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OUR COMIC SECTION - ■ ' --- Events in the lives of Little Men G&s^, VNUS COULDN'T we HANB Be&N 80C.NJ ANI AEofti&lMEr^ NOVS1 l DON'T vn/AMT TO CATCW SOU TAWN&i OFF A NS OF TWe.SE" CLOTWBS OOISIDF-A.S MMOMMA'S MAN MI6WT CATCW COLD _ BUNpteP UP IOC CQtf> F I N N E y OF THE " F o R C E By Ted O'Loughlin a—wxr DIDN'T VEZ. SEE ME *^v VlAVE WEZ. T'SHToP? J \A/HV— I THOUGHT 1/ y I 'You WERE saloTiNG; II MV Good r MAN J SALOOTiM' 2 UAs^oU SHouLdJ s. y AMD, BV THE WAV, ^-vv--7 VoU DIDN’T SHAVE NX I today, did Von 2 \MEI_L-MUST be gplMCS-— J The F E A T H E R H E A D S Br Osborne ©—w\ir I BETTER MORPV AhJP DRESS—FEU* WILL BE LOME SOON] iHEWlMS I HE'S _ (HERE ALREADY- • " ] \ r AMD' I PUT THE HLO! IS I \ CAT,££k THE THAT VoU' \ s* PARLIM<S2 LOW I. Q. Prosecuting Attorney—Are you acquainted with any memoers of the jury? Witness—Yes sir, with more than hall ol them. Attorney—Are you willing to swear that you know more than hall at them? Witness—II it comes to that, Mr. Attorney, I’m willing to swear I know more than all of them put together.—Capper’s Weekly. Farming “Is your boy Josh much help around the farm?” asked the travel ing man. “Not yet,” answered Farmer Comtossel. “He doesn’t rise with the sun and go merrily singing into the fields?” “Not noticeable. I can’t expect much early risin’ from Josh as long as he has to sit up till after mid night studyin’ his lessons in agricul ture from the correspondence school.” WILL LOOK RIGHT Isaac was negotiating a loan from his brother. More, who was willing to make the advance, but demanded nine per cent interest. “Well,” said Isaac, “I ain’t com plaining, you understand, but what will our poor dead father say when he sees you taking nine per cent from his own flesh and blood?” “Don’t worry about that*” replied Moe. “From where he is, it will look like six per cent” SAFE KEEPING A certain Scottish minister had three bottles of champagne as a New Year gift, and handed them to his housekeeper for safe keeping. Somd short time afterwards he was having friends in, and asked the housekeeper to bring up a bottle of champagne. "Champagne, sir!” she queried. “Yes,” he replied "Don’t you re member the three bottles I gave you weeks ago?” "Was yon champagne? Mercy me, sir, I thacht it was sma’ beer, and had it wi’ my parritch, and I aye windered hoo I wis aye sae cheery in the momin’s!” Fitful Sleeper Sergeant—You’re late to go on guard. Wot's the idea? Private—I overslept and. . . Sergeant—In all this bombard ment? Private—I’d be sleeping yet if some guy hadn’t been writing a let ter with a scratchy pen!—Foreign Service, V. F. W. Reversed Travel Farmer—Gosh! You must be brave to come down with a para chute in a gale like that Stranger (grumpily) — I didn’t come down with a parachute, I went up with a tent. HIPPETY-HOP Mis Lady Bug—Do you dance, Mr. Grasshopper? Grasshopper—Sure. I’m goin’ to a hop tonight. Hooking the Cattle The dear old soul watched the gaily - clad cowboy dexterously swinging his lassoo in the grounds of the circus. “What a long rope,” she said, at last. “Well, lady,” the cowboy replied, “when I’m out West on the ranch I use it for catching cows.” “Catching cows? How very inter esting. Tell me, what bait do you use?” Thespian The class in public speaking was to give pantomimes that afternoon. One frosh got up when called on, went to the platform and stood per fectly still. “Well,” said the prof, after a minute’s wait for something to hap pen. “What do you represent?” “I’m imitating a man going up in an elevator,” was the quick re sponse.—Illinois Guardsman. Not For Him! Workmen were making repairs on the wires of the schoolhouse one Saturday, when a little chap wan dered in. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Installing an electric switch,” said a workman. “I don’t care,” returned the lad. “We’ve moved away, and I don’t go to this school any more.” Tedious Narratives “Do you think people ought to be perfectly frank in admitting their mistakes?” “No,” replied Miss Cayenne. 1 “People who pride themselves on admitting their mistakes usually get I into the habit oit telling hard luck stories.” Freak Lady—I bought two hams here some time ago and they were excel lent. Have you any more? Farmer—Yes, I’ve several hang ing up in the kitchen. Lady—And are you sure they’re from the same hog? BEANED Y> 4.-* “Take yo’ base.” “Dat ball hit yo’ on de head.” “Well, I’ll be higgered.” “What foh?” Right in the Eye “How did you get that black eye?" "I went ashore last night looking for trouble and that’s the eye I found t with.” — U. S. S. West Virginia Mountaineer. ' The Plight of Spain. Beverly hills, calif. —In the bloody task of utterly destroying herself Spain cannot complain that she lacked for hearty co-op eration on the part of some of her sister countries. Openly or secretly, half of the great European powers are contrib uting to the bloody ruination, so that, when the finish comes, they’ll have spoils or dubious prestige or both and that ill-fated land will be a burying ground and a deso lation: ! A fellow gets to wondering why this or' that government chooses for an em blem some noble Irvin S. Cobb tXCdlUiC W XX CXI U1C turkey buzzard or the grave-rob bing hyena would be so appropri ate. Fierce winters and devastating floods may be curing us here on this side of the water, but at least we have been spared the affliction of having for our v next-door neigh bors certain nations. Kidnapers’ Ransoms. IT’S all well enough to pass an act making payment of ransom to a kidnaper a criminal offense—as though heartbroken parents would hesitate to pay ransoms to get their babies back, no matter what the penalty for so doing might bel And can you see any American jury convicting those parents? The au thor of the law is no doubt well-in tentioned but there is another law, called the law of human nature, which most surely would defeat his purposes. By the way, a person who should know what he's talking about, tells me that three rot of every four known kidnapers during recent years have been ex-convicts with records as repeated offenders. So, instead of trying to penalize agonized parents for obeying a na tural instinct, how about a snappy little law to curb certain parole boards which seem to delight in turning ’em out as fast as the courts can clap ’em in? • • » Optimism De Luxe. 1LIKE the spirit of a gentleman in New York who started dredg ing operations in East river. He set out to dig a minimum of $4, 800,000 in gold and silver from the ooze, and to date has salvaged 90 cents, two rusty frying pans and a penknife—and is still probing. For gorgeous optimism I can think of but one case to match this. I was on the French Riviera one summer. They’d been shifting the railroad tracks along the Grand Comiche. This left a disused tun nel. So, week after week, a beard ed gentleman sat at one mouth of the empty bore with a sign over his head reading: "This property for sale.” When I left he was still there, waiting for somebody who was in the market for a second hand tunnel. • • • South American Explorers. OF RECENT years, those hardy adventurers who set forth to invade the last great unexplored area, interior South America, seem to follow a regular routine, to wit, as follows: First—They start off. Second—They get lost. Third—They are rescued. But wouldn’t it save wear and tear and nervous strain if the rescue expedition went on ahead so it could get settled down in camp all nice and comfortable and be waiting for the explorers when they staggered in, exhausted from toting all those tons of material for future lec ture tours?' The modern discov erer is gallant, but apparently has no more sense of direction than an egg-beater and seemingly could get lost on top of a marble-top table. Or possibly the tropic sun has an addling effect on the human brain. Anyhow, since nearly always he is in an intact state when res cued, this would seem to indicate that the head-hunters of the Ama zonian jungles are now getting fussy about the types of heads they collect • • * The Charms of Music. CCORDING to a medical pro fessor in Pennsylvania, sam ples of whisky, when subjected to a musical sound treatment for sev en hours, produce a liquor which equals one that has been aged in wood for at least four years. But why get excited about this? I’ve known certain brands of classical music which, in one evening, have aged a grown man to a point where he figures the present Christian era must be about over. Only a few weeks ago, being soft ened by the spirit of the approach ing holidays, I suffered myself to be lured to a Chopin recital and got jammed in and couldn’t escape and finally staggered forth into the night feeling that Methuselah had little if anything on me. IRVIN 8. COBB. •—WNU Service. Simplicity That Intrigues j THIS is the problem: Sister wants to entertain the Girl Scouts, it’s Jule’s turn to have the Bid-or-Bi club and Rose insists she can’t put off the Laff-a-Lots a minute longer. And each o f them has just finished a new dress and is anxious to wear it for the occasion. Sister’s Choice. Sister’s bit of intrigue is, as you can see, a dress worth want ing to show off (Pattern 1223). It is made of velveteen this time and a little later on she’s going to blossom out in a bright crisp ging ham version for school. The smart collar, flattering flared skirt and puff sleeves are good reasons for this frock’s popularity. It comes in sizes 6 to 14 years. Size 8 re quires 2V) yards of 39 inch ma terial. Jule’s Entertaining Dress. Jule knows a neat trick when she sees one whether on the table or in a page of fashions, and she didn’t miscue in choosing Pattern 1998. She’ll wear this snappy shirt frock when she’s “it” to entertain and because she chose broadcloth it will look more trig and lovely after each washing. The diagram shows why a few hours is all that’s needed to sew this grand number. You may have it in sizes 34 to 46. Size 36 requires 4% yards of 35 inch material. With long sleeves 4% yards. It Was Easy, Says Rose. They didn’t believe Rose when she said she made this startlingly pretty dress (Pattern 1224). She did though, even the buttonholes! However, the same stunning effect can be had by sewing the buttons on for trimming only. The ele gance of the princess-like lines, the eclat of the heart shaped sleeves and withal its ease of construction make the question read “How can I help but make this dress?” It is available in sizes 12 to 20 (30 to 40 bust). Size 14 requires 4% yards of 39 inch material, plus % yard con trasting. With long sleeves 4% yards required. New Pattern Book. Send for the Barbara Bell Spring and Summer Pattern Book. Make yourself attractive, practi cal and becoming clothes, select ing designs from the Barbara Bell well - planned, easy-to-make pat terns. Interesting and exclusive fashions for little children and the difficult ‘junior age; slenderizing, Foreign Words ^ and Phrases Absit omen. (L.) May this bring no evil omen. Canaille. (F.) The rabble. Dos-a-dos. (F.) Back-to-back. En effet. (F.) In effect; just so; really. Fidus Achates. (L.) Faithful Aohates; i. e., a true friend. Hoc tempore. (L.) At this time. In perpetuum. (L.) Fortver. Mauvaise quart d’heure. (F.) A bad quarter of an hour; an awkward or uncomfortable expe rience. Nee. (F.) Born so-and-so; i. e., her maiden name being so-and so. Ora pro nobis. (L.) Pray for us. Punica fldes. (L.) Carthaginian faith, treachery. Qui transtulit, sustinet. (L.) He who transplanted, still sustains. (Motto of Connecticut.) Re infecta. (L.) The business being unfinished. well-cut patterns for the mature figure; afternoon dresses for the most particular young women and matrons and other patterns for special occasions are all to be found in the Barbara Bell Pattern Book. Send 15 cents (in coins) today for your copy. Send your order to The Sewing Circle Pattern Dept., 247 W. Forty-third street, New York, N. Y. Patterns 15 cents (in coins) each. V © Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service. Dr. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription Is a tonic which has been helping women of all ages for nearly 70 years. Adv. Healing Time Great griefs are lulled to sleep by the beatings of the wings of time.—Anon. jCet LUDEN’S Menthol Cough Drops 1. Clear your head 2. Soothe your throat 3. Help build up « YOUR ALKALINE RESERVE 5/ -t Motive of Patriotism The noblest motive is the pub lic good.—Vigil. Up in the Morning Feeling Fine! The refreshing relief so many folke say they get by taking Black Draught for constipation makes them enthusiastic about this famous pure ly vegetable laxative. Black-Draught puts the digestive tract in better condition to act regularly, every day, without your continually having to take medicine to move the bowels. Next time, be sure to try * A GOOD LAXATIVE SORE, RHEUMATIC1 MUSCLES Bay goodbye tomewyllnlments and salve*, that have to be smeared on every few hours to be effective. Tho new treatment for sore, aching muscles is Allcock** Porous Plaster, that stays on until pain is all gone. One AUcock*a Plas ter lasts days and days without further thought. The blood is gently, drawn to the painful rheumatic area, and the muscles are massaged as you move. No rubbing. Nothing smelly or sticky. Allcock’, to pleasant. Easy on. easy off when pain to gone. 6 million users testify that ADcock-# to marrdoua for , backaches, arthritis, pahu, chest colds. 25* at druggists, or wrlte “Alt j | | cock's, Ossining, N. Tf." I---1 WNU—4 6—37 pIihIP ^waM.rac’.iM
The Wallace Enterprise (Wallace, N.C.)
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Feb. 11, 1937, edition 1
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