North Carolina Newspapers

... i vr -0 - ; 1 r lie t R. Hi COWAN, Editor and Proprietor. Press tbiri.-o.si3 Tpo Preserved.Baiiooosz. TERMS : ?a.oo per Year. .: . II. xWADESBORQ . C, THURSDAY, JULY 13, 1882. NO. 39. K i IaV J i J A -i.. is. s. , - - - - - . . - ; linn rfii feM '1. . i Vfa -1 NKT .FX.--T7 h Jf 1 Vl " 1 ' 1 ' " ' ' '. . ' ; . Succeeds The Pee Dee Herald. TERMS '.CASH IN ADVANCE. One Year 2.00 Six Months 1-00 Three Months 0 - m ADVERTISING RATES. OammqtULTm, first insertion, $1 00 Each subsequent insertion, -50 Local advertisements, per line, 10 ,. jj- gpedAlTates ciren on application f5r longer time . AdvertLsers are requester! to bring in their advertisements on Monday evening of each ireek, to insure insertion in next issue. -. o rsr THE '"TIMES" HAS BY FAR THE LARGEST CIRCULATION OF ANY PAPER PUBLISHED IN THE PEE DEE SECTION. PROFESSIONAL CARDS. SAM J. PEMBEUT0N, ATTORNEY AT LAW, ALBEMARLE, N. C. KST Attends the Courts of Anson Union. Cabarrus, Stanly, Montgomery and Rowan, andhT Federal Court, at Charlotte and Greensboro. -ft Allen DENTIST, rs?" Office S. E. corner of Wade and Mor as streets U-ear the Bank.) JL. J. DAJIOAN, J. D- DARGAN & PEMBERTON, AT TOR NE YS A TLA W, WADESBORO, N. C. lT Practice in the State and Federal Courts. JAS. A LOCKIIART, Att'y and Counsellor at Law, WADESBOIIO, N. C. HT Pratices in all the Courts of the State. B. K. LITTLK. yr. L. PARSON'S. Littlo & Parsons, ATTORNEYS AT L A W, WADESBORO, N. C. J5? Collections promptly attended to. SAMUEL T. ASHE, ATTORNEY AT LAW, WADESB0R0, N. C. 13" Special attention given to the collec tion of claims. P. D. WALKER. A. Bl'KVVILL. Walker & Burwell, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, CHARLOTTE, N. C. Will attend regularly at Anson Court, and at Wad as bo ro in vacation when requested. CYRUS J. KNIGHT, ATTORNEY- AT- LA W, SWIFT ISLAND, N. C. Will practice in the courts of Anson and adjoining counties. 31-ly HOTELS. WAVERLY HOUSE, CHARLESTON, S. C. This favorite family Hotel is situated on King street, the principle retail business street, and nearly opposite the Academy of Music. The WAVERLY under its new manage ment has recently been renovated and refur nished, and is i"ecommended for its well kept table a,nd home comforts. Rates $ 2 and $2 50 per day, according to location of room. The Charleston Hotel Transfer Omnibuses will carry guests to and from the House. G. T. ALFORD, Manager. P A VI L IA N HOTEL, CHARLESTON, S. C. This popular and centrally located HOTEL having been entirely renovated during the past summer is now" ready for the reception of the travelling public. Popular prices and 2 50 per day. Special rates for Commercial Travellers. . T. GALLIARD, Proprietor. YARBROUCH HOUSE, RALEIGH, X. C. Prices Reduced to Suit the Times. CALL AND SEE US. -pURCELJj HOUSE, WILMINGTON, N. C.' Recently thoroughly overhauled and reno vated. First -clans in every respect. Loca tion tiesirable, being situated near all busi ness houses, Post-office, Custom House, City Hall and Court House. Rates, 2 00 and $ 2 50 per day. Our motto is to please. B. L. PERRY, Proprietor. D. J. OASHERIE, Proprietor. laif" Convenient to all the trains. A full stock of Groceries and Con fectioneries always on hand. CHARLOTTE HOTEL, CHARLOTTE, N. C. Newly Furnished and Entirely Renovated. Sample- Room for Commercial Travelers. Terms, $2.00 per day. Special rates by the week or Month. M F. A. McNinch, Prop'r. 2(rSS' . ..... VENABLE WILSON, Manufacturer of Boots & Shoes. " Fine Goods ft Specialty! Repairing solicited. Work done with neat nS despatch. Call and see him, in the pott pmce building, f- ' - 3-ly. : J. C. Brewster & Co., RALEIGH, N. C. Wholesale, and Retail! Orders . promptly filjed, and at the lowest-prices. ?3-ly ItWILIi POSITIVELY CURE Bad Breath. , - Nothing is so unpleasant as Breath,' gener-: ally arising from a disordered stomach, and can le aoo easily corrected by taking Simmons liver Regulator. Simmons Liver Regulator soon eradicates this disrase from the system, leaing the akin clear and free from all impurities. Sick Headache. The stomach imperfectly digesting its con tents causes severe pain in the heady accom panied by disagreeable nausea. For the relief and cure of this distressing affliction take Simmons Liver Regulator. Malaria. Person living in unhealthy localities, may avoid all bilious attac ks by occasionally tak ing a dose of Simmons Liver Regulator to keep the liver in healthy action. Constipation , should not be regarded as a trifling ailment. Nature demands the, utmost regularity of the bowels. Therefore assist Nature by taking Simmons Liver Regulator, it is so mild and etTectuaL Biliousness, One or two tablespoonf uls wiil reiieve all the troubles incident to a bilious state; such as nausea, diz.-rintsss, dronsiness,. diseases after eating, a bitter bad tiist in the mouth, Alcoholic Poisoning. Simmons Liver Regulator will counteract the effect of alcoholic poisoning. B3r its use the torpid liver is aroused, the nerves quieted, the gastric disturbance corrected and intem Ierance prevented. ..Yellow Fcvor. The Regulator has proven its great value as a remedial ageiit curing the prevalence of that terrible scourge. Simmons Liver Re gulator never fails to do nil that is claimed for it. Colic. Children suffering with colic soon experience relief vh-n Simmons Liwr Regulator is ad ministered according to dii-ectious. Adults as well as children derive great benefit from this medicine. Chills anil Fever. There is no need of suffering any longer with Chills and Fever Simmons Liver Re gulator soon break; the Chills and cariies the Fever out of the system. It cures when, all other remedies fail. Dyspepsia. This medicine -will ositively cure you of this terrible -riisrese. It is no vaiu boast, but we assert emphatically what we know to be true, Siminous Liver Regulator will ciire you. Bladder and Kidueys. Most of the diseases of the bladder originate f r m those of the kidneys . Restore the action of f he liver fully, and both the kidneys and bladder will be restored. I'-i'f" Take only UioGexvine, which always has on the wrapper the "'Red Z' trade mark, signature of J. H. ZEILIN & CO. Sold By All Respectable Druggists. 31-1 y SCHEDULES. Carolina Central II. I&4 Comp'y. CHANGE OF SCHEDULE. Office General Superixtendent, ) Wilmington, N. C, Dec. SO, 1881. f On and after Jan. 1, 182, the following schedule will be operated on this Railway: passexger, mail asd express train. v 1 ! Leave Wilmington, 8 20 p m 5 50 a m Arrive at Charlotte, 0 Leave Charlotte, 10 10 p m " f Arrive at Wilmington, 7 32 a m 30. Trains Nos. 1 and 2 stop at regular stations only, and points designated in the Companj's Time Table. PASSENGER AND FREIGHT TRAIN. Leave Wilmington at Arrive at Hamlet at 5.-10 A. M 7.55 p. M 4.15 A. M Arrive at Charlotte at ( Ieave Charlotte at No. 0. Arrive at Hamlet at ( Arrive at Wilmington at 5.55 P. M Trains Nos. 1 and 5 make connection at Charlotte with A. & C. R. R. for Spartan burg, Greenville, Athens, Atlanta and all points boyond. Train No. 0 makes close connection at Wil mington with W. & W. R. R. for points North. Through Sleeping Cars between Raleigh and Charlotte. V. Q. JOHNSON. Gen'l Sup't, Raleigh & Augusta Air-Line RaiLroad. CHANGE OF SCHEDULE. Superintendent's Office, ) Raleigh, N. C, June 5, 1879. j On and after Friday, June 6, 1,879, trains on the Raleigh and Augusta Air-Line Rail road will run daily (Sundays excepted) as follows : No. 1 Leave Raleigh, 8 00 p. M. No. 2 Leave Hamlet, 2 30 A. M Hoffman, 3 14 a. m Keyser, S '67 a. m Blue's, 3 54 a. m Manly, 4 13 a. m Cameron, 4 56 a. ar Sanford, 5 41 A. M Osgood, 6 02 a. M Moncure, 0 25 a. m Merry Oaks, 0 42 A. M NewHill, 7 00A.M Apex, 7 23 a. M Carv, 7 59 a. m Carv, 8 81 P. M. 8 5.1 P. M. 9 14 P. M. Apex, New Hill, Merry Oaks, 9 30 P. it. Moncure 9 56 P. M. Osgood, 10 17 P. M. Sariford, 10 44 P. S. Cameron, 11 37 r. M. Manly, 12 09 a. m. Blue's, 12 29 A. M. Kevser, 12 48 A. M. Hoffman, 1 14 A. M. Ar. Hamlet. 2 00 a. M. Ar. Raleigh, 8 30 a. M Train number 1 connects at Hamlet with C. C. Railway for Charlotte and all points south. Train number 2 connects at Raleigh with the Raleigh & Gaston Railroad for all points north. JOHN C. WINDER Superintendent. Cheraw & Darlington R. R. CHANGE OF SCHEDULE. President's Offics, ) Society Hill, S. C, Feb. 28, lS8i). f On and after Monday, the 2th inst., the train on this road will run as follows mak ing connection at Florence with trains to and from Charleston, Columbia aud Wilmington both ways: GOING DOWN. Leave Cheraw at 10 30 a. m. " Cash's, 10 50 " " Society Hill, 1115 " Dove's, 1145 " " Darlington, , 12 15 P. M. " Palmetto, . 12 35 " Arrive at Florence, . 100, . COMING UP. Leave Florence at 2 35 p. M. " Palmetto. 3 00 " Darlington, 8 15 " Dove's, 3 40 " . Societv Hill. 4 Oi ' ' Cash's 4 25 " Arrive at Cheraw, 4 50 " Close connection -made at Florence with trains to and . from Charleston and Wilming ton, every day except Sunday. B. D. TOWKSEND,"President. Cneraw & Salisbury Railroad. CHANGE OF SCHEDULE. Until further notice, the trains on this road will run as follows: Leave. . ' Arrive. Wadesboro, 7.15 A. M. Cheraw, 3.20 a. m mw Qoji x v Wfldeshoro. 5.30 P. M Making close connection both ways at Che- jan, TV A Hi la " VV Afc t at Florence with the Northeastern train. , : B. D. TO WNSEND, President, ' JUL.Y; When the scarlet cardinal tells Her dream to the dragon-fly, And the lazy breeze' male A'titst in the -' 'trees " - - -" J And murmurs a lullaby, J It is July. When the tangled cobweb pulls The oorn-nowers Wae cap awry, And the lilies tall lean over the wall . VT To" r bow to ,iJv .r- ' . It is July. '" And poppies flame in the rye, And the silver note in the streamlet's throat QHas softened almost to a sigh, It ii July When the hours are so that Time Forgets them, and lets them lie 'Neath petals pink till the night stars wink At the sunset -in the sky, It is July. When each finger-post by the way Says that Slumbertown is nigh ; When the grass is tall, and the roses fall, And nobody wonders why, It is July. St. Nicholas for -July. A Literary Effort. By. C. H. Thayer. "Are you satisfied, my daughter?" "More than satisfied, papa." "Is it all your fancy jpainted it?" "Beyond anything I ever dreamed of. Indeed I never imagined that we should have such a beautiful home." "Then, my dear, I hope that you will be inclined to favor my wishes, in return for what I have done to please you. I have spared no expense in trying to make your ' homo every thing that th i ost fastidious taste could demand, and I trust that you will not refuse some concession to my whims, perhaps you will call them." "What is it you desire, papa?" "Nellie, I have given you every advantage in regard to education have tried to make you a cultivated and accomplished" woman and now I do not want to see you throw your self away upon any one who cannot J appreciate you. In simple words, I want a clever son-in-law a man able j to write a good essay, or poem, or paint a picture worthy of notice and admiration." "But, papa, I love Charley, and he loves me." J "Yes, my child, I suppose so; but you are both very young, and have seen little of the world. He did very well when we were plain, simple peo ple, living in the country; but now it is quite a different thing. We live in another world altogether. I do not demand money with your future husband I have enough for all con cerned but talent I do require." "Oh, papa, I cannot give up Char ley ! Where shall I find another like him? so good, and kind, and devot ed?" "Thousands ef them, my dear -thousand o them. He may not prove any better husband for being so de voted now. Matrimony is the thing that tries men's souls and con stancy." "I do not believe that Charley will deceive me and he loved me too be fore we were rich. We never shall know, when a new lover comes, whether it is myself or my money he cares for. " "Oh, well, my dear, young men are not all mercenary, there are plenty of fine, young fellows, ready to love you for your own sweet self." "Perhaps Charley - can write!" mused Nellie. "He never has tried, I know, and he may be a great genius without suspecting it. I am sure that he is clever enough to do almost anjthing." "Geniuses do not live to be twenty five years old without suspecting their own powers. The trouble is generally that they are too eager to suspect them. But I promise you this, my daughter : If Charly can paint a good picture, or furnish a successful article for the paper, I will consent to the match." "Oh, Charley," the young girl said to her lover that night, "can't you paint a picture?" "Faint a picture, Nell ! Are you crazy?" . "No, dear but papa is or. else he has got a new hobby, which comes to nearly the same thing. I suppose he is a?sthetic, and I think it is just awful. But now, dear, don't you think that you could paint something?" "Nellie, why dpn't yousk me if I can fly? like a bat, or a winged squirrel?" "But every one paints now." "Indeed ! How do they do it?" "They just buy paints, and brush es, .and palette, and take one or two lessons, and then they are ready to exhibit their plates, tiles, and so on. It is- just as easyl You can paint anything you choose--birds, fishest cranes-on one leg or two, just as you please or little, uncertain landscapes. Everybody does it children, grown people, andVgrandmmmas. f And they all doit alike", pretty much for I can' see scarcely any difference in their little, dauby tJimgs.' 1 "There is no use talking about it, Njell. I could not paint one of your little, dauby things if I took lessons six years." t- - Then you must write something. I know by your forehead, that you have latent talent, which only needs development. ' , , . : "My dear Nellr all the development in the world (would never bring out an v talent in mv case. I hope that 1 have goodr common:sense but cleverness don't run in the Barrett family.". ... ! ; ' "But, t Charley, you must either paint a picturb or write a talented art tide!" "My darling, I am afraid that you are touched here just a little, you know;" and lo laid his finger, oil her white forehead with an alr"of "sucii deep concern jtbat she burst into a fit of laughter, in which he quickly join ed.. As soon as she could speak, she told him what her father required, and was surprised to see how grave he took it. ' "Why, how serious you do look!" she exclaimed. "It is a pretty serious affair, I should think !u he replied. "To lose you " "But you are not going to lose me. You will write an article for the pa per a successful one, too." "Nellie, I tiell you again, dear, that I have no literary talent whatever. It has been pretty hard sometimes even to write letters to you, whom I love better than all the world. How then could I write a successful story?" "Couldn't you write a pretty poem then?" f "Horrible! Ask me something reasonable t o swim a thousand miles, or kill half a dozen tigers- -but write a poem! Gbod heavens, Nell, it's enough to make a poor fellow commit suicide! I could hot make a rhyme to save my life or even your life, darling." "Now it oannot be so very hard! A little poem upon spring, for in stance, to begin with. Something about buddiiig leaves, and perfumes of the sod. and vounsr men's hones. i ? t and aching voids, and all that sort of things. "It gives think of it ! rne an aching void to And the rhymes! Oh, Nell ! the rhytmes !" "Take a dictionary some poets do that. Find a number of appropriate words to rhme in pairs, put them down on the paper, and then write up to them. "But where does the sentiment come in?" j "Oh, that must work in of itself." "It is a homeless case, darling. I am very sorry tljiati I am not a genius but nature did not make me one, you know. Andja poem? Oh, it's fear ful !" "A story tnen, Charley you surely' could write a! story ?" "Stories mwst have plots, Nell, and plots do require some imagination." "But can't jyou tell something that has happened to your friends? Truth is stranger tlian fiction, you know." "Farmers' jboys are not apt to have many adventures, Nell. My friends in the country did nothing more ro mantic than digging turnips and pota toes, j "But did you never have any thrill ing experienpes yourself, Charley ?" "This is the most thrilling expe rience in my life, and I hope that it will be the last one of that nature." "reruaps you nau better try an had better try essay ?" j "Jerusalem!" "Charles Barrett, if 3-011 get so near to swearing as that, I shall leave the room 1" ' 'Forgive me, Nell; but will you tell me wliai subject you Would sug gest for that that essay?" "Something metaphysical of course 'Persistence of Force,' 'Relativity of Knowledge,' something profound you see. I always did think that you had a kind o : metaphysical look about your forehead. " "Will you tell me what kind of a look that is?" he asked, going to the glass, and examining his face with a somewhat a ixious expression, "Well," answered Nellie, "it is a sort of misty " "Oh, no, c ear not so bad as that, I hope!" "Well, I wish you would not take me up so qui ckly !" "Oh, Nellije, I am an idiot that is the truth but it cannot be helped." "It must be helped, or we-shall be separated forever." "Let's run away, and get married !" "No, I cannot do that papa has been too good and kind. It would bieak his heart I could not be so ungrateful, after all that he has done to make m3 happy. Charley, you will have to write a story, because that will be the easiest. Go home now, and th nk harder than you ever did before, aaid the ideas must come. Remember that our happiness is at stake." ... Poor Char ley" went home in a des: perae state of mind. After he had reached his room, he locked his door, took off hi coat, that he might breathe .mere , freely, lighted his meerschaum r placed a sheet of clean, white paper before him, sharpened his pencil to the finest point, and then knocked his head violently in hopes that wit wot Id come. After looking at the paper wistfully for about ten minutes, a brilliant idea almost took his breath a1 ray, and he wrote quick ly, for fear that it might escape as suddenly as it came. eVThere was once a" young and very beautiful girl i But after (writing that he stopped short, and again waited patiently for further inspiration. It did not come ; and throwing down his pencil in dis gust, be cried: ; , 'Xhe old man 13 crazy, and I am an idiot: IH go to bed !" which he ac cordingly did; and in a few minutes was Sound asleep, his literary efforts having exhausted him completely. In the rjarmng he woke up with that uncomfortable feelings that we haveat times of something very dis agrsable awaiting us; and after a few moments he sprung from the bed, exclaiming : "It is that confounded story ! I wonder if I can do anything this morning." Dressing himself quickly, he again seated himself resignedly ; and after looking at the paper a short time, he went to work, and absolutely wrote one whole page. He was triumphant, and began to think that he might have mistaken his own powers after all. "I'll take it to Nell after breakfast," he said, "and let her read it. It is not such a bad beginning, I am sure." So, with a mere hopeful counten ance, he ate his breakfast, .and then started off to show his first effort to Nellie. Her face beamed as she took the paper ; but after reading a few words, she looked up inquiringly. "Eyes as blue as spring, Charley? What special part of spring did you mean, dear?" "Siies, of course. You didn't sup pose I meant grass and leaves, did you? I hate green eyes?" "Then let me put in skies. 'Her luxuriant yellow hair hung in heavy masses down to her heels!' Goodness! you wouldn't have her to go round the streets with her hair hanging down to her heels! How she would look !" "It would be splendid! And see here, Nell if you're going to criticise me in that way, it's a little too much. I don't believe you could do any bet ter yourself . " "Perhaps not; but I should know enough of ordinary propriety not to let a" young woman go marching round the city with her sandy hair dangling down to her heels." "I did not say anything about her marching through. the city. And I tell you now that -I'll not try to write if you make fun of me in that way. Sitting up half the night to write a story, just because your father is such an old " "Stop, Charles Barret, right off ! I'll not have my doar good father abused ; and if you're so awfully stupid that you cannot even write " "Yes, yes now abuse me, because I'm not another Bulwer or Dickens! I'll go home, and you may find anoth er, and more clever " - He had almost reached the door, when Nellie sprung, after him, and, throwing her arms around his neck, begged his forgiveness in a way that would have melted the heart of Diog enes himself. Of course Charles capitulated im mediately ; and a little . osculatory performance was gone through with, which seemed to be wonderfully soothing to both parties. Then they went back to the story, and Nellie continued : . '"She was called Violetta, because her eyes were like the summer vio lets.' But Charley, dear, aren't we mixings up the seasons a little? Just now you said her eyes were like spring." "Well, erase it, if you choose on ly there'll he another space to fill up." "Say that they called her Violetta, because her eyes were so blue. That will take up nearly as much room. 'She was gentle, tender, docile and submissive.' Now, Charley, you need not imagine that I am going to be so terribly submissive. I have a mind of my own." "But I was not thinking of you." "Who were you thinking of then.I should like to know?" "Violetta, of course." "Oh, yes. I suppose heroines must be docile and submissive, unless they are regular shrews. But I do like to see women with a little spirit. 'She wore a simple white muslin (that ev erlasting white muslin! she thought), with rose-buds fastened in her hair.' But you know she could not fasten flowers in her hair, unless it was braided, or tied up in some way! Braid it up; won't you Charley?" "Now, my dear, if you are going to alter everything just as fast as I write it, I may as well stop where I am." At this Nellie finished the page 'without making further suggestions; but when he had given her his twen tieth good-bye kiss, she looked up in his face, and whispered eoaxingly : "Braid up Violetta's hair; won't you dear?" "Confound the girl's hair! Do it any way you please. Braid it, bang it, dye it do what you choce only don't let us have any more quarrels.' And as Nellie went to her room af terwards, she laughed to herself as she repeated: fe "'Hair hanging down to her heels.' How she would look 1 It is just like a .man. It makes me think of the shavings 1 used to fasten on my head when I was a little girL Poor Char ley ! it is hard for him; but he will do it, I know." And indeed it was hard for, the poor fellow. He never worked so inde fatigabiy in all his life. He absolute ly grew thin over that article. But lie finished it at last. It certainly was a very remarkable story. The plot was not quite equal to the details. The expensive and elaborate toilettes in which Violetta indulged, would have ruined a first-class actress , and the minuteness with which each sach, ribbon- and button was described might have immortalized some dis ciple of Worth himself; Jbut. as he said, it helped o fill up. the pages, which of course wa4he main thing. "You arevnot going to kill Violetta, are you, Charley?" Nellie inquired, one day, with evident concern. "Kill her ?" he repeated, savagely ; "indeed I do intend it ! I should like to stab her poison her torture her in the most horrible manner in return for all the misery she has oc casioned me." "Oh, I would not kill her ! People always like to have stories end well." "Nellie, I must have my own way in this for it will be the only satis faction that I can have in the whole thing ! And it must be no easy death either ! I read once of a woman who wa3 walled up to her throat, and then left to perish. If I could think of something equally horrible I should begin to consider myself quite a genius." And he did kill Violetta, sure enough; but he compromised with Nellie, and allowed her to die respect ably and comfortably in her bed, with her disconsolate friends weeping in a circle around her. . When it was all finished, he liter ally danced for joy. Then he took it to his loving critic, who copied it very neatly and eligi bly, making some discreet altera tions, especally in regard to the stu pendous toilettes, as she termed them. "Now, Charley," she said, "it is very nice, and will be a success, I am sure. Where do you intend to take it ?" "I shall take it to Rob Hunter, who has charge of the story-department of his paper; and he will accept it, I think. If he demurs at all, I shall Offer him fifty dollars to publish it." j "But isn't that rather an unusual proceeding, Gharley ?" "Well, this" is an unusual story, you know, and we cannot expect to make our arrangements in the ordi nary way entirely." However, the desired object was accomplished ; and then Nellie went ! to a friend, in another editorial office, and asked her to copy the sketch, and to try to get it copied by some other paper also. "But, Nellie," said the lady, "this is not a striking effort. Did one of your friends write it?" "Yes," she answered, with a blush ; and then she told the circumstances, j fully and frankly. "Well, I will copy it," was the good-natured reply; "but, if I were you, I would advise Mr. Barrett not to write anything more of the kind." "No fear of that," she answered, with a merry laugh. The story being copied into the two papers, Nellie took them all to her father, who examined them very carefully, but with a somewhat du bious expression upon his face. "Yes, daughter," he said, "this seems a very successful story ; but if I were Charley I would not, try an other, because he might not be as successful a second time." He always felt that he had been slightly imposed upon ; but when he saw what a good, kind husband Char ley was, and how happy he made Nellie, the old gentleman gradually became reconciled. And when his little grandchild, at the early age of five years, absolutely composed four lines of poetry, he was convinced that a genius had at last been born to him, and his happiness knew no bounds. Tlie Dutchman's Disappointment. Three afflictions beget little or no sympathy sea sickness, home sick ness and love-sickness. An honest Dutchman proved, hower, an excep tion to the rule. His friend Herman being jilted, told his Sorrows to the Dutchman : "Herman, my poy," said Hoflestein, after he had listened attentively, "I know how. you feels. I vent gourt ing mit a girl for nine years, und ven I dinks she vas going to be my vife, she goes und takes a fellow vat vasn't vert de bowder vat blows him to tunder ! 'It was de same vay mit a mule vot I hav, und vot I blaces all my de pendence in. I rode dat mule from de time he vas a colt undil he vas so old dat his eyes vas veak, und he vas shuts so gentle as a dog. "Vot you dink, Herman, dat mule vorked for fifteen years, to get my gonfidence, und den he vent back on me. Von day vile I vas riding de mule along de road he stopped vere dere vas a brier patch mit a vasp-nest in it. "I hits mit de spurs to make him go away, but he. von t. Vat does he do ? He vinks a gouple of times mit his ears, kicks up his heels, und I finds myself in de brier patch mit the vasps all ofer me." New Orleans TimeSv The only iron preparation that does not color the teeth, and will not cause headache or constipation, as other preparations will, is Brown's iron tuners, Marriage Probabilities. The Chicago Times has constructed a table of "Marriage Probabilities," for both sexes, from the age of 15 up to 70, based upon figures taken from 8,000 marriage licenses issued by the county clerk during the 12 months ending Oct. 2. It deduces the follow ing racts from the table. "In 1,000 cases no one was mar ried before the age of 15. The mar- riag of women at that age ia not un known, but jt is rare. Men do not begin to marry, as a rule, until they are 18 years old. At the age of 19, when young men are just beginning to think seriously of the subject, young women are at their most favor able time, more of them marrying at that age than any other. The years of greatest probability with women are from 18 to 22, culminating at 22. At 20 and 21 the chances are even, being better at 19 and 22 than at either of the intervening years. At 23 begins a steady decline, but not until the age of 33 do the chances fall below one in a hundred after that age they do, and in the rest of her life chances are but seventty-six in a thousand. At the age 53 the vanish ing point appears in sight no mar riages occuring at that age , and at the age of 54. At 55 and 56 oc curs one marriage each, at 57 none, at 58 one, and after that a woman has literally 'not one chance in a thou sand' of wedding. Her best years are four in number being from 19 to 22 inclusive. ' With a man it is different. His best years are 10 in number, from 21 to 30 inclusive. It is at the age 21 that he evidently his at attention wifeward, and it may be that legisla tors were entirely right in fixing that as the year when he shall attain his majority. In no year of his life are the chances 1 to 10 that he will marry. His very best years are at 23 and 25, as a girl's sare at 19 and 22. From 21 there is a steady increase till he is 25, and then his chances slowly de" cline, although they do not drop sud denly until he is 30. It is worthy of note that the sud den drop in the chance of both men and women occurs the year after they become 'old bachelors' or 'old maids.' Men do not begin to marry till about three years later. With men the chances do not fall below 1 in 50, and after that but 1 to 100 until the age of 40 is reached. Then it is't 1 in 50 and after that but 1 in 200. Mar riages occur, however, every year until 55 is reached, then on alternate years to 62, and after that comes out one, which is at the age of 70. Wanted to See a Rebel. Down below Montgomery I ran across a man from Port Huron, Mich., and after we had shaken hands he said : "Seen any rcbs down here ?" "Why, yes. That is, I've seen hundreds who were in the Confed erate army." "But have you come across one who hasn't surrendered yet a real old unterrified who wasn't licked and still hates the flag ?" "No." "Well, I wish I could see one. I've been down here two weeks and I haven't come across him. I thought the South was chuck full of such chaps, and I doted on an interview." I went up to the hotel and told the boys, and they sent over to the cooper-shop for Sam. He was not in the war at all, having lately moved in from Texas, but he was the most ' 'rebbish" looking man south of the Ohio River. He had long hair, long matted whiskers, a long, sharp nose, eyes like a wolf, long arms, ragged clothes and he looked to be a tough case. The boys told him what was wanted and he walked down the street to a barber shop where the Port Huron man was waiting to get shaved. Standing in the middle of the shop he threw his old hat down, jumped three feet high and cracked his heels, and yelled out ; "Whoop yah ! Whar's that Yank who's been hanging around this town for the last three days ? Whoop yi ! yi ! durn Uncle Sam fur an old buzzard ! I fit with Wheeler, I did, and I never surrendered J There ain't Yanks enough in Nortn America to walk me off whoop !" 1 The man from Port Huron bad fin ally got what he was looking for. He rose up, and was edging for the door-, when Sam jumped for him and yell ed : ' "Whoop-ee 1 You're the cantan kerous invader I'm after ! Come down here and burn our gins, will ye ? Come down here and slay our -!" Alas I The Michigander was on 'the full skip bf this time. He took a straight road for the country, turning out for nothing smaller than a four mule team. Next morning I receiv ed a telegram from him, dated at a town eleven miles off, asking .me to pay his hotel bill and bring along his satchel. Detroit Free Press. In addressing a Sunday school a while ago a speaker said to the boys, "Always be kind to your little sisters. Now. I never had a little sister, and I once tried to be kind to some other fellow's sister, but she had a cruel father and he hurt me helping me off the front stoop. Denver Hello. A Tramp's Philosophy. In the hip pocket of an old vagrant was a memorandum book full of his own writing with a pencil, and some of his philosophy is good enough to be preserved. His first paragraph reads : "Drinking bad whi&key because it is offered free is like getting in the way of bullets purchased by an enemy" - A second Teada,- '. - . "Honesty is the best policy, but some folks are satisfied with the second best. It is hard to be honest on an empty stomach." A third reads : "A dry plank under a rain-proof shed is better than a feather-bed in jail, and one isn't annoyed by the jailer bringing in a square break fast." A fourth says : "Pay as you go. If you haven't anything to pay with, don't go. If you are forced to go, record every indebtness and let your heirs sottlo the bills." The fifth explains : "We should have charity for all. When winter winds blow cold, we vags should pity the noor fel lows in India who are having red-hot weather." A sixth recorded ; "Politeness costs nothing, but it is not expected that you will wake a man up at midnight to ask permission to go through his hen house. It is more courteous to let him enjoy his needed repose." The seventh and last we noted down as follows : v "When you pick up an apple core do not find fault because it is not ap ple itself, but be satisfied with th9 grade of descent. Do not bo ashamed of your occupation. We cannot all be lords, nor can we all be vagrants. As I cannot be a . lord, I should not lament at being a vagrant. Be truth ful and out spoken that is, tell them you are a Chicago fire sufferer. Keep reasonable hours, or some other vag will get your plank first. Be hope ful, , cheerful, and good-natured. Growling won't cure a sore heel." The Kcocut Eclipse of the San, The chiefs of the English, Italian, and French eclipse expeditions to Egypt,. Messrs. Lockyer, Tacchini, and Thollon, report their observations in the following collective dispatch : Unprecedented facillities were ac corded by the Egyptian Government for the observation of the Eclipse. A plan was agreed upon between the English, French, and Italian expedi tions. Among the results the most satisfactory are photographs of the corona and a complete spectrum, ob tained by Schuster on Abney's plates. H and K are the most intense lines. A study of the red end of the spec trum of corona and protuberances was made by Tacchini. A comet near the sun was a striking object; it was photographed and observed, by the naked eye. Bright lines were ob served before and after totality at different heights by Lockyer, with intensities differing , from Fraun hofer's lines; by Lockyer and Trepied an absolute determination was made of the coronal line 1474 in Kirchhoff 's 8cale;by Thollon and Trepied the ab sence of dark lines from the coronal spectrum was noted. Tacchini and Thollon, with very different disper sions, noted many bright lines in tho violet. Thollon observed spectrum' of the corona, and Schuster photo-, graphed it. Tho hydrogen and coronal line Were studied in the grat ing spectroscope by Buisieux, and with direct vision prism by Thollon, Rings were observed in the grating by Rockyer, of the first, secondh and third order. The continuous spec trum is fainter than 1878, stronge than 1871. An intensification of the absorption lines was observed in group B, at moon's edge, by Trepied and Thollon. Scientific American. "I say, sir, do you want u, hire a boy, sir,"- said a bright looking little fellow, as ho stepped into a business office. "What c in you do, ir ?" was tl e respondeat inquiry. "I can tell the truth, sirt" was the bright reply. "Don't want you, my little man ; my business can't stand truth telling." "Better take the boy," said a by stander. "I know him. WThen- po says he -Can tell the truth, he lies like blazes. He can't do it. nor his father before him couldn't, - either." Boy engaged on modern business principles. Columbia Register. A Portuguese man, unable to speak a word of English, applied to a jewel er in New Bedford for a jewsharp, and he was taken to a 'dentist, the jeweler supposing from his motions that he wanted a tooth extracted. The dentist examined his teeth, but finding them all sound, made an in quiry in Portuguese, and was greatly amused on learning his actual want. This man had undergone the exam ination, thinking he was having his mouth measured for the right size of the instrument. Not an experiment or cheap patent medicine is Brown's Iron Bitters. It s is prepared by one of the oldest and : most reliable chemical firms, and will do all that is claimed for it. , -