Newspapers / Ku Klux Kaleidoscope (Goldsboro, … / July 10, 1869, edition 1 / Page 1
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IAI1301D(Q)S(D VOLUME I. GOLDSBORO', X- C, SATURDAY, JULY 10, 1800. NUMBER 1C. Js issued every Saturday, from the Xew Office, by J. B. Wliitaker, Jr , ! EDITOR & PROPRIETOR. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION CASH IN ALVAXCB: $150. : i . . 1,00. ,50 ,05. One Ye iv Sis M..hhf, Three Months, Single copies, KATES OF ADVERTISING Oae sqiara, firt insertion, ' " ! ' $1,00. ii or L-iilin tiunr inaarf inn Kll O' e mouth,' two won h, . three ' six twelve. V ' TVo squares, one month, two months, three i . 44 44 II P)X " twelve44 .. Half column, one mont two months, three 4 I it it i4 SIX 44 twelve ' 3 00. 5 0 750. 12 5 2O,0. 5 .00. 9 K 12 5'i 20,00 35 00. 8 00 15 00 20.00 35 00 60,00. Longer aver isements at contract rates Lib-rd deductions made to regular patrons. SUT LOVENGOOD, COMJIISSION MERCHANT. J Lev net I leit iasiivuie to go keep a country store in Eufauly, Al- abamy ; but I got to Orleans, jir.ed the Masons, walked Carondelet street for a lew days in store clothes, and it made, a man of me. I cut eye teeth torreckly. My bosom panted forsometnin grander and bigger than keepin i one horse country store. 1 .seed, two or three fellers as said they had tooled away half a lifetime doin ..that, without makin either money or credit had larnt better, and was .then trviu Orleans commission biisi- ;; ness. They sed thar was two things as was a payin busy an easy. One wasrunnin a newspaper, and tether was bein a commission merchant. .Said the last was most fashionable -just then, an advised me, bein friends of mine, to drop anchor in Orleans an try my luck. All I had to do was to put out my sign, buy ja thousand seegryars, and; walk up -and down Caroudelet street with my thums in . ray.weskit an ask fellers what's gold and how much cottou s bin sold. Ther said' business would 4 flow w to me." ' Well, I done -it, and busi ness did. flow-' I hired a book-keeper, an called 'him " my, young man.' I opened a bank account ind never didn't .have nethin over. I bought . me some cotton tables and some sec ond haud samples which I hilt sev enteen cents above the market, and talked about 'wai.tin tor an advance.' v I writ to every man I ever heard of on a price current sheet, an ray. young man got a circular "for me. Last, I got a bale o cotton ! ! Some dratted fool sent it down to ..; softer encourage me or to try my sense. L-bad to go and Jobk' at the . darned thing. A Fas man had got it and tuk it to ;to his cotton press fore I got to the levee, and beiu a clever feller had it rolled out for uiy inspection. ' ' " k' Well, Kernel, hit war the biggest bale t. cotton in tha press yard. Looked like the feller had floated it down the river to dodge freight, charges an duty.. Hit was wet, muddy, an what they call coweatin.' Hit weighed 767 pounds ; for 1 weighed it then an thar to kalkilate mv commissions.'' Bein sed. and evi- dently truly that hit must go to the pickery, thar hit went ;! not, howso ever, before, I gethertd a armful! out ot the heart ot it, whar twas drv. Then I hed cotton to sell ! There want a broker in Orleann that, didn't see that cotton. I called it 44 Good Middiin," but eveTy one of em called it 4 dogtail to low ordinary." I did a power o tradin over that sample ! Last- a green spectacle feller, he bought it, an I tole my young man to make the county sale. Ho done it. The bale weighed after pickin, slippin, snalchin or whatever you call it, 249 pounds, an thar was pick er's charges, baggin, rope, patchin, drayage, an. gracious knoWs what mote, mouiitin to $80,75. The conn ty halo brought the owner ot the cotton in debt,' an as 1 don't know hitn from Adam's coon dog, I'm hol- din tlo Wg yu---tfaUiu--:arJtiin.to ?e'nd more cotton," or ' remit,' as they call it. A chap, anoncry cuss, with a white choker, an Tookin like. the head devil of a teniperaneo society, a Yankee chaplain and sutler he come into my office one mornin an sed how he wanted mc to "take his bizness." I cotton, outen the comin crap, an wanted exccptanccs for. six thousand dollars. Cheap enuff! Wallace' folks wouldn't take it, but somebody else on Canal street did, an I gctthe ttllar's bizness, an think it's safe e null. I lind he's wuss en a mustard plaster for ' urawin,' tho. I found how many acre was in that feller's county, and from what cotton he said I'd git, I knew tor reckly what the growin crop woula be. I aint mean about, what I know t-o I told the fellers on Carondelet street, an some of em writ it down and sent it to England to influence JOSH BILLINGS INSURES. HIS LIFE. I kum tew the conclusion lately that life wns so unset tin that thu on ly way for me to stand a chance with othor folks was to' get my life insured; and so I called en the agent of Garden Angel Life Insurance Co., and answered the following ques tions which was put to me orer a pair of goald "specs, by a slick little, fat, old feller, witfr a round grey head: " , i - . ' qCektxons: Are you male ot female ? - If bo prices. I talked big about my "ad- I,ow lono hvo yorf been so? to planters but didn't say Are you subject to fits,- and if so, vanco a word about hit's bein on paper an do )'ou hayo raoro than one" at a no cash out. Oh hit's orful easy to time ? be a commission merchant, ef a fel- What is your precise Cteing ler's just got meat and bread sense ! weight? oome oi mese uusy, eye orowea Dill vou eTCr havo aT.v anCMtorg . old fogies that look so mighty wise. don't pear to notice me; an I have heard some of em talk about mush roons ' an toad-tooh.' That means somethin envious en spiteful, I don't doubt, but I aint payin no tention t em. Thar's one bank that iest loves and if so, how much ? What is youT legal opinion or the . constitutionality of the 10 eommaud menu? Do you ever bare enBy nitewaxc? .Are you married and live single, to lend money to commission mer- or aro J?u"a bachelor ? chants." Hit's given me nufTto run Do you believe in a further state? me an my young man six month, If you do state it, which may be long nutT. . I'm ready What aro your private sentiments to swar thar amtnotbln like the com- about a rush of rats to the bead- mission business for bein easy and can be aid successfully? ' clrt23p,"TKKcTXlL8 lunnin a newspa- TT . tt, , squared round to see how clean a thing ho was offerin me. Sed how he had left the pullpit as onworthy his high order of talent, and hed bought a stock of goods from Wal lace & Co., an they wouldn't ship ein without cash or an exceptame. He wanted to control cotton and other projuce, an hed an unbounded influence in his 'section.' Sed whar he kep store there -w as pine trees tell yon couldn't repose, and the gophers and tarrapins was so thick that wag- ins goin long the road killed millions ot em; The pine tfeermade tar, pitch and turkentime, an the gophers and tar rapins was what they made turkle soup but of at ' the restaurant an fancy hotels in Orleans. Sed they per which I aint tried. Ef that gopher man with . tho white choker dont come up to front an center gin the time the time the paper's due, I'm gone up a spout, shore ; broke, ruined, an made an assignation. Then I'm goin to turn liquorary an start a pa er. If I do, kernel, I'll giro you a sea son ticket to the ' circus. Come an . . . . . . and if so, bow doe it seem" to effect you ? . ' . Did yu ever hare the mcezless, if so.' how many ? 'After answering the aboVa ques tions like a man, on the conflroiaV tivc. the slick, little, fat old feller, '; with goald sjiecs on, ced i wus in sured for life, and would probably remain so' far n tirn nf vr.irs T see me. My oflicc is 793 Carondelet Li i V v'm i r J. . thanked urn and smiled one of my. sticri, up sinus. iuus gu uu t see what's gold an cotton. " an most pensive smiles. Mark That. Out Weft, a small lo Prevent Miss FKOit Nawin boy. one cold day, was assisting bis Your Tiiings. The best anecdote father to mark sheep with a pwnt against the Kanavcrous propensities brush.- I - of. raise is not to keep raise at all, The father would catch a sheep' but it you must keep any as will and 8ay t(tbo boy .. naw. But if they will naw, don't 'Mark that.' ' ". keep anything they kan naw. You Aftcr the job.was done he started, might keep such things in your house for home, which was some distance without danger from them, as raus ofr and was overtaken by a minister tard, horse-reddish,-pepper, pickels, on horseback, who, seeing the. boy nails, grind-stones and sucbjlike was barefooted, invited him to rid things. By observin the whole rule hotnfl W?m I you'll git entirely rid of them. iraiiThuii. wnir hn rnm i rn m HI n l t n I - ' , ,....',. bass in vour house, but if they will 8000 pounas, ana mat ireeKentiv . , - , , . , . , . ! stay in your bouse, dont keep any til m.M V ww J t. m m-r m m vvvmv j WW move era. Sed he hed a government contract for carry in the mail an movin the gophers outen the country, and1 Or leans was the market for the meat of the gopher.' Sed he had an intinst to move em, and whar he agreed to guarantee agin the army worm, boll worm, ran heavy rains in pickin sea son, an would control 1729 . bales of honse, go to a hotel. But if you will keep a house, don't keep any beds;-sleep on the floor, make a sir kle of tar around you, and you aie safe from'theif' bite, . " . After the !ad was seated, be began to catechise him thus: 4 My lad, do you attend Sabbath school?' . 'No,' was the reply. 'V You should attend Sabbath school, mark that. All good chil dren attend both cnurch and Sabbath school, mark that.' . Many other good things the min The following is Aunt Betsey's de ister told the boy, always ending ; in every plantation whar hp agreed scription of her' milkman : ' He is with the order to c mark that,' when the meanest man in the world. He at last the boy shouted out: skims his milk on tht top, and then ' Mister,-don't tell me any "xaor-.- ho turns it over and skims tht hots for I've got your back all marked t . torn." ever now, and it looks like thunder.' .
Ku Klux Kaleidoscope (Goldsboro, N.C.)
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July 10, 1869, edition 1
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