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BRISBANE ' THIS WEEK One Big Shot Convicted The Many Laugh Roman Triumph, New Style Storms, Floods, Twisters ,^The kind of “justice" supposed tM■ “terrify” crime In this country Arthur Brisbane is very amusing Justice: confined to the national government Mur derers, kidnap ers and other racketeers are jailed, not for their crimes against society, but for failure to pay Income tax. The felon Is J.:iled for failure to divide his criminal earn ings with his government .. . A change in this program Is due to £ Special Prosecutor Dewey, who, be fore Supreme Justice McCook, In New York city, has convicted a “top notch racketeer,” as Mr. Dewey calls him—Charles (“Lucky”) Luciano. He ^and eight vice-ring associates are convicted on 62 counts, that may en tail prison sentences of 1,240 years for “Lucky” and each associate. This is an actual conviction for crime, not for taxdodging. In this world, many laugh and a few do things. Fulton said he would run a boat up the Hudson river by ■team; crowds gathered to laugh. When It was suggested early In Vthls century that men would soon fly, successfully, millions laughed. Had it been suggested that an army officer would cross the contl nent “flying blind” In a hooded ^ cabin, seeing nothing, guided by a scientific “radio beam,” the laughs would have been louder; but that is what Major Eaker, of the army air corps, has just done. If you should say now that giant ships will fly around this earth, up In the strato sphere, above c.ouds and storms, carrying thousands of passengers, dropping them at their various des tinations In smaller ships, “around the world In 48 hours or less,” there would be more laughter, but it would be foolish laughter. What men can imagine they can do, and r more. General Badogllo, who was sent by Mussolini to take over Ethiopia, and did -so, celebrated his tarlumph in Rome, Mussclim and the Italian king, now emperor of Ethiopia, as sisting. The triumphant general, named viceroy of Ethiopia by Mussolini, who surprised the world with the swiftness of his conquest, led his troops, burned by the tropical sun, nnder the victory arch of Constan tine to the tomb of the unknown soldier of the big war. “Storms kill nine In Oklahoma and Kansas; tornadoes, floods and lightning cause havoc,” so runs the headline, and so other headlines have been running for months past. Hall ruins crops; lightning bolts kill three; "twisters,” those powerful, revolving windstorms, lift up and knock down little houses. The sultan of Sulu is dead on the Island of Jolo, now only sultan in name. Once, as spiritual and temporal head, he ruled all the Mohammedans of the Sulu archipelago. The death of this former ruler, Jamalul Klram, recalls/an interest ing incident following the Spanish war. Jamalul, good Mohammedan, did not think he should deal with this nation, on account of Its re ligion. He was soothed by an offi cial statement that the United States had no official religion what ever. The Black Legion, latest secret murder organization, tells candi dates : “Ton cannot Join unless you are a native-born, white, Protestant gentile; willing to proceed against negroes, Catholics and Jews.” To “proceed against” means to murder. The Federal Council of the Churches of Christ In America, a Protestant organization, says It is shameful for the Black Legion to use the word “Protestant,” and blas phemous to use the name "God Al mighty.” Sir Samuel Hoare had to leave the British cabinet because he op posed the foolishness of sending a great British fleet into the Mediter ranean to protect Halle Selassie, not protecting him in the least Now, Sir Samuel Hoare Is back In the British cabinet “the king pleased to appoint him.” This means, probably, that the futile League of Nations* “sanctions” ef fort to coerce Mussolini will be dropped. Many things are easier than coercing Mussolini. Why do Americans swallow eager ly anything In the way of foreign made goods, especially If they come from the friendly British Islands? British merchants advertise proud ly “Made In Great Britain.” Every Englishman urges “Buy British.” Americana seem proud if they can advertise. “Made lh England” or “Made In France.” Tall Tales . ‘® As Told to: FRANK E. HAGAN and ELMO SCOTT WATSON California, Here I Come SOMEONE besides the movie press agents ought to get busy and sing the praises of California. For California always does things on the grand scale. A couple of visitors from Connec ticut went out there one summer. One of them was so overawed by the size of California mountains that he turned back home, but the other remained. This fellow stayed one night at the house of a native Californian. He confessed, at breakfast, he liked an egg and he liked It soft boiled. What did they do but wheel In an egg the size of a flour barrel, place it beside the lady of the bouse and chisel Into It with a billiard cue. When questioned the host con fessed that the egg wasn’t the work of a single hen but had been laid co-operatively by his entire flock. After breakfast. the visitor left He reached a river before noon and was ferried across by a strange-ap pearing craft “Is this business a paying one?” he asked the ferryman. “Hardly enough to pay for rais ing the boat, stranger," was the re ply. “This boat was grown as a pumpkin shell, raised In that patch over thar.” “Over by that barn?” asked the visitor from Connecticut “Bam?” replied the native. "Say, that was a pumpkin, too. But I blasted a bole in it and now I let the stock inside whenever there’s wet weather ahead.” Dog Tale THE year Paul Bunyan estab lished his lumber camp on the Big Onion river he had a great deal of trouble with rats and mice. They ate up the scraps of buffalo milk pancakes that Big Joe, bis camp cook, made and grew to be as big as two-year-old bears. So Paul sent over to Michigan and got a pup that was part wolf and part elephant hound and began feeding him on bear milk. In a lit tle while this pup, whom Paul named Sport, was big enough to clean up all the rats and mice around the camp, so Paul decided to send him after bigger game. He trained Sport to become a moose terrier and when Big Joe said, “Sport, go out and get me a mess of moose," Sport would do It One' night Sport was playing around the horse barn when Paul mistook him for a mouse. Quick as a flash he hurled an az at the ani mal and to his horror found that he had cut Sport in two. Quickly realizing his mistake, Paul picked up the two halves, stuck them to gether, and gave the dog first aid. The next morning Paul discov ered that in his baste he had twist ed Sport’s two halves so that the hind legs pointed straight up. But this proved to be an advantage aft er all, for the dog learned to run on two legs a while, then flop over without loss of speed and run on the other two. Sport was a good trailer, too. Once when he was out In the woods with Paul they discovered the skel eton of a moose that had died of old age. Just out of curiosity Paul picked up the back tracks of the moose and showed them to Sport. So the dog started back over the moose’s trail, and before sunset he had led Paul clear back to the place where the moose was born. The Grateful Rattlesnake CM. TATHAM, editor of the Sa • bine County Reporter at Hemphill, Texas, doesn’t agree with most people that the rattlesnake is always cold-hearted. That’s because of an experience of a farmer In his community. This farmer found a rattlesnake caught in a steel-trap. Taking pity on the snake, he released It and it quickly slid away In the chaparral. But Imagine his surprise, upon returning home, to find that the rat tlesnake had followed him. The reptile acted so friendly that the farmer didn't have the heart to drive It away and It soon became one of His favorite pets. That winter the farmer moved from his ranch Into town. The snake again followed blm and made its home under the house. One cold night it colled up on the doorstep and looked so pathetic that the farmer allowed It to sleep under the stove In the kitchen. The next morning the farmer heard a commotion downstairs. Rushing Into the kitchen he saw a strange sight A burglar was try ing desperately to release himself from the grip of the snake which was coiled tightly around his neck with Its tall stuck out the opened window and rattling frantically. A moment later a squad of police burst Into the kitchen door. They bad beard the snake’s burglar alarm and had come to capture the culprit and lead him away to jail. • Western Newspaper Union. Many Still Sarrive "A man dat keeps buttin’ In,” said Unci# Eben, "reminds me of my goat. Sometimes he goes right through obstruction and sometimes LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS i FATHERLY ADVICE “My boy," said the business man to his son, “there are two things that are vitally necessary if you are to succeed In business.” “What are they, Dad?” “Honesty and sagacity.” “What is honesty?” “Always—no matter what hap pens, nor how adversely It may affect you—always keep your word once you have given It” “And sagacity?" “Never give it”—Santa Fe Mag azine. Knew About the Ark The teacher at a London school noticed during the Scripture lesson that a small boy at the bottom of the class seemed to be finding the questions too difficult “Now, Jimmy,” she said. Til give you an easy question: What do you know about the ark?” “Please, Miss,” answered Jimmy, after a moment’s thought, “It’s what the ’erald angels sings.” No Choice Tom—Would you rather be born lucky than rich? Harry—Well, if I were born rich, I would consider myself lucky, and if I were born lucky I would get rich so that it wouldn’t matter. But the trouble is I am in . n and I am neither. RIGHT AGAIN "Ma, Is Mr. Fulhouse very old?” “No, dear; why do you ask?” “I think he must be, 'cause I heard Pa say last night he Raised his ante.” Contrary Sex "So this fine little baby Is a girl,” beamed the distinguished vis itor, as he walked around the baby show. The proud father assented. "And this other one is of the contrary sex?” His wife’s eye was on him, but with thought of the wrath to come, he replied: “Yes, sir, she’s a girl, too.”— Ireland’s Own. Paned Oat “I hear you stayed In a haunted house last night. What happened?" “About twelve o’clock a ghost came though the wall just as If there were no wall there.” “And what did you do?” "I went through the opposite wall the same way.” Anxiety The children next door to the B— family had chickenpox. Five year-old Agnes was very much ex cited about It and asked: ‘‘(Grandmother, if I get chicken pox, will feathers grow all over me?” -t Would Be Better Ralph—If you’ll only be mine I promise to treat you like an angel. Betty—But I don’t want to be treated that way. I would prefer something to eat and wear.—Path finder Magazine. NO PUZZLE “Mary has the clearest complex ion in the world.” “Yes, you can easily see through It” Muck Cheaper Mrs. A—Do you find it more eco nomical to do your own cooking? Mrs. B—I do. My husband doesn't eat half so much as he did.—Mont real Star. Misunderstood Two women had a heated argu ment Later one of them confided In a friend: “You know, I don’t like Pansy,” she said. “She’s not fair.” “No,” said the other, “bat aba's dyeing to bib" UMdt sea ~JMl/v\h6 about Political Convention*. Hollywood, calif.— This month, being en gaged in the somewhat respon sible task of filling the most im portant office in the world, the accredited representatives of two great parties will discharge these duties by acting as though, shortly before they were born, their respective mothers had been hor ribly frightened by an Intoxicated toe-dancer. At Cleveland, if the delegates for Zookus fall to behave like howling aervisues iur m least forty minutes following the men tion of his last name, they’re trai tors to a sacred trust. And if the delegates for Gook us don’t carry on longer and louder and crazier than the Zookus bunch did, they’ll never again dare lift their shamed heads. Irvin 8. Cobb xne setup win De different at Philadelphia, the cradle of liberty, although occupied at times by some funny foundling. There, when the chosen mouthpiece offers a candi date whose second nomination has been certain ever since his first nomination, every patriot on the floor must be thrown by the as tounding shock into a happy deliri um, lasting until his legs give out, his larynx splits and he can’t think of any more hysteria symptoms. • * * The Seattle Lochinvar LATEST news from the hospital Is that America’s .boy-sweet heart—the young Lochinvar out of Seattle—Is suffering from overwork. A large number of traffic cops around Washington are reported to be In the same fix. The barkeepers haven’t sent in their casualty list yet. One of the big circuses Is certain ly overlooking a gorgeous chance. Think of the sensation—alone in a steel-barred arena—Clyde Beatty with Zlohcheck. * * * Black Masked Bigots. INTO a sour soup-stock of religions and racial hatred, stir a mess of high-sounding titles, blood-curdling oaths and foolish regalias, and you’ve got a mixture with an Irre sistible appeal to parties whose av erage hat size is six and an eighth and whose souls are aslosh In the bilge-water of bigotry. Presently they're adding miscellaneous murder to their mummery, as in Michigan, whose sundry gallant heroes seem about due to suffer prolonged at tacks of short-haired paleness, which Is a disease brought on by wearing a close hair-cut behind some high stone walls. They say such organized intol erance-epidemics come in waves, but did you ever notice that we never have any of these waves when America is at war? Then nobody objects to putting Catholics or Jews or negroes in the firing line. Nobody questions their patriotism or their fitness to defend the nation’s flag, and, after awhile, peace comes, and all of a sudden a lot of folks dis cover that those of certain creeds and a certain color are unworthy to be classed as citizens. * * • RECENTLY in outlining the po litical high spots scheduled for the next four weeks, the writer failed to mention the Liberty League. The Liberty League will not hold a convention, but will have tea on the Du Pont lawn. There may be speeches and perhaps a snappy prayer by the rector of the Church of SS. Midas and Croesus, but A1 Smith will positively not speak, having already learned the bitter lesson that a fellow can pick an awfully bad spot to make an awful ly good speech in. • • • Sacrifices to Science I LOVE dogs and admire them for traits which so many human be ings lack. So, because some of us joined a move to save Impounded dogs from possible mutilation and torture at the hands of unauthorized agencies and guarantee for them a swift merciful death a large num ber of folks seem to think we’re vivlsectionists. For one, I’m against weird exper iment upon dumb brutes in the of ten abused name of science. When I read that some gifted exhibition ist swapped the vital organs of a pelican and a hound pup, so that the pelican went out in the back yard and barked himself to death at the moon and the pup choked try ing to carry half a bushel of fish in bis lower jaw, I fail to see where the cause of medicine has been ad vanced. But since the war on dis ease demands the sacrifice of cer tain creatures that mankind may be benefited, Td rather that every white rat in America should have the bubonic plague twice than that my grand-babies should have it once. IRVIN S. COBB. ®—WNU Scrvio*. Uncle Pful{ SajjA: Work First, Then Play Play la an important part In the program of life, but work must be done before we can afford to play. Ton never can tell. Reform some times gets no farther than stirring up the mud. It Isn't necessary to be forward to make progress. Reliability First The worst thing that can happen to a man is to lose bis reputation for rellabilty. Nothing can square him. Indiscretion causes about as much mortification as sin. It Is not a few faint wishes, but a lifelong stfuggle, that makes us valiant The man who tries to achieve something and falls is infinitely greater than the man who tries to do nothing and succeeds. Since there are so many mistakes to make, what’s the use of making the same one twice? GREAT LAKES TRANSIT CORPORATION READ THE ADS I COUNTRY-MADE SAYS COLONEL ALBANUS PHILLIPS: “I like to think of American boys and girls— and grown-ups, too—enjoying the rich nour ishment of our country-made soups. The vege tables we use taste the way vegetables ought to because they’ve ripened fully, in Nature’s good time, under our friendly Southern sun. “We keep our kitchens as neat as a pin. And we cook our soups lovingly—with patient simmering and just-right seasoning. For a starter, try Phillips Delicious Southern Tomato Soup today. You pay neighborly {trices for these country-made soups ... and each can makes four servings. That’s why they’re called AMERICA’S GREATEST FOOD VALUESI” TRY THIS RECIPE A FRIEND GAVE ME 1 veal or beef 1 can (2 cape) PHILLIPS kidney . DELICIOUS MIXED 2H cups leftover VEGETABLES meat, diced 1 can PHILLIPS DELICIOUS TOMATO SOUP Trim and dice kidney. Cook 10 minutes in boiling salted water. Drain, saving K cup water. Fill a bak ing dish UK quart) with left-over meat, kidney and Phillips Mixed Vegetables (no vege tables to peel or cook in this fine as sortment of lima beans, carrots, peas, string beans, potatoes and other vegetables). Season with salt and pepper. Add Phillips Tomato Soup (with a sweet-ripe flavor) and the H cup liquid. Cover top with pie crust or biscuit dough. Bake in hot oven (425° F.) 30 minutes. PHILUPS^SOUPSA 16 DELICIOUS KINDS A CURTAIN CALL NONSENSE'SF 11§ HE WANTED NEW W TALENT, HE WOUtDN'rCoME ® TO AN AMATEUR 111 SHOW/ i—JJxAW-HE W0fJwp PROBABLY JUST CAME HERE TO MAKE Mllf, FUN OF YOU/ JEANNE, MR. BANGS,' I THE BIS PRODUCER, IS HERE. IF HE LIKES THE DRESS REHEARSAL, HE MAY Pur you ON BROADWAY/ STOP THAT MUSIC! -YOU NIT-WITS/ you've RUINED THE WHOIE SCENE/ I'M THROUGH , WITH YOU— L,***,, J Qurrf r 15 Ip* VEAH- ""’W a TELJ. 'EM ^ \ou coui-D firr ON A BETTER 5 HOW WITH DUMMI . FROM A STORE |w WINPOW/J r YOUNG LADS' YOU I WERE SPLENDID UNTIL. YOU BLEW UP! I COULD USE YOU IN MY SHOW—„ IF YOU WEREN'T SO NERVOUS . , AND IRRITABLE/ , YOU'D BE 1IRRITA0LE/TOO, IF YOU HAD MV HEADACHE? AND | INDIGESTION, couldn't*, . SLEEP.1 -TELL THIS NUISANCE TO PIPE DOWN / HIS CHATTER would give any . .ONE A HEADACHE/ UTERI , 6LADTO HAVE . ' SOU W MV ‘JHOVV, JEANME. Sou'RE ' POIMS FlHE/ | -AMD VOU'RE "THE BE ST MATURED MEMBER OF THE CAST/ “ UMV SHOULDN'T . X BE GOOD NATlKED? I've felt too wonderful to be grouchy-eince X SWITCHED .TO PoETVM / ’SOUNDS LIKE COFFEE-NERVE?/ WHEN ANY OF MV | TROUPE FEEL THAT WAY X MAKE 'EM CUT OUT COFFEE AND SWITCH “TO PosruM / P NONSENSE/ r STILL-IF YOU ■ SAY IT MI6HT HELP-I COULP TRY IT. I CAN'T 1 FEEL ANY rnmjJM kWORSE/ RSES.1 PoSniM MEANS THE BW^ HOOK FOR ' Of course, children should never for its own rich. u easy to masc, ocuaous, economical, ana a real help. A product of General Foods. FREE—Let us send you your Postum/reef Simply mall coupon.
The Wallace Enterprise (Wallace, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
June 25, 1936, edition 1
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