought him
Today in home and back to
North Carolina health.
The black spots
against his mostly
white fur are not arranged in a
way that inspires cuteness. His
green eyes are dull and demand
ing. His crackly meow sounds like
he might be a heavy smoker.
Sharon assumed he would re
main smallish. She thought his
sickly start to life would leave
him stunted. Now he’s just a big,
ugly cat that does not respect my
role as head of household.
I’m not a cat hater. 1 have known
scads of cats during my life and
have bonded with a good num
ber of them. Some may have
been standoffish, but we at least
achieved a reasonable level of
mutual respect.
1 have tried doing that with this
cat, but he rubs up to me only
when he wants food. Still, 1 have
endeavored to recognize and
build upon any positive aspects
of his presence and personality.
He’s an outside cat-a definite
positive. 1 was beginning to ap
preciate his rugged nature, which
stems from what must have been
a harrowing existence before he
knew us.
He will come inside to eat now
and then, but he prefers the out
doors. There have even been
nights when temperatures dipped
into single digits, and the cat re
sisted our best efforts to bring
him inside. It could have some
thing to do with catching squir
rels off guard.
If cats are born killers, this one
has graduated to serial'. The life
less gifts on the doormat almost
always are missing their heads.
Opening the back door to see a
headless adult squirrel sprawled
on the mat is quite startling.
Downright shocking is walking
into the master bathroom to find
the head of a rabbit neatly dis
played on the bath rug.
Sharon and our three daughters
clearly are this cat’s chosen keep
ers. They can pick him up and
stroke his ears and rub his belly,
and for them he will be a ragdoll.
And he will purr and look over at
me as if to say, “See how easy that
can be?”
1 have never fallen for that one,
but 1 did pet his head during a
recent visit indoors. Reaching
out with a gesture of open fellow
ship, if not outright friendship, 1
rubbed behind his ears for a solid
25 or 30 seconds.
He closed his eyes and purred,
and 1 thought we had made a gen
uine connection. When 1 stopped,
he opened his eyes, flattened
his ears, and connected his tiny
switchblade with my left index
finger.
Sharon and the girls would char
acterize the wound as a slight
scratch, but the relationship has
been slashed to the bone.
As 1 write this. I’m sharing Gold
fish crackers with our loyal little
dog. Max. He asked me to men
tion how, whenever the cat does
come inside, he bullies our hon
est and trustworthy canine, and
steals his bed.
Max and 1 may have a few minor
disagreements of our own, but on
one thing we agree completely:
This is not our cat.
Contact Mark Rutledge at mrut-
ledge@reflector.com.
Bertie
Ledger-Advance
The fabric of Bertie County since 1832
The Bertie Ledger-Advance was established in 1928 throixsh the
HERITAGE OF ThE WINDSOR LEDGER AND ThE AuLANDER ADVANCE.
The NEWSPAPER TRAOEa ITS HISTORY TO 1832 WHEN IT WAS FIRST PUBLISHED
AS THE Windsor Herald and Bertie County Register ■*
Kyle Stephens Leslie Beachboard
Group Publisher Staff Writer
kstephens@ncweeldies.com lbeachboard@ncwceldies.com
Thadd White Deborah Griffin
Editor Staff Writer
twhice@ncweeklies.com dgriffin@ncweeklies.com
Jim Green
Sports Editor
jgreen@ncweeklies.com
Michelle Leicester
Creative Services
mleicester@ncweeklies.com
Jessica Mobley
Advertising Manager
jmobley@ncweeklies.com
Lanny Hiday
Copy Editor I
bertienews@ns:weeklies.com '*
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