Qj
nary
..Mous
MAyruiEHH
corrsuitr isti
DDBBS-MTEIUIl CCHTANY
I
SYNOPSIS.
Illustrations by
V.L.BARNE5
' J Codman and hr sister, Loans, ars
trft orphan. Their property haa been
wept away with th death of their fa
ther and they are compelled to caat about
lor Bom mean to eara a II vine lou
lle anawera aa advertisement of an Inva
lid who wanu a companion.
CHAPTER III.
Secretary of Frivolous Affair.
I know there' an all-wise Provl
denc who direct the universe so
much better than wo could do It, al
though sometimes It seems that Prov
idence (eta twisted; because the
things wo aim at wo don't get, and
th things w dont aim at we do get
I came back from my Interview
with the wealthy woman who was re
covering from nervous prostration and
Just sat down and cried. She lived
In a gilded prison on Commonwealth
avenue with an the windows tight
shut for fear of draft In the uncer
tain spring weather. No wonder she
had nervou prostration. Anybody'
nerve would shriek for air In that
place. In exchange for what she de
manded nd knowing I had named
three thousand a year, she offered me
eight hundred with th reservation of
letting me go on two weeks' notice.
I began practicing tact on the spot
and left the matter pending; then I
went out Into God' sunshine, took
some deep-sea breath of the uncer-
tain spring weather, and when I got
back horn, poured out the whole
mean thing on Jo' motherly bosom.
Then well I've said It I tat down
and cried, t always do cry when I'm
angry.
I had hardly dried my eyes and
was trying to get rid of the horrid
tear-streak down - my face I'm
fright when I cry when the bell
Jangled and the postman came In with
"special." I looked at the letter and
for one wild Instant I though per
haps the mine had boon pumped dry,
Then I noticed that It was directed to
the Initials we had signed to the ad'
vertlsement The "special" was writ
ten from the Somerset, and I stood
there gazing Idiotically at the envel
ope, turning It over and over trying
to guess who It might be from like
very woman does, except Jo when
Jo cam In and I ripped It open. I
looked at the name . first, of course,
and my knees gar way. I passed
the letter on to Jo.
"Maria CrownlnshleM Haxard!" she
exclaimed. 8he. too. had read the
nam first Jo 1 feminine after all
"Mrs. Frederick Hazard!"
"Do you think It's actually true she
want a companion T" I asked.
"Why not?" demanded Jo, and she
read the letter, 'which of course was
the only way to find out.
"I didnt know ah Uved at the
Somerset," I remarked, my mind
grasping only tangible things.
"She's doing over her house. Her
daughter cam out thl winter. Surely,
you've seen about the reception next
week, presumably to announce an en-
. gagement?
"I do hop she doesn't want me for
a sort of sublimated lady's maid,'
Cried.
' "You certainly would be an accom
plished lady' maid," Jo replied sar
castically, and she was seldom sar
castic. '
"True." I laughed but Jo didn't.
- Th note was short and to the point,
but it had a cordial undertone that I
knew Jo liked. Mrs.' Hazard wanted
me to telephone to her as soon as
the note reached me and arrange an
Interview as quickly aa possible. She
couldn't explain in a letter just what
she wanted, as her' proposition was to
be rather Intricate and unusual, but
she thought from th tone of the ad
vertisement that I'd do. I had bor
rowed that about speaking French)
bridge, foot-ball, et cetera, I pon
dered over th "Intricate and unus
ual," but In all the wild flight of my
Imagination I couldn't land on any
thing that seemed to be Just that, un
less she wanted me to do all these
things. Gracious; I'd have to draw
the line at foot-ball and base-ball; I
could root, but ; y '
Now rve always denied that I had
nerves. I take It back. I'm sure I
wore a groove In the floor up and
down th hallway that afternoon be
fore she came. . I couldn't sit down
long enough to eat my luncheon, but
caught It In relays at the dining
room door each time I passed. Final
ly we heard the bum of a big car
you can always t 'l from the sound
when a car U t' j w hich stopped,
snorted and stood t ' la front of our
place. Then c -j t Jangja of the
bell In just t i f ) (f time that It
would take a i
from the car t V
I had spfsri,"
end magr y .
cf bar, as r i
f'.'fy an 1.
t "f one It .
h I C j i
c !',." 7
t tUi if i
' " I Ce :
i r nni' "
, j.,...
1 lady to get
in.
newspaper
ible picture
! time as to
"ty, but th
! a snap-shot
, taken at a
r with one
'h open. I
-'S It Into
t, for she
: way I've
, ho knew
Cleveland,
3, B(,13 ti
-.a resl'y
S3."
V 3 I t
1. 1" . f s
been brought up, but I kept thinking
of It as I beard the elevator going
down and then coming up again. I
giggled hysterically, and my mouth
was still stretched In a broad grin
when Mrs. Maria Crownlnahield Has
ard entered. It's another Instance of
an all-wise Providence taking car of
us when we can't take car of our
selves, for she liked the smile 1
knew It from the way she smiled back
and squeezed my hand and from the
minute 1 looked Into' her beaming, fat
face it Is tat and I'll have to say so
I knew If she wanted me for lady'
maid I'd try to qualify for the Job,
She examined first myself, then Jo
through ber lorgnette, but I wasn t
one whit frightened; she looked so
motherly.
"But which one Is Miss Codman H
she asked.
I am Miss Codman Josephine Cod-
man," Jo answered ber, "but my sis
ter. Loulle. is the one you came to
see.
She looked me over again and
thought struck me.
"If you want Jo" I said hastily. "It's
Just the same. It's all In the family.'
But I could see Jo a lady's maid.
Goodness!
"I want the one who sjaks French,
bridge, foot-ball, base-ball, automo
bile and golf," she smiled. 'It's an
experiment."
She sat down and waved the lorg
nette at the open window.
"I see you like fresh air that's
good, splendid!" She raised the lorg
nette and took In the room, the walls,
the pictures, the furniture that fur
niture is all right "Good taste," she
murmured; then she looked at us.
"You don't . mind my being personal?
I have a delicate proposition to make
and I must be sure of myself and yon
before I make It"
She got up and made an excursion
around the room, but It wasn't offen
sive or Jo's eyebrows would have
gone up; she examined the book and
noticed the music that lay open on
the piano. There was a copy of Men
delssohn's Rondo Caprlcloso, a book
of MacOoweil's Woodland Sketches,
the Slumber Boat and a copy of the
latest rag. I would have enjoyed
kicking that rag Into the waste-bas
ket, for I did want her to approve of
us.
"Varied taste In music," she remark
ed. "That's good, excellent!" Then
she sat down and her next question
was rather startling. "Do you really
understand base-ball?"
I do, really," I answered. "I know
the, game as well as Ty Cobb or Hanji
wagner, although they might think
different on the subject"
'It's an accomplishment so few
girls In society seem to care about'
she sighed.
"Well, you see I am not in society,1
I hastened to explain.
The lorgnette went up! It was the
only pose she had, which wasn't a
pose after all. I think she always
made up her mind about a person
from what she saw, not from what
that person said. She Anally chuckled
an odd way as If she were trying to
keep her laughter in, and It just
would come out. I really hadn't In
tended to be witty.
And that brings me to a most 1m-
mad a wry face; I knew they were
athletic honora. "He Is nicknamed
Hap old Hap Hazard! Your daugh
ter made ber bow to society thl win
ter and you are doing over your town
house in this event of her rumored
marriage; you '
"Awful to be so Important that on
gets Into th papera like that" She
chuckled and held up her hand for
m to cease. "Now, yourself. Th
nam la good Codman."
"We really alnt anybody In particu
lar Jo and r I told her. "for you
see we've com down to making our
living. But our ancestor are all right
or war. My mother was a Step-
toe '
"Josephine Bteptoe!" sh Inter
rupted, making the connection be
tween Jo' name and Bteptoe sh al
ways noticed trifles. "And your father
wa Joshua Codman? Good gracloua!
Why I went to school with your
mother, but I haven't thought of those
names for year
We've been rather out of alght for
year. I assured bar, "although to be
exact we were never In alght W
were never distinguished for anything
except being Just good, sturdy stock.
Our financial downfall was not even
spectacular. , W belong to th Coun
try club, but we've never been In th
Sunday newspaper.'
'Thank heaven, you have a sens of
humor!" Sh almost winked at me
through the lorgnette, or at least one
eye was curiously a-twinue. iou
really are exceeding my fondest hopes.
Now to business. I will tell you what
I want"
Which was what she came for, and
we had seemed to wast time In pre
liminaries, although . perhaps they
were necessary. In the Hgnt an
that happened afterward I'm glad
he wa at least sure of our ancestor.
She folded the lorgnette as If th In
spection were all over and that part
satisfactory. ' ',
'As my proposition Is somewhat un
usual." sh went on. "I'm at a loss
Just whereto begin or how to put It
I've never had a social secretary, al
ter, although sh has ben on th mar.
ket officially only a very ahort tim,
haa started out the same way. ; Sh
is all eyes and ears for a bucolic gen
tleman who runs a farm and dabbles
In literature on th aide, although It
may b th other way round, dabble
In. the farm on the side. - She really
doesn't know what she wants, and
she' such a butterfly It'a. In , th
blood I guess that life with the bu-
collo gentleman would spell disaster
in six month. Now, I want you for
a sort of social pace-maker for her,
Pace-maker I mentally added to the
list "And you may be sure sh wont
be blind to the eligible when ah
see them fluttering around a candle
set directly under ber nose."
uni i exclaimed, aa it some on
had jabbed m suddenly with a pin.
I kept thinking about th baseball
too. We seemed never to be coming
to that "ind the son r I asked
He's in love, or think he Is, with
a girl six years older than himself
and totally unsulted to him. ' And th
trouble 1 she's about to be In lov
with him, for he' a persistent lover,
Perhaps opposite attract, but they
dont keep out of the divorce courts,
She's languid, ethereal, I believe It
1 considered; anyhow, sh hash
nough energy to brush away a mo
squito. Sh doesn't get up until noon
haa her coffee and roll In bed; and
that' not th kind of wife I want for
my son. I poured th coffee for my
husband every morning of hi life,
and I want to sec my daughter do it
for her husband and my con's wife do
It for him. Moreover, sh ; doesn't
though the newspapers have said I
if 111
8h Got Up and Mad an Excursion
Around th Room. '
portant question before w proceed."
sh said. "Who are yon? Of course
you know who I am."
or course, both Jo and I, an
swered. : Then I went on rather
breathlessly: "Tou were Maria Crown-
Inshleld; yon have only on country
place beside your town house,' but
you have th best private golf course
in America; yon are Interested In on
mero.ti charities; you will grant an
Interview to a reporter In the middle
of the night If necessary, for fear the
poor fellow will lose his Job; you are
arrested for speeding now and then;
you dislike newspaper notoriety" I
confess I had to get my wind before
could go on "your husband 1 dead;
your son Is an '09, and came out of
Harvard with all sort of honors." Eh
Johnson was in charge of the local
f." t err co- : "ny a few years e;o.
kne-v I: n ! 'j. "His first street
est c ; , wa In Louisv.::, Ky.
Here he Lad tl; Job of taking the
nickels out of the cars on each trip.
The cars bad no conductors and the
passengers were required to drop
their nickels In a box. It wa the boy
Tom' Job to take th nickel out at
th e-1 cf each run.
ded this was a good 6 ; al
tf trc
t',x v : s
so
? ti k t la
Cr
t
bave, because until now I've never
needed one." She held up a hand sud
denly. "It lsnt Just that I want I
remember distinctly you said compan
ion; and yet It la in a way, except en
tirely different"
I wanted to put out my hand and
say Shane; I get mixea up mai
way myself but I sat still compress
ing my Up firmly or I'd have been
gazing at her with my mouth open.
My daughter' coming out neces
sarily thrust me Into a season; all the
usual things that make a girl know
she's out or In, whichever way you
want to look at It; each particular
function outshining another, and out
shining anything else anybody can
conceive. Now I've got to go through
a summer Just as brilliant but I'm
going to have help good intelligent
help, some one who can speak French,
bridge, and all those other things;
some one to oe my secretary ot
Frivolous Affairs." She chuckled and
gave my hand a playful tap with th
lorgnette. "Society Is like a coffee
pot It won't shine unless somebody
stands around with the polish always
rady to glv It a rub."
'And you want me to stand around
with the polish?" I asked eagerly.
."Ye," sh laughed. "Society, too,
gets In a rut I want a sort of social
tick to stir it up.
"And you want me for the stick?"
"Yes, a sort of. social guardian an
gel," ahe mused.
A sort ot social doctor to adminis
ter the smelling alta," suggested Jo
from the window.
"Yes, a sort of social adjustable
peg," Mrs. Hazard nnisnsa witu a
flourish.
It all sounded terribly exciting. I
sat up very straight clasped my
hand in my lap most correctly and
felt awfully Important with this social
vista stretching away before m. I
was to be the polish, the stick, th
guardian angel, the doctor, and. the
adjustable peg! I couldn't help won
dering about that leading question I
think a lawyer would call It that
about base-ball, and how ahe- was go-'
lng to dovetail that Into the . social
scheme of things unless she wa go
ing to outdo monkey dinner and such
with a team of her own. I wa sure
she'd make a dandy coach.
A Bummer season in the country
is an awful thing to contemplate," she
went on. 'It lsnt like winter In town,
wher customs are regulated. A house
party In the country Is usually stupid.
People are fagged from the winter and
lack Initiative. They muat be amused
manipulated. Now I can hire sing
ers, or bridge players, or golf, ex
perts; but If I had a singer I might
need a bridge player; and If I had
a bridge player I might need a golfer,
and so on. You cant talk bridge to
a golf fiend; anyhow, If J hired such
people they would be stiff and un
compromising and not at all what I
wanted. So when I saw your adver
tisement It really was' the way you
put It my dear I knew I wanted a
young, well-bred, well-educated, well
read, tactful girl, speaking French,
bridge, foot-ball, baseball, automobile
and golf," to settle down In the bosom
ot my family and help me boldth
horse." ''.''.. I'.-,
I sat there and held on to my chair.
wondering If I hadn't bitten oft more
than I could chew, when up went her
hand suddenly, and I fait Ilk the mo
ment In the play when you're afraid
It wont go on and you know It will.
'And now I have come to the part
that' Intricate and unusual."
Jo's eyebrow took on an astonished
slant end my mouth Inelegantly
dropped open again, I snapped it shut
and propped my fist under It.
My son has started out to settle
his matrimonial future, and, of course,
be ha started out wrong. Ky dauga-
the nickels could not be remoWd
when once in and that wou!3 s!.o reg
ister the number of fare. TL'.s made
it possible to tale the fares tip twloe
a day In plac of on every trip, and,
more Important a little Inter, it gave
the young Johnson his start, for h
patented th device and made enough
money out of th patent to f et a start
in the street car business. Ha said
h thought of the box because It was
so much trouble to wa'k out into the
sr t $,3 etrp'y the fare box v.' y
t n r r : 3." I ' j r -.
know a baseball from a football, or
foot-ball from a tennis ball, or
golf-ball from any of them and haa no
deslr to learn. . Now, you've heard of
Hap?"
I nodded. Yes, I had heard ot Hap,
and all those athletic honor ha
brought out of Harvard.
"Why, he'd b neglecting her before
the year wa out" she almost
moaned.'
"So you want me " I began.
"I want you to put Hap on the right
track," " . -
I looked at Jo' back. It had grown
rigid. Ilk Mrs, Flske's doe when the
horrible moment come, and I was
wondering wher Mrs.. Maria Crown
Inshleld Hazard would be when the
cyclone struck. .
"So you' want me deliberately " I
began again. I ;
"Yes, my dear," Mr. Maria Crown
Inshleld Hazard smiled a I paused,
a bit shocked. "I'm afraid that' what
I do want." . .
"But what shall I do with him when
I get himr I cried. "I haven't th
lightest wish to get married?",
"Good gracloua!" exolaimed Mrs.
Hazard. "You don't bave to marry
him! Just get him on th right track.
Get him turned around so he can see
other girls. There are plenty of oth
er girls, too, suited to him If he will
only turn around and look.'
"Oh!" I breathed, relieved, and Jo'
back settled Into place. "But per
haps I'm not capable of all that I've
never had the least experience In
love."
"AU the better," she answered
heartily.
"And perhaps, being a pace-maker,
and there being so many eligible, I'll
com a cropper anyselt?", . y , ,
, She looked a Utile startled at that.
then sh chuckled,
"Then again, perhaps not" h ar
gued. "You might pick a. plum from
the social pudding. Tv no objection,
She shook a forefinger playfully. "But
no dark corners while my social
thing need attention. And you mut
not hold me responsible for any lacer
ated affection." .
. I suddenly leaned . back my bead
and laughed. ' ,v
"Oh, It' all too absurd." I cried,
"delightfully, dellclously absurd, and
If you think 111 do. why I'm Just
crazy to start right in. . I'm quit ur
I can take care of myself."
Then I remembered I hadn't asked
Jo what she thought about it but I
ought to have known sh wouldn't
have waited to be asked. Just then
she turned, and I saw an amuseeV
crinkle around her gorgeous -eye.
And I knew something she was aure,
too, that I could take car ot'myselt
Jo's teaching ha been ound and
good.' ' . s
As I want so much. Tm willing to
pay for It But I am rather at a
loss " Mr. Hazard looked first at
Jo, then myself tentatively, expecting
help. . v.i ?yj.. ' t
I looked at Jo and my eyebrows
asked: "Three thousand a year?"
But Jo didn't even blink, and I had
to wade In alone.
"I expect so much," Mr. Hazard re
minded me. "Up early, to bed late,
and on duty all the time?"
I took my plunge.
Three thousand," I said qulckjy,
for fear I wouldnt get It out and
choking a bit at that. Of course, I
meant a year. - ;f ?
"Well," she said, "if you do me a
good summer's work It's worth It"
Heaven! Sh had understood sum
mer! , ! f.:':'.;: ' . . - 'V -
And the two-week clause?" I task
ed, feeling aure I was going to get a
bump somewhere. It all sounded too
good to be true.
'Oh, there's no such thing. I can't
afford to lose you." After all, a clause
works both way. If you dont realize
my expectation, why It'a - my bad
judgment and I lose, but I've never
yet made a mistake In estimating a
person. Now, your clothe"
Yes, there It was! A good, sound
bump, too! A girl's clothe for a
summer traveling- In that set would
make an awful hole In three thousand. I
I Just wsnted to weep.
"I suppose," she reflected,, "your
clothes will have to be profit and loss,
or stock In trade, or whatever you call
It when one starts In business. As
it's my business, I e sess I'll bave to
stock It Betides, If I pay for them
I can dictate what you shall have.
You must always shin Just a littl
brighter than any one else."
I know I should have pinched my
self, and rubbed my eyes and won
dered If I had heard aright and all
those other things. What I did do
was to put out my hand, which ahe
took with a squeess, while I said
; "You talk Ilk a fairy godmother.
nd I haven't th slightest doubt you
can cbang a pumpkin Into a coach
and four, but If you want me to scrub
th kitchen, all you.hav to do 1 to
ay o."
Sh patted my cheek. I suppose ah
knew she Was buying my lov and af
fection, but It wa none th lea sin
cere. Finally sh put out her tat
band to Jo.
"I'll take car ot bar." sh promised
simply1, and started for th door.
"Just one question," I . Implored.
Will your son and daughter have to
know the reason of me?"
"Not the real reason," she replied.
"To them you are to b Just a mem
ber of my cabinet Secretary of
Frivolous Affairs. I would never do
to handicap you by letting them know
you are to er manipulate them. And
do you know I'm rather looking for
ward to enjoying our little secret?"
And the baseball?" I wanted to
know, suddenly remembering It :
'Oh, that's Hap's bobby Just now.
Beginning of the season or something
of that sort Talk it to him. It' th
quickest way to attract his attention!
the way I expect you to, get him
turned around. ,
She chuckled In that odd way ahe
had, and when the door closed on her
somewhat stately, albeit portly, back
I fell on Jo' motherly bosom and had
another cry this time a cry of pure.
i
M
TO TEACH ART OF WAR TO STUDENTS
1 . ' ,
For th first time In Its history
th war department will hold this
summer two , experimental military
camp on on th historic battle
field at Gettysburg, Pa., and the other
at the Presidio, San Francisco for
the military Instruction of American
university and college students dur
ing th vacation period. Secretary of
War Llndley Jf. Garrison has already
Issued the order for the " encamn-
menu, and officers of the general
staff of th army have been for sev
eral weeks busy perfecting the de
tail which. In the word of Major
General Leonard Wood, chief of the
general taff. will "have a tremen
dous Influence In revivifying amona-
the youth of thl country, especially
the college youth, a proper apprecia
tion of each . man' responsibility to
the country in time of war."
"I . am greatly lntereted." aald
General Wood, "in th establishment
of these camps, aa I believe they will
have a tremendous Influence In revlvlfyln anion- th vouth of this emmtrr.
especially the college youth, a proper appreciation of each man'a retponal-
uuuy io country in time of war and of his obUcat on to so nrenara him.
self aa to be able to aerve efficiently If called upon. I believe these camps
will tend to Implant In the universities, colleees and hither achoola tha aMrfa
of a sound military policy. I do not mean a policy which ends in militarism.
but a policy which mean reasonable military preparedness, v
in a worn, we wish to bring a many as possible of our college men In
4 I
'
unalloyed lov Aren't woman alllvf
Later that aitarnonn. on mv wav contact with carefully selected officers of the armv In order that wa mav
down to see Mr. Partridge to tell hint lve them Proper conception of the army and its relations to the country.
about the Aladdin's lamp I had "uu mM" clear 10 tne military needs of the country and the part
wuicu we iook to mem ana to men of their kind to play In case war cornea
.upon us.
TARIFF EXUDED FR9M SERENO PAYNE
"You Might Pick a Plum From th
Social Pudding."
tubbed I felt I just had to talk ft
over with some one beside Jo I
dropped A letter In the box. It wi
addressed to the glided prison on
Commonwealth avenue, and although
the ton waa far from rude Jo, wont
stand for rudeness, even to a cat ft
was so terse, and direct yon would
bave thought I wa writing a tele
gram. I told her I hoped she would
have no trouble getting some. one. I
wondsr if ahe ever did?
(TO BE CONTINUED.)
' Earning Colltg Expenses. .
' Miss Flprence McArdle, a senior al
Boston university, la In charge of the
girls' department of the student'
employment bureau. Thl year about
on hundred women students hav
been supplied with work. Boston .uni
versity waa one of the first colleges to
realize the value of an employment
bureau for Its students.. .
' Miss McArdle says that one ot th
best ways for girls to work their way
through college Is ts get Into a fam
ily where in return for performing
certain household duties they get
room, board, laundry and car fares.
Never before have so many girl been
working their way by thl method a
this year, and the supply was not
equal to the demand. Mis McArdU
1 working her way through collegs
and In return for a specified nnmbet
of hours at the bureau gets her tui
tion tree. Before taking up this work
ahe had tutored, done office work anij
many other thing to support herselj
while getting education.
Can you remember a far back aa
th Payne tariff? That' a long time
ago and a whole lot of things have
happened, but In those days Sereno'.
Payne of New York waa th Oscar
Underwood of the day. Sereno waa
supposed to carry more secrets con
cerning manufacturers and rates and '
Imports and to have a broader view
pf this perplexing and brain-benumb- .
lng tariff thing than any man alive. x
Now in-those old days, when Se
reno sat at the head of th tariff
table, you couldn't get near him.
He would almost bite you. He waa
so full of tariff that It exuded from
'him, but at that rp one could ap
proach him with a quiz without run
ning the risk ot ad Imperial "stand
pat" Republican frown. ' Newspaper
men trembled when they had to ask :
.him a question. ....
Augustus Hayward, a correspon
dent of a big. New' York paper, want- ;
- ed to get a word of Information from
Representative Payne. , He waited until the house had adjourned and then.
went down on the floor of the house. Sereno wa In hi chair, gazing thought
fully Into apace. . , -V . , ; ,
"Mr. Payne " said Qua. ' ,
There waa no reply. , .. , ' , ,
rf'I beg pardon, Mr Payne ',1""'1'" -
All was quiet ;
"I came to ask you. Mr. Payne ' '
But he might a well, have stayed away. '
"If It would not be too much trouble, Mr. Payne 1 " r
Nothing happened. V ' - . k '; , .wv .
Then Gus grew bolder. He snapped hi fingers In front of Mr. Fame's
fac. ......i ' - is., t- . -.:..;....:.. , , .'.., . -':. ..
The explosion wa terrific. Sereno Payne almost bit him. Gus ran and
has never been aeon near him alnce. ' ' i
Yet all Is different now. A the tariff tinker chew over the oroblem'
before them, Sereno Payne smiles and smiles and smile. He 1 the Yanking
Republican member on the way and mean committee and has. written the
minority report. He doesn't have to hear long and dreary statements from
manufacturers and Importers. Th burden la all on Oscar Underwood, and -
Sereno, for the first time In a long while, I living up to hi first name. -
l, -
.. '.-
1
1 MURRAY COMES FROM THE TALL- GRASS
Vermonter Failure.
"The Inefficient are necessarily th
disobliging," said A. Munsey, apropos
of a political leader who had failed.
"A middle-aged failure got a sum
mer job In a Vermont general store
last month. A boy came In one morn
ing and asked him for half a pound ot
melted maple sugar, th famou Ver
mont dainty, at th same time laying a
pot on the counter. .
'The Inefficient failure, without
weighing the pot first ladled a lot ot
th sticky syrup Into , If then, of
course, when he set the pot on the
scales. It went down with , a bang.
Finally he ladled out all he could
but again, bang went the calea.
"Then th man returned the boy
the pot and aald: ; , ;
"Go back home and tell your ma,
sonny, we can't make a half-pound ot
mapl auger." - , ,
Ramarkabl.
Willi He I a remarkable man
and th best hod-carrier in the world.
Glllls No great glory In that
Willi Ah, but h la never writ,
ten a magasln article on bod-carry-lng,
nor delivered a Chautauqua lec
ture on hod-carrying, nor even done
a hod-carrying act in vauleville.
Fuck.
v.::::::a n:::a n i:::tc:,y
Not Always th P! ' t CIrc'et cf Cold
That I Consk 1 ths Proper
Thing " u!ay.
There are many people who prob
ably do not know t: t the. wedding
ring ha not always l a a plain cir
cle of r In br? days It was
et with rich Jewels t 1 worn on the
Erst er of the r t band.
There Is a pr;Vr si-pe- ' i
stout t" wearirr cf t"'
rlnir on the third freer, end that Is
t-ftt there H a ve!n t' t rur.a direct
from that f , )r to tt henrt
But that Is ty no mea&s ti e real rea
son. It is not one of superstition but
on of religion, Th minister who
performs the service used to put the
ring first on th thumb saying: "in
th nam of th Father; whent on
th first finger he said: "And of the
Bob:" sud on the second: "And of
fa I 'yOo-t." Tl-atUiwss
r ' 1 v t i t 1 i';9
Washington will grow accustomed
to calling Representative Murray of'
Oklahoma "Alfalfa Bill" and It will
not be long before Washington -drops
the qlbtatlon marka and spells it
plainly. ; Alfalfa Bill is one of the
sight of the new congress ' and la
the riddle of Oklahoma politics. He
comes from the tall grass and speaks
the language of a senator while in
the hall of the house of representa
tives, yet he knows the hill-billy talk
and the cowboy cuss customs, and .
gets away with any, either or both at
any time or place that he choose. .
- Most of , the . effete easterners '
around Washington think Alfalfa Bill
Is a cowboy, but he 1 a farmer and
proud of It As a farmer he learned
a great many scenic effects and la
careful about preserving the proper
atmosphere. When he goes out '
west to hi native ranches he looks
as If he had slept in his clothes for'
a month, and no amount of arguing '
will get him to press his trousers. It-would kill him politically, he says The ' .
first day he appeared on Capitol Hill he had a new ault and pressed trousers , ,
and made a grand fight for liberty and American principles In a speech about
Something or Ntber about two minutes after he had been sworn in: He -started
to tell Speaker- Clark all about the rules of the house and attracted
attention generally, but the Oklahoma correspondents overlooked the fact
that Alfalfa BUI had made speeches and thing. The dispatches dwelt on th
fact that Bill had pressed his trousers. ' ''
f...
J-
t. . . '
SAYS "MOO'S EYE" IS ALL CiailT
, 1 , . . . . - ' 1
X,
cancfii
c.-t !
ate for a
r f y i
collectors
"' ' t -t
sp lit
0pr
. t )
Urey Woodson, of Owensboro, Ky,
former secretary' of the Democratio
national committee, is Btlll of tho
opinion that the "bog's eye is done'
sot." In 1904 Mr. Woodson, then sec
retary of the national committee, was
so sanguine of the election of Judge.
Parker that he would not listen to
any of his friends who suggested the
possibility of Democratic defeat
"The hog's eye Is done sot," declared
Mr. Woodson, using Use mountaineer
expre; 'on of c'.J Keutarty. After
the overs 'Viils T C ' i of Jud,;
Farter J.!r. Woe. n frra In his
contention' t!;,.t t:.e h 0' eye waa
"sot,"' but that It was oii'y looking
Into the future. Now, when politi
cians meet Mr. Woodson they do not
Joke him.. .
"The hog's eye Is surely don
sot," said Mr. Woodson the other
lay. The "former secretary of t".
latlonal committee --s In r 1
spirits cvpr t' f ' i