Newspapers / Ku Klux Kaleidoscope (Goldsboro, … / Aug. 7, 1869, edition 1 / Page 1
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fi&XMSL IK AILM D.dMPIE VOLUME L GOLDSBORO', X. C, SATURDAY, AUG. 7, 1869. NUMBER 50. IGDCLD Js issued evert Saturday t' from Maj News Office hy 1 J, B Wliilaleiv Jr., ; EDITOR & PROPRIETOR. TfiRM$ OF SUBSCRIPT IOJY CASH IX ADVANCE : . One Year, ' $1 50. . I Six Months, ' . 1,00. Three Months, . ' ? ,50. Single copies", r ,05. RATES OF ADVERTISING : One square, first insertion. ' 'SI: 00. each subsequent insertion, 50. 3,00. (4 ( .4 one month, two month, three six " twelve Tvo -squares, one month. tivu . months, three . ' ; six " . ttvelve" Half col una n, 'one month. two months, three it t . C( (( SIX it twelve 44 5.00. 7.50. 12.50. 20,00: y oo. 12.50. 20.00. 35,00. 8,00.' 15.00. 20,00. 35,00. 60,00. Lob ger an vartisements it contract rates Liberal deductions made to regular patrons. "THE LITTLE -MISSOURIAN" DEVOTED 10 TE.MPERAXCE AND. NONSENSE. It HEAT IT HOT, SAM. I One evening a horseman drew up to a tavern, kept dy a militia colonel, and asked if he could be accommo I dated for the night. . A lr.ilf-gBuwn lad answered in the affirmative, and ushered him into the sittin-iTuom, where the great wood fire of-itself gave him welcome. After supper the landlord made his appearance for the first time. He was hearty and hale, and rosy as any Boniface need lo he, but he was bent and crippled in his gait. He explained by sayiug tfiat he had taken cold, which had settled in his back. V I dou't mind the pain so. mneb," he continued, ' but it's inconvenient. I have been recommended to try a poor man's plaster, and if you will excuse me, I'll have it pnt on. Sam ! Samuel ! Samuel Atcllaiten I" 'Here lather," said the young nopeiui, nasiuy ieiiowing a nuge piece of mince-pie, which he had been enjoying. "Here Sam, ; my boy, heat this plaster for me and put it on my back. Heat it hot, Sata." " Saying which, he handed the. plas ter to his son, and seating himself a stride the chair with his back to the fire, threw, bis suspenders back and his shirt over his head. 'N.i.v Sam," tfaid the colonel, "if the. poor man's planter is hot enough, ycu may put It o kt ynu may wait a little while; I am afraid it is ich, rare and racy ; and vrarrantel to u - tt , i , , 4. not hot enough, Heat it not, bam, pleasd evcrbodv. Circulation larger i ,- n 1 ' ' n any other paper ; published in Mo,r- heat it hot. Gap you tell' lurn- than Issued every other Thursday at 50 cts a year ; six months 25 cts ; specimens 5 cts none Iree. A copy of the "Money ' Maker's Method" given to all yeaily sub" (. scribers. Ad?extisements 5 cts per line. 1 Book publishers! can pay for advertising in i the book advertised by sendirg us a copy, i postpaid. - No other terms. '.' dS.- Address John N. HuTcnisosubV, ; ; July 10, 1G St.:, Otterville, Mo. vpHE CALOGRAM. Baltimore Md. A Monthly Recorder of -Literature Devoted to Literary Affairs, -Typography, Arts, Science, News, Poetry, and Adver tising. A sketch of foreign life publish ed every, month. Editorials. Price One Dollar a Year. A box of Goodsneed's. Ajroiaen mountain rens, sent to every cash suDscnber lor,loo9. three pens write sixty fines with one dip of ink. SAM PLE COPIES 12 CENTS Pre-paid. E. S. RILEY, Jr., Publisher, May 22, 9-3m. 40 S. Charles St. FIRE ARMS. 8Idbr the Trade Generally. A Liberal Discbunt to Dealers. 300,000 furmished U. 8. rtrni"t"t ins to the traveller "who was eeated in the corner why this is called a poor man's piaster, sometimes, the poor man's friend?" "Because it stickcth closer than a brother." Poor Sara, who had been. watching his chance to speak w ithout inter rupting his father, now said : 1 guess it 6 hot enough now, fath- er." What do you know about it?" said the old man testily. "I say heat it hot, Sam, heat it hot." dam, whose lace was iieatea to a red heat, had held the plaster till it had run down on the hearth, but made no reply. v Sam wanned the plaster, ap proached him, and clapped it on. The Id. man gave one yell, like a wild Indian, and jumped clear over the back of his chair, kicking his old fashioned breeches off his feet, and dancing with pain. The traveler laugh till he cried, and the more mine host roared; the more he laughed. When the first agony was over the colonel began to swear, and ARMY, NAVY, BELT, POLICE and POCKET Revolvers; Repeating and Vest Pocket Pistols and Rifle Canes, using Metallic Cartridge. Breechloading and Revolving Rifles. ' , 1 E. REMINGTON & SONS. 85t Hion, N. Y. Steel Engravings. "OEATJTIFUL STHEL ENGRAVINGS J-' suitable for painting, can . b pur chased at low prices at the store of J.HENRY BAKEJ April 2, 5-tf; Under Nkws Office. vui uaivici vuuuguu iu nwuiu wc JltJfre What prudent to retire, lest he should share his wrath with Sam, who, he observed, was getting out of the way. SAYINGS OF JOSH BILLINGS. If you want tew bny repentance at the highest market price,' invest in lite boots. , . I had rather be a receiver of stolen goods than the lieeper of other folk's stkrets; ; . I never knew a very handsome wo man incased in the ' woman's rites" tiness ; they can play the cards they already play tew better advan tage. 1 ' - True happiness seems tew consist in bein filled with wants nd pash :ons, and keeping the wants and pash ions on a milk diet.' Instinct tells the animals how to supply their wants, and that is all rcas m Kan do for us hu mans. I When day breaks the assets are al- ( m ways light. It is a kurious fakt that with a "vorld of pleasure, our prin :ipal en joyinc nt is in hope. There is wun mortification (that I can remember now) in bem rich, and tnnt iz yu are flattered before your fac,e ynd abused behind it. . I am loudly in favor ov new things,' but I ani opposed tu enny man, even one ov our colored associates, thinking he has discovered a new truth jist be cause he haz, for the'first time in his life, stumbled oi.tu an old wun. I should be ashamed ov rayself to say a harsh word against the ncble animal the hoss ; but I haven't been The Last Chicken Gone: When aole trw sectria't it rite lew let the the Conference assembled in Hills- best biced of manViud run out jist for boro, some years since, on the last the sake of gittih a hoss that can trot day of the session, a lad whose fath- in 2.16. . cr had entertained some -half dozen .1 have noticed that those'nersons preachers, entered the room where! who have the keenest sensi of misery the ministers were seatd, in a tern-1 have also the brightest visions of joy, ble state of excitement. I but there iz sum folks whom rnolas- What ik the matter Isaac?" asked I ses kandy won't make happy nor even . . i . . one. "yon seem excited." I muskeeters worry. "Excited! I ain't excited; I'm It iz astonishing how very small mad all over.', I tht ware their pantalunet in Broad- "What are you mad about, Isaac?! way ; but I notice the pantalunts are Don t you know if is wrong to suffer plenty big enuf for the legs. yourself to become angered ?M I Whe I see an old raiser in the midst "Wrong or not wrong, it's enough bf his vealth, I konsider him just to make anybody mad but a preach! about as happy as a fly who has fell er. Here's every chicken on the into a quart bowl ov molasses'and kant . It. 1 piace eat up except tno oia rooster; gu out. ,. J j.,, - A tavern keeper m a town of Wis gumpc oi you zenows ann sung out, . . w , , f. S ' . , ' consin employed a German black- , , , ' A - v smith to do a certain job of work, lL I for whio i he paid the cash at once. The following rich scene is said to Afterward a neighbor got a similar have occurred in one of our couits? of job done on credit for a ltsa'price. justice, between the judge and a Upon being asked the' reason, the Dutch witneps all the way from Rot- blacksmith replied: "Yoa ree, I've terdam. iic " What's your na- zo much charge on my boolc, and I live language l" f ifnea l pe zoractimcs lose 'em ; and zo Ten I no native, rise CURIOUS MEDLEY. I3y the lake where drooped the wil low, Row. vassals, row ; I wint to be .an' angel, . And jump Jim Crow. An old crow sat oh a hickfy limb. XT' ' , ... . . nunc Knew mm out, to piaise; Let me kiss him for his mother, r or he smells of Schweitzer chase.' The minstrel to. ths war has gone, u iin nis oanjo on ins knee; II awoke to hear the shriek,. lhere s a liht m the wiuuow for thee. A frog he would a wooing go His hair was curled to kill ; He used to wear an old gray coat; And the sword of Bunker Hill. Oft in the stilly night, Make way for liberty ! he cried ; 1 won't go home till morninj; . With Peggy by my side. I am dying, Eybti dying, ; fSusannah don't you cry ; Know how sublime a thins it is To brush awiy tho blue-tailed fly. The boy stood on the burning deck. With his baggage checked forTroy; une oi the low immortal names, ' His name was Pat Malloy. Mary had a little lamb. He could a tale unfold ; He had no teeth to cat a hoe-cake As his spectacles were gold. Lay on, lay on, MackdufF . .wan wanis uut little hro bolow And Pro to bo queen of May, -Kti.kissip quick and co. . . a uootenman. Lave a rood cash customer I sharro o . . a - is your motner I trood once but ven I nnt it on ct " " I m - w he handed the colonel five dollars, saying, with a twinkle in his eye : "I don't want auy change. It ra8 cheap at that." After he was seated fairly on his horse, out of range, he called back : " Heat it hot, Sam heat it hot.! tongue I W tint s s Moder ? O, (books I do, not like to sharge so fader say she pe all tongue." Judge, I much zo if I never gsta 'em I no (in an irritable tone .) V hat Ian-1 lose zo much." guage did you first learn ? What langua'gedid you speak inthe cradle?" JFiiness " I did not speak no lan guage in te cradle at all ; I only cried in Dootch Table of Contents. The dinner- table.' An Exalted destiny. Born to be hangtd. A Willing Prisoner. cd in slumber.' -A man lock- A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the jhoutb'.
Ku Klux Kaleidoscope (Goldsboro, N.C.)
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Aug. 7, 1869, edition 1
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