He Want*l -fa, Burn Them.
Husband (looking up from his papeci
—What asses men can make of them
selves!
Wife —What Is tfie matternow, dear?
H.—l am looking at the love letters
in this breach of promise case.
W.—Are they interesting? -
EL— lnteresting? They are absolutely
sickening. Hear this : "My dear ducky/'
. "My lovely dovey." Ha, ha, ha!
W. (demurely)—lt does sound rather
foolish, doesn't it?
H. (with a burst of laughter)— Foo
lish? Idiotic, you mean. It's the worst
nonsense imaginable. To think that
any man in his senses could write
such stuff as this: "I send you a mil
lion kisses, my goosie poosie, sweety
peety!" Ha, ha, ha!
W.—Perhaps he loved her when he
wrote those letters.
H.—Suppose he did! Is that any ex
cuse for writing such bosh?
"VT. Yes, it should be. Here are some
letters I found today when looking
over my old relics—relics of courtship.
They are very foolish, but very pre
cious to me, I assure you. They are
your letters. One of them begins, "My
ownest own preciousest little ducky
darling, my"—
H. (hastily)— That will do. Put them
In the fire.—London Scraps.
Gunpowder.
The explosion of gunpowder is divid
ed into three distinct stages, called the
ignition, inflammation and combustion.
The ignition is the setting on fire of
the first grain, while th» inflammation
is the spreading of the flame over the
surface of the powder from the point
of Ignition. Combustion is the burn
ing up of each grain. The value of
gunpowder is due to the fact that
when subjected to sufficient heat It be
comes a gas which expands with
frightful rapidity. The so called ex
plosion that takes place when a match
is touched to gunpowder is merely a
chemical change, during which there
is a sudden evolution of gases from
the original solid. It has been cal
culated that ordinary gunpowder on
exploding expands about 9,000 times
or fills a space this much larger as a
gas than when in a solid form. When
this chemical change takes place in
a closed vessel the expansion may be
made to do a work like that of forcing
a projectile along the bore of the
great gun or test tube in the line of
toast resistance.
;'£l
Why Snow Is White.
The reason snow is white is that all
the elementary colors are blended to
gether in the radiance that is thrown
off from the surface of the crystals,
which may be examined in such a way
as to detect these colors before they
are mingled together to give the eye
the impression of whiteness. The
whiteness of the snow is also In some
degrep referable to the quantity of air
whiclk is left among the frozen parti
cles. Considerably more than a thou
sand distinct forms of snow crystals
have been enumerated. These minute
crystals and prisms reflect all the com
pound rays of which white light con
" sists. Pink and various other tints may
be seen reflected from sheets of snow
under certain angles of sunshine. So
much light is reflected by snow in the
day that the eyes often suffer from it
and enough is given in the night to
guide the traveler in the absence of
artificial light or moonlight.—Chicago
Tribune.
t , "
The Eleventh.
Archbishop Usher was once washed
ashore from a wreck off the coast of
Ireland. Almost destitute of clothing,
he wandered to the house of a church
dignitary and asked for shelter and
aid of a brother clergyman.
"How many commandments are
there?" inquired the other, thinking to
detect an impostor.
"I can at once satisfy you that I am
not the ignorant impostor you take me
for," replied the archbishop. "There
are eleven commandments."
"No," was the sneering comment;
"there are but ten commandments in
my Bible. Tell me the eleventh and I
will relieve you."
"There it is," said the archbishop;
"'a new commandment I give unto
you, that ye love one another.' "
Holding His Job.
Michael Callahau, a section boss for
the Southern railroad, has a keen Gael
ic wit. One warm afternoon while
walking along the railroad tracks he
found a section hand placidly sleeping
beside the rails. Callahan looked dis
gustedly at the delinquent for a full
minute and then remarked:
"Slape on, ye lazy spalpeen, slape
on, fur as long as you slape you've got
a job, but when you wake up you ain't
got none."—Lippincott's Magazine.
A Run of Luck.
Ruffien—Old , fellow, you look blue.
Are you on the wrong side of the mar
ket? Trumbull—Market be hanged! I
moved yesterday. The van man broke
£5 worth of the furniture, I lost a five
pound Bank of England note, the gas
company held me up for double the
usual deposit, and I've just been sum
moned on a jury.— London Mail.
A Choice of Evils.
"Your daughter can come to me for
her music lessons and can do her prac
ticing at home."
"I'd rather you'd give her her les
sons here at home and have her do her
practicing at your rooms."—Houston
Post
A Mountain View.
She (on their wedding trip In the
HUxmtains)—Carlo, what's that long
white streak on the ground over to
ward our Inn? He—M7 Lord! That a
probably our bill!— Transatlantic Tales.
Behavior is a mirror In which every
one .dismays his image.— Goethe.
v- ", +
. Pipes and *he.Lips. « ' j Pi>
The constant habit >of smoking pipes
sias a perceptible effect upon the "face.
The pressure of the'lips to hold
pipe In position increases the*' curva
ture of the Mips rbund the stem, and
the muscles become more ri£id here
than in -other parts. Thus the lips at a
certain point become stronger, and the
pipe is unconsciously held In the same
habitual position. After long continu
ation of the habit small circular wrln-
Itles form parallel with the curvature
9t the lips around the stem. These are
crossed by finer lines caused by the
pressure of the lips to retain the stem
In position. In the case of old men
who have smoked a pipe for years the
effect upon the lips is very marked,
not only altering the form of the lips,
but of the one entire side of the face,
causing the wrinkles that are the re
sult of age to deepen and Instead of
following the natural course of facial
wrinkles to change their course so as
to radiate from the part of the mouth
where the pipe Is habitually carried.
Furthermore, one or both lips often
protrude, just like the lips of people
who used to suck their thumbs when
children.—Medical Record.
Wanted the "Grocery Seats."
Leigh Lynch while he lived was a
happy man. In the first place, he was
the husband of lovely and gentle Anna
Teresa Berger, the belle of the bell
ringers in her girlhood; secondly, he
had the years long friendship and in
timate companionship of Eugene Field;
thirdly, he was the father of a family
of children in whom his
unselfish hope. He used to carry his
business cares and pleasures home,
where he was always sure of ready
and generous sympathy 1 . For several
years he was treasurer of the Union
Square theater in New York. One
evening at dinner, in the presence of
his little daughter, he men
tioned to Mrs. Lynch f&it the gross
receipts of the week Hrto an
unprecendented height. iPfie next day
Marie asked to be taken to the mati
nee.
"All right, dumpling," assented the
fond father. "What seats would you
like?"
"Well, papa," she rep 9&, *Td like
to have them grocery seats you telled
us about."—Detroit Free Press.
A Fatal Austrian Flag.
Once there was an epidemic of plague
at Odessa, in Russia, which lasted
more than a year. It had a most re
markable origin, being due to a fatal
flag. An Austrian vessel arrived at
Odessa, bringing one of the crew who
had died during the voyage. The sail
or was duly interred in the Catholic
cemetery at the port, and at the fu
neral the Austrian flag was carried by
two seamen. On their way back to
the vessel the men entered a_ great
number of saloons and laid down the
flag while drinking. A very short
4:ime afterward the sailors who had
carried the flag died, and before long
it was found that people were ill in
all the houses where the men had call
ed with the fatal flag. Soon the plague
spread throughout Odessa, filling all
with terror and claiming a frightful
toll. There is no doubt that the flag
contained the plague bacilli in the
folds and so spread ,the disease.—
Baltimore Sun.
Strictly business.
"Sir," began a stranger as he walk
ed directly up to a business man, "I
au strictly on business!"
"So am I."
"Good! I believe every man should
furnish money for his own tombstone."
, "So do I."
"Good again! I want to raise $25
to pay for a stone over my grave.
What assistance will you render the
enterprise? I wafct a business an
swer."
"You shall have it, sir. Unless you
immediately take your departure I will
aid the enterprise by furnishing the
corpse."
The stranger hurried off. —Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Golf. -
Golf as a recreation appeals to prac
tically all ages. Impetuous youth,
staid middle age and the man in the
evening walk of life alike feel its fas
cination and enjoy its manifold pleas
ures. Golf entails* walking, the best
of exercises for the average man. It
trains the eye and the arm, and, while
it tries, it ought also to train the'tem
per.—Liverpool Courier.
A Warm Time Coming.
"I'm doin' me best with the fire, sir,"
said the janitor at the door of Gailev's
office one cold morning, "but I'm
afraid I can't make it very warm for
you. You see, sir"—
"Never mind," feverishly replied Gal
ley, who had been out all night. "My
wife will be here shortly, I expect."—
Philadelphia Ledger.
Loaded.
Farmer Jones (to amateur hunter)—
There wasn't a better water dawg
livin' until you shootin' gents took to
'im. Now 'is 'ide's that full
of shots he'd sink to the bottom like a
brick.—Bystander.
Standards.
She—Men and women .can't be judg
ed by the same standards. For In
stance, a man is known by the com
pany he keeps. He —And a woman by
the servants she can't keep.—Judge.
Time to Get Busy.
"But life has no bright side!" walled
the pessimist.
"Then get busy and polish up tbg
dark side," rejoined the optimist.—Chi
cago News.
• t .
One of the most rare kinds of coat
age is the courage to wait—St Loaia
Globe-Democrat
The Rocky Mount Record, Thursday, February 6, 1908.
WASHING DAY AFLOAT
When the Sailor Lads In the Navy
Turn Laundrymen.
A HARD JOB IN BAD WEATHER
Each Man, With His Feet and Legs
Bare, Scrubs His Own Clothes and
Gets Them Ready For Inspection.
"Jimmy Legs" and the "Lucky Bag."
Have you ever noticed how clean and
well dressed a sailor lad looks when
on shore leave, how white his clothes
look when you board the ship on vis
iting days? But did you ever realize
that he was his own washerman?
With a shrill blast of his silver whis
tle the chief boatswain's mate will
pipe, "Scrub and wash clothes!" and
every man hurries to his bucket, gets
his soiled clothes, salt water soap,
draws a bucket of briny or fresh wa
ter, as the case may be, and begins his
washing.
He is generally barefooted at this
time, so that he will not wet his shoes
and stockings. He wears his trousers
very bell shaped at the bottom in order
that he may roll them up over the
knee.
After scrubbing and rubbing h!s
clothes until clean he turns them in
side out and with "stops" proceeds to
get them ready for hanging up. These
stops are short pieces of twine, twisted
and with whipped ends, that he uses
in lieu of clothespins. They are fas
tened in eyelets placed at the side
seams and bottom of his shirts and the
waistband of his trousers. He turns
all his washed clothes inshjpe out 'to
prevent the right side getting soiled.
They are then hung on a line which,
says the Youth's Companion; is run
'from the bow to the topmast or upper
top of a fighting mast The well in
formed man now usually puts his
clothes to soak the night before in a
bucket half full of water into which
he has either sprinkled a handful of
soap powder or a small piece of salt
water soap. In the morning a little
rubbing and his clothes are, clean and
hung up, while the "landlubber" has
just begun.
When they have been thoroughly
dried, the chief boatswain again pipes,
"Scrub and wash clothes!" and every
man rushes for the clothesline to
claim his own. If he fails to secure
them within a reasonable time, the
master at arms, or "Jimmy Legs,"
takes them down, and they go into the
"lucky bag." Then the only recourse
the unlucky owner has is to go to the
mast, or the "stick," as the court on
board ship is commonly called, and pe
tition the "first luff," or executive offi
cer, to order them released.
As a rule, Jimmy Legs, who has
charge of the cleanliness of the decks,
always has extra cleaning, painting
and so forth in mind, and the man
whose clothes get into the lucky bag
receives so many hours' extra duty as
a gentle reminder to be more careful
in the future. His name goes on Jim
my L e S s ' time book, and when there
is any extra labor to be performed he
is called upon to assist
This is usually the lot of the "lands
man" who has not been aboard long
enough to "learn the ropes."
After they are taken froip the line
the stops are taken out and the clothes
rolled in such a manner that they need
no ironing. These rolls are then tied
at each end with the stops and are
stowed away in the clothes bag. In
this way all his clothes, both blue and
white, are kept clean, and when Sun
day morning comes and there is gen
eral inspection on the quarter deck he
has no fear of being reprimanded for
having on a soiled uniform.
The hardest things of a sailor's outfit
to wash are his blanket and hammock.
The hammock forms part of his equip
ment, bht belongs to the ship. He is,
however, required to keep it clean.
His mattress and blanket are lashed
into the hammock and stowed in the
nettings or crates provided for that
purpose.
Every day a couple or more men are
detailed to stow them away and at
night to break them out. It is this
handling so much that gets them fear
fully dirty, especially while a ship is
coaling. When washing his hammock,
Medicine Thai is Medicine.
"I have suffered a goo deal with ma
laria and stomach complaints, but I
have now found a remedy that keeps
me well, and* that remedy is Electric
Bitters: a medicine that is medicine for
stomach ard liver troubles, and for run
down conditions," says W. C. Kiest
ler of Halliday, Ark. Electric Bitters
purify and enrich the blood, tone up the
nerves and impart vigor and energy to
the weak. Your money will be refund
ed if it fails to help you. 50c at May
& Gorhams drug store.
* , Women's troubles very often occur regularly at a certain time every month. Be- I
_ . cause this may have been so all your life, is no reason why it should continue. ■
WfXW* Many thousands of women, who had previously suffered from troubles similar to yours, I
JL due to disorder of tnS womanly organs, have found welcome relief or cure In that 1
wonderfully successful medicine for women, I
woman's wine of Cardui
_ Mrs. Leota Forte, of Toledo, IH, writes: "I am well pleased vlth the results of using Caidui. I have I
17vfA | taken three bottles and am now perfectly veil, free from pain and have gained 25 pounds In weight" I
a sailor lays it flat on" tfie dedT and
uses a wire .brush to get it dean, with
the assistance of soap and lots of "el
bow grease." r
In visiting a foreign port and before
the ship has come to anchor it will be
surrounded by "bumboats," generally
bringing out washerwomen, who are
usually negresses and who clamor for
any work In the laundry line. They
do good work and charge very little
for it. They always show their refer
ences from the last ship and always
want a new one to add to their already
long list.
It is in wet and stormy weather that
the sailor has his own troubles, trying
to dry his clothes. Round the uptakes
of the smokestack there is a drying
room in which clothes may be hung,
but as they grow yellowish when hung
there often this room is used as little
as possible. In the newer men-of-war
tty;re are installed washing and drying
machines which facilitate the
laundry work, making It Inexcusable
for a sailor to have soiled clothes.
This machine, which dries clothes by
centrifugal motion, does the work rap
idly and well.
These machines, which are being
added to all the new ships, will in
time do away with all hand work. The
old familiar sight of a long line of
clothes strung from bow to masthead
will no longer be seen, and the boat
sviafo's mate will forget how to pipe,
"Scrub and wash clothes!"
"To Eat Crow."
Although the use of the expression
"to eat crow" in a metaphorical sense,
meaning to eat one's words, may well
have dated from the time of Noah,
when the b'rr' T as first looked upon
as unclean and not fit to serve as food
for man, it seems to have arisen from
the old tale of the officer and the pri
vate. ;
A soldier, having shot a tame crow
belonging to one of his officers, was
discovered by the owner with the bird
in his hand. Soiling the private's gun,
the officer commanded him to eat the
bird as a punishment. With the fire
arm pointed at his head, the soldier
fell to, but no sooner had the officer
laid aside the gun than the culprit
grasped it and compelled his superior
to join in the distasteful banquet.
The private was court martialed the
next day, and when he was asked by
the examiners what had occurred he
replied, "Nothing, except that Captain
Blank and I dined together."—Wash
ington Star. «
College Chums.
A rich-and well known citizen of an
eastern city boasts of an extraordinary
collection of books wherein the au
thors have inscribed their autographs.
It is rumored that the envy and fre
quently the skepticism of his friends
bafcn aroused by the flattering in
scriptions in question, and some cynics
have even gone so far as to hint of a
similarity in handwriting throughout
the collection.
The citizen recently purchased a rare
edition of Montaigne's essays. One
evening at dinner the costly volume
was passed from hand to hand, and
for a time the owner lost sight of it.
When, however, it did finally come
back to him he was astonished to find
on the fly leaf this inscription:
"To John Blank, From His Old
Friend and Classmate, Mike Mon
taigne."— Harper's Weekly.
Reading a Pig's Tail.
"Don't buy that pig." said the older
butcher hastily.
"Why not?" asked the younger man.
"Look, at his tail," -was' the reply.
'"See how loose it hangs, like the tail
of a rat. That is a sign that the ani
mal is in bad health.
"You can read a pig's condition by
its tail. The tighter it is curled the
fitter is the pig. And when the tail
hangs straight, as this one does, the
pig ought to take to his bed and send
for the veterinary."'— New -Orleans
Times-Democrat.
An Unmentioned Ancestor.
Mr. B. is very proud of his ancient
lineage and never lets slip an opportu
nity to boast of it. At a dinner where
he had been unusually rampant on this
a fellow guest quieted him by
remarking:
"If you climb much farther up your
family tree you will come face to face
with the monkey."—Philadelphia In-
At times when you don't feel just
right, when you have a bad stomach,
take something right away that will
assist digestion; not something that will
stimulate for a time but something that
will positively do the very work that
the stomach performs under ordinary
and normal conditions, something that
will make the food digest. To do t' is
you must take a natural digestant like
Kodol For Dyspepsia. Kodol is a scien
tific preparation of vegetable acids with
natural digestants and contains the
same juices found in a healthy stomach
Each dose will digest more than 3,000
grains of good food. It is sure to af
ford prompt relief; it digests what
eat and is pleasant to take. Sold by
May & Gorham.
CHARMS FOR LUCK.
i
• r '
The Sort of Superstitions, Soipo Wall
Street Men Harbor.
Let kll the dear readers, feminine
gender, take cognizance of what fol
lows, for surely the fairer sex is, after
ail, the stronger sex. Women know no
Euch abject obedience to superstitious
rears and signs as do the men. With
a view to eliciting something of inter
est, the writer had a chance ,to put a
certain question to a captain of indus
try. "Tut, tut," he replied suspicious
ly, "you'd be getting me into trouble,
would you?" With a promise that no
names would be mentioned, he finally
agreed to tell a thing or two.
The question was, "Aren't men in
Wall street carrying all sorts of queer
things to try to change their luck?"
In answer to this the writer heard
some curious stories. One man of
worldwide fame, for example, carries
a cane in the center of which there is
a slender steel rod. Circling the rod
there are rings made of leather and of
hard rubber, like the washers that
plumbers use. Each seventh ring is
made of leather from the soles* of the
shoes worn by the billionaire during
what he considered his luckiest year.
Elephants and pigs as lifcky charms
there are of course in plenty, but the
proper caper is to wear the animal
pinned inside on the watch fob pocket
Then there,.is another great financier
who carries with him a gold ink well
would never sign a document with
fluid from another receptacle. Once
upon a time, when he had, say, only a
picayune million or two, he signed a
paper in a deal that doubled, then tre
bled, his wealth. The ink used that
day was emptied into a long gold tube
or well that he now carries. The ink
was used up. but to the well, so he
thinks, the good luck power has been
translated. Lucky coins pass from fa
ther to son in several of the multimil
lionaire families, and the man who in
herits them would never be without
them. We have few secret drawers in
desks or doors in houses, as they had
in olden times, but there are many se
cret pockets in the suits made by
smart tailors.—Brooklyn Life.
A GRATEFUL GUEST.
The Reward She Bestowed Upon Those ,
Who Entertained Her.
"Human nature is a queer thing."
6aid the philosopher.
"Not long ago some friends of mine
got badly down on their luck. Times
were so hard for them that they scarce
ly knew which way to turn for the
necessities of life.
"At that most inopportune time they
received frord from a woman friend of
theirs that she was coming to visit
them for a few days. They were dis
mayed, but by the exercise of great in
genuity and by depriving themselves
to almost the vanishing point they
managed to entertain her and really to
set before her most excellent meals.
"After she left their affairs contin
ued to grow even worse, if possible,
and while they kept up a brave front 1
THIS GLORIOUS GOLDEN CLOCK FREE
for a few minutes of your time. No one who has * ._• • POSITIVELY
a home to live in can afford to miss th»s truly r ijgJ9 ..
GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY JLT' ™
To secure FREE of charge a Clocfy the
most important thing in the home. And . Keep
such a Clock, too! BEAUTIFUL GOLD Tijrs for Tei*
AND GUARANTEED FOR TEN YEA v
READ TH|S
the be;st
collect ss°"n°this way \aW§M/ Siiffi/ruin EXTRA GIFTS
C '° Ck W OP ITJ.Z OocU Yt W
TWO BEAUTIFUL EXTRA GIFTS
In addition to the Clock I have two other lovely presents which I will give
you two more handsome ornaments which anyone who loves a pretty home
will be delighted with. One of these gifts I will send to you FREE AND PRE
PAID as soon as I receive the postal card with your name on it. The other
one I will give to you just for being prompt In following my Instructions. I
will tell you all about the second extra gift, when I send the first one, which.
I will do as soon as I hear from you, so HURRY UP.
VAii TAlfr lift f*UAi!f*rC In writing to me, because, If the Clock does
TUU IAKL NU vHMHvfiO not prove to be even better than I have de
scribed it, and if it does not delight you in every way, you may send it back
and I will pay you handsomely in cash for your trouble. Also, if you get sick
or for any other reason fail to collect all of the $5, I will pay,you well for what
you do. So you see, YOU CAN'T LOSE, so sit right down and write to me as
follows: "D. R. OSBORNE, Manager, Nashville, Tenn. Please send me the por
traits of Geeorge Washington and complete outfit for earning; the Glorlon®
Golden Clock, with the understanding that this does not hind me to pay you
one cent." Then put your name and address.
was near enough to them so I couluu't
help knowing all about It, though they
were not aware that I saw the situa
tion.
"I thought it was tfme some of their
friends came to the rescue if a suitable
way could be devised, so I wrote the
woman who had been their guest—
being slightly acquainted with her my
self —told her I would head the proces
sion, would like her aid and would be
glad of any suggestions she could make
as to a practical plan for helping our
old friends without hurting their prop
er pride.
"Her reply gave me something to
think about for many a day. She said
she didn't care to help them, as they
already lived too well and set too ex
pensive a table; that when she had
visited them they had a great deal
more to eat than was necessary and
that they must be very extravagant
people; that it was undoubtedly their
own fault they were In such trouble
and that it would probably teach them
to be more economical in future!"—
New York Press.
The Missing Window Pane
"Every kitchen has a window with
one pane out in the Brazilian town of
Rio Grande do Sul," said a cook. "That
town is a servants' paradise. Servants
live in their own homes there, as they
should everywhere. They come to
work at 7 in the morning, and they
quit at 7 at night—a twelve hour day.
Ouite long enough. The paneless win
dow is for the milkman, the baker, the
butcher, so that these traders can
leave their supplies—they usually come
early—in a safe place. The Rio Grande
servant is, of course, not there to re
ceive them. She is in bed at her own
home."
Monism.
Monism is the doctrine of the one
ness of mind and matter, God and the
universe. It ignores all that is super
natural. Monism teaches that "all are
but parts of one stupendous whole,
whose body nature is and God the
soul;" hence whatever is only con
forms to the cosmic laws of the uni
versal all. Mind can never exist with*
out matter, uor matter without mind.
They are but the two sides of the same
thing.—New York American.
Ths Bloodstained Equator.
Human life, I have reason to know,
is held cheap at Equatorville, and the
place is stained with many crimes. In
fact, the whole equator is throughout
Its 25,000 miles a line of ignorance,
savagery and blood. It is a black line
which civilization ought to paint white.
—Strand Magazine.
The man who is always on time has
a big advantage In the struggle for
luccess.— Chicago Record-Herald.
The trouble with most cough reme
dies is that they Ken
nedy's Laxative Cough Syrup acts
gently but promptly nn bowels and
at the same time it stops the cough by
soothing the throat and lung irritation.
Children like it. Soli by May and Gor
ham.