DOOLEY ON TOE
SALOON'S PASSING,
Famous Humorist Writes Novel
Obituary of Traffic.
Mr. Doolcy. looking philosophically
out of his famous barroom window in
Archey road, tills the readers of the
American Magazine for April some of
his current u,m lugs on t!>" prospective
passing of his long establiSed business.
In humor a trill** more pathetic than
usual, from the fact that the subject is
so Intimately associated with his own
livelihood, he sketches the rising tide
of antl-llquor sentiment throughout the
southland, "where King Alcohol," he
declare*, has lieen dethroned, "al
though lie's like th' Jook iv Orleens in
I'aris, he's lost most iv his authorities,
hut some iv the old families still re
ceive him quietly lu their homes, al
though thousands that oust fell on
their noses before him now refuse to
recognize him in public."
Continuing his reference to drink as
his royal highness King Alcohol, he
pictures the poor fellows who at uight
"are wild wid lllety that makes tlilm
think they're lietther thiu they iver
thought they were" and graphically de
scribes their condition "before and aft
er being knighted by King Alcohol,"
with their inevitable subsequent
"presentation at court."
Getting down to the more serious
possibilities of tile "temperance wave,"
Mr. Dooley. addressing Iliunissy, says:
"The Ominous Size of the Wave."
"An" I tell ye somethln', Iliuulssy?
It ain't goln' to Ik' very long before
this here wave Iv I'roliybltion comes
up here nn' deluges ye an' me. Auny
day ye may look to see boots an' shoes
or more probably books iu th' windy
where ye now see th' stately rows iv
bottles that ye think are filled with
tempting dhrlnk. but rally have nawtb
in' in thim but th' wather I filled thim
with th' year afther th' big fire.
"I was cut out be nature to sell peo
ple things that they first took because
they made thim feel supeeryor to other
people an' that later became a necessity
to thim."
How Politicians Now Slight the Saloon.
Hinnissy. interjecting an exclama
tion of incredulity at this point, gives
Mr. Dooley the text for another item
in the chronicle of the saloon's impend
ing doom:
"Do I think 'twill come? Faith, I
wudden't wondher. I see what tiogan
calls portints Iv th' times. Th' day
was whin ivry wan that wanted a
pollytickal job asked th' privilege iv
bangin' a litthygraft iv himself in me
window. But nowadays, be hivens, no
wan wants his pitcher hung in a sa
loon. They're thryin' to get thim past
ed up in th' churches. They're gettin'
on to us.
"I'll tell ye a secret iv th' thrade.
I'd rather have th' Father Mathew so
ciety behind me thin th' entire saloon
vote."
"What Drink Does For a Man."
Then, breaking through his pro
fessional attitude, Mr. Dooley voices
the better sentiments of his heart in
these discerning words:
"1 wudden't mind if Prohybltion did
break through. In his heart th' thru
est Prohybitionist is a salmon keeper.
Better thin anny wan else he knows
that what's his meat is everybody
else's pizen.
"Havln' long assocyated with th'
dhrinkin' classes, 1 thims less iv thim
more an' more ivry year. Th' dhrink
makes thim too fond iv thimsilves.
As me frind Mulrooney, th' printer,
says, 'Til' dhrink knocks th' dot off
their little i an' they think they're up
per case.' A man comes iu here whin
I'm about ready to pull down th'
blinds, leans on th' cheese an' sings
'My Bonnie I.ies Over th' Ocean.' thin
says 'What's that'/' whin 1 sugglst that
he go home an' fln'lly ends up be weep
in' over his tbroubles. 1 know what's
th matter with him. He's' tbinkin'
about himself too much I know thnt
his voice sounds like suds escapln'
fr'm th' kitcheu sink, an' I can lick
him in a minyit with an ice pick, an'
I am laughln' mesilf sick over his
famly throubles. but he doesn't think
so. Divvle th' bit. He's got himsilf
painted like n combynation lv Melba,
Jeffreys an' th' two orphans, an' anny
body that don't believe he's right is
lookln' f'r throuble.
"Faith, if anny rrohybltionist thinks
'tis pleasant presidin' over this here
palace lv rum he's welcome to th' Job.
If I was an insanity expert instead lv
bein' on th' level as I am, I'd commit
half me patients to an asylum."
"But can ye iver enforce' Prohybi
tion?" asked Mr. Ilinnissy.
"Well," said Mr. Dooley. "Father
Kelly says th' best they've done so far
is to make dbrink wrong to hake, hard
to get an' turr'ble bad whin ye get It."
Mr. Dunne's article is most original
ly illustrated by (,'artoonist John T
McCntcheon.
JL ' T
? ATLANTA'S MUNICIPAL RE- ?
CEIPTC INCREASE UNDER j;
PRCHI3ITI0M. J
According to reports made by ?!?
City Comptroller Gold-mi'.h ef i
II Atlanta. Ca., March 13. the III
? ? city will have fully $100,CCD y
*' more to spend this year than v
X was provided for in the January X
? ? estimates. "The increase in tax- 4"
II able values," declares Comp- T
.. troller Goldsmith, "will range J.
? ? from $3,000,000 to $5,000,000 on y
11 real estate alone. The city's T
11 financial condition ie splendid," X
? 1 he concluded. t
! nillllllllimiMMMIH
I ,
Liquor Trade Admits Alarm at
Prohibition Progress.
Editorial Itemj From the Current
V '-isky Press.
Chicago. Ul. [Special.)?The liquor
press vividly reflects these Uuys the |
rising alarm of the drink business
against the nation wide progress of |
the Prohibition movement. In Its lend
ing editorial Feb. 1 MIda's Criterion. '
the famous Chicago liquor trade Jour
oal, says:
"There is no denying the fact that
Prohibition and local option move
ments have a depressing effect on busi
ness enterprise and extension. Both
distillers and dealers are therefore
very conservative,- the former in pro
duction of output and the latter as to
laying In larger stocks than absolutely
required."
In the same Issue the staff corre
spondence from Louisville. Ky., says:
"Those traveling men for Louisville
concerns who have been through Mis
sissippi and Louisiana have returned
to their home offices with the reports
that do not augut well for the 'trade'
In those states. The Impression they
get is that both states will go for Pro
hibition. The reports of their firms
are to the effect that everything points
to that condition in the very near fu
ture."
Bonfort's Wine and Spirit Circular.
New York, Feb. 25 in its special corre
spondence front Cincinnati, the "whis
ky center." says:
"In Cincinnati, the same as in other
whisky markets, the whisky business
is at a minimum. There is little doing
and not much better in sight. ? ? ? Pro
hibition atritation and the work nf the
various state legislatures Is a powerful
factor. ? ? ? Jobbers are afraid because
of Prohibition legislation to purchase
for wants In the future. If their trade
is gone they will have no use for the
whisky; beuee they are not buying It.
The traveling fraternity Is at home be
cause. as a rule, the report is that ex
penses are not to be made."
In the same correspondence of Bon
fort's a significant item is detailed In
the announcement of the next conven
tion of the National Wholesale Liquor
Dealers' association at Niagara Falls,
June 10, 17 and 18.
National Liquor Sellers' Convention
Too "Busy" to Indulge In Banquets.
"It Is quite likely that the convention
this year will not have the usual enter
taiument and social feature trimmings.
? * * It will be remembered that at
the Atlantic City convention last year
a great banquet was the crowning
event, with a day's sail in small craft
on the briny deep as a daylight enter
tainment. The members of the execu
tive committee are said to feel that
there is too much business to be con
sidered by the convention (next June
to allow any time'to be taken up with
formal entertainment."
In the Circular's San Francisco cor
respondence is the following admis
sion, similar to those already noted:
"California wine merchants do not
find that the year is opening up as sat
isfactorily as was expected. The anti
saloon cause, spreading so ominously
throughout the country, is a factor that
tells adversely. Sales in some of the
southern states have fallen away seri
ously. Eastern shipments are being
made pretty much as usual, but there
is noticeable a complete absence of
snap from the business."
Liquor's Flood of Anonymous Unsign
ed Anti - Prohibition Literature.
The most significant fact about the
flood of antl-I'rohibition literature
which is being circulated broadcast
throughout the country is that this
literature for the most part is unsigned
and Is printed without any authorita
tive credit as to Its source or author
ship. For instance, the St. Paul Record
Is being widely scattered throughout
the State of Minnesota with its columns
headed with liquor misrepresentations
and anti-Prohibition falsehoods. But
lite |i.tju't uws itui fuuji iitt? uauit- ui a
single person connected with It. The
other liquor literature met with in pro
fusion is along the same line, without
being credited to any publisher or
author who is willing to stand sponsor
for the misrepresentations contained
In the text.
A Hundred Facts.
A hundred latest facts about Prohibi
tion results In Georgia, Oklahoma,
Tennessee, Maine. Kansas, Alabama,
etc. Copies 5 cents, 75 cents per hun
dred (eight page leaflet). Address
Chairman Charles R. Jones, 92 La
Salle street, Chicago.
| WHAT THE MAYOR OF |
KNOXVILLE SAYS. -jj
During the first three months A
under Prohibition (Nov. 1, 1907, A
X to Feb. 1, 19CS) there were 549 T
arrests in Kncxville. During the X
y same months one year prior y
X there were 1,045 arrests. T
X The total arrests for drunken- 1 j
y ness from Nov. 1, 1907, to Feb. y !
J* 18, 1908, were 296. For the same X
1 months one year before there A |
Y were 649. y j
X Savings accounts ate climbing, X j
A industrial insurance is being A I
y promptly prid, children and Y
X wives are better clad, and the X
A money which formerly went to -j- j
y saloons is now being largely y i
X used for the betterment of home X
A conditions. ? John M. Brooks, A
y Mayor, Feb. 17, 1908. T
Prohibition's Testimony.
What beneflt l? Prohibition? Does It
work? Send for leaflet "Prohibition's
Latest Testimony?A Hundred Facts." \
Address Chairman Charles R. Jones,
93 La Salle street. Chicago.
DETROIT RIVER TUNNEL
Being Built on Shore, to Be Sunk In
Sections Beneath Water.
\ tunnel la lielnji constructed In a
novel manner for the movement of
railroad trains between Detroit and
Windsor, Canada, lieneath the Detroit
river, says the New York Tribune. It
Is being built on shore and will be
tank in sections Into a trench dredged
In the bottom. The sections after they
have been deposited In their cradle of
cement nud steel will lie Joined togeth
er beneath the surface of the water.
It is to be a tunnel of two steel tubes,
each of which will be slightly over
twenty-three feet in diameter. They
are joined together at intervals by
transverse steel diaphragms. When
the tubes have been sunk and Joined
they will be surrounded by concrete.
The construction of a steel cradle on
the river lw>ttom and the elimination
of a cofferdam in the laying of the
tunnel comprise a method of subaque
ous tunnel construction never before
attempted. Divers are required to lock
the sections together after they are In
place.
The preparation for floating and
sinking the sections is elaborate. The
ends of the tubes are closed with
heavy bulkheads of wood in which are
set valves for allowing the water to
enter and the air to escape when tho
section is sunk. In this way the sink
ing of the (Ms) ton section can lie regu
lated to a nicety. The sides are cov
ered with heavy planks, forming a
box which looks like a huge barge. On
top are placed a number of steel cylin
ders filled with air for the purpose of
assisting in keeping it atloat in case of
necessity.
The underwater portion of the tun
nel will be 2,(11*5 feet long, and the
length of the whole tunnel, including
tho covered portions of the approaches,
will be more than one and one-half
miles in length
DOGS' LEGS AS FISHING RODS
Trained Terriers Take Pickerel From
Pond Through Holes In the Ice.
Fishermen who went to Porter's
lake the other day never will get
through talking about the way Bill
McMichaels of Pike county and his
three trained terriers cut down the
pickerel population, says a Port Jer
vls special dispatch to the New York
World. Fishing through the Ice is a
popular winter sport up at Porter's
lake, and when Bill and his bowwows
reached the place the surface of the
lake looked like a coffee strainer.
Every hole had a watcher, but this
didn't worry Bill. He set to work
and surprised the other folks by chop
ping three more holes in the crystal.
Then he tied a line to the hind leg of
each dog and dropped the baited end
through the hole. He placed a bag
under each pup, lit his pipe and went
visiting among his friends. Ho hndn't
been gone more than a few seconds
when one of the dogs began to bark
and walk away from the hole, drag
ging a six pound pickerel after him.
"Pretty soft for me," chuckled Bill.
By this time the other dogs had con
tributed a pickerel apiece to the pile,
and Bill spent the next hour packing
'em in. When he had taken the ante
mortem statement of tlilrty-slx of the
finuy things he blew a whistle. Each
dog arose promptly, picked up the bag
on which it had been sitting and
swung into line liehlnd his master as
he hit the trail for home.
"I was a year training 'em," ex
plained Bill to the astonished gather
ing, "but I don't regret it. They're
the best fishermen in Pike county, and
nnother thing In their favor?they
don't lie about their work. The next
time I'm going to send them un alone."
30 Days' Trial $1.00 is the offer on
Pineules. Relieves Back-ache, Lame
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for young and old. Satisfaction guar
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Sold by Hood Bros.
I These I
Bad Pains |
which jive you such exquisite H
suffering, every month, are caused, l">.
as you know, by female trouble.
Relief seldom 'or never comas H
of Itself. It is necessary to cure
the cauae. In order to stop the
pains, and thla can only be done Ijjjj
If you will tako a specific, female k|*
remedy, that acta directly on the
womanly organs.
? CAROUI
WOMAN'S RELIEF
"Cartful did wonders for me," H
fm writes Mrs. H. C. Larson, of Olds, H
la. "I had female trouble for 8 tt
H years. I had displacement, which I
|B increased my suffering, the doc- H
Dj tor could only relieve me at times. I
[*? Now, I am so much better, I hardly H
I know when my time begins or I
ffl when It ends."
At All Druggists
I, I WRITE FOR FREE ADVICE,
? stating ace and describing symp- I ?
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