Turpentine
Drippings
l onipilcd By Bill Sharpe
TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE
t Waynesville Mountaineer>
John Smith, the Haziewood
banker, like.- to spin mountain
varns. and his supply is unlimited.
It is hard to determine which John
likes best, history of the Civil
War, mountain stories, or bank
ms;.
One of his latest is about the
man who had just made a run
in a new still. While going down
the road with a'j.ug of the new
liquor in one hand, he earned his
gun in the other
Meeting a stranger, he stopped,
handed the newcomer the jug and
told him to drink. The man refus
ed. whereupon the distiller drew a
gun onjhe man and said: "Drink,
or I'll shoot."
Tin1 man obeyed, but almost
strangled when he sipped a small
swallow
"Terrible stuff, ain't it?" in
quired the man holding the gun.
"Plum rotten." came the reph
“Here hold the gun on me while
I take a drink." said the distil
ler. as he swapped his gun for
the .iug
Austin^Nichols
GREAT OAK
BLENDED
WHISKEY
$1.85 I
pin! I
I
1
I
I
I
| Th« Straight Whiskeys in this pred- |
I uct era 2 years ar mere aid, I
■ 30% Straight Whiskey, 70% Craia ;
J Neutral Spirits, 20% Straight Whis- |
I key 2 years alt), 5 % Straight Whiskey |
| 4 years eld, 5% Straight Whiskey I
I i years eld. 16 proa* I
■ AastinQ^icKols i
* CCo^w! Inc. s
NOT 1‘KOMOTED
(Sandhill fitiren)
We asked Miss Monroe if she
was still teaching and in what
grade.
j “Yes." she replied, “I'm still
teaching and am still in the first
. grade. Your question." she went
on. “reminds me of what one of
the first graders asked me at the
end of the school year last Spring
"As school was closing the child
asked me what grade 1 would be
in ni xt year. I said I expected to
be in th< first grade again and
had he. i. in the first grade for
some time.
"Then the child asked, "Won't
you ever get promoted?"
J 1ST AS MI C H
(Holt McPherson,
Shelby Star)
One of my friends remarked
the other day that it seems there's
less time to do things than there
used to be It's a sure sign he's
growing older. There's as much
time-—-just as many minutes and
hours —as ever, but we let our
selves get ( implicated in so many
ways that time presses and seems
shorter. Trouble :s with the indi
vidual. not the clock
(>l'T OF PLACE
John Bragaw, The State)
The manager of an ultra-swank
hotel in New York wanted to see
how his employees felt toward
the hotel, and suggested to his
wife that she pose as a stranger
and ask questions of some of them.
No doubt he had an honest desire
to learn some of the weakness of
the set vice, and perhaps the me
thod had merit.
At any rate the wife undertook
the mission, and among others
who inquired of the doorman, who
did not know her identity, of
couise. where she might obtain
a good meal in the neighborhood.
Instead ot say ing that there were
three excellent dining rooms in
this very hotel, when she might I
receive just the service' she would!
desire, he directed her to a com
peting resturant a block or two
away- - not so swanky.
This, along with other results
of her inquires, she reported to
her husband at the i-ryel of the day
Annoyed, the manager called
the doorman to his private office
A strange lady inquired of you
todav where she could get a good
meal, did she not?" he queried.
"Yes, sir. so she did."
"And you thought so little of
your own employment, had so
little pride in your own hotel, that
you directed her to a competitor.
<Si*
<>* W v*
• G»or*niff«1 b>
NM9«k«tpiof
lines
that
bettei
your
figure in a half-size
JACKET ORES'
•.. See how studied design
• and proportioned fit lends slimness.. . youthtuiness,
too! Scalloped neckline dress with large pocket,
ted Carnation, Blue, Bronze, Brown,
e>or, Crepe, Sizes 14H to 22
Darden’s Dept. Store
I rank Love joy, as the --hip's doctor, finds Shelley Winters in tip-top
shape in ‘ South Sea Sinner,” from the sensational screenplay, "East
of Java," Shelley’s latest Universal-International film in which she
is co-starred with Macdonald Carey and Helena Carter. The picture
is at the Marco Theatre Tuesday and Wednesday of next week.
How do you excuse yourself foi
that'1'
The doorman drew himself up
with pride and answered:
"But. sir. d you had seen the
lady yourself you would have
agreed with me that she simply
did not belong here, sir'"
The manager said no more and
mv belief is that he did not report
his own investigation to the wife.
HKIKS GOT THK KKST
(Asheville Citizen)
According to Tax Outlook, this
is what happened when a Rhode
Island court probated the $19.
1379,3(11 estate of a man who died
m 1941: Executors listed the fol
lowing deductions—Federal taxes.
$1 1,572.443; R. I. state tax. $ 1
269,859; Utah state tax, $2,717:'
Providence of Quebec, $6,833; Pro
vidence of New Brunswick tax.
$7,898; administrative expenses,
$966,000; appraisers’ fees, $250.
000 Left to the four heirs. $2.
808,615.
DOGS WEREN’T OPERATING
(Sanfoid Herald)
Boon county law enforcement
officers reported last week that |
they had finally located a whisky
still foi which they had been
searching for some time. They
found the <1ill in a dog pen be
longing to George Mane », a Car
thage resident.
Officers said the reason they had
so much difficulty in finding the
still wu. the fact that the odor
of the still was similai to that
created when a large group of dogs
is kept penned that they always
passed right by 11 e hiding place.
Maness had his .'till hidden under
a cover of old tin roofing in one
corner of the dog pen.
The Carthage man used a very
ingenious method for hiding his
still. His biggest mistake seems
to be that he did not teach the
dogs to operate the still
AM) ,M(IK»- itlSIPIS
< Camden Chronicle)
1 lu' adjectives used by a mem
ber of Congress Iho other day in
appfvir.g an unprintable epithet to
Drew Pearson made us think of
the woman who denounced her
exhusband as an abhorred, bar
baious, capricious, oete-iat
vious, fastidious. 1 aid liearted.
[uatured, jealous, lothsome, male
' v- lent, nauseous, obstinate, quar
relsome, saucy, vexatious, abom
mabie, bitter, captious, disagree
able, execrable, grating, malicious,
nefarious, peevish, restless, sav
age, tart, fretful, growling, hate
ful, inattentive, malignant, odious,
perverse, rigid, severe, boisterous,
choleric, disgusting, gruff, hector
ing, horrible, pettish, sour, testy,
tiresome, tormenting, touchy, ar
rogant, awkward, brutal, bullying,
churlish, clamorous, crabbed
cioss, currish, dismal, dull, dray,
grumbling, horrid, huffish, inso
lent, irascrible, morose, murmur
ing, opinionated, oppressive, out
rageous, overbearing, petulant,
rude, spiteful, splentic, stubborn,
stupid, sulky, sullen, surly, sus
picious. treacherous, troublesome,
turbulent, tyranical, virulent,
yelping dog-in-a-manger.
* * *
VKRV OVERWORKED
(Zebulon Record)
We do not claim to be good
newspaper writers. Our work is
too hurried to be considered even
fair But we enjoy reading which
gives us an idea on how to im
prove what goes in the Record.
Which makes the following, from
the Imperial Magazine, interest
ing:
We mentioned in these pages a
few months ago that very has 1
become a meaningless word when
used in such phrases as a very '
pretty girl or a very lovely dress. I
At the time of writing we were j
unaw are that a studied campaign j
against very began at least fifty ;
years ago, with dismal results.
R V Felhauer, a former Mis
soun news papermun, writes us
that he blue-penciled the
word at least a million times in
editing copy over a period of 45
yi a rs
lie says. "An eloquent state
ment concerning its use out here
m the.1 Missouri River valley is
credited to Dan Anthony, editor
of the Leavenworth (Kansas)
Times, fifty or so years ago. I
have repeated his remark to re
GIVES
FAST
RELIEF
when
MISERIES STRIKE
Attention Farmers
We Buy
SOY BEANS
AM) I'A I
TOP MARKET PRICES
If you rirtiiv mi,*II roll«Mt uiul l»u> m»v Ihmii*
\l Your Farm. Ju?»l Fall
Phone 2578
At Kouuokr-Dixir \Yur<*liou*<‘.
Jack Manning
I porters times innumerable.
| ' When you fee! you have to use
very in a story. Anthony was
credited with barking to his new
reporters, use instead the word
j damn!"
I What makes very so difficult to
exterminate is its usefulness to
little children who are beginning
to talk. With vocabularies of just
a few dozen words, very is in
dispensable. It does the work of
adjectives when hooked on to
such words as big, old, little, tall,
mean, bad. or good. As we grow
up. we should discard it. If we
tan't think of a stronger word
than important to describe a dis
tinguished person, we should be
satisfied to call him important in
tend of blittling him by calling
him very important.
CLICKING .MACHINE
Winston-Salem Journal)
Some days ago I told of trying
to invent a Clucking machine so
that these little orphan chickens
that arc hatched by electric hens
can know the pleasure of hearing
a mother’s cluck But a good lady
sends me word that I needn't bo
ther .about it. She claims her elec
tric hatcher and brooder are so
far ahead of a fussy old hen that
there is no comparison. She claims
a hen takes the little ones out in'
all kinds of weather, tramples
upon them, knocks ’em winding
in her scratching, and runs 'em to
death, the poor things. She claims
her chicks are much better off !
under communism—I mean under I
electric regulation—than they are
under a lousy hen, and she may be
right.
WOMAN TALK
(Estelle Loomis,
Richmond County Journal) j
What do ladies talk about dur- !
ing the social hour following the i
monthly circle meeting? Or in the \
little groups at a tea? Or around
the bridge table or wherever a
group gets together?
You say the neighbor? ‘ Well,
maybe a little bit. You say their
operations? Well, maybe a little
bit of that, too, However, that may
be what they listen to mostly, but
*he bulk if what tiny talk about
concerns their children. Goodness
knows it is a subject absolutely
without limitations, because even
if the same group gets together
every day, which is rather unlike
ly in these busy days, one child
can engage in enough activity in
one day to provide hours of con
versation. So you see when you
get four mothers talking it is a
wonder they ever get to a stop
ping place.
SILVERWARE
(Bud Harvey, Pinehurst Outlook)
To begin with, it is humanly
impossible to corner the market.
None but ;n American silver
smith could possibly have the
stamina and ingenuity to turn
out such a wide variety of totally
useless table stools. He has de
signed pieces that he, himself,
can't explain.
There are special implements
for excavating lump sugar, crack
banks, boring evei out of baked
potatoes, and pruning celery. I
was about to say that the only
thing they've overlooked is a
special spoon for lifting long,
black hairs out of soup, but my
man-servant just tip-toes into
the study with the news that it’s
been done.
Just take our own set, for ex-'
ample—the Lady Blatherskite !
pattern. At last count, the full
set numbered 5,003 pieces. This
includes 12 different knives, even
one for bored diners who would
rather whittle at the legs of the
table than join in the conversa
tion. There’s a special fork for
Safer Cough Relief
When new drug* or old fail to stop
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Creomulsion contains only safe, help
ful, proven ingredients and no nar
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aid nature aootbe and heal raw, ten
der, inflamed bronchial membranes.
Guaranteed to please you or druggist
refunds money. Creomulsion has stood
the teet of many millions of users.
CREOMULSION
nli««M Cangtii, CkMt Cslfe, Acuta Iroackitii
picking parsnips that fail on the
floor, and a special spoon for
stirring camel's milk in the rare
event that you find yourself en
tertaining a Mongolian tribesman
some evening. »
However, I suppose that's the
price we pay for progress. Con
sider the inscrutable Chinese. He
eats with a couple of knitting
needles, nothing more. And the
equally inscrutable Eskimo who
eats with his fingers, and, on oc
casion, has been known to eat
his fingers.
You wouldn't want to go back
to that sort of thing, would you?
Pass the blubber. Umhauk . . .
Stale Raising
More Peanuts
| — -*—
Prospective production of pca
inuts in the State as of November
1 showed no change from earlier
estimates* The crop is currently
expected to produce 247,520,000
pounds for an average yield of
1,040 pounds per acre. Last year's
production totaled 243,000.000
pounds. The 1939-48 average for
production is 315,847,000 pounds
production is 315.847.000 pounds.
JAYCEES
TOY
COLLECTION
2 P. M. SUNDAY, NOV. 26
Loral citizens arc asked to place discarded
toys on their front porches to be picked up by
the local Javcees Sunday, November 26th, at
2 P. M.
These toys will be used to provide a brighter
Christinas for the less-fortunate at the
Jaycees Annual Christmas Party
CAN YOU SPARE A TOY?
'°r »■><! perfect fie
Ti»c>
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the U^00'
wiftC*
t
• j
Advrtind in
LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL
CLAMOUR
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For a most complete selection oi
CHRISTMAS GIFTS and TOYS
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