ilnfi ilOlNr if W
$1. Year, In Advance. " FOR GOD, FOR COUNTRY AND FOR TUTH.; .. . " , . . Single Copy 5 Ceata,
VOL. XVIl7 ) PLYMOUTH, N; C. FRIDAYvdCBfellifiDOo! lioTS7
1 "" - 1 1- . 1 . - .- - 1 -- - - . . . . ,
La
ON
tTnfter the .cornice a hundred feet t '
Over the pave of the murmuring street.
Belch the mosses of turjfid smoke. ,
1o spread, iifur like a slant's cloak.
And (.lose, by the curb, at the building's
base, . '
Stationed here An a vaTitage-pln.ee,
Fighting the march of the treacherous
foe
The engine stays till the chief says: "Go:"
Pufflnfj away In its vibrant rhyme:
J 'el ted by lire-brands time on time;
Fed and coaxed by Its master's hand
It steadily answers each demand:
Steadily gives at the iiozzle's need.
Holding fast to the constant creed
That, what tho' the peril, the stream must
flow
And the engine stays till the chief says:
"Go!"
THE ADJUSTMENT
By ELLIOT
The supply of "bewitching curves"
must have been temporarily exhaust
ed when it carne Rosemary's turn to
be fitted out. Possibly, in her case,
Nature had decided that length and
angularity would be more useful for
the performance of such duties as ac companied
her daily walk.
Not to attempt the humorous at the
expense of a pathetic subject, but to
point to a fact, it was two miles to
the schoolhouse and Rosemary's
stride covered that distance in just
thirty minutes under favorable con
ditions pf weather.
If she; had been short of limb and
round of - body, three-quarters of an
hour would have been consumed in
making the trip, so it may be seen
that a saving of time was effected as
some compensation for less graceful
locomotion.
A thrifty soul, impregnated with
the ancient superstition that "time is
money," may be competent to figure
out Rosemary's' financial gain from
this economical method of procedure,
but, beyond compliment from the
school committee for habits of punc
tuality it had not been reckoned in
practically augmenting her resources,
which, like her frame, were of an at
tenuated character. The casual ob
server would have remarked Rose
mary as simply a tall, thin, brown
country girl of a lankness.to excite
amusement. A more critical eye
might have gathered interest from a
perusal of her features, which, while
irregular, were distinctly pleasing and
indicative of intelligent and wary
faculties.
Her flock at the district school
minded. Rosemary was a disci
plinarian. The reach of her arm was
remarkable, and she possessed that
strength and celerity of action when
roused which frequently accompanies
the gaunt.
Within the boundaries of her ex
tended contour dwelt a pent-up spir
it. It manifested itself with equal
facility in. foot, hand, and tongue
movement;' and the combination
when applied to the insubordinate
pupil was a lesson . in reduction, as'
cending or descending, according la
the manner in ''which1 said "pupil was
f . elevated or depressed. Consequently,
after the; first week of a term, which
Rosemary conscientiously gave up to
the suppression of warlike natures,
the -doVe- of, peace was .gladly wel
comed by her scholars with a full
and haunting 'knowledge of the black
ruler reposing in her desk.
The first indication of Wilton Pep
per's disposition to cultivate the so
y cieiy of R6semary ; was shown in ai
evident effort to: make the most of
hi3 physical proportions, that is in
regard to height. He essayed a tall
hat and a pair of ..excessively hjgh
heeled shos (made to order).. 'The
erectness of his body carriage was
like uAto a. vertical yardstick.. Upon
the removal of .his headgear, Mr. Pep
per's hair, showed an exaggeration of
the pompadour., He. emphatically
disproved the truth-of that well
knowl adage, '..'For who by, taking
thought can add one cubit, to his sta
ture," i. e., heels, hat, and spinal
straightening fairly covered Mr. Pep
per's cubit,- which for the benefit ot
those who have. not just loked in the
dictionary, would be the length of
his forearm. .
Rosemary, unused to male atten
tion of a sentimental sort, gladly re
ceived the advent cf an admirer with
a series of thrills which almost in
capacitated her for the occupation of
teaching; a wandering wit being the
direct result of Mr. Pepper's very first
advances.
Painfully aware of the difference in
inches, she adopted his cue with
blind enthusiasm. The crown of her
new.:hat seemed welded to the crown
of her head; the heels of her shoes
resembled a shaving for thinness,
and appearing before the public, gaze
in Wilton's company, she assumed a
settled attitude of figure, suggestive
of rheumatism and decrepitude.
If Rosemary's knees suffered from
this bending strain her young heart
exulted in the triumphant thought of
a becoming adjustment of differences,
and Mr. Pepper viewed her shy clum
siness with .appreciative Sympathy,
being himself extremely- uncomforta
ble. - .
DUTY.
Torrents of flame fromvrranny and crack!
Rises the warning: "Back! Hack! Hack!!
Back from your footing! 'Ware the wall!
Buck, for your lives, ere the ruin fall;"
iF lee k a distance thos who can
But true to Ills ,'churae is the engine--
' .man ;
True to his charge, 'spite blaze and blow
For the engine stays till the chief says:
"Go!"
Death in the withering tongues of fire
Outward leaping in vengeful ire.
Death in the ramparts threatening o'er,
Tottering, leaning, more and more.
Death in the burst of a force long pent
A seething crater, by lightning rent.
Death in the fore, above, below
But the engine stays till the chief says:
"Go!"
The Criterion.
OF A DIFFERENCE.
t
WALKER.
The little man, youthful in years,
in spite of many wrinkles wrought
by shrewd dickering with the world
from early boyhood, was now pos
sessed of the one general store at
Pinney Corners, and doing a paying
trade.
He had worked up, alone and
friendless, saving and doubling, to in
dependence. Women, to him, had
been but ' buyers of goods, , and the
counter was -his only introduction to
feminine society until now, settled at
"Pinney's," the tall daughter of Dud
ley's stopping every, day for the news
paper on her way home from school
had most unaccountably attracted
him.
When Mr. Pepper, in the past, felt
a strong desire for the possession of
any article, it had been his habit to
strenuously exert his" powers in the
direction of acquisition, and his wits
being as bright as his, blue eyes, he
was quite invariably successful.
But Rosemary was outside ordinary
methods of acquirement, and but for
the inspiration of that young gentle
man "who laughs at locksmiths," the
storekeeper would have been in de
spair. Many. times had the object of his
adoration visited the store, but words,
so ready with others, failed him be
fore the steady gray' eyes gazing
down into his own with a half won
dering look as if in astonishment at
his diminutiveness. . Pepper had
never felt so small. His size was
no drawback in dealing with men; he
considered himself,- by the equalizing
power of Nature, as big as. anyone.
The new sensation worried him, and
worry to Mr. Pepper was a prelimi
nary to achievement.
Therefore, he resolved upon a
stroke of boldness, and when next
Rosemary peered through the mail
window (for the store accommodat
ed the post-office), Mr. Pepper, first
making sure of no listening ears,
mounted a concealed soap-box and
brought his blue orbs on an exact
line with those of his startled visa-vis.
"I'm bound to be on your level for
once," stammered he with a tremen
dous effort. ;-"Miss Dudley, T never
cared to be a tall, feller, 'til I see .you.
I don't s'pose ybu'd care to go any
wheres with a runt like me? Lots
of times I've thought , if I was only
bigger you you'd be the young lady
I'd like to know an' an' see "
Here the box slipped, as Mr. Pepper
made a convulsive effort to finish his
speech, and he slid down with a gasp
of consternation.
The girl had shot an angry look in
the anxious face at the first word3
Then she checked a laugh. Now her
cheeks were crimson and her lashes
drooped. Behind the grotesque
burned the sincere. Something pitiful
and far away, yet near and sweet,
had confronted her in. that forlorn
visage staring through the window.
For a second she felt like crying. But
she smiled instead a wide, gracious
smile, and stepped around to the
counter.
"I'd like father's paper," she whis
pered. "I I don't think size ought
to make any difference with folks if
they want to be friends. I've always
liked you, Mr. Pepper I mean "
Rosemary grabbed the daily print
and fled with a blazing countenance
as Mrs. Deacon Raggett opened the
back door with a squeak,
Mr. Pepper eyed the fleeing vision
in rapturous silence and filled Mrs.
Raggett's pail with butter instead of
lard. The deacon's wife fixed a gaze
of piety upon the ceiling and said
nothing. If Mr. Pepper wished to do
business in that way she had no ob
jection. This began it, and of all the fools
ever known within the preeinct3 of
Pinney Corners, Rosemary and Wil
ton Pepper soon acquired the reputa
tion of leading lights.
Little cared they. Independent souls
both, and completely absorbed in this
new and agitating experience, public
opinion, mirthful and tinctured with
sarcastic criticism, was an oblivious
quantity. Together they walked,
drove and attended festivities, with
one mutual idea, "the elimination of
physical disparity by artifice."
However, Mr. Dudley, a small agri
culturist, heartily -approved. ' So did
his wife. They immediately ran up
a . bill at the store "and purchased
freely. ,
Then came the "day when chastise--ment
fell upon "Tony" Shillaber.
Tony was the star artinV of the
school and his' well known touch was
apprehended ' without a moment's de
lay. It was well done, that ridiculous
caricature upon the blackboard. The
flogging administered to the reckless
and ambitious author of the sketch
was very well done, also albeit
Anthony was one of the larger boys
and a fighter.
His aspect, when Rosemary's final
hold relaxed, was not indicative alone
of bruises and rent apparel. There
were more than suggestions of gore.
There was also a tomb-like hush over
the entire school.
Rosemary dismissed It in an awful
voice; glaring at the clock. Only
quarter past two of the afternoon,
but much had been crowded into fif
teen minutes sufficient to render the
rest of the session an educational
farce. The teacher knew it. The
children knew it. They filed out
into the soft August day on tiptoe.
All but Tony, who stamped and swore
vengeance through his tears, at a safe
distance.
Alone, Rosemary glowered in hor
ror at the representation on - the
blackboard. The chalky eyes stared
back in mockery. Wilton and she
Wilton and she in all the exagger
ation of their innocent efforts for a
mutual height. If the children so
viewed them, what must their elders
think? .
The girl sank her head on her tircl
arms' and sobbed, weeping bitterly and
long. That very afternoon he was
to call for her at the school. The
drive they had planned. It was to
have been, so happy. -
With sudden determination Rose
mary sat up. She would wait. At
four o'clock he would come. There,
with that hideous object lesson before
them, they must decide to go in sepa
rate ways he would see oh! he
could not help seeing that it must
be best.
A long agony, those crawling min
utes, while the purr of the drowsy
insect voices, floating from the fields,
brought painful visions of loved
nooks where they had sauntered hand
in hand.
His step at last. No! It was a
heavier tread Ichabod Shillaber the
neighborhood terror, the father of
Tony. Mr. Shillaber was exceeding
ly irate, and worse in a. state ot
savage stimulation. . This conditio'n
was habitual of late to Ichabod.
There had been talk of confining him
recently, as a matter of precaution.
The drawing caught his attention
as he stumbled in. He laughed
coarsely. "Jest like yer!" came his
snarl.' "Say! will ye lick my boy.
nigh ter death fer a little thing like
that say, will yer? Come here.!
I'll pinch, them claws of yourn fer
what ye done. A-ah! ye would, hey?'"
Exhausted and wild with fear the
girl endeavored to dart under the out
stretched arms. The brute seized
her roughly and she screamed, just
as a shadow darkened the doorway.
It' was Mr? Pepper in full regalia.
f He paused one second to wrench at
his foot. Another moment, with a
Jeap like a hunting spider, he pounced
on the burly shoulders of the startled
Ichabod, and. his arm flew up.
Something ' very exciting was oc
curring in 'the tiny' schoolroom.' A
perfect rattle of clips and thuds from
a unique weapon cut and battered
the head of Mr. Shillaber, while he
vainly tried to shake off his adver
sary. At last he sank down, groaning for
mercy. Mr. Pepper was not in a mer
ciful mood. Poising himself on one
stockinged foot, he leliberately and
with violence kicked Ichabod square
ly in -the point of the; jaw with a very
hard, pointed and' well-polished boot
tip. Mr. Shillaber lay still.
,Mr. Pepper picked up his tall hat.
It was a ruin. Then he put on his
shoe.- "Come, Rosemary," he said
coolly. "I'll drag this rascal out and
lay him on the grass. Then, if you're
ready we'll take our drive. Sqarcd
you, didn't he? Well, you're all right
now. Bless me! Who drew 'that
picture?" . .;
Stepping to the board, he erased
the direful tracings with an angry
scowl, kicked his dilapitated tile un
der a desk, grabbed the unconscious
Ichabod by the collar and hauled; him
ruthlessly outside with an amazing
display of si length.
"My team is down by the corner,"
he announced. "I'll have to drive
bareheaded. I I guess I won't wear
tnat style of hat any more, and I'm
sick of these shoes. Come on!"
But Rosemary stood still, with her
hands over her eyes.
Mr. Pepper pulled them down, ele
vated himself on his toes and kissed
away her tears.
"in't I big enough for you as I am,
Rosemary?" he murmured with a
quiver in his voice. "Let's quit
these improvements and be natural."
The girl held him close. "You're
big enough for any woman, and I
wouldn't have you an inch taller."
she whispered.
"Say that again," cried Mr. Pepper
delightedly. "Say that again, Rose
mary." The Criterion,
OUR CRAVING FOR SALT.
A BARREL A YEAR FOR EVERY
THREE PERSONS.
Statistics of Production The United
States Has Learned to Depend on
Itself States Which Lead as Salt
Producers.
A whole barrel of salt for every
three persons in the land is the rate
at which Americans consume the prod
uct which savors the animal and veg
etable foods they consume, writes the
Washington correspondent of the New
York Evening Post. New York is
second only to Michigan as a salt
producing state, and statistics recent
ly compiled by the government show
that the combined output of these
two states aggregates more than two
thirds of the total salt production of
the United States!
How this country has learned to
depend upon itself and provide every
thing required for its maintenance is
well shown by the record of the salt
industry for the last quarter of. a cen
tury. In 1880 only G,9G1,060 bairels
of salt were produced in this country,
while consumers were forced to go
abroad for an additional supply,
amounting to 3,427,639 -barrels. This
showed that only 63.5 percent .of the
salt used here was of .home production.
Last year 95.7 percent was the pro
portion of the total consumption
which was produced within the bor
ders of the United States. The total
amount was 26,872,700 barrels, which
included only 1,151,133 barrels im
ported from foreign countries. These
figures show that the American people
are using three times as much salt as
they did twenty-six years ago.
New York -4ml four other states
provided 90.61 percent of the total
quantity of salt produced in this, coun
try last year. The figures show that
Michigan furnished 9,492,173 barrels;
New York, 8,359,121 barrels; Ohio,
2,528,558 barels; Kansas, 2,096,585 bar
rels, and Louisiana, 1,055,186 barrels.
Eight other states and two territories
also produce . salt on a commercial
scale Pennsylvania, West Virginia,
Michigan, Oklahoma,- Texas, New
Mexico, Idaho,' Utah, Nevada "and Cal
ifornia. "
The New York salt comes from beds
of rock salt from.'lQOO. to, 1300 feet
deep, and from wells some of which
are 2500 feet deep. The rock salt i3
dissolved and recrystalized in prepa
ration for culinary purposes.. The
brine, shich is either natural or an ar
tificial solution made by water led to
the deposits throuhg wells, is pumped
into covered vts, where it is concen
trated by evaporation, or 13 piped to
chemical works, where it is used with
out evaporation. In Massachusetts
salt is obtained from, sea water by
simple evaporation in covered ' vats.
In the early history of the country this
was an important industry, but the
production has now fallen to insignifi
ca'nt proportions.
' In Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Vir
ginia brine wells furnish the supply.
One of the most productive wells is
in the. oil-sands- of the Kanawha Val
ley, southwestern Virginia turns out
a good quality of rock salt, and artifi
cial brine is pumped from deep wells
ia the same locality. The salt depos
its of Michigan are in ' the Saginaw
and St. Clair valleys. The beds are
of rock salt, but they are exploited by
means of wells, the artnficial brine
from which is used directly in chem
ical works, or is evaporated to dry
ness in a scrie3 of covered vats. ' The
principal source of commercial ' salt
in Kansas. is the, deposits cf rock salt"
in the central arid south central1 part
of the state. About onehalf of the
production last year was from direct
mining.'the remainder coming from
artificial brine made in wells driven
down to the deposits. Salt . is also
found in salt marshes . in the qtate,
where it has been brought by leach
ing from clays. . .
4 Louisiana's great production of salt
Is front bed? of rock salt at Petite
Anse, in" the extreme southern' part of
the state." The-salt is mine'd through
great galleries, each 200 feet long and
seventy-five feet- wide and sixty-five
feet high, without timbering.' Although
the deposit covers Qnly a comparative
ly small area, it is of grea't thicknes3;
On" Jefferson island, near. Petite Anse,
a shaft1 1S3S feet deep ' was sunk in
pure rock without reaching the bottom
of. the deposit. These beds, the 'gov
ernment finds,.- are remarkable for
their purity. . , . . . '.
The salt deposits- in Oklahoma are
In extensive -plains along the-Cimarron
river in Blaine county, and in the
northeasterp part of Woods county.
Along the Cimarron river are many
springs delivering a clear, saturated
solution of common salt almost pure.
The salt is obtained in primitive fash
Ion by evaporation in open vats. Salt
occurs in lagoons . along the Gulf
coast and in many salt lakes or salines
throughout Texas, from which much
Is taken annually, but no official re
port of this production has reached
here. The region of present commer
cial Importance is in. Van Sandt and
Anderson counties, where salt Is made
from artificial brines drawn from
'wells which enter heavy beds of rock
ealt,. The salt deposits of the, trans-
P-ecos region oft western Texas con
sist of salines of considerable extent,
open to-- exploitation to all- comers.
Much salt is removed annually,- but
no record of the extent of the output
has ver-been kept. New Mexico has
deposits 'in the shallow lake -basins.
The-largest of these is in the west
central part of the territory on the
main line of the Santa Fe railr'oad.
The water contains about 20 percent
of salts. The supply is kept up by
springs which are supposed to rise in
salt beds.
Throughout Idaho, Utah and Navada
there are extensive surface deposits
of salt,' some of which are associated
with bodies' of water; while 'others are
not". The most" famous of these is, of
course, the Great, Salt Lake of Utah.
The salt Is won from the brine by'.'sim
l')lc evaporation in great shallow 'arti
ficial . ponds, care ..being taken, not .to
allow'' the bitter salts of the Jakes to
enter the commercial ' article. Salt
occurs in vast quantities in the de
posits found in the ancient lake. basin
in the southern part of California, but
the only commercially productive
deposits of this character have been
flopded by the recent diversion, of .the
Colorado river into the Salton Sink.
Thq. great production-which puts Cali
fornia in the sixth place, in orde to
p.utput among the states comes from
th evaporation of sea water, the con
ditions for w.hif;h are particularly fa
.vorable on the east side of .Sah Fran
cisco bay.... .
No attempt has even been made to
ascertain-what percent of salt, con
sumed in' the United State is used for
culinary purposes. The annual output-
is largely 'consumed in the indus
tries of meat packing, fish" curing,
dairying and the like. The chlorina
tiori of gold ores demands a large
quantity, and great quantities of salt
in the form of brine are used in the
manufacture of soda ash, caustic so
da, and' other salts. Salt is cheap.
The average price for 1905 was a lit
tle over" 23 cents a barrel, which is
lower than that reported in any previ
ous year. Dry salt, of course, bring3
a higher price than bijine. . The aver
age price for dry salt' last year was
31.51 cents a barrel.
. PRESERVE, THE BUFFALO.
. . ' - "!
Ernest Harold Baynes .Talks on "Our
Grandest American- Animal."
Ernest Harold "Baynes gave a talk
before the Society bf Arts tin the
"American Bison: Our Grandest Afn-erica-n
Animal." Mr. Ba'ynes is "secre
tary of' the "'American Bfsbn S6cieti,
president of which' is Theodore
Roosevelt ah'a" which' count among
their members the governor general of
Canada. 'The object of' .this society
is to promote a public sentiment that
will influence congress to provide for
the perpetuation of the American
bison. At present there is a bill be
fore Congress providing for th!e ap
propriation of $15,000 for the main
tenance of a herd? "'
Mr. Bayhes said that the bison was
the most numerous of all mammals of
modern times. The numbers -tltat 'at
one ' time lived on this continent wis"
in the millions, and it seems remark
able that'they "could have become al
most exterminated in so short a time.
There are but two wild herds of buf
falo in existence today, one in the
Yellowstone National 'Park and anoth
er in Canada.' There are a 'few pri
vate herds, but all of these are, with
out exception, for sale to anyone who
wffl" pay 'a,' reasonable price.
' Before the' vhite meiTwhb are r'e;
sponsible "for this depletion "invaded
the West'fhe'lndians'kllled the buffalo
themselves) and depended upon the
buffalo generally for their living.
When the white men came they be-,
p-n n k i 1 1 i n e- th tmffaln. and the Indi
ans were' instructed to kill as many asj
possiui.ana 10 urmg uieu umca iu
tracing stations.. ",The"white hunters
also. topk. up .the slaughter and there
are white men living today who. have
killed 10,000 buffaloes with one rifle.
There is on record a case where 150(3
buffaloes were killed in fifteen min
utes by .a hunting .party. Whole
herds were exterminated at one time
by driving them over precipices, arid
by coralling and slaughtering, them by
the wholesale. . .
Many, people ask-if the preservation
of the buffalo is of-any practical val
ue. - In an attempt to answer this
question satisfactorily, Mr. Baynes
has trained two buffaloes to' work .in
harness or under yoke. The&e an'P
mals were exhibited at ' the Sports
man's Show last fall and are doubtless
remembered by many people. They
have been found to be very tractable
and fully as strong as oxen.
Itfr. Baynes showed various lantern
slides of the domesticated buffaloes
drawing various wagons and carts,
and in one' case drawing a snow plow
through snow up to 'their shoulders.
The 'buffalo hide is very much mr
valuable than cow hide, and it has
been found possible to weave their fur
or wool into coarse cloths. Ahothpi
valuable use for buffalo Is In crossing
theni''with dTlr cattle, and. so forming
a rare that is 'much stronger health
ier and less susceptible to cattfe dis-1
eases. me nair 01 inese ciuaaca i
also Valuable, resembling very closelj
fine bear fur. Boston Transcript.
ONLY. A POOR MILLIONAIRE
The millionaire-sat in Ills chair.
And madly tore his store bought hair,
And- groaned in bitter pain.
Aii, woe -was hisS You know it is
An awful thins:, this Croesus bis
And sang this sad refrain:
"I am only a poor millionaire ;
No friend's have I;.."- -The
people all hate me,' the papers bo
rate irie.
I wonder why?
I have but a million they say it's a bil
lion, And that nil my wealth has a taint;
That I am inhuman and don't know
what's due men,
I know I am not and It ain'tf
"If I don't own an auto ear.
They say that I am short;
I trot out a 'wason,' they say I'm m
dragon
And run over peopie for sport,
If my money in bank I keep I'm
'crank.'
A miser, a gold . hoarding boor.
But if 1 invest it. they say, or suggest It,
That I am an oppressing the poor.
"If I attempt to give away
My wealth I'm I'luto's minion.
My gift they describe as attempting to
bribe
Through charity public opinion.
My wealth's a disgrace,' and I have no
place
On earth; and I can't get in heaven,
SF-r11'8 110 use to try through the nee
dle, its eye,
The camel cannot be 'driven."
St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
The cranks of one age are the
prophets of the next, provided they die
in the meanwhile. Puck.
She "I suppose you read a great
deal." He "No; I haven't time. You
see, I'm a book reviewer." Philadel
phia Record.
"I see that trials by 'phone har
been pronounced illegal." "Glad of
it. I've been severely tried by mine."
-Phnadlphia Ledger. '
Biggs "There goesa politician who
has paid the price of success," Digga
'Til 'bet he didn't receive as mucti
change- 'as he ' expected." Chicago
Daily -News.' ' ' v .
:, First Politician's .Wife '.'My , hus
band ' gi vesfme " every kcent fre-' earns.? .
Secb'fld ' Qji'tidan's jyifej'Ia . .that
all? "iLypiy husband givesjme jevery
cent he'get??' Jdge. ,. :J
. VThat -man .is ;$q, hanest. he ..wouidrist
steaa pin," saiduthe, admiring.. friend.
"I neyer thought much of rthe.-pla
test," answje-.ed . Miss-. Cayenne.5. '"Try
him, with a,n , umbrella." Washington
Star..," . . - ' -, : . . ,i
"He Introduced the bill Mri thelegi
islature, you know." "The - bill:
What,.bilir Wlryt: the -bill.- i;Be
foreWs itinie-xther-gt-afters'-were '"most'
1 j-eckless. fellows mud'-uaed cliecksi'
Puclt f-. . v M'- .-j'ii
"'Wifar, m'y- -friends,"- -:; vcfica-nafty,
d ema'ttdetr"' -the' H6n-' Tnfemas 1 Rott:
"dtfes OM-'Ir'fy stJfnd for?' "WtMf
yofl, -foHe frrng!" replied a" pessi
mistic ' voice from' the 'back of the
hall. Puck.- ' '''" '
'T say, old chappie, how on earth
do these astronomer fellows ever man
age to predict eclipses , y' know?"
"They: biiy an almanac and .look 'em
up;"1 you' silly ahss!" ;Bah Jove!"
Cleveland Leader.
"WJifjt dp yoy (jusider -the princi
pal ' features . of 'corrupt legislation?"
'The ayes a'nd nces, for those ..fea--tures
enable corrupt legislation first
to scent jobs, and .then to wink at
them:" Baltimore American..-
'.'Do you. think, tfour constituents In
dorse .your opinion on this bill?" "I
hope ;not,"- answered Senator Sorg
hum. ."I havedjone my best to keep
them .from, finding. euU what myopin--ionsvare."-rrW"as.hitigton
Star. . -(
"A Prominent oculist says he never
saw a pair of perfect eyes," said the''
woman who reads the newspapers.
"That," replied' 'Miss Cayenne, "mere
ly '.pTcrve that the prominent oculist
was"- never iif' iove." Washington
Star. '..''
Tojvrj,e7-" When ever j'ou hear a poli
tician declare that 'every man has his
price' you may rest assured that he's
one of them." Browne "Not neces
sarily. He may simply be calling at
tention to the fact that he hasn't got
his yet.' Philadelphia Press. t . .
"Are j'ou all in favor of free alco
hol for use in the arts?" "Yes," an
swered Col. Stillwell of Kentucky.
"But to be perfectly candid .and not
mislead you, I ought to add that I
consider a competent, mixer of bever
ages an artist." Washington-Star.
"Why is it," queried y J American
globe-trotter, "that our Aft, 'can girls'
are so much more attract.. to for
eigners with titles than you English
girls?" "I dou't know," snapped t!:i
English beauty, "unless it's because
they have more money and less
sense." Chicago Daily News.
"I want to, know," said theMrate
matron, "how"" much money my hus
band drew out of the bank last Week."
"I can't give you that information,
ma'am," .. answered the man , In the
cage. "You're the, paying teller,
aren't you?" "Yes, but I'm not the
tctlins payer." Chicago Tribune.