Compiled By Bill Sharpe
THE LOST FIFTH
(Mack MaKu, Salisbury Post)
Then I got to talking with a tall,
slender Spencer feller, and he told '
me at aut the time a* soldier ho\ |
got too high and got locked up in
thp Spencer jail.
“Early the next morning some i
of his pals got io thinking about:
him having a headache in the!
hoosegov. so they walked over
to the back of the jail, and three
of them made a human p.vi&mtd;
or something, standing on each i
others shoulders, and the top man i
handed the prisoner a pack ofj
cigarets through the barred win-!
dow." said our Spender friend.
“As an after thought he handed '
a fifth of liquor, almost full,1
through the window and told the'
prisoner to take a little snort to j
sober up on . . The soldier car
ried the fifth to his jail bunk, laid
down and nursed the fifth in his
arms like a baby, and all the boys
dutside could hear was 'Gug! gug!
gug!. as their liquor trickled down
their pal's goozle.
• “Hey! Bring that fifth back
byar." said the top man-outside ,
the window. “We just aimed to
give you a snort!”
"Huh!." said the man inside on
the jail bunk. "Hie! If you want
this fifth, come in and get it!"
THE PROPER PLACE
(Frances Frazier,
Waynesville Mountaineer)
Heard in passing; “The prettiest
place lor snow is on a Christmas
card."
THE FORGOTTEN COIN
News & Views)
.We were asking Red Canaday
down at the bank about the sup-1
ply of pennies, and were advised j
that they were very, very short. |
So are dimes. i
, How about nickles, we asked.
“Got plenty of them," lie le
plied. "Nobody uses nickels. Eve
rything that went up in price
Went up a dime."
SORRY, BIT. . . .
(Harnett County News)
Why anyone will continue to
live in a city and stubbornly re
I* =
^ fuse to avail themselves of the
many good things incident to life
in such parts as we live, is a mys
tery too deep for us, and we re
fuse to even try to figure it out,
even though we in our fullness
and plenty simply can't help feel
ing sorry for them.
It’s almost time now for back
bone and spareribs, collards and —
oh, well, we’ll just go on living
happily and U>t the city dwellers
make out the best way they can.
N OINSIDE JOB
(Sandhills Citizen)
! The mystery of the week in
1 Aberdeen is who threw the half
filled buttle of whiskey in the
| yard of V (> fhoernat: last S-t
i urday night.
Sunday morning Mr. Freeman
was out in his front yard and
noticed a paper sack with a bot
tle in it in his yard. Upon exam
ination he found a bottle of gen
uine whiskey with about half of
| the contents still in the bottle.
His first impulse was to accuse
some of his fellow-townsmen, but
upon more mature thought he de
cided against any such decision,
for he said, “No aberdeen man
would throw away a bottle half
filled with whiskey. It was an out
of-town job," he opined.
HOW TO TEST YOUR BACK i
(Buck Bryant, Monroe Journal) I
My. father a lays said '.hat if he |
could get a look in a mule's mouth,
and then lift his tail, he would
know enough about him to leave
him alone or buy or trade for him.
Of course the idea about the
mouth was his age, and, if the tail
was stiff and hard to lift, thi mule
had a good back
THE GREAT DISCOVERY
(The Robesonian)
The Senate committee has called
attention to something that has
been light under the noses of
Congress all the time. It has been
pointed out that colonels and oth
er high-ranking officers are* acting
as messenger boys, carrying
around brief cases for generals
anti admirals. This sort of thing
could be observed lw almost any
shoe shine boy in the Washington
business district.
AT EAST!
(Zebulon-Record)
Jim has just returned from
Washington and was telling his
friend about the trip.
Said Jim: "I sure put in a hectic I
week, traveling from one office1
to another seeing this official and
that official, trying to get things1
done. But the most unusual th;ng|
happened when I took out a cute I
litte blond the last evening I was
there We had dinnc'r and a few j
drinks and just as we were get- i
ting ready to leave, I asked her]
for a kiss. And what do you ‘hink
she did?”
Friend: "What?"
Jim: “Slapped me in the face.”1
Friends: “Boy, that must have
made you mad!”
Jim: "No, funny thing, I sort
f liked it It was the first definite
:. ! 1 had'fill week.”
TURNING LOUIS OVER
(Chapel Hill Weekly)
Joe Jones turned me ovei one
day this week. Not physically but
in a sort of figurative way. As I
left the office for home 1 asked
him to read my copy for the pre
ceding paragraph before it went
to the linctype. A few minutes
later he telephoned me and asked.
“Didn’t you mean ‘supine’ instead
of ‘prone’?” He was referring to
Austirv^NiGhol-s
GREAT OAK
I «9i BLENDED
WHISKEY
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I ft* MgM Wtoyi h tfc pnt |
I act art Z pan ar ain *14, I
* tt% Straight Whkfctr, Jt% Mi !
J la«nl n% Straight VUa- J
| hay Z pars aM, S % Straight Vhhfcty |
I
Now Whom
Hove I
Forgotten?
'One person you tilby Well liave forgotten. is ydltrAelf. Here's a
rthiart gift for von: Take part of yotir Christinas Bridget . . . «»veii if
it’s just a few dollars ami jn\c t in the Martin County Building and
Loan Assoeiation. Add to iiti ■> sum eueli week or on a monthly basis
and You'll have a gift for yourself and what you need to pay Christ*
mus Hills and obligations.
Martin tounty Building And
Loan Association
'Wanks, Helen Hayes"
Six-year-old Beverly Sabin abandons her crutfches to embrace Actresa
Helen Hayea, national chairman of women's activities for the 1952
March of Dlmea. Beverly was treated at NeW York State Rehabilita
tion Hospital, West Haverstraw, N. Y., where she was assisted hy
March of Dimes funds. January Is March of Dimes month in the nation.
my statement that I had attended
football games while prone upon
a couch. He said prone meant ly
ing on your stomach and supine
meant lying on your back. Joe
assumed. correctly, that I would
not lying on my stomach, while
listening to a radio report of a
game. If I had ever known the dif
ference between prone and supine,
which I don’t believe 1 ever had,
I had forgotten it. “Change it to
supine,” I said, ‘‘and thank you
for catching the error." And so
it is supine in the paper. The OED
defines prone as “situated or ly
ing face downwards, or on the
belly,” and supine as “lying on
one’s back, with the face or front
upward,”
IDLE THREAT
(Hilly Arthur, News & Views)
Out at thejbase we wore threat
ened by a fellw saying he wasn't
going to buy another nickel's
worth in Jacksonville until we
rectified the parking difficulties.
Frankly, I know ol' only one oi'J
two items hereabuts that sell for
a niekle
A PRETTY PASS
(Pinehurst Outlook)
Thsi ethical laxity which is
sweeping the nation appears to
have reached Church and Bar
right here in Pinehurst. When the
wife of a preacher and the pres
ident of a legal society attempt
to bribe the village editor to keep
their Chapman Memorial golf
score out of the paper, things have
come to a pretty pass.
Farmers in Granville County,
one of the State's oldest tobacco
counties, are rapidly turning to
livestock and dairy enterpiise as
important sources o (supplemen
tary income.
Guided Missile
For Defense Use
The Air Force has hinted it is
developing a guided missile to be
carried by bombers, designed to
intercept and destroy jet fighter
planes, which are the main nem
esis of an attacking bomber force.
This is the first time the Air Force
has intimated guided missiles
would be used for defensive pur
poses, by bomber planes.
The A.!!- Force iuis often talked
of guided missiles as interceptors
oi enemy jot bembeis, and as
missiles to be launched for offen
sive purposes. The recent an
nouncement was the first hint that
guided missies were being devel
oped as defensive bomber wea
pons. If the Air Force is success
ful in developing a guided missile
as defensive armament for bomb
er planes, the service may have
found the answer to the No. 1 pro
blem encountered in bomber raids
deep into enemy-held territory.
In the air fighting in Korea, the
unevenness of combat between
conventional type bombers and
jet fighters Iras been clearly de
monstrated. Although U. S forces
have not committed jet bombers,
it has been shown that new de
fensive armament is needed to
protect conventional type bomb
ers against jet interceptors. On a
deep penetration mission, one
which protecting fighters cannot
accompany all the way, the need
for defensive armament for our
bombers is urgent Perhaps the
Air Force lias part oi the answer
-or all of it in the development
of guided missiles to lie carried by
bombers for their own defense,
Fewer than 150,00C husbands
are slated for draft call.
Straight Kentucky
Bourbon
Whiskey
.A
FULL
4
YEARS OLD
52.30 Pint
$3.65 4-5 Qi.
“Let Not Your Heart Be
troubled” Or Your Mind
Perplexed — We
HAVE THE ANSWER
Wp rail solve your gift problems ami quickly. We don't have the
time nor the spare to enumerate all the hundreds of lovely ready*
to-wear items in our store hut we ran assure you that we have just
the gift for Sister, Brother, Mother, Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, the
Wife, the Husband. the ehildren and even your Mother-In-Law.
A gift with the Margolis label is always appreciated. The recipient
will not only appreciate our label hut it will he gratifying to sec the
label of the most prominent manufacturers in America.
**• r? mr
S3 WSi WSL «K£ WVWS* *'•31 w VWSi
Beginning
| Wednesday Night
{
Our Store
! WILL BE OPEN \
Every !Ni«fhl Until, Christmas.
Shop lute if you wish.
ititMiciaMis «
1
ALL GIFTS
Purchased Here f j
Beautifully
WRAPPED
-and
With Pleasure