North Carolina Newspapers

Page Two ¥Mi dAEOLiifA vm6i{ fAsit£& i^liursday, June 13, 1912. Humorous “A cattle thief does no more than the ordinary, careful business man." "What do you mean?” “He simply devotes himself to tak ing stock." * * * "I can’t tell you how sorry I was to hear of ^your husband s death, Mrs. Nurich.* It is too bad that he had to go that way.” "Yes; I j-just can’t get over it. If it had only been appendicitis or something fashionable; but plain conjunction of the brain! It makes me feel so bad on the children’s ac count.” * * * "Do you know of any good remedy for a deadlock?” "I should suggest a key to the sit uation.”—Baltimore American. * ♦ ♦ Teacher: "Willie, did your father cane you for what you did in school yesterday?” Willie: "No, ma’am; he said the licking would hurt him more than me.” Teacher: "What rot; your father is too sympathetic.” Willie: “No, ma’am, but he’s got rheumatism in both arms.” « * * * "Young man, how do you expect to marry my daughter if you are in debt?” "Well, sir, in my opinion, it’s the only square thing to do. The longer I am engaged to her the worse off I will be.” * * * Don’t Let Them Run Away. When you’re on the wagon and it’s runnin’ time o’ day. Whip up the bosses, but don’t let ’em run away! That’s the word to say: "Don’t let ’em run away!” But keep ’em all a-goin’ when it’s runnin’ time o’ day! ^ S'll ' A .'I 'ir*! ■ When you hike for glory and the band begins to play. Whistle to the bosses, but don’t let them ’em run away! That’s the word to say. Winter time or May: “Whistle to the bosses, but don’t let ’em run away!” —Selected. * * * A little girl was having her first ride on a big steamboat, crossing the Atlantic. The captain was ex plaining numerous things to her, among them his telescope. "Now, what would you like to see through it?” he asked pleasantly. "I’d like to see the equator.” The captain pulled a hair from his head and holding it before the tele scope bade the little girl look. "Do you see it?” "Oh, yes,” she said, "and there’s a camel walking across it.” • « • He Got a Pardon. A bachelor member of Congress, who is not as handsome as Apollo, dropped into Clerk McDowell’s office the other day to seek sympathy be cause the lady on whom he had look ed with favor was about to marry another man, says the Washington Post. "This reminds me,” said Mr. Mc Dowell, "of the incident which hap pened when Governor Dick Oglesby went down to Joliet to inspect the State Prison. In one of the cells was a very ugly man. "What are you In for?” asked Oglesby. "Abduction,” was the reply, tried to run off with a girl and they caught me.” "I’ll pardon you as soon as I get jack to Springfield,” said the Gover nor. "I don’t see how you could ex pect to get a wife any other way.” The homely bachelor Congressman ^aughed loudly. Then as the appli cation of the story dawned upon him, ;he smile faded from his face and he walked out of McDowell’s office with out saying a word. « * * An old colored man, having decid ed that he did not like the way things were run at his house, came in and said to his wife: "Mandy, I’se jest goin’ to take nhings in hand. I’se de ingine dat runs dis place.” And Mandy said: “I’ll gib yo’ to understand, nigger, dat I’se de boiler at runs de ingine and you’d bettah watch out or der’ll be a ’splosion. Does yo’ here de steam escapin’?” IK * * Not Easily Stumped. When the Reverend John McNeil was holding revival services at Car diff, a young man one night, think ing to perplex the preacher, sent up a note up to the platform with the request that the following question might be publicly answered: “Dear Mr. McNeill:—If you are seeking to enlighten young men kind- y tell me who was Cain’s wife.” Mr. ^cNeill read the note, and then, amid breathless silence, said: "I love young men—inquirers for truth especially—and should like to give this young man a word of ad vice. It is this: Don’t lose your soul’s salvation looking after other people’s wives.”—Exchange. « iK * A Scotchman at the dentist’s was told that he must take gas. While the dentist was getting it ready the Scot began to count his money. The dentist said, somewhat testily: "You need not pay until the tooth is out.” "I ken that,” said the Scotchman, "but as ye’re aboot to make me sleep I jist want to see hoo I stand.” « * * A London periodical offered a prize for the best collection of uninten tionally amusing advertisements. Here is a part of one list: “Annual sale now going on. Don’t go elsewhere to be cheated; come in here.” "Wanted, a room for two gentle men about thirty feet long and twen ty feet broad.” « * * A very absent-minded professor was busily engaged in solving a sci entific problem when the nurse has tily opened the library door and an nounced a great family event. "The little stranger has arrived. Professor.” "Eh?” said the professor. "It is a little boy,” said the nurse. “Little boy, little boy,” mused the professor. “Well, ask him what he wants.” * A. & M. COLLEGE CATALOGUE. The annual catalogue of the North Carolina College of Agriculture and Mechanic Arts, at Raleigh, has been received. It shows an enrollment for the year of 619 students, divided as follows: Agricultural, 293; Me chanical Engineering, 106; Electri cal Engineering, 90; Civil Engineer ing, 77; Chemical, 27; and Textile 26. Persons interested in technica education will do well to read the catalogue of this growing institu tion. Address, THE REGISTRAR, West Raleigh, N. C. Religion is not a strange or added things but the inspiration of the secu lar life, the breathing of an Interna spirit through the temporal world.— Henry Drummond. ELON COLLEGE FINALS. The largest and best commence ment of her twenty-two was that which Elon College has just closed. Svery exercise was thronged and ev ery participant refiected credit upon the institution and himself. The graduating class was the larg est in Elon’s history. Thirty-eight received degrees, diplomas, or cer tificates. The degree of Doctor of Divinity was conferred upon Rev. N. G. Newman, Holland, Va.; Rev. E. A. Watkins, Le Grande, Iowa; and Rev. G. C. Enders, Defiance, Ohio. Mr. John Lee Johnson, Cardenas, won the Long Scholarship Medal; Mr. J. A. Dickey, Jr., Haw River, the Stanford Orator’s; Mr. Elmer L. Daughtry, Franklin, Va., the Morrow Thesis; Miss Lois Baird Davidson, Gibsonville, the Moffit Essayist’s; Miss Eva Christman, Burlington, the General Scholarship, which is given by General Julian S. Carr; and Miss Myrtie Lawrence, Seagrove, the Alumni Scholarship free tuition. The Baccalaureate Sermon was de- ivered by Rev. J. F. Burnett, Day- ton, Ohio. The President of the College gave the Baccalaureate Ad dress from the theme. Life’s Basic •Principles. Former Governor R. B. Glenn de- ivered the Literary Address and was at his best. His theme was. How to Make Life Count, and he discussed this great theme from the standpoint of Obedience, Industry, Patriotism, and Religious Belief. It was a great effort and an oration of masterly elo quence. So long as such men as Glenn govern the State and live to nfiuence its citizens, the State’s youth will be safe. Mr. Deroy Ransom Fonville, of the Charlotte bar, delivered the Alumni Oration from the subject. Civic War, and outlined with thrilling eloquence the vital problems that confront the American people to-day and suggest ed the remedies for these evils. It was a great theme and was handled in a great way. The year just closed saw 268 stu dents enrolled from twelve States and two nations. During the year there was no sickness to amount to anything, and for many years there has not been a death among the stu dent body. The year just closed was famous also for its financial matters, $50,- 000 having been raised for the West Dormitory and Power Station and more than $5,000 for minor improve ments. Next year will see the finest gymnasium in the State erected here. Plans are now being drawn for it. MONEY FOR SPECIAL EXHIBIT. The State Board of Agriculture in session here this week settled upon an agreement relative to the elimina tion of duplicative work in experi ments and demonstrations between the Department of Agriculture and the trustees of the A. & M. College. The definite agreement settled on is that Dr. B. W. Kilgore, State Chemist, is to have in charge the di rection of the experimental and dem onstration work both at the College and for the State Chemist’s Division of the Department of Agriculture. The Board also adopted the budget for the six months, setting aside $98,348 for the expenses of the de partment. In this budget there Is a special appropriation for the exten sion of the test farm work through the cultivation, for test and demon stration purposes, of more land, which is owned by the Board in va rious sections of the State. There Is also included a $400 appropriation for tobacco and corn exhibits at the State Fair and the sum of $500 for a special corn exhibit that shall be pre pared for the State Fair. The spe cial exhibit, with additions, will be taken to the National Corn Show at Columbus, Ohio. VADKIN VALLBV CORN CONTEST. Rules governing the ^^arcRng o a loving cup, presented by Valley Local, No. 536, of the North Carolina Farmers’ Union m a corn growing test: (1) All contestants must be mem beis of Local, No. 536, of the North Carolina Farmers’ Union. (2) Each member must plant acre, or more, if he wishes, in on plot. Q (3) Each member must complete record of the work on i corn, i. e., time and manner of plow ing, seeding, cultivating, an vesting, and also kind and cost oi fertilizers used. (4) Each member must keep an account of the number of loads o manure and dimensions of boay used in hauling. The manure to De thrown in and not packed, the va of manure to be decided later by S® ting the average weight of a cu m loot, and only one-third value of the manure to be charged against (5) The corn must be harvested between the 10th and 20th of No vember. (6) Each member must get tw contestants to measure his acre wit a tape or other measure. (7) Each member must gather, shuck, and pile the corn from his acre separately from other corn, ana this corn to be seen measured by an other contestant. (8) The yield of corn to be deter mined as follows: Each member must use one measure and fill it the same manner each time; three measures of ear corn to be taken a random, shelled and weighed and the average weight of the three multi plied by the number of measures will be the yield. (9) The total cost of producing an acre of corn divided by the num ber of bushels will be the cost per bushel. (10) The member producing his acre at the least cost per bushel is the winner of the cup. (11) Before awarding the cup, the records of each member must be ex amined by a committee of non-con testants. (12 Each winner of the cup keeps it one year, and after one member wins it three times, he keeps the cup for good, and the contest is over. The following estimates will be used in keeping records: $10.00 per acre to be charged for depreciation and taxes, $3.00 per day for a man and two horses with wagan, ploWi ha/row, etc., $1.75 per day for one man with one horse, plow, etc., an $1.00 per day for one man at work. BRUCE ANDERSON, Chairman. W. C. SULLIVAN, H. B. STEELE, Committee. heard it said by some clever If you don’t want to be bald-hea ed, don’t wear your hat in the house. Before he was civilized, a bald-hea ed Indian was unknown. Too indoor work with the head covere will cause almost anybody’s hair fall out. This fact probably accoun ^ for there being more bald-heade^ town and city folks than are among the farmers who get of outdoor exercise and who usua take off their hats to cool and re^^ when they enter the house. We licai U. It oaiu u;f ViftS heads that cheap furniture never marble tops. But thbse who tain the "think tank” covering ^ Nature gave th^m might answer sa argument with the statement jy is a waste of time to cover an emP barn.—Selected. Word comes to Governor as State President of the Amer Red Cross that no more funds ^ , to be sent to the Chinese famia® ferers.