-v ' .(
KNEW HIS XAW
; : Ail .Australian lawyer tells of a
black fellow charged In a country
: town with stealing, .. Bla lawyer de
cided to put film on tli atand to
give evidence on his own behalf.
The Judge, being doubtful If he un
derstood the nature of an oath, un
dertook to examine him on the point.
"Jacky," he said, tyon know what
will happen to you If yon , tell a
"My oath, boss,'' replied Jacky,
"me :. go down.; below ; ' bum long
"Quite right," repUed the Judge.
"And do you know what will happen
it yon teu the truth r -
''tea, bos, vW lose 'em case."
an actor who made a very re
spectable Income at his profession,
but spent It Just as quickly, was one
day buttonholed by a friend on
.Tou ; haven't half a dollar on
you, have you?"
"Gosh,, replied the actor, "I
haven't but who told your
Saw the Propallar
An elderly lady was taking her
nrst airplane ride.
"Now look here, young man," she
said to the pilot after he got up
several thousand feet, "It's too cold
op here for that big electric fan so
Just turn fright oaV -ANSWER
"Say, Jack, I'll give you, $5 If
you'll answer a simple question
"Done! Fire away r
"Lend me a tenner, will you T'
At a concert a young lady began
a song, "The autumn days have
come, 10,000 leaves are falling."
But .she began too high.
Ten thousand," she screeched, and
' "Better' start her at 0,000," sug
gested an auctioneer present
Ha Did It the First Tim
Walter Gee, Pop, there's a man
at the circus who Jumps on a
uorse's back, slips underneath,
catches hold of Its tall and finishes
up on the horse's neck! ,
Dad That's easy. I did all that
che first time I ever rode a horse.
A Hot Ran
Mrs. Ham Tour boy's a great
runner. You should have seen him
ourn up the track yesterday.
Mrs. Haw I didn't see him run
but I saw the track this morning
end nothing but cinders were left
Tommy What did I learn today,
Teacher Why do you ask that? ,
Tommy 'Cause they're going to
isk me when I get home.
Visitor I can't understand bow
your love for books brought yooV
here. s - ...
Prisoner It was my love for
" Ha Snored
First Traveler Yob woke me out
of a sound sleep. ' '
Second Traveler I bad to. The
sound was too loud. ;
How's his credltr."- ''
"It must be good. I understand
he owes everybody money.", --v .m
i't'-X .,,; ,t
" :y? Po.lUve OMIta
' "Do you like codfish I - y ?! f,
'No, I don't like codfish, sod Tm
glad I don't like It, . because if I
did,' I'd eat It, .and I ate- the
blamed stuff: ,' -::;" -l' ' AA:!,
.. A- . '
OUR .COMIGv SEC iC
tup w ATurnur
ieiff IT "W " I I tP IWlMK gylgr "., -V
AuHtUll tw I KAH'f HBAR KNOW E.NOU6H U 't
y k what -tub ,nb:MSttUUipv.
loe lit ACTORS ARE UET OTHER PBOPtE nEVfee.
lU.?f ' ,e S5v W PLEASE v B SILENT fz. ; , .
4 Watara Swmwi Pataa ""''V j" 'S ,
FINNEY OF TOETORCE AJ-
SH6'S Ibo viHUT'S IT
FR6SH ANP I ACL -BOUT?.
BESIDES I '( L- -..' ' J
in the Lives of Little LI.
Wm' i have
-7- ARRESTTCB 2 ,
IENT IMTo TrAT "
PLACE TO SEMD A ?
. IfeLEKSRAPH AND . , tT'
' .THAT FRKM 3rLL.,7
sriDT&h To READ IT" 1
i; Tins i. .. .. j v
1 up la a ti. i- l i t- i
ruom of Ills club, a woivii-.l -l.rcsidon
on his face. Soon a f
c i-e In. :
"Hello I" he said. "Not t '
"No,"- murmured Koperts in t
pairing tones. "I duren't TJ.I,
have gone wroi ;
"I'm sorry to hear that," en Id J...
friend. "What's the trouble? Fer
haps I can help." '
i Roberts moaned. '
"No one can- help," he replied.
"At seven, o'clock I telephoned niy
wife and gave her a marvelous ex
cuse for not coming home. And
and now I've forgotten what I said."
Answers Magazine, v ; v
h r V '
l 7 J
J V Jt I
fti i v -' I
, Obnoxious Football Player Look
here, coach, there -are two fellows
not fit to. be on our team at alt
Coach (calmly)-i-Tha so? Who's
the others , ik.tvi
Vr. Shad Up
"I - want -a ' collar, for' my -hus
band," said the large woman Impa
tiently....: -''yrV,':: m-;,''
"Er, yes. madam," dusked the as
sistant "What size does he taker
"lzer she echoed.
i MH'm. I've
forgotten that ;, She added I "I',nii Jane, "and the delivery boy
thlnk-1 can- find out soon enoueh."
quickly she- peeled off her gloves,
ana neia out two large hands.
"Here, measare , , these,".? she
snapped. "I can Just manage to set
.ucui. ruuuu mm mroac Answers
Magtislne;'i.'viif ; ;C:;.i:r ifli;':;''
V- A .FaveraUe Raport i:,'-'.
'Here, boy,'1, exclaimed ' the ex
cited little man as he rushed up to
aKbell boy In a big hotel - "Bun up
to my room and see If my umbrella
is there, Hurry, now because I've"
just, got five minutes to catch a
Three minutes later the boy came
tripping .. down i the stairs, empty-
nanaetu .'.i.. .
ha .Bald. ? "It's there
;, ytr capable for :Jon::ii
. The shoe dealer was engaging an
assistant "Suppose," he said, "a
lady customer were to remark while
yon were trying to fit her, 'Don
yon think one of mv. fopt'la hlmrar
than the, otWr ''.What, would you
."I ahould say 'On. the contrary,
madam, one is smaller' than the
other. .-; k.''J.,sii'.,'!i M.v
The college, professor .was gtv
log the freshman a raking over the
coals. . "And,", he concluded, "whes
I was your age,, I, too thought I
knew It all. Now, however, I've de
elded I know very e.iT'V-K
j ibe " frosh t knew j the answer.
though. "It's certainly taken you a
long time to find it out I knew It
the minute 1. awyou rrCs"
'"Ton say: the -. Flaps are 'going to
move?" ,' - .''i
.'l think. so; they, have begun
to. scratch ;matchesr.on the walls."
. . - k... Reason ..for Alarm . .- '.. .
Brown I told my wife she need
ed a new hat yesterday. w',-...-
Green rYou told her that? Good
gracious! .What did she sayt- :
Brown Sbe said; yXan sit down
quietly, dear, while I phoqe for
tb doctor," f ;
ht,'-. Soma PragraU' ' A"v
VteltoN-Weir;. Johnny,- how are
yon getting m at school? 'V S- ' ;;
Johnny (aged ..seven) Fine I I
ain't doing s well as some of the
other boys, though. I can stand on
my head, but I have td put my feet
against the wait . - .
. x, ... Soanda Familiar : ,
"Will you guarantee the unhdl-
stery of this car?", demanded the
prospective purchaser. -'- - i
"Madam,?, replied the salesman,
with dignity, "the proof of the pad'
ding is the seating .
:'. -j Mothar Know .,
Tnung" WIfe---Pierre Is pftrfnly
wonderful to me, mother. He gives
me everything I ask for.
Mother That merely shown., mv
dir, t' nt yoti pre ot all!' for
T W.43 CI-a
Baniaon was i 1 1 1, ., ; i t
the Book and o:'t t on a
busy day. The door opened anJ
an elderly man wearing speclucli-s
and a while muffler entered hurriedly.-";,
r ."'.'.'V 4"- f
Setting aside his gloves and cane,
and hastily scanning the1 shelves,
be said: '1 have but a few mo
ments tot make a selection; per
haps you could assist me. Some-
thin. an aMni-ls t.it .
"Here are some delightful gift
books," she remarked. , --
The gentleman raised a pair of
surprised eyes and wonderlngly sur-
veyed the gin,
i i rather, than the
I books. Drawing
j a wallet from
lk,' his Inner coat
he replied." -, ,
young lady, your
has tempted me
to take, all
Jane a card he
"please . have
them sent over
to Miss Adelaide
Perkins, Burton street, number 78."
: Thanking her he dashed ut t9
Kla Mih anil warn ornn ft. .."
t.v "Snmhuloht Rnrrnrt streetl"
gone for w the
round i" r T r ' i i
locking the store and with Miss
Adelaide Perkins' gift In the hollow
of her arm, the tired girl started
off on her errand, ,,
- Jane and her widowed mother bad
lived In Edgebrook on a small In
come. She attended Miss Edmonds.
School for Girls as a day student
and received a very thorough educa
tion. In the evenings Jane worked
in the town library.: Her mother
passed away nd Jane had gone
to i-the city. This was ber -first
Christmas .Jo "be alone..4i-f'V'-'
At the Perkins address the door
was - opened ; by sn elderly lady.
"My goodness! child I- .A package
for me! Do step In." But before
sbe could close the door, a: boy
"Telegram tor Fwsms,T
dered. '-. HfJ?ii4--..-r'
"Mercy m e,' where a ra my
glasses 1" and she fumbled around
lat her. ij4kiC&'-f&'
Tll sign for you. If j may," said
"Tes; please do dear, 'dear, where
are. my glasses! Oh, here they
are,' and Miss v Perkins' fine pa
tient hands trembled as she opened
the "-envelope, ji
'."It Is from my nieces, the Bos-
worth girls.! They are driving down
from Hartland tomorrow afternoon
and will tee here f or (tea with .me
around -five.11 ", i JO '
"lour nieces 4he Bosworth girls !"
exclaimed - Jane ; "not Emllle and
ausau i t ny, uibj were my oeac
friends at Miss Edmonds school,"
and , thoughts
of Edgebrook f
dashed : through
her-' mind. The
meri t Rich-'
a rd 'Bosworth,
the tall brother,
up from the city
for. the festivi
ret torn or- I '-t-i
row at five,"-
called M)ss Per--k;ins
was departing. ..
The pert afternoon Jane helped
Miss Perkins put , the finishing
touches to a table set in blue china
of willow pattern. ' There was the
sound of a motor, then merry voices
In the hall. ' Emllle, Susan, Richard,
Uncle .Carroll, the elderly gentleman
who .had sent' the books, . Were
greeting Miss Perkins. ' . '
"Why. Jane Harrison I" easned
the Bosworth girls in one breath. .
Then followed, such i excited ex
clamations r the bliss of . renewed
friendship. . 4 J. ,. f . "
.With a rustle of her Silken skirts
Miss Perkins"; led the ' way to! the
dining -room, f Jane sat -opposite
Richard. She liked the strength, In
his broad shoulders,' bis well modu
lated, voice, and his clear honest
Richard was beaming across the
table at the young woman In, the
blue frock; her quaint charm, rip
pling' laughter, ;the ' glance of her
brown eyes and the lift pi her pret
ty sbooldefa.i'.; ; CA'-.'.i, i
- As the ' happy gathering, moved
Into the .sitting room Jane felt the
warmth of a- large hand gripping
her own slim one. Looking, up, she
Smiled Into Richard's firm and un
derstanding face. ' . '
. Uncle Carroll, with .an approving
nod,: stroked . his ' beard like a
prophet and reflected upon the
words of the poet: .',::,: .;
.t Charms strike the slgrht .
. But merit wins the auut"
C W omern New-
i. ui.h . i.
putting in i
i" ... . .'
To remove Ik '
spilled on llni'u or
paste of starch and
spread over stain,
dry, then brush off.
' When roasting beef
very hot at first to ss-
then . reduce heat, coo: ' ; i
j ' In arranging the labia for : r
bridge luncheon you can. get ih ;m
j distinctive effect by , choo: a
luncheon set of that sheer cr . a l
1 linen -done. In pastel-tinted etsi)i,i. i
! ery; They are a' chante from tUe
usual type of Italian linens.
j. .. '; ;v:' s .'.
' Butter and sugar will cream more
quickly If a few drops of warm wa
ter are Sprinkled over" them.
!'', i 'V:).'.V;
I Bilver and gold embroidered scarfs
will not tarnish when packed away If
Wrapped In black-'paper,-,';!'.,'..;-.,-'
,.;A space should be left 'wi
walls of refrigerator and d.
talnlng foods to allow free
tlon of air.. -. This r prese.,.,
coous. 1 j
tAuoolBUa Krpavra.' WNU Sarvlcv.
Mothers read tl.'s:
A eleanting dote today; a smc"?
quantity tomorrow; less each Un-,
until bowels need no help at ad.
I . it rat t
Why do people come home from a.
hospital with bowels working like a :
well-regulated watch? - j , - v .
' The answer Is simple, and it's the '
answer to all your bowel. worries if
yon will only realize it: many doctors
and hospitals use liquid laxatives. ' .
. If yon knew what a doctor knows,
yon would use only the liquid form.
A liquid can always be takvj in
gradually reduced doses. Redan i
dotage it ihe teeret of ang real relij
from constipation. '
; K Ask a doctor about this. Ask yonr
druggist how very popular liquid
laxatives have become. They give the
right kind of help, and right amount -of
help. The liquid laxative generally v
used is Dr. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin.
It contains senna and cascara both : -natural
laxatives that can form no'
habit even id children. So. try Syrup .
Pepsin. Yon "just take - regulated .
doses till Nature restores regularity.'
s J -
For sufferars from the itching,' burn
ing and irritation of enema, pimples,
rashes, red, rough akin, itching, bun-
rag net, cnannga, cnappinei, eats, :v'
burns and disfigiiring blotches, may
,sa looira py anoi
ira luuwi pj awiinung vun -
a. M I-
Ull 4 I i J k
' Sample free. Adremi: -"Cutlcura,"
bept. 258, taauiea, Man
'rJt mm W W
cf oaa case cj
hel fill Fee!
er llri. t
eroiDitt,tue. t) -
e,-. , . , -
EI' r '
'A- Cleanse t, a I
YOUR kldnevj art 1 1
Ing was'a n r i
tlrtam. But I , ? j
their work r in t
tended f 'I ion s
po'"on li j i
lyien v,:,.i i
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