Newspapers / The Caucasian (Clinton, N.C.) / Dec. 7, 1905, edition 1 / Page 1
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N. THE -rvo VOL II. RALEIGH, N. C, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7, 1905. NO. 34 .Raleig "A pFlSCo LETTER FROM BILK1NS. The President's Populistic Message Thrilling Story of Butler's Oil Well Discovery Another Senatorial Candidate. Correspondence of the Enterprise. I see by the papers that Preserdent Roosevelt has issued a regular Popu list message ter Congress. He hez out Populist Bryan an' Jodesevus Daniels both put tergether. Hit iz funny how the Populists do grow. I hev awlways bin a rock ribbed dymakrat, died in the wool an' warranted not ter rip, rave nor run down at the heel, an' am now hold in' several offises issued by my party. But I'll be blamed if I don't feel like a Populist an' ack like one awl the time. Hit iz so fashionable. If the Populist chairman hadn't a-swapped the party off several years ergo f er a little Bryan hot air, I'll be blasted if he wouldn't a had ten millun voters now an' the ballance ov them sayin' "Go hit boots, we don't care if you do." In 1 89(5 we made a trade wi th the Populists. We either bought them or they bought us, an' we run Bryan an' Watson fer Preserdent an' Vice Preserdent that iz, hit wuz Watson in sum deestricks an' Sewell in sum. An' they called Bryan a Populist ever sinse, an' awl the balance ov us the same. Now Roosevelt hez cum out on the Populist platform an' iz howl- in calamity, an' J odeseevus Daniels - an' awl the big fellers air repeetin c-a-l-a-m-i-t-y after him, an' the original Populists air standin' off watchin' the fun. We uster call them anarkists, long-haired cranks, calam ity howlers an' disturbers ov the peece, an' now we air puttin' up a bigger howl than they ever did an' members ov both parties air gilty. I'm a-goin' ter isshue a prockler mashun or message ter Congress my self one ov these days an' blamed if I don't make hit nine-tenths Popu list an' the other tenth Whig. We air into hit an' we mite az well fite hit out on that line. Betsy wuz a-readin' in the paper the other nite erbout ex-Senator But ler a-findin' ov sixteen oil wells out in the Injun Territory. She up an' axed me if I reckoned Mr. Butler wuz. a huntin' fer oil wells, when he found them, an' she awlso wanted ter know how he happened ter find just six teen, no more, no less, an' how hit happened that the Standard Oil Company is payin him 50 cents a gallon fer oil an' selling hit at 15 cents retail. I tole Betsy that this wuz the tenth wonder ov the wurld, the other nine havin' bin discovered a long time ergo. Mr. Butler hez bin git tin' uncomfortably rich fer a long time, ever sinse 1896, in fack, an' he hez ter do sumpthin' ter kill time. He first made a fortune speculatin' in gold mines an' other things. Then he issued a bulletin sayin' jthat he wuz makin' $75,000 a year practisin' law in Washington. Then he made $7,000,000 by takin' a lawsuit for sum Injuns out West. So he wuz jist amusnr himself when he found six teen oil wells. When he started ter the Injun Territory he wuz Unde cided what he would find. At first he thought he would buy sixteen 20, 000-acre farms in the West, but he didn't fancy farmin'. Then he thought he would discover sixteen cheese mines an' isshue a 'bulletin tellin' that he wuz diggin' out forty car-loads ov cream cheese daily. But that didn't sound rechershee. Then he figgered on findin' sixteen silver mines an' one gold mine awl in a bunch that would spout up the stuff awlready coined at the rate ov a mil lun a day. But that might put the government out ov business. So he took another nap an' located sixteen oil wells jist ter spite ole John Rockefeller. Now Mr. Butler says that the Standard Oil Company he built two pipe lines ter hiz oil wells an' iz buildin' another an' takin' the stuff erway at 50 cents a gallon. They must adulterate the oil a lot or they couldn't sell hit at 15 cents a gal lon. I cum ter a halt an' looked up an' found that Betsy bed bin asleep fer nearly half an hour, which I could tell by the way she snored, an' still she don't know the thrillin' story ov how Butler found the sixteen oil wells. But I am goin' ter git Tom Dixon ter dramytise the hole thing an' put hit on the stage fer the bene fit ov posteriorty. I see that sum new eandydates air bobbin' up fer the IT. S. Senate ter succeed Simmons. I hev got a strong noshun ter cum on t myself. I hev done az much fer the party az most ov them. But the main pint iz, I need the job. Hit will beat farmin' or kepin' store or lawyerin' an' I reckon they iz a gude meny pickins on the side. But hit iz a matter that oughter be wayed carefully an' I will do like the rest ov them consult myself be fore makin' eny announcement. I will awlso examine my perlitical goosebone an' see what hit says. V-;vV Truly,- '. ZETCE BILKTXS. The Witty American. Mr. Chauncey Depew's name as a reconteur is world-wide. Here is one of his stories : "I went into a hotel in Georgia," said Mr. Depew on one occasion, "and said to the clerk, 'Where shall I autograph?' " 'Autograph ?' said the clerk. " 'Yes, sign my name you know.' '"Oh! right here!' "I signed my name in the register. A little while in came some Georgia 'crackers.' One of them advanced to the desk. " 'Will you autograph?' asked the clerk, with a smile. " 'Certainly,' said one Georgia 'cracker," beaming. 'Mine's rye, What's yours, fellows V " A Lincoln Comparison. When Lincoln was practicing at the bar, the opposing lawyer in a certain case had delivered a speech for the prosecution which was con spicuous for its exhibition of the man's conceit. When he was through, Lincoln, who was attorney for the defense, rose slowly to hi? feet, and with that quiet dignity and droll wit for which he was so noted. addressed the court as follows : "Your honor, my colleague, who has just delivered this brilliant ex hibition of oratory, reminds me of a little flat-bottom steamboat that way back in the 50's used to pull up and down the Mississippi. It had a five foot boiler and an eleven-foot whis tle, and every time it whistled it stopped." 1DLEWILD FARMERS' CLUB. (Reported for The Enterprise.) Thanksgiving night a meeting ex traordinary of the club took place. The supper was spread on the floor of I. Hoe's barn loft, and was en tirely an impromptu affair. But the piece de resistance of the evening was the initiation of Assistant Post master Leonard, whose application had been hanging fire for weeks. Af ter asecertaining that he had abolish ed the.use of automobiles in his fami ly and had substitute a steam rock crusher, and was opposed to a dis pensary, and had tendered the ini tiation fee, he was led out into the cow yard, blindfolded and shoeless, and began his weary journey to the Heights of Excellence of which there are about six two-horse loads piled up for ceremonial occasions. After butting against every cow m the yard and being put astride the red bull for a race with Fate, the easy path was spread for him, and after he had walked therein to our satisfaction, it was evident that a barrel of disinfectant was necessary for purification purposes. He was now helped to the Heights of Excellence, being bare-legged, where he was asked to bray like a jackass and crow like a game-cock. Now every beast in the farmer's yard hates a jackass, and recogniz ing the candidate by his voice as a first-class specimen, the goat made a charge on him from the rear, the game-cock from the front attacking his bare legs, the bull dog had to be held back, the cows and the bull rat tled. their chains in frantic endeavor to get at him, the members of the club hooted and yelled and the can didate rolled down into the freshest part of the heap, and swore he'd ask the President to send troops to siuelch a rebellion, for wasn't he a part of the government ? He was then rescued f rom the f racas and, bound with a plow line, led across the farm to his home in Raleigh and turned over to his hired man. What transpired afterward we know not, but it is known that he slept on the seats of a disabled auto, and next morning went to the office resolved on suicide, but after writing his will he reconsidered the matter, saying: "I don't want to spend an eternity in hades with those infernal Idle wild Farmers." I. HOE, Secretary. To show that Idlewild is getting into the tide of prosperity, it is only necessary to state that three new buildings of the better class are now near completion, while four others have been completed - in the past three months, these ranging in cost from $5,000 to $900 each. Anv person having money to in vest in real estate, can scarce find better investment than in both im proved or vacant lots. For further information call on Cant. L. VY. .Smith. A surprise was sprung on our cit izens last Sunday morning in the discovery of a splendid water-power lhat had developed on John Jones Boulevard named in honor of the city tax collector of Raleigh, he being a large property holder in Idlewild and a candidate for re-elec tion. During Saturday night a heavy rainfall had occurred, and as he boulevard is a natural outlet for about all the water on the hill it took that course to reach Potlicker Branch. The water occupied about all the street, and left it in such corrugated shape that it had the ap pearance of a minute mountain range intersected with deep canons. A project is on foot to dam the street in fact, it has been dammed, and that, too, in no uncertain terms, by every teamster that has traversed it in the last six months. Let the good work go on. The next candidate for the honors of membership in the Farmers' Club will be Isaac Seligson, a millionaire merchant of Raleigh, and C P. Snuggs, a contractor, who can con tract anything from a bad cold or bad habit to a palatial residence. Wants a Remedy. One of the best things the next Legislature could do would be to take from : the statute books some of the laws now contained therein. We have many very excellent laws and some very needless ones and the latter should be repealed. It is easy to see that disrepect for one law breeds contempt for all law. There can be little doubt of the fact that we have too many laws and every Legislature naturally increases the number. Of course, new condi tions are constantly arising and these necessitate new laws, but we hope the next Legislature will con fine new laws to the minimum. We also hope tha t the next Legislature will take action to have provision made for the care of all the insane people now in the State, no mat ter how much it costs. This trouble about inadequate space at the State hospitals is constantly arising and we believe the condition complained of should be remedied once for all. Winston Daily Sentinel. Think For Yourself. Havincr the abilitv to think and the moral stamina to stick to one's convictions, regardless of popular ity, are elements of greatness to whirh can be attributed the world's intellectual, political and material progress. It makes us much more tolerant of opponents, more liberal and more conservative. Fanaticism and narrowness produce prejudice and intolerance, and intolerance is close akin to lawlessness. If your neighbor differs from you honestly and intelligently on any subject, you owe it to him to respect his opinions if you are an intelligent gentleman yourself. Comparatively speaking, man's knowledge is, after all, too limited for him to make him self a fool over one little creed or opinion. The more intelligent a man is the less liable he is to show in tolerance towards an opponent. The most highly educated people are. therefore, the most conservative people. Our Home. Lack of Foresight. Ed. M. Westmoreland sees now the great mistake he made in closing out his grocery store. A gentleman arrived at his house last Friday night who could have attended to the store in a few years. Thomas ville News, ..
The Caucasian (Clinton, N.C.)
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Dec. 7, 1905, edition 1
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