TIlg Xii"be'l,y ozfZ -bin.
DCLixsti fc Preset v ed. TTn,r nnr"k-'
TERMS : $2.00 per Year
VOL. III.
WADESBORO', N. C, THURSDAY, OCTOBER -19, 1882.
NO. 1.
R. H. COWAN, Editor and Proprietor.
Succeeds The Pee Dee Herald.
TERMS :CASH IN ADVANCE.
One Year 2-00
Six Months 1-00
Three Months 50
ADVERTISING RATES.
One square, first insertion, $1 00
Each subsequent insertion, 50
Local adrertisemente, per One, 10
gj Special rates given on application for
longer time.
Advertisers are requested to bring in their
advertisements on Monday evening of each
reek, to insure insertion in next issue.
o :
y THE "TIMES" HAS RY FAR THE
LARGEST CIRCUIiATION OF ANY
PAPER PUBLISHED IN THE PEE DEE
SECTION.
rROFESSIONAL CARDS.
SAM J. PEMBERTON,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ALBEMARLE, N. C.
Attends the Courts of Anson, Union,
Cabarrus, Stanly, Montgomery and Rowan,
and the Federal Courts at Charlotte and
Greensboro.
L. J. DAROAN, PEMBERTON.
DARGAN & PEMBERTON, -
ATTORNEYS AT LA W.
' '!E3T?ORO, N. H. .
Yr . tK- i the St.,.:. .-. i H t-U-T
.'.t;rtti.
JA.V. A LOCKH lT
a T i.r. w: v
OiU x v. . - .
.1 t r o v : v . .
WADi-sii'JKsv. ... C.
Collecti' ns promptly .-tfonded to.
SAMUEL T. AS1IE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
WADESBORO, N. C.
t3f Special attention given to the collec
tion of claims.
P. D. WALKER.
BXJRWELL.
Walker & Burwell,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
CHARLOTTE, N. C.
Will attend regularly at Anson Court, and
at VVadesboro in vacation when requested.
CYRUS J. KNIGHT,
ATTORNEY- AT- LA W,
SWIFT ISLAND, N. C.
Will practice in the courts of Anson and
djoining counties. 31-ly
HOTELS.
WAVEELY HOUSE,
CHARLESTON. S. C.
This favorite family Hotel is situated on
jCing Btreet, the principle retail business
street, and nearly opposite the Academy of
Music.
The WAVERLY under its new manage
ment has recently been renovated and refur
nished, and is recommended for its well kept
table and home comforts.
Rates f 2 and $2 50 per day, according to
location of room.
The Charleston Hotel Transfer Omnibuses
will carry guests to and from the House.
G. T. ALFORD, Manager.
YARBROUCH HOUSE,
RALEIGH, N. C.
Prices Reduced to Suit the Times.
CALL AND SEE US.
pURCEIiLi HOUSE,
WILMINGTON, N. C.
Recently thoroughly overhauled and reno
vated. IHrst-class in every respect. Loca
tion desirable, being situated near all busi
ness houses, Post-office, Custom House, mty
Sail and Court House.
Rates, $2 00 and $2 50 per day.
Our motto is to please.
B. L. PERRY, Proprietor.
C. C. HARRELL, Proprietor.
Convenient to all the trains.
A full stock of Groceries and Con
fectioneries always on hand.
CHARLOTTE HOTEL,
CHARLOTTE, N. C.
. - Wewly furnished and Entirely Renovated.
SI a run 1a Honm frr fVmmriAl Trnvplprs
Terms, 12.00 per day. Special rates by the
weex or montn.
F. A. McNinch, Prop'r.
VENABLE WILSON,
Manufacturer of
-1
ots & Shoe
s
Fine Goods a Specialty.
. . JUpairios; solicited. Work io:i. with we-.i-Uesi
and dspa.tfh. CsJl ;.ui st? liin. in the
post office building. 2-1 v .
J. C. Brewster & Co.
RALEIGH, N. C.
Wholesale and Retail.
Orders promptly filled, and at the
slowest prices. 23-1 y
i. CHINA, CROCKERY,
OCassvxtre, Lamps, Table Cutlery,
Plated-ware, Refrigerators, and Tea Trays.
RALEIGH, N. C,
3 Doors from the Yarboro House.
59-6m
I-SI. HOET03ST,
JEAVELLER,
WADESBORO, N.O.
Dealer in Watches, Clocks, J jewelry
Musical Instruments, Breech and Muz
sua Loading Shot Guns, Pistols, &c.
VorDyapepeia,
Oostlveness,.
Sick Headache,
Chronie Diar
rhoea, Jaundice,
a
Imparity of the
Blood, Ferer ajxl
I ml eftM A fc tjEmil
iiri'lTTllIi
Ague, Malaria,
aad an DImum
caused by De-
rangement of Urer, Bowels sad Kidneys.
SYMPTOMS OF A DISEASED UTEB.
Bd Breath;- Pain in the Side, sometime the
Mia is fck under the Shoulder-bUde, mistaken for
Rheumatism; general loss of appetite; Bowels
generally costive, sometimes alternating with lax ;
the head it troubled with pain, is dull and heary,
with considerable loss of memory, accompanied
with a painful sensation of leaving undone something
which ought to have been done; a slight, dry cough
and flushed ace is sometimes an attendant, often
mistaken for consumption; the patient complains
of weariness and debility ; nervous, eatiiy startled;
leet cold or .burning, sometimes a pnekrj
of the skin exists: (Tints are low and at
and. although satisfied that exercise would I
ficial. yet oae can hardly summon up fortitude M
try it ia met, distrusts every remedy. Several
of the above symptoms attend the disease, but cases
have occurred when but few of them existed, yet
examination after death has shown the Liver to
have been extensively deranged.
Xt should be used by all persons, old and
young, whenever any of the above
symptoms appear.
Persons Traveling- or living- In Un
healthy Localities, by taking a dose occasion
ally to keep the Liver in healthy action, will avoid
all Malaria. Bllloas attacks, Dizziness, Nau
sea, Drowsiness, Depression of Spirits, etc. It
will invigorate like a glass of wine, bat is ho In
toxicating beverage.
If Ton have eaten anything- hard ol
digestion, or feel heavy after meals, or sleep
less at night, take a dose and you will be relieved.
Time and Doctors' Bills will be saved
by always keeping the Regulator
in the House I
For, whatever the ailment may be, a thoroughly
safe purgative, alterative and tonic can
never be out of place. The remedy is harmless
and does not interfere with business or
pleasure.
IT 1H PURELY VEGETABLE,
Aril has all the power and efficacy of Calomel or
(Quinine, without any of the injurious after effects.
A Governor's Testimony.
S-mmons Liver Regulator has been in use in my
family for s. me time, and I am satisfied it is a
valuable addition to the medical science.
J. Gill Shorter, Governor of Ala.
Hon. ATcronrier II. Stephens, of Ga.,
says: Have derive.! some benefit from the use ol
Simmons Liver Regulator, aid wish to give it a
further trial.
"The only Thing that never fails to
Relieve." I have used many remedies for Dys
pepsia, Liver Affection and Debility, but never
have found anything to benefit me to the extent
Simmons Liver Regulator has. I sent from Min
nesota to Georgia for it, and would send further for
such a medicine, and would advise all who are sim
ilarly affected to give it a triil as it seems the only
thing that never fails to relieve.
P. M. Jannbt, Minneapolis, Minn.
Dr. T. W. Mason says: From actual ex
perience in the use of Simmons Liver Regulator in
my practice I have been and am satisfied to use
and prescribe it as a purgative medicine.
46yTake only the Genuine, which always
has on the Wrapper the red Z Trade-Hark
and Signature of j. II. ZEILIN & CO.
FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
'JOSIAH 'ASBURY,
BUILDER AND CONTRACTOR,
QHARLOTTE, N . Q
DEALER IV
DOORS, SASH,
BLINDS, BRACKETS,
HVEq-ii Idin gs, 5co
51-6m
NEW STORE ! NEW GOODS
o
J, J. THOMPSON
J
- Dealer is
STAPLE & FANCY GROCERIES
AND
C0NFECTI0NEK1ES.
o
FINE WINES, LIQUORS AND CI
GARS, A SPECIALTY !
O
I "WILL ALSO KEEP A"
FIRST-CLASS MARKET !
Persons having cattle, hog?!, sheep, or any
thing of the kind for sale, will do well to give
me a call. Call and see me when in town, at
the new store on Rutherford street.
J. J. THOMPSON.
49-3m
BAGGING-TIES.
o
Bradley Simons
Now Offer a Large Lot of
Bagging & Ties
AT LOWEST MARKET PRICES.
Sutir, Coffee, Crackers, Cheese, Candy,
Snuff, at Wholesale.
CAR 10AD LIVERPOOL SALT !
DRY GOODS,
HATS and CAPS,
CLOTHING,
BOOTS and SHOES,
Cheap For Cash !
A well selected stock of Hardware, Tinware,
and Crockery, to which we invite
your special attention.
REMEMBER:
WE WILL NOT BE UNDERSOLD !
DIXIE PLOWS, CULTIVATORS AND
HARROWS constantly on hand. . .
We are agents for Brown's New Improved
Cotton Gin. :
BRADLEY & SIMONS.
I am still with the above named firm and
will be pleased to have my friends call on us.
48-tf J. L, BALDWIN.
FIRE TRIED.
The following lines were picked up
in one of the streets of Fayetteville
after the adjournment of the late
Coalitition Republican Convention.
It appears to have given expression
to the feelings of some veteran who
felt aggrieved by the action of the
Conventon.
Ye "fire tried"
Please stand aside,
Let the new converts in:
Tis true their date
Is somewhat late, -
Their reasons somewhat thin.
These converts new,
Of numbers few,
And modest aspirations,
Have set their eggs,
And fixed their pegs.
To take the nominations.
60 stand aside.4
Ye "fire tried,"
Don't thwart their calculations;
Perry and Powers,
And Surles are ours,
They have the nominations.
1 But I'll be d
If this suits me,
' I'll cross their expectations;
As sure as death
Stops human breath,
I'll bolt these nominations.
Fayetteville Examiner.
NANNIE'S LOVERS.
BY JENNIE WRKN.
High time, declared the gossips of
Gray ville, that Nannie Williams made
a choice of a husband, and gave to the
other girls, who doubtless would
make better wives if they had not as
much beauty, some chance. Utterly
absured that the men followed, one
after another, like sheep in a drove,
wherever her caprices led. They
were like a hive of bees contending
for one flower, and blind to all the
gardenful besides. But Nannie only
smiled when some whisper of this
reached her, and let the gossips talk.
Full well she knew her power, this
simple, little country girl, who pos
srted no dower save her beauty,
right royally she used it. Besides, it
was not quite as the gossips declared.
There was no such butter in all the
county as that which came from
Nanxiie Williams' farm, and Nannie's
fingers white and tapering as they
were, moulded it; no cream was so
thick and yellow, and Nannie had
sole charge of the dairy; no house
was more neat and tidy, with a name
less air of feminine grace about it,
and Nannie, since her mother's death,
reined sole mistress. No wonder the
young men felt the race well run,
with such a prize at its goal.
True, she had a saucy word ever
ready; but one readily forgave its
harmlessness for ttie sake of the sweet,
brilliant smile which lent her pretty
face its rarest charm, and seemed to
mutely plead her pardon.
However, when it was least expect
ed, Nannie made her choice, and it
fell upon Sydney Richards. There
was nothing to be said against him.,
He was a good-looking young fellow,
with a farm of his own.
He and Nannie would make a hand
some couple, and doubtless would
succeed well in the world ; but for all
that, it was a surprise to many of
tnem, ana one or two or the more
discerning ones said that 6he had
flirted shamelessly with Dick Arm
strong, and that quiet as he had ever
been, he had grown more so since the
betrothal was announced.
Nannie did not hear this, however,
nor had she seen Dick since her en
gagement, until one evening, some
three weeks after, she had wandered
down to the little gate opening on to
the road, and 6tood leaning listlessly
against it, when a quick, firm tread
broke the stillness. She knew the
step well, and a flush of crimson rose
to her face, then receded, as a tall,
stalwart figure came around a sharp
turning in the road.
He gave a quick start, too, as he
perceived her, and would have passed
on, merely raising the straw hat from
the close-cropped blonde head, but
that her voice, a little tremulous, de
tained him.
"Dick !" she said.
H halted then, but made no move
ment to approach her, until she held
out toward him a small white hand.
"Dick," she repeated, "of all my
friends, you are the only one who has
not congratulated me. "
"Indeed!" he answered, with a
strange, hard smile. "I hope it is not
too late."
And touching the little fingers for
an instant only, he turned away again
as if he considered all his duty done.
Hot tears rose to Nannie's eyes,
though from whence they sprung
none could have defined.
"You are cruel, Dick," she said.
"No," he answered, "I am kind;
but believe me, Nannie,. I trust you
may be happy. Goodnight!"
She spoke no further word to detain
him, but stood and watched him
walk away. Her eyes still followed
the direction he had taken long after
his figure was lost to her sight.
He never loved me I" she murmur
ed to herself. "He would always
have been exacting and jealous, and
he never asked me to be his wife.
What right has he to complain?"
But the girl knew that she silence!
only her conscience, and no voice of
his, when she thus spoke. He had
uttered no reproach. Dared she to
her own soul say he could have found
no cause for doing so?
Sydney Richards found something
amiss with his pretty betrothed that
night. She shrank frpin his some
what too demonstrative caress, and
turned upon him almost angrily when
be asked her to name the day for
their wedding in fact to let the bans
be read at once.
"You8ee,itH soon be harvesting
time, .Nannie, my lass," he pleaded,
by way of argument, "and there's no
denying thit thelarm needs a wo
man's care, j It's all ready for its mis
tress, and Wjhy shouldn't its mistress
be ready fo it?"
"Simply because she isn't your
maid of -all-work, Sydney Richards,
to be hired) when the season is most
convenient and the demand for her
most pressing !" was the girl's hot re
ply. 1
But her lover bore it good-naturedly,
and just as he was leaving she
penitently let her arm steal softly
about his neck, while she raised her
self on tiptoe to whisper in his ear
that he must forgive her.
But well, the cream had soured,
and the butter would not come tq-day,
and so her; temper had not borne the
test. j
Pardon tpus sought might readily
enough bewon for harsher sin, but
Sydney Richards imposed his penalty
for all that!; and so it happened that
the next Sdhbath morning witnessed
the reading of his and Nannie Wil
Hams' bansj.
Poor little Nannie ! She and her
pride were j waging a hard fight just
then. It had been a ?ucky moment
Sydney Richards had chosen to ask
her to become his wife.
That very day she and Dick had
had their first and only falling out.
It had been such a foolish matter,and
she had known herself quite wrong,
but she had determined Dick should
yield, and instead he quietly walk
ed away, saying:
"Nannie, when you acknowledge I
am right, send for me. It is only
your pride that now refuses to ac
knowledge me so; and it is with your
heart, not jjour pride, I wish to deal.
Besides I have something more I wish
to say to you then."
Something more! Ah, how well
see knew wjhat this something more
was ! As if it needed to be put into
words? Asi if she had not known all
her life that Dick, earnest and tender
and true as he was strong, loved her,
and one dayj would make her his wife,
though he little liked and illy brook
ed her coquettish ways.
Indeed, on this account had been
'heir falling out, but she had deter
mined this time not to yield; and so,
when, a few hours after Dick had left
her it chanced that Sydney Richards
had came to woo her, his tender love
phrases sounded very sweetly in her
ear, and she gave him her promise,
scarce conscious of all its import, but
glad to inflict on Dick some of the
pain fromi which her heart was suffer-
"I'm going to try the new colt,
father, thjs morning," she said, when
it wanted but two weeks of her wed
ding day.
"Better not, said the farmer. "I
doubt if he's ever had a woman on
his back. "
"He would not be the first horse I
had broken to that privilege," was
the laughing retort.
The farrper said no more. He had
implicit faith in Nannies horseman
ship; but when, a little later, she
came down the stairs dressed in her
habit, she started to find Dick Arm
strong holding the colt by the rein.
"I had business with your father,
Nannie," he said, quietly, "and the
man brought the colt round while we
were talking together, so I stayed to
tell you you must not ride him. He
has a dangerous eye."
The girljsmiled proudly.
"Many thanks for your interest in
my life, Mr. Armstrong; but since
you have jacquitted yourself of any
responsibilit in the matter, I feel
doubly tempted to try the experi
ment. ;
She stepped down beside the horse
to pat hini with one little gauntleted
hand, a courtesy he acknowledged
by impatiently pawing the ground
with his fore feet.
Dick Armstrong's cheek paled. In
voluntarily he laid his hand on the
girl's arrd.
' 'You must not, Nannie. It is ab
solute mafclness."
"And ifj it is," she retorted, hotly,
"to forbid it is Sydney Richards
province, jnot yours."
She could have used no better ar
gument to silence him. He had
paled befdre, but now cheek and lips
alike were colorless, save for one
drop of blood upon the latter where
his teeth had met.
One instant the small foot rested in
his palm, in answer to her imperous
gesture for assistance, the next, girl
and horso had vanished from his
sight the! colt, with bit fairly between
his teeth and running like mad run
ning as only a vicious horse can run,
determine! to rid himself of his hu
man being he bears.
Dick Armstrong forgot his anger,
just though it was, forgot all save the
great, sickening dread at his heart
the dread which was so soon to prove
so fatally well-founded, as, hastening
do wn the jroad, a riderless horse first
came dashing past him, .and then, a
full mile further on, he met a party
of laborer, carrying in their midst a
ghastly load.
At first, poor fellow 1 he thought it
that most terrible of all burdens a
dead body; but as he bent over the
face, so deathly white but for the
crimson stain upon the forehead, a
faint murmur of agony escaped her
lips.
Gently these rough men bore her
home. Almost as soon, Dick was
there with the physician he had sum
moned; but the latter, who had left
him a full hour without the sick-room,
could minister but little comfort on
his return to where he waited. The
girl might live, he said, though only
her wonderful health and youth
would accomplish that ; but she would
bo a cripple always.
Na-inie Williams a cripple ! No one
could realize it as the news spread ;
but as the slow weeks passed, and life
as slowly asserted itself, the doubt
became certainty.
Ah, well, the gcs'ps declared again,
it was sad enough ; but better it had
happened then than later, when Syd
ney Richards would have been bur
dened with a crippled wife his life
long.
But Sydney himself, what did he
say?
The accident was five weeks old,
and the time fixed for her wedding
had long gone by, when Nannie sent
for him.
The lovely face was white as the
pillows on which it rested, and the
great eyes looked larger than ever as
they met his.
"The farm has had to wait for its
mistress, after all, Sydney," she said,
with a smile; "but it won't have the
mistress we had planned for it. You
said it needed a woman's hand, and
mine are very useless hands now,"
and she held them up, grown so white
and thin. "It isn't necessary to give
you your, release from my pledge,
perhaps ; for of course you understand
I couldn't burden you this way. But
I thought you'd feel better, maybe, if
you let me tell you so myself."
The man looked down embarrassed.
He had meant to say something like
this himself , for he wished a helpmeet,
not a drawback, in his wife; but,
somehow, the words sounded differ
ently from Nannie's lips, and made
him feel small and mean.
Yet they were just enough ;and when
with a few murmured regrets, he left
her, the bond between them was for
ever severed.
Alone henceforth alone and help
less ! she whispered to herself, while
the great tears rolled silently down
her cheeks. But she was glad, too,
that it was not Sydney Richards' wife
that spoke.
That evening Dick came in.
"You can forgive me everything
now, Dick," she said. "How good
you have been to me all this time !
Sydney was here this morning, Dick,
and and all is over between us."
"You mean he gave you up be
cause because The coward !"
"Hush, dear !"' she interrupted.
"It was I who released him. Why,
Dick, any man would be mad to take
such a burden as I am on his hands.
"Then I am mad. Oh, Nannie,
give yourself to me, and 1 will be
happier with my cross than any king
that wears a crown."
"You are a king, Dick," she an
swered. "Oh, my love ! would that
I had proved worthy of you before
it was too late; but now now it can
never be !"
And, plead as he might, he could
not change her purpose.
"I love you yes, she said, "too
well to accept now what once I
threw away."
For weeks he pleaded, but Nannie
was firm, until one day be brought
to see her a young surgeon from the
city a man who had gained wonder
ful repute, and who told her that by
submitting to a dangerous operation
she might again walk.
"Is it death or entire recovery ?''
she asked.
He answered :
"Yes !"
"Then let me be your wife, Dick !"
she whispered in her lover's ear, "I
shall have that to give strength to
recover, or I shall sleep better with
your name on the slab above my
head."
But, the operation over, Nannie
woke to life, not death, and, strong
and beautiful as in the old days,
wears only a tiny scar upon her
brow to mark how near she missed
her life's happiness.
Poll's Answers.
Once npon a time, as ..the 6tory
runs, a man owned a parrot which,
try as he would, he could never
teach to say anything except "There
is no doubt about it."
The gentleman took the parrot to
the fair one day to .see if he could sell
it.
"Who'll buy my parrot? Only
ten dollars."
A gentleman passing, stopped and
looked at the bird and then asked,
"Poll, are you worth it ?" s
"There is no doubt about it," an
swered Poll. .
He was very much pleased with
the bird and bought it, and one day,
after he found out his mistake, he
was standing near the cage, and b,e'
said aloud to himself,
"What a fool I was to give teir dol
lars for that bird." ?
"There is no doubt about it C sung
out the bird. I
And this time she was tfght-
How the GoTernmentU It an.
The patronage and the power of the
Government are openly used to keep
the Republican party in office. This
is the primary object of the present
Administration, and it has been the
main object of all its predecessois
since the second election of Mr.
Lincoln. The worst methods, how
ever, came in with Grantism in 18C9,
and laid the foundation of the
detestable and destructive system
which has been in operation since
that time.
The appointments to office, the as
sessments upon the employees, the
distribution of contracts, the favors
of the Treasury, the honorable
distinctions of the civil service , the
promotions in the army and navy,
and everything else within the con
trol of the executive department are
all appropriated for the party, and
in the interest of the dispensing
power. In other words, the Govern
ment is converted into a great
machine for continuing the suprema
cy of the Republican party as against
all comers. WThen ordinary methods
fail to secure a majority, fraud is
unhesitatingly employed, as it was
in 1876 to steal the Presidency.
The Republican leaders knew well
that if Mr. Tilden entered the White
House the robberies and the rascal
ities by which many of them had
been enriched would be exposed.
They determined on revolution if
necessary, and devised the Great
Fraud, with force behind it, and
threats of civil war in case of resis
tance. The Navy Department was
set on fire three times within a few
weeks. It ha$ been proved before
the Senate investigating committee
that whole pages of the great ledgers
of the Treasury were cut out,that enor
mous balances were forced, and that
there were chasures and alterations
on the books, involving millions of
dollars.
These acts, and others of a like
character, are so many confessions of
criminality. They bear witness to
the corruption and the crimes of the
party which has debauched the whole
public service, 'plundered the
Treasury of untold millions, and es
tablished an oligarchy of officehold
ers, who, with a standing army of
more than a hundred thousand drilled
subordinates, enter States, bulldoze
primaries, purchase delegates to State
and local conventions, forge proxies,
and dictate the nomination of candi
dates wearing the Administration
collar.
The departments at Washington
are the headquarte rs of State asso
ciations of politicians appointed to
clerkships by Senators and Represent
atives. These are nine or ten thous
and strong, and their chief business
is to keep up a constant correspon
dence with the home managers, to act
as secretaries for members of Con
gress, and to become proficient in the
art of running the machine. They
instruct the Custom House officers,
the postmasters and their deputies,
the internal revenue collectors, in
spectors, and detectives, the land
officers, the United States marshals
and their deputies, and the host of
agents all over the Union as
to the "views and policy of the Ad
ministration," so that upon a given
signal the whole force moves with
precision upon any chosen point of
attack.
These Republican mercenaries are
allowed thirty days' leave of absence
every year, with full pay, and
without any authority of law. They
draw a year's salary for eleven
months' attendance, and the socalled
working time is about six hours daily,
while the actual working time is less
than three hours by general average.
At election time ten days' leave, with
pay, is allowed to all the officials at
Washington ; they are required to go
home at their own expense and to vote
the machine ticket. Any default,
except for sufficient reason, which is
to be made known to the chiefs of the
State associations, whose active
vigilance is always a recommenda
tion for favor, is regarded as a good
cause for removal, and is so re
ported. Deducting Sundays and
holidays and including this
permitted absenteeism, the loss of
time in the so-called working hours
of each of these mercenary soldiers
is about two-thirds of a year, though
each receives pay for three hundred
and sixty-five days. They know that
members of Congress receive $10,000
for about ten months' work, and
they think the example is worthy of
imitation. The . President, the
Cabinet, the heads of bureaus and
the chiefs of divisions all desert their
posts for months every year, and
demand full pay for every hour as if
present on duty.
At tha present time, the Frist
Comptr.-oller of the Treasury, the
final authority on all disputed claims
and accounts, is stumping Ohio for
1D 3 macnine ticket, ms assistant is
fick, and an outsider has been ap
pointed from the President's fishing
camp on the Canadian frontier to do
the neglected business as best he
may.
This is the . way the Government
machine is run. Suppose millions
are stolen; is not the Treasury full to
overflowing? -N. Y. Sun,.
An Arkansas Boy.
"Pa," said the Rev. Mr. Mulkittle's
son, "Samson was a strong man,
wasn't he V
"Yes, Samson was the strongest
man that ever lived."
"Tell me about him."
"It was intended that Samson
should be the strongest man, and be
fore he was born "
The bewildered expression on the
child's face arrested the minister in
his narration.
"Before he was born ?" asked the
boy.
' 'Yes ; before that is before ho was
found in a hollow stump "
"Just like little sister."
"Yes; just before he was found an
angel appeared and foretold his
strength, saj ing that no razor must
touch his head."
"Was the angel afraid that the ra
zor would cut him ?"
"Nq; the angel meant that his
strength lay in his hair, and that his
hair must not be cut off."
"If I let my hair grow long, can I
lift more than I can now ?"
"I don't know about that."
"Are women stronger than men ?"
"No."
"But they've got long hair."
"Yes; they have longer hair."
"A woman couldn't whip you,
could she ?"
"No; not easily."
"Was Samson a Democrat ?"
"I don't know."
"But why don't you know. I'd
know if I was as old as you. How
many men was it that Samson kill
ed ?"
"One thousand."
' 'He was bad, wasn't he f "
"No."
"But when a man kills anybody
he's bad."
"The Lord was with Samson."
"But the Lord says you mustn't
kill anybody. Did Samson go to
heaven ?"
"I suppose so."
"He is the strongest angel there,
ain't ho ?"
"You are getting foolish again."
"But I want to know. Will you
know Samson when you. go to heav
en ?"
"I suppose so."
"But you won't fool around him,
will you ? If he wuster hit you he'd
break your wings, wouldn't he ?''
"Go to your mother. The next
time you attempt to question me
about the Bible I shall whip you."
He Wanted to Soar.
At Selma, Ala., the colored man
who carried my "grip" to the depot
wanted to know if any of his race up
North held political offices, and when
I mentioned one or two instances,
he replied :
"Dar hain't no sort o' show fur us
down heah no mo'."
"What's to prevent you from run
ning for office ?"
"Hush ! Doan' talk so loud ! In de
fust place I hain't got de confidence
in myself."
"How's that?" ,
"Wall, sposen I was menshuned
by de noosepapers as a candy date fur
de Legislachur. De ole woman she'd
git her back up all of a sudden, an'
feel too good to 'rsociate wid de nig
gers libin' 'round heah, an' she'd drap
de wash-board an' begin to powder up
an' put on style."
"Yes."
"An' ebery nigger at de hotel he'd
want me to git him a job at de Capi
tol, an' if I didn't promise dey
wouldn't wote fur me."
T see."
"An' de white trash would 'spect
me to rent a box at de pos' office,
smoke cigars, wa'ar a plug hat an'
hire my butes blacked."
-"Yes."
"An' de regular gemlen would ax
me if I could read an' spell an' cipher,
an' get me all boxed up in no time
'tall."
"Just so."
"An' in case I wasn't 'lected dar am
just 3,000 niggers in dis nayburhood
who'd laff an' grin an' chuckle till I'd
go home an' upsot de family an' make
a bee-line frew de woods fur Tennes
see. It takes a heap o' confidence to
face all dat, you see, an' dat's what
keeps me down. I'd like to enter de
pollytical field an' soar away to affis,
but I lack de nerve. I want de offis,
but I fear de result in case I should
drap when I went to soar.' Detroit
Free Press.
The art of shorthand is, it appears,
to be superseded by one of the queer
est inventions on record. The revo
lution is to be effected by means of ma
chine called a "glossopraph," consist
ing of six levers, forming a sort of
cage, each communicating with a
tracing pencil. The use to be made
of the "glossograph" is rather curi
ous. While the orator or lecturer is
holding tortn, tne reporter is to re
peat the words of the speaker with
his tongue in the cage. Thus the
quickest conversation, some London
journals tell us, may be. taken down
with ease. The ludicrous aspect which
this new invention assumes may be an
obstacle to its adoption.
Mental depression, weakness of the
muscular system, general ill heaih.
benefitted by using Brown's iron
Bitters.
Why He Didn't KxpAnAn.
Some eight or ten years ago a sil-
very-tongued, chap who claimed to be
a fruit-tree agent swindled the fann
ers of this county in a shameful man
ner, and one resident of Nankin was
so mad about it that he came to De
troit, searched the rascal out, and
gave him a pounding on the street.
After he got through his work he tola?
the fellow that he would lick him
twice as bad if he ever put his eyes on
him again, and it was a threat to be
remembered and nursed. About three
weeks, ago the Nankin man was trav
eling in Washtenaw county, and M
he journeyed along the highway hef
met a traveler who so closely resem
bled the fruit tree swindler he halted
and called out :
"Here you are again, you bold-fac
ed rascal 1 1
"Yes, I'm here, was the calm re
ply.
"Well, so'm I, and Im going to
lick you until you can t holler 1 1
said I'd do it, and I always keep my
word. Climb down here !"
The stranger "dumb" without A
protest, shedding his coat as oe
struck the ground, and a fight began,
In about two minutes he had used tip
the farmer and was coolly replacing
his coat.
'See here," said the man from Nan
kin, as he wiped his nose with a bur
dock, "you fight better than you did
eight years ago."
"Well, I dunno. This is my first
affair with you.'
'Didn't I wollop you in front of the
Detroit postoffice eight years ago ?"
"No, sir ! I was in Australia up to
a year ago.
"And you never saw mo before ?"
"Never !"
"And was never in Nankin ?"
"Never !"
"Well, I'll be hanged 1 Come to
look at you I can see that you are not
the man ! Why on earth didn't you
explain, or ask me to f You must
have thought me mistaken."
"Oh, yes, I knew you were mista
ken, I had just discovered that I had
driven seven miles on the wrong road
and was wishing some one would
come along and give me two words of
sass. I didn't want any explanations
about it. A rotten sweet apple will
cure that black eye in three or four
(lays, and salt and water will tighten
your front teeth in a week or so. I
feel fifty per cent, better, and I'm ev
er so much obliged. So long to vou j'
-Detroit Free Press.
Old Saws 1 towel.
The early worm choked the bird
that caught it.
Early to bed and early to rise
makes a fellow get up before break
fast. A full hand beats three of a kind.
All that glitters is not calculated
to improve the eyesight.
A fool and his money are the
rogue s uarvest.
Put a beggar on horseback and he
will steal the horse.
Handsome is as handsome as paint
and powder can make it.
A drummer is knownl)y his jaw. '
Evil communications often result
in a libel suit.
One breath of slander makes the
whole neighborhood coin.
Beauty is frequently only embel-
ished ugliness.
The laborer is worthy of all the
work he can do.
Never leave till to-morrow what
you can put upon your fellow-
workmen to-day.
Tis never too late to borrow a
dollar from a friend.
A stitch in the side often runs up a
doctor's bill. x
Marry in haste to repent when you
have to get up in the night to .; drop
paregoric for a colicky baby.
Honesty is about all that the poor
man has. '
Never want what you can borrow
from a neighbor. ' '
Be just and fear not, though some
fellow may swindle you.
When jealousy comes in at the door
love blows his head off with a revolv-.
er.
Strike while the other fellow is
near enough to feel the full force of
the blow.
The tied wait for the time when
the divorce courts open.
The devil is not so black but what
some people who claim to be whit
manage to resemble him very closely.
Tis an ill wind that blows your wig
off.
New York Weekly.
How far is it to Clyde asked a
weary -looking tramp on the tow path
of an . urchin the other
day. "Nine
"Nine miles
miles, " replied the lad.
yet !" exclaimed the footman.. "Are
you sure ?"' "Well," said. the sympa
thetid youth, "seeing you are pretty
tired; I will call it seven." . '
Constipation, liver and kidney dis-1
cases are cured by Brown's Iron
Bitters, which enriches, the blood,
l and strengthens the wthple' ''.systems