I Stroll Among
I Graves Strikes
(Researcher's A
BY IRIS KAPIL
An abandoned cemetery sits, half-hidden by trees,
behind a parking lot in Shallotte, only a minute from
noisy highway traffic.
One sunny morning I discovered it, quite unexpectedly,
and spent a quiet hour reading tombstones, trying to
imagine the lives of the people buried beneath my feet.
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iweniy-eigni tombstones stand or lie broken there.
The earliest birth was in 1303; the most recent death,
1933. Undoubtedly, the people were farmers, although
one man was a reverend ami another a professor.
I read and reflected on 19th century Shallotte,
sometimes touching the carved letters and numbers, and
images filled my mind. Some were from tales told me
half a century ago by my West Virginia grandparents.
Others were of farm families I know today in the villages
SOME OF THE GRAVESTONES lean with age, their
inscriptions barely legible. This stone marks the grave
of Katie E. Leonard, who died in 1914 at the age of 33.
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of Turkey, India and Indonesia. I felt as if I had been
placed in a juncture between three worlds different in
time and culture, yet more similar to one another than to
our modern way of life.
Among the tombstones were small stone markers,
marking the tiny graves of babies. I counted them and
thought of the village women I know who bear eight or
nine babies and lose two or more to an pariv Honth
Before the era of vaccines and antibiotics, every mother
could expect that, or worse.
I am not yet GO, but remember the first mass vaccinations
of school children in this country. I remember also
talk of dreaded whooping cough, tetanus and diptheria
and parents' fear of smallpox and polio. Before the lS40s,
when penicillin became available, pneumonia killed and
a child's sore throat could mean a damaged heart for life.
Health care for children in Asian countries is improving.
Governments provide some vaccination services.
Major epidemics and horrendous famines are under control.
When a child is stricken, the farm family can
sometimes afford the trip into town to the hospital or doctor's
office. Most governments promote family planning
and city families are small. In a smaller family the
chances are better that all the children will survive. Yet,
Oil the farm, a child's labor is needed.
Critically, for most farmers, a son means security.
Infant/child mortality rates are still high enough that a
poor couple might reason, correctly, that they must have
six babies to ensure that at least one son will be alive to
care for them when they grow old.
Many of the 19th century Shallotte women did not live
to old age. Twelve of the 28 tombstones are for women.
Two women died before they reached middle age; three
in childbirth.
Katie died at age 33 and was buried with her newborn
infant. A grieving husband carved on her tombstone:
(in -we ' ? --
v-an i iorgei me agorazmg hour when those loved eyes
were closed to wake no more?"
Imagine losing a child who is on the threshold of life.
To a daughter dead at 18 years:
"A precious one from us is gone,
The voice we loved is stilled;
A place is vacant in our house.
Which never will be filled."
Of the remaining seven women, one died at 55, four
lived into their early 70s, one to 80 and another to 82. My
knowledge of Asian farm women leads me to suspect the
six probably did not enjoy a vigorous, healthy old age.
After many pregnancies and nursing many babies,
the old woman would have lost her teeth, itself a painful
process without benefit of modern dentistry. Besides arthritis
and other afflictions for which modern science still
offers only uncertain relief, the Shallotte grandmother
probably endured continual pain from the gynecological
consequences of births and miscarriages, delicately
alluded vO aS "WGiiicuS prOulcnio."
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IN A FIELD edged with trees, the neglected m
eariier S'nuiioiie residents.
I wonder also u ism ceinuiy women were as well fed )
as their menfolk; the typical Asian village woman I know 1
inwariahlv Honioc horcolf moat millr anrl otiiic onH tacit'
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fruits when these foods are scarce, putting her husband's I
needs first. Poor nutrition tells on her aged body. i
I wonder why six of eight tombstones are for 1
daughters? Perhaps the girls' lasted longer by chance; 1
but among poor Asian villagers boys are less likely to die
than girls in childhood. s
An outsider can see that little boys are better fed and I
better cared for, a fact the villagers would hardly be J
aware of. They think it natural a boy is more self- !
assured, mure aggressive, more likely to get what he
wants. Girls absorb at an early age the attitudes of the ;
women and favor their brothers over themselves and !
their sisters. !
Daughters are loved no less than sons; it is nature's !
harsh reality that shapes the social realities: Resources
are scarce, iarm work neavy, and daughters leave at ]
marriage. The family centers on the males. (
A proverb from India says, "Raising a daughter is I
like watering another man's tree." 1
Could 19th century Shallotte families have been less 1
patriarchal than the wheat farming communities I know
in Asia? 5
On all the women's tombstones, the woman was identified
as "wife of..."daughter of..."mother t
of...always of some man. As with my women friends s
in rural Asia, they had no identity outside their family s
roles. r
Eight tombstones are for men. Why so few? Did i
young men ieave the farm for the city or to move west? I
Even after seeing and
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WiCK BEACON, Thursday, January 14, 1S8S? rage 11-A
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STAFF PHOTOS BY SUSAN USMIB
lonuments stand-, hinting at the trials and joys of
Oid they go to war and die on the battlofielFt'' Katie's husband
died when he was 40, three years after her death.
Two other men died hefore their 40th birthdsys. Thp nr<v
Fessor, 48 when he lost his wife, lived to be 79. The
minister, a widower at 39, lived for another 26 years.
Each man is buried beside his wife. I wonder if it would
nave been improper for them to remarry?
Epitaphs for those older men and women show
respect for and acceptance of death, as well as affection
For the departed. The longest, most affectionate one is for
an elderly mother. At least one man, perhaps the black
sheep of the family or lacking close kin, had none.
1 walked about the cemetery, warmed by an autumn
sun, the air sweet smelling, pleased by the sight of carved
stones clustered in a tree-encircled field. I remembered
the beauty of the Appalachian-like hills of the country
surrounding an Asian village.
life is hard in a traditional farm community, but the
people may well be as happy as we in the modern world.
Dur modern life compares poorly, I think, with theirs in
terms of warmth of human relationships, richness of
religion and ritual, delight in crafting things with one's
lands.
If only some way could be fdund to keep all that and
still live our modern lives.
(Iris Kapil, an Ocean Isle Beach resident, is conducing
field research on how the middle-aged and elderly
seek health in an American community. Based in Paris,
she lias been extensively involved in health service planling
and research in Southeast Asia, most recently helpng
to write five-year primary health care plans for
smaili communities in Pakistan, India and Tanzania. >
I hearing about us,
r?ow who you are) are
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V 'QlCZZ*_
Merle Hardee
Shallotte
s ncynucTniTiAu
l utmunoi fkH l lllH.
)biigation.
x 754-5680 s
A RESORT PLAZA, HWY. 17 S !
V SHALLOTTE |
onic .nes
THERESA W00TEN & CECELIA SMITH I
OWNERS/OPERATORS f
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