l‘\
THENEWS-JOliRNAL
Racfnrd, N.C.
June 12,1996
Foster parents love tough job
l'> Jen Osbom
C'taff writer
Dale Pate said her husband’s co-
\.orkers often tease him about his
, laotic household.
‘Do \ou know how many kids are
a' your table tonight?" she said the
en often ask.
Though the Pates know notevery-
)dy understands their drive to be
'ster parents or where they find the
nergy. they themselves understand
'e need for the services they offer.
For the past two years, they’ve
■pened their home as a temporary
topping place to countle.ss children
hose ages range Irom 2 days to 16
'ars old.
Another Moke County couple,
arrie Singletary and her husband
■icy, have had about 35 foster chil
dren in their house since 1^71 when
they moved to North (’arolina from
ww 'I'ork.
Fiom that time on. my house has
ot been empty," Singletary said.
Helping childien. loving them and
'['aching them has become one of her
Mieatestjoysin her life. Many come to
her w ith a variety of emotional prob-
■ ms thev took on their own troubled
ouseholds, she said.
“They hav e their own set of prob-
•ms," Singletary said. “They’re all
litterent. But most kids these days go
hiough the same things. They have
'ood days and bad days just like you
nd 1.1 can understand that."
Know ing she can help them over-
.ome the troubles they face, makes
being a foster parent worth all the
work and headaches, she said. She
"as to work fast, because sometimes
he has only a few days to make an
impact on a child's life. Then he’s
•tone as quickly as he came, leaving
the foster family to pick up the pieces.
’ etting go
“When! get to the point I don't cry
hen a foster child leaves, I have to
top." Pate said. “It's hard not to love
hat child to a deepness that you can’t
ry. I become their mother. My hus-
i'and becomes their father.’’
Pate explained that although she’s
•Iways been confident in the court’s
iecision to send a child back to his
larents, it was difficult watching the
I ids leave at the beginning.
“Seeing them come and go...We
earn to cope by saying. ‘This is a
topping point and we’re here toshow
hem there is love,'" Pate said.
Maybe it's easier because it seems
he kids are never really gone.
“F ve been very blessed,’’ Pate said.
Every child!'ve had. when that child
eturns home his parents say they can
ontact me. And they do. I get letters,
ohone calls. I see them on the streets,
't’s not like they've left but they’re
nst away for a while."
Hike Pate, Singletary is grateful
he foster children in her care have
’cen given the go-ahead by their par-
■nts to visit often. Many, she .said, are
dill part of her life. Two are grown
vvithchildrenoftheirown. Singletary
■aid she sees them every day when
•he helps babysit their kids. One fos-
er child ev en calls constantly for ad-
i‘e or just to chat.
“She calls me if her kid gets a
hump on her." Singletary said. “They
never do anything until they call me.”
Having a good relationship with
the children and letting them know
die door is always open has helped
make the transition easier, Singletary
said.
“I don’t think any have left and
said, ‘I’m never going back there —
even to visit,”’ Singletary said. “They
all come back to see me.”
take in a foster chi Id, Pate says she sits
down with her family, they ask ques
tions of one another and of social
services, and decide if they can take
on another household member.
Mostly, she said, her kids realize that
Difficult but
rewarding
Foster care isn’t always about
smiles, hugs or tears of joy. Often,
children in need of foster care have
serious problems, have been abused
and no longer have trust for others
outside their own world. And foster
parents are usually the ones expected
to work miracles in the short time —
sometimes as little as a couple of days
— that the child is in their home.
Though they might seem rare, those
miracles do come.
Pate said one of many rewarding
experiences she’s had as a foster par
ent came when she had a 3-year-old
boy who wouldn’t speak and was
withdrawn. Pate said she made up her
mind that she wouldn’t pressure him,
she would let him speak in his own
time.
“When he wanted something he
would just point,” Pate explained.
In a few days, she became accus
tomed to his silence and was sur
prised to hear him speak to her in the
quiet kitchen on a Sunday morning.
‘“Momma, 1 want juice.’ Those
were his first words. I was so ex
cited,” she said, explaining that she
finds foster care one of the most re
warding experiences she’s encoun
tered.
Sibling rivalry
Before taking another child into
their home, many foster parents
struggle with questions of how to
make ends meet with only a $250 a
month supplement, how to deal with
school problems and homework, what
correct disciplinary measures should
be taken, or what sleeping arrange
ments should be made. But one of the
biggest considerations is how their
biological children will react to an
other child in need of constant atten
tion.
Yet Singletary and Pate both say
their own children have been happy to
have new friends and family mem
bers.
“They (my kids)love it,”Singletary
said. “Sometimes they say I give too
much. Sometimes they say I’m too
lenient. But 1 just tell them, ‘I know
you know better because 1 taught you.
But some of these kids don’t know
because nobody taught them.’”
The children, too, see the need for
foster care. When they are asked to
these children need help and are ex
cited to welcome new people.
“Their highlight is to see a foster
child coming through the dcxrr," she
said. “They get to learn their differ
ences and coping the different needs
the children have."
Getting involved
The Pates and the Singletarvs are
child’s) sake.”
For women like Singletary, who
has contributed so much that she was
recognized for her foster parenting
efforts in 1991 by Gov. Jim Martin,
the work can be a godsend.
“I think if I didn’t have these chil
dren I don’t know if I could even
walk,” Singletary said. “They keep
me moving. They keep my brain
stimulated. They keep me going.”
Necessary help
Though abuse is often thought of
as the reason a child is taken from his
home. Moss said it’s not alwavs the
case. In fact, in the past tew vears.
Moss said there’s been an increase in
substance abuse among parents
addictions that strip all attention and
financies away from anv childien in
the house.
“Most of the recent cases we've
seen that as a major probkm that
leads to neglect," Moss .said
A lack of resources in Hoke
County, such as low-cost housing or
high wage jobs, also can put p.irents
into a position ot not being able In
takecareot theirownchildien Snthe
courts, not .social serv ices, m.iki .i
decision based on all availalde tvi
dence to pull a chiKI tiom oi letuin a
child back to his home
Betore that can hapivn. ( lomaila
said the parents must pnw e di.il w li.n
ever problems caused tlie lenun d ol
the child trom the hiinie h.oe l\iii
“When I get to the point I don ’/ cr\ when a fo\icr
child leaves, I have to stop. It's hard not to love that
child to a deepness that you can’t cry I hveonw thi’n
mother. My husband becomes their father. "
Dale rate
twoof only about eight foster famil ies
in Hoke Countv. According to the
Department of Social Services that
coordinates the local foster care pro
gram, more foster parents are desper
ately needed.
Single people or couples within
the 21 to 65 age range are eligible to
provide foster care and must go
through a process of speaking with
social workers, having home visits
and inspections, filling oij question
naires, submitting to a mif'dical exam
and being finger-printed'for a crimi
nal history chgpk. All of this is done,
explained Susan Moss of the Hoke
County Department of Social Ser
vices, to ensure the .safety of the foster
children involved.
“We must feel they (foster par
ents) are able to cope with the mul
tiple problems these children have."
Moss said.
Once logistics are out of the way.
the hard part — child placement —
comes. It’s not always easy. Alter
becoming attached to a child and be
ing a major part of his world for a few
days, a few weeks or a few months,
it’s time to move on.
“We definitely ask a lot of foster
parents to take children in, love them
and then give them up,” Moss said.
As many foster parents confess,
it’s a job that tugs at the heartstrings
and makes them want to contribute
more.
“It’s very rewarding,” Cromartie
said. “According to my foster par
ents, they wouldn’t do anything else.
Sure you get attached but they know
they’re doing good for their (the
FIVE THINGS TD CONSIDER WHEN
CHOOSING A FAMILY DOCTOR
I ;. I' * \ inlit 111 \\ I'l ll ll'H k St ill
■VI l)l Vhl.l IXvsf ll.lll
I'evv cleci.si()n.s arc mior' imi'Kiruiiii than
sclevting a phvsitian for uiiir laniilv
'llieiv are several t|uesli( las v ou should
ask Ix'fore making this nujor derision.
Is tlie physician convenient to
where you live and work?
Centrally located in Kaeford, the .Mixiie
llegional I'ainily (iiiv (Yntei'is a .shon
drive for rcvsideiUs of I loke (iouniy. ked
Springs. Wagrani and southern
(iumlx'iland County.
Does tlie dcKtor have the proper
expertise and experience?
Our physicians and physician assistant
.s[xvialize in family medicine, including
care for childien. Ilieir nx'clical training
has Ixx'n scvrsoix'd by yc-ars of taating till
■soils of pnibleius.
Are appoinunents available
when you need them?
because we're oix-n 8 am - 6 pm .Mon
cLiv tlirougli I'ricl.iy aixl 8 am until ikxhi
I 111 s.ituaLivs .ipixiininK'iiis t.in Iv schcvl
ulcxl aniund work and family aciiv ities.
Does live physician participate
in your healtli plan?
We accept just .ilxiut eveiy iy[X‘ of health
insur.mce (.IIV.MI’I S Mulu iie
VIeclic.iici blue ( loss, I'loudi iil iir*
I letilthsouae. I'le.ise i .ill il Voui pi in
isn't listc-cl.
What link docs die dcKlor
liave to specialized care?
It the skills of a s|X'cialisi i ii liospil.il .m
n.-(|uiiecl, our physkims can lelei
[Xitienks to .Vkxiiv Regional I lospit.il In
addition, PinehuN physicians in genei il
surgeiy, urology and Ix’havioial iiiedi
cine keep rngular oliice hours .it the
I'amily Caie (enter in Raeforcl.
Call 875-3606 for appointments
(.iimrniptitlv lix'atal at 1 KiCiimpiis Vm-iiih'
MOORE REGIONAL
^ FamilviCafe
Phcilii 8v Jen Oshiwn
Conference player
Horn Hiqbs softball coach Tracie Taylor presents a plaque to
(ateb-er Shannon Maxwell who was chosen AAAA Conference
Player of the Year This season Maxwell had 86 strike outs and a
437 t','tt'''g .iverage on Hoke High's fast pitch softball team
lloiiiehouiid menu set
taken c.ire ot. th.it ihi" •> i l
sourceofinci'mc.indtfi It pr.'!•
sding has hocn sought
I ntil the c.isc c.m ti li’Oi '
the luster [Mtenlv .uivi i ii .
also follow ,t pi,in .ind a imr
Always.Crom.iiiiesjiil tin v • '
return the child I'.st. i n. i n.,
environment .ind wiisiv m,,.
V isits to blulogu.il p.ileu' 1 . . A
“It wi'uld re,illv N c'l • ,t v‘,
didn't h.ive anv chiidu ' ,'1 • •• •
care. ” Miisssjui I h«» iei,i . ,
lx Withtheu ovv r f.inu . B
limes that's )usi isii fc' s ’ ;.
It blUlOglcll IslIcnN d.‘l I I, , ,
stability or rs' kiiigi I n..ik.c .ou ti i ■
getbaek IhtiTchild .diet iK . it ■ , ,•
parental rights c jii tx i.ikcn .1A 1. , .■
the child pul up i,'r aJ -pii •■;
"Nine links i.ut ut in uu i
parents are going !•■ wan; i,. i,|. .pi 'ui
child ll they ve h.iil 8in> , v., ,
Cromartie said
“ I here's a ri.il lie lul n •
Ihatdireciioiitot|i>siei p.iicui' \1.'-
added.
Moss and ( >■ iii iiiic ig'n.'. d.
not everybody is cut •■u' t"' * •■■u r
parenting. IVuph svho.ui l. iui. ui.'
in need ot companionsiiq , i "• .
who think they 'll make ,i It w i ka'
by taking in six'iety's utiw.uiii ,1 nil
dren are simply tooling ihctnsi u ■
“You have to have love I'liun ,
and most ot all you h.ivt to lii.
Christ in your lite to dc.il .viiii the ■
kids,” Singletary said ' Ihenvmu ■
probably make it No pioblem
k!, i.us its.- i.:,k't ’(dulls nuio-
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hut ecr Hun
HUckeV'dd Peas
( I'lrslavs
Purple Plums
Mills
rhurvday, June 26
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Sliced Fl- 'd Ham
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tl M t I'liniv s Nails M/.-.iiicn.iis I tuvhl ,dtrr gtadiialioii .Senuits and
i X jMiinit lit. 1 li'v sii kiicl'■: J M onii It-it gocsts danerd, pl.ivcd games
u cM Itetuftmcni. Ka/ Aults hid -iihI vs,itched niostes Itom 11 p m to
I X L'ti I I omniums aiioiis SN'tlSlup '•am Otgani/ets ck'c Lired Ihc event
*1 ! 1 •slMari Itjiiichl won.Hokr held lot the first lime in sescral
I ' !inis I Mensioii I lomemakcrs, years * success
R A E F 0 R D
Melvin L. Henderson, M.D., P.A.
and
Birth And Women's Care
are pleased to announce
the association of
Andre E Hall, M.D.
Specializing In Routine And
Complicated Obstetrics,
Infertility And Female Surgery.
Accepting New Patients
On July 15,1996 at
(910) 875>9700
The Time Has (kmie...
.. .to send for the latest copy of the free Consumer
Information Catalog. It lists more than 200 free or
low-cost government publications. Send your name
and address to:
Consumer Information Center
Department TH, Pueblo, Colorado 81009