Newspapers / The Wallace Enterprise (Wallace, … / Feb. 6, 1936, edition 1 / Page 2
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J Little i -SraUes. WILLING TO BARGAIN ? "Well, I never,” murmured Smith, looking up from his paper. "It says here that a man out West bartered his wife for a cow.” His little wife looked shocked. "You wouldn’t barter me for a cow, would you, Henry darling?” «he purred. He was silent. Then: "Of course not, Henrietta,” he re plied. "But I’d hate to have some one tempt me with a good second hand car.”—Answers Magazine. Not to Bo Forwarded “So far, so good,” said the ex I amlner. "Now, then. In ease of fatal accident, where do you want your body sent?” “Whar do I want de wlch sent, boss?” Inquired the applicant. “Your body—It would have to be shipped somewhere, you know.” The candidate made answer as he edged toward the door. "Ef you don’t mind, mister,” he said, "I’ll take It along wld me now.” And he did. Footing for a “D” *T fooled them at school today,” announced Johnny. "How’s that?” asked dad. “They asked me to give Lincoln’s Gettysburg address, and I said he never lived there.”—Our Paper. SURE SHOT t _ __ft'— j i <■■■ ... -» / nwi J "Do you think women would make good soldiers?" “If they were as persistent In battle as In argument they would Jbte invincible.” \ Where Most of Them dill * "t have come to collect this Mil,” -said the man at the door. “You’ll hare to come back some other time,” sighed the husband. “The pocketbook has gone down Shopping with my wife.” \ Deliberation ' “A man should always think be fore he speaks.” “Yes.” replied Miss Cayenne. “But It’s a mistake to think so long as to create the impression that you are composing Action.” _ • The Missionaries Daughter—I can’t marry him, mother. He’s an atheist and doesn’t believe in hell. Mother—Marry him, my dear, and between 11s we’ll convince him that he Is wrong.—PathAnder Magazine. Permanently Thera Interviewer—Do you believe that the younger generation is on the road to perdition? Octogenarian—Yes, Mr; I’ve be lieved that Pr nigh onto sixty years! —Daughters of America Magazine. Stop and Maybe Go Teacher—Don’t you know that punctuation means a pause? Willie—Yes, teacher. A motorist punctuated a tire in front of our house and paused there a half hour. Doable Truth “Some of you pedestrians walk as If you owned the streets.” “Yes, and some of you motorists drive around just as If you owned your cars.”—Masonic Craftsman. Familiar Air BlAe—Was Mildew right when he told me you bought your car for a song Piffle—Well, not exactly. I did get It In exchange for some notes. FANS KNOW OUR COMIC SECTION » Events in the Lives of Little Men THE FEATHERHEADS .JS.'Ssr^.Good-by il —BUT AS I SAID A vmmile a so, 'a/e really MUST BE <SDIM<S JUST LIKE ONE TIME WHEN—ETC etc ere 'bmmwm— , LA1& / —YES, l KNOW, ftvTl!/3)BAR-VME must mmr BE (JoiNG—AS i ALWAYS SAID ONE. SHOULD NEVER OUTSTAY ONE'S WELCOME,—^ LIKE UNCLt ' PETE DlD-t»r» iever—eto: rmTnTtTttr«/^ir7y STTiUU \wPLL ) j ^ i LA^P- SHOULD BE yJ-I OH, FELIX—VoU 6oiN<S—BUT \ SoT AN UMBRELLA, VJHEN ONE IS \ fbR THE STAYERS? \N SUCH 1 |T ISN'T RAINING PLEASANT—-yl IS IT? j_T I © WMltm Nmpiptr OllN -J OH NO— BUT IT —■ LOOKS AS THOUGH IT MlSHT—BEFORE FINNEY OF THE FORCE Eyes, But See Not —I VJAL- S’LoncS- j§ UU-ETIHS" 0\ SoTtA ^ AMTCn » eiT OUT oM AMTfcU If ^ shtreeT I mm O 'RE'A/ATR'D _ IDNAPPIUG 1 iAJUtil/\AAA« -= - —^ 'TlMSS shure po be quiet •These pays j ^ ■ I I_ &50O REWARD WPNAPPlNG* VA/Mi um. AAAAaa. / aiBi See. th’ \ 4—OKIE VJAV SET ? WAL— k • SEE EE A - I J<SeR 1KX Tbv/Kj—J HURE—O.K.—- ) ► LUCK To WE2 J gg-_ f -Thanks, S C OFFICER \ -.-1->---? BUNKERED His wife bad been away for a week, and he bad been looking after himself. “How did yop manage, yon poor darling?" she asked on her return. “I lived like a fighting-cock 1" boasted her husband. “Bacon and tomatoes for breakfast Steak or chop In the evenings. Oh, I’ve be come an expert cook.” “But, dear, why bacon and to matoes? You know you’ve always liked bacon and eggs.” “Well, I was beat there,” he said, looking a little sheepish. “But tell me^dear, how dd you manage to make eggs stick on the grlller while you cook tttemr*—'Tit-Bits Maga zine. * OFF THE RECORD i * “What are Moggs’ relations with his wife’s people?” “Entirely Imaginary. They don’t recognize him as a relation at all.” Jinks A sly .young curate was seated | at dinner next to a duchess. “I’m sorry," she said to him, “but I didn’t quite catch your name." “Jinks, your grace,” said the cu rate. “Just a little louder, please.” “Jinks, your grace.” “I’m very sorry. Will you say It again?” “Jinks, your gface,” the curate al most shouted. The duchess gave up in despair. “It sounds to me just like ‘Jinks,’ ” she said.—Calendar. Pleasing All “I believe I could be a doctor my self,” said the office boy. “How’d you work it?” inquired the elevator mhn. “If a man that works In an of fice comes along, you tell him he needs fresh air and exercise. If. It’s a motorman or a truck driver, you tell him to stay in the house and keep warm.” It Means the Same ’ “I’m glad to find you as you are,” said the old friend. “Your great wealth hasn’t changed you.” “Well," replied the«andld million aire, “It has changed me In one thing. I’m now ’eccentric’ where I used to be impolite, and ‘delight fully witty’ where I used to be rude.” Prudence “Do you. agree with everything the college professors say?” “Yes,” replied Miss Cayenne. “But some of the theories they suggest are very startling.” “Yes. But If you don’t agree with them they are likely to prolong the argument and think up something still more startling.” Commarcial-Minded “Sentiment has united several great fortunes.” “Very beautifully,” said Mr. Dustin Stax. “Now and then I think a wed ding Is neglected by the reporter In not being mentioned on the finan cial page as something Incidentally In the nature of a merger.” TIME BY THE FORELOCK “Father, 1 want to marry Ed ward. He’s one man In a thou sand.” “Why don’t you give the other 999 a look over before you decide?” Silencer “If you’re such a good psychol ogist, tell me why a red-headed woman always marries a quiet man?” , “She doesn’t. He just gets that' way after they are married.”—Path finder Magazine. Rather Costly "Did you ever have appendicitis?” asked the Insurance agent "Well," replied the prospect “l was operated on last year, but I never have been sure whether It was appendicitis or professional curiosity.”—Buffalo Blade. 11 i Shanghai: Market Pla Half of the People oi 200,000,000 Inhabitants of the Yangtze Basin Make Business for City. A new 130-mlle highway recently opened between Shanghai and Hang chow forma a modern link between the famona Chinese seaport and the vast Yangtze basin of which it Is the leading market, "It is doubtful whether there Is another extensive region of wealth in all the world where the people depend to as great an extent upon a single market as do the Inhabitants of the Yangtze basin upon Shang hai,” says a bulletin from the Wash ington (D. C.) headquarters of the Na tional Geographic society. "Approx imately 200,000,000 people, half of the population of China, live In the fertile area. Their needs, beyond those supplied directly by the prod ucts of their own hands, make busi ness for Shanghai. Mixture of East and West. "Though living and growing by the commerce of the Yangtze, Shang hai Is not actually on that great waterway. It Is located. Instead, some 13 miles up the murky Whang poo, a tributary of the Yangtze. "Even before setting foot on the spacious, bustling Bund, the traveler, who has pictured Shanghai In his mind as a typical Chinese city, Is bewildered by Its cosmopolitan at mosphere. Foreign commerce has had much to do With delivering the city from the Whangpoo marshes. Clusters of matting-covered sam pans and the gaudy bows of clumsy junks lend an. aspect of the Orient to the river panorama, but they mingle with motor boats and steam boats of the latest design. Rose Out of Whangpoo Flats: "The skyline marks Shanghai’s waterfront also breathes an atmos phere of the West. Until the turn of this century, low commodious Chinese buildings of two and three stories served ,the majority of the business concerns, but the Introduction of excellently equipped modern offices has Initiated a period of extensive building. The tendency of the city’s building program has been skyward in the last few years because of con gestion In the business areas brought about by meteoric trade expansion. “A short walk from ‘new’ Shang hai, however, demonstrates to the traveler that the city has not dis carded all things Oriental. In the Nantao district, on the southwest side, one can readily Imagine that conditions have been little altered since the first foreign firm marked out Its business site in the muddy Whangpoo flats. "The Chapel district, which re cently was a place of world Interest when It was the battle ground dur ing the Sino-Japanese Incident, also Is a native quarter, but It Is some what more modern and progressive than Nantao. “The foreign settlements consti tute the focus of Shanghai, particu larly among foreigners, for in them have been loosed the remarkable In centives and expanding forces that have built this modern seaport. The so-called American settlement A Careless One He—You’re good at conundrums, try this one. She—Sure, go ahead. He—Take away my first letter, take away my second letter, take away all my letters, and I am still the same. What am 1? She—That’s easy. You’re a mall carrier.—Milwaukee Medical Times. Se What'S He to To? “Are you in,the habit of speaking to girls you don’t know?" “Yes. The girls I do know won’t speak to me.’’—Answers Magazine. Poor Burglar Chief—While I was out with some of the boys the other night a burglar broke into our house. Yeoman—Did he get anything? Chief—I’ll say he did—my wife thought It was me coming home.— Pennsylvania Keystone. V ALWAYS ■ DEPEND ON I WRI6LEY^S| 1 QUALITY^ was Incorporated with, the Bri 1863 and Is known as ths tional Settlement The chosen to remain apart Uter their own co ministration ' of the Settlement has been a * pertinent, The municipal governing -body Is com group vof members taxpayers of American, Britii anese ind Chinese natlo Tber IS members. Tbe ment 1,006,000 people. Pa pollcl planning—a multitude taskt ace the paternal body which, gratis, guards the Interests of Inter national Shanghai iteen other men handle th the Preach concession." _■ - From Your Doctor if the “Pain” Remedy * You Take Is Safe. - Don’t Entrust Your Own or Your Family’s Well - Being to Unknown Preparations ^ IJEFORE yon take any prepara tion you don’t know all about, for the relief of headache*; or the pain* of rheumatism, neuritis or - neuralgia, ask your doctor what he J thinks about it '—in comparison $ with Genuine Bayer Aspirin. We say this because, before the discovery of Bayer Aspirin, most, so-called “pain” remedies were ad vised against by physicians as being bad for the stomach; or, often, for the heart. And the discovery of Bayer Aspirin largely changed medical practice. Countless thousands of people who have taken Bayer Aspirin year in and out without ill effect, nave proved that the medical findings about its safety were correct Remember this: Genuine Bayer '] Aspirin is rated among the fattest methods yet discovered for the relief of headaches and all common pains ... and safe for the average person to take regularly. You can get real Bayer Aspirin at 4 any drug store — simply by never M asking for it by the name “aspirin” 3* alone, but always saying BAYER 1 ASPIRIN when you buy. I THE POOR RICH "I’d never have married you ex cept for your money.” "Tea, that’s another disadvantage la having wealth.” , . m ' That’s Something "Do yon hive much variety your boarding house?” "Well, have three different name* for meals.”—Mt-Blts Magazine. ..■ . i I. i.
The Wallace Enterprise (Wallace, N.C.)
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Feb. 6, 1936, edition 1
2
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