Turpentine
Drippings
Compiled By Bill Sharpe
FIRST THINGS FIRST
(Camden Chronicle)
A writer says wc have got to
.set rid of Russia before we .set
rid of .the red Chinese And that
makes us think of the woman
who rushed over to a neighbor s
house one night and asked the
man of tht house to come over
fj - • , r • •: . r * ' 7 ’ '*1.- j y
“A mouse ran down my hus
band's throat awhile ago while
he was sleeyrr1'. with ins mouth
open." she exclimeri. The neigh
bor told her he would be over
as soon as he could put on some
cloths and suggested that in the
meantime she try waving a piece
of cheese in front of her hus
band's mouth When hi arrived
a few minutes later he found the
husband lying on the bed with his
mouth wide open while his hys
terical wife waved a sardine in
front of his mouth.
“You foolish woman, 1 told you
Non Is The Time
to go to
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For
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Austin^NichoIs
■GREAT OAK
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$1.85 |
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I Ilia Straight Whiskeys in this |
I net ora 2 peers er uort aid, (
| 30% Strorghl Whiskey, 70% Grew .
J Bcotral Spirits. 20% Straight Winy *
| key 2 years old, 5 % Stioighi Whiskay |
■ 4 years old, 5% Straight Whiskey I
j 6 years aid 16 proof ,
j Austin^!Schols i
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BLENDED
WHISKEY
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to wave cheese in front of his
mouth," the neighbor told her.
"I know it", the wife shrilled,
“but I've got to get the cal out
first.”
EAVESDROPPER
(Richmond County Journal)
Speaking of eavesdropping, a
telegrapher for the Seaboard tells
of an unusual experience he had
while on his honeymoon lie and
his bride were sitting in a train
coach holding hands “paying no
mind” to anything, or anybody
except each other‘until the groom
heard tne familiar .Morse Code
being tapped out on the arm of a
! seat behind him, and heard an
| ,,nswer from another gent across
tlu isle One tapped out that he'd
bet a liuek the couple in front of
him were bride and groom: the
other “wired" back that no doubt
about it. but why the h -I did
such a pretty girl evei marry a
| man with a mug like that.
MEN AND MONKEYS
(Jim Griffith,
Morganton News Herald)
An expedition has sailed for
Africa to find out, once and for
all, if man is related to the mon
key.
1 hope the scientists realize that
it wouldn’t he fair to eonsider all
Hie guys women make monkeys
out of.
In that ra ;e it would be a thin
line, indeed, that divided the
chimps from the chumps.
Still, I doubt if the scientists
will ever be able to use an Amer
ican to prove that man is related
t" the monkey You can’t find
anybody in the United States
who will work for peanuts.
Besides, when you get right
down to it, the question could
be decided without even going to
Africa. Just let any monkey read
one of the latest history books
and I'll bet that he will look up,
frown, and say: “Now, I ask you,
would I have done that?"
CHIVALRY AND HAMS
(Greensboro Daily News)
"Yankee is Satisfied: Honor of
South is Upheld: Cooked Ham
Replaces Bone "
This is the headline which
caught our eye til the Richmond
News Header recently
The news story related how a
Y;r kee ordered a Southfield ham
from a Richmond store and six
weeks later wrote the store:
This ham was stringy and |
tough I finished it because I
thought maybe it just seemed that
way to me. But it really wasn’t
fit to cat. I am returning the
bene. Will you do something
about this ’
©ur Great America fy Mack
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Tin store rent her another ham, I
cooked tins time, with its com-1
plimonts and a letter explaining |
that Virginia hams had to be I
cooked just right to be good.
Chivalry paid off. The lady ,
replied "Thanks for your grae
iousness The South has won a
Yankee.”
Of course fine old Southern
hams if there are any left;
where, "h, where are the hams of
yesteryear? have to be cured
righ, cooked right and eaten
with mediation and prayer.
The taste is a cultivated one;
old hams are like old wine and
old cheese; they are close to be
ing works of art. We have heard
horrible tales of the uninitiated
throwing away old ham master
pieces because they were “moul
dy " And we have known other
wis< sensible and cultivated peo
ple who actually preferred the
callow, juvenile and tasteless
hams of the Midwest
Which is perhaps iusl as well. 1
Too many people have formed!
a taste for old hams already.
There aren’t enough to go around.
KAMI. LINK
(Smithfield Herald)
Friends of a minister were ad
miring his versatility in prepar
mg two sermons a week, year in
and year out. The minister's teen
age son was not so impressed.
"It's all the same sermon,” he
said, "but Pop just hollers in a
different place each week."
HE CURED EM
(Pageland Journal)
Last week lour fishermen,
names supplied on request, were
almost cured of the bragging ha
bit. It seems the four hud really
had luck and caught a big string
of fish. Over m the afternoon,
they put all their fish into one
boat, and while two stayed with
the boat, the other two rowed
down the river to try a new
fishing place. Soon after the two
left, a man came up and inquired
if they were having any luck.
"Sure,” one answered, “isn't this ^
a nice string?”
“Are all those your fish?" the
stranger queried, and immediate
ly ly the boys began to try to!
convince him they had done the!
JUST AS HAD HERE
(John Burgaw,
Washington News)
The minister of one of the 1
churches in a nearby city dietat- I
ad his announcements for the |
are over the limit, let's go see the
judge.” |
Now tiie boys decided $25 was
too much to pay for the privilege
if stretching the truth, and they
began denying ownership of the
latching themselves. “Well”, the
fellow said, “That’s just too bad,
I'm the Came Warden, and you
fish Perhaps the judge was a
fisherman, and knew fishermen
are not supposed to tell the truth.
Anyway, he finally let the boys
go, and jve doubt if they brag
again in a long while.
’a
Vllll«TM)ll
1
M/av; oi n s </./;> wo\/> n 11 /;«/; / ///; ioua)n /ay;.*
\. I). \\ \ mu' and llracli
Mrs. J. C). V\ illjams and Koss
102 rounds
260 Pounds
25-1 Pounds
256 Pounds
70c
71c
7 !c
7 1c
134.40
181.60
180.31
181.76
J. O. '\ illiains and
\ anri \\ liilidini sl
202 Pounds
228 Pounds
254 Pounds
340 Pounds
108 Pounds
71c
71c
71c
71c
61c
S 207.32
161.89
160.54
170.40
120.78
21-1 I'nu nds
220 Pounds
788 Pounds
272 Pounds
230 Pounds
720 Pounds
170 Pounds
70c
60c
70c
70c
70c
60c
67 c
1 10 89
151.80
201 60
100.40
161.00
162.84
113.90
1 Mimrr .nmVS it it field
206 Pounds
224 Pounds
254 Pounds
258 Pounds
70c
70c
71c
71c
S 144.20
156.80
180.34
183.18
Sell With Andy And Herbert At
Planters Warehouses
1
No. 1 and No. 2 Robersonville
GAIL FIGURES IT OUT j
(Roy Thompson.
Winston-Salem Journal)
Gail is a very sharp seven-year
old who likes her own conversa-1
tion better than anyone else's as
a rule.
Her mother listened in on one
(jf Gail's talks "With herself the
other day and reports as follows:
“Do you know what I do when
somebody hits me?” Gail asked
herself.
“I turn my other cheek,” she
replied.
“And then i knock hell out of
them,” she concluded.
CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT
(Sanford '.’.rra'.r)
A clerk in a local store said to
a customer: “Now that you've
seen all the blankets in the store,
which one do you wish7”
“Oh, I was only looking for a
friend, and didn't expect to buy,”
the customer said.
“Weil, ma'am, if you think
she’s in that remaining blanket
up there,” the clerk said, “I’ll
take it down for you. ’
THAT GOOD FEELING
(Chet Ddvis,
Winston-Salem Journal)
One of the finest things about
a canoe trip is the wonderful
feeling you have when you are
afloat again after lugging your
canoe and gear over a stiff por- i
t.age. Its the sort of a feeling
you get when you stop beating
your thumb with a hammer.
* * *
TOUGH ON JURORS
(V. C. Marley,
Asheboro Courier-Tribune)
My impression of much of the
testifying at court recently was i
the juror must decide on who is
doing the less lying.
• * *
NARROW ESCAPE
(Sam Ragan, News & Observer)
A gentleman in Raleigh was
reminiscing the other day aboul
the almost fatal boner pulled by
a cigarette company in advertis
ing its product. When Lucky
Strike began its big advertising |
campaign in the 20’s, women |
were just beginning to smoke in ;
public to any marked - and re- I
marked about - degree. So the I
company aimed its campaign at
the women and there were many
pictures of glamor girls smoking
Luckies. Male smokers promptly
dubbed Luckies a “sissy smoke.”
And the lad who was just getting
around to sneaking his first puffs
would have nothing to do with
them. The company apparently
got wind of the situation and be
gan plugging male athletes in
their picture posters. And it
wasn’t long before old Tony Laz
zeri, puffing contentedly on his
Lucky, was winning the young
men over to his brand
next Sunday’s services. 1L did
not read the copy after it had
been transcribed by his secre
tary, and was somewhat bewild
ered when he read in the paper
the next day what the notice
said about the subject of his ser
mon.
He intended that it should read:
“The sermon subject will be,
‘Opportunities in the Old Home
Town!”
In order to excite interest in
the subject, he added a sentence:
“We sometimes think other
pastures are greener, but per
haps it is not so.”
Instead of that, the foolowing
appeared:
"Opportunities in the Old
Home Town We sometimes think
other pastors are greener, but
perhaps it isn't so.”
TURPENTINE DRIPPINGS
RETORT
(Morganton Pocket book)
Th<' conductor’s patience had
about reached its limit, when the
train stopped to take on water, re
veals Parts Pups. At the proper
moment the conductor signaled
the engineer to proceed.
Visit
ilrili" and
Moyers
Williuiupton
for llir
“/{( .s/ Ituys In
Furniture”
"Oil, conductor,” the inquisitive
passenger called out, "why did
you wave your hand at the engi- ■
neer?” I1
“That, madam,” the conductor j
cried in anger, “means ‘Get the |
hell out of here'”
A little later, when his anger
had subsided, the conductor felt
ashamed of his conduct so he went
to her room and apologized for
his remarks. Tne woman said no
thing. She just waved her hand. '
-
— — — - — — —
LINDSAY’S SON
"With much sentiment and
aardonable pride I present my
ion. Lindsay C. Warren, Jr., to
take the oath as an officer of the
court.”
With these words Lindsay C.
Warren, Sr.. Comptroller Gener
al of the United States, presented
his son and namesake as the
'ourth generation of the Warren
family to be presented to the
tourt in Beaufort County and in
:he same courthouse.
HOG KILLING TIME
IS ANY OLE TIME
When You Use The New Improved Facilities
-At
Roanoke Lockers, Inc.
RUNNING SHORT ON PORK?
There's no point in waiting for eohl weather. Kill your hog,
dress it. bring it to ns and your job is over. We do a eoniplete job
of processing dressed pork.
In Order Thai lie May Meal The Increasing Demand Tar Oar Facilities
WE RE ENLARGING OUR PLANT
Our now addition Mill include additional food lockers, more curing -pare and a smoko hmisc
equipped to oure hams with old fashioned liiekory smoke. We have also installed a larg lard
rendering kettle.
WE SPECIALIZE IIS
Processing foods for home zero storage eahinets (eommonly railed home freezers) and
carry a eoniplete line of packaging materials.
Roanoke Lockers, Inc,
llare 1 an Tried i.olanial limns — They're Delicians