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The Kings Mountain Herald
June 23, 2005
QUESTION: We have a 9-
year-old boy who is quiet,
careful, °
thoughtful
and very,
very shy.
Does that
mean he is
not “all
boy”?
Should we
be trying to Dr.
James
Dobson
him, to
make him
more
assertive
and aggressive?
DR. DOBSON: The won-
derful thing about the way
human beings are designed
is their marvelous variability
and complexity. We are all
different and unique. My
previous discussions of
aggressive, risk-taking boys
represent an effort to charac-
terize young males, showing
what is typical and how
they are different from their
sisters. However, they also
differ from one another on a
thousand traits.
I remember taking my 10-
year-old son and his friend
on a skiing trip one day. As
we rode the gondola to the
top of the mountain, I pre-
pared to take a picture of the
two boys with the beautiful
landscape visible behind
them. Ryan, my son, was
smiling and clowning for the
camera, while Ricky was just
sitting quietly. Ryan then
asked Ricky to wave and
goof off like he was doing.
Ricky replied solemnly, “I'm
not that kind of person.” It
was true. The two boys were
at opposite ends of the con-
tinuum in their personali-
ties. I still have that picture
of the two kids — one going
crazy and the other appear-
ing bored half to death. Each
of them was “all boy.”
Your son is certainly not
alone in his characteristic
shyness. According to the
New York Longitudinal
Study, approximately 15 per-
cent of babies are somewhat
quiet and passive in the - J
nursery. That feature of their
ia
temperaments tenes to bed
A
FOCUS ON FAMILY
Boys come in all shapes, sizes and temperaments
persistent throughout child-
hood and beyond. They may
be very spontaneous or
- funny when they are com-
fortable at home. When they
are with strangers, however,
their tongues are thrust into
their cheeks and they don’t
know what to say. Some
kids are like this because
they have been hurt or
rejected in the past. The
more likely explanation is
that they were born that
way. Some parents are
embarrassed by the introver-
sion of their children and try
to change them. It is a fool's
errand. No amount of goad-
ing or pushing by their par-
ents will make them outgo-
ing, flamboyant and confi-
dent.
My advice to you is to go
with the flow. Accept your
child just the way he is
made. Then look for those
special qualities that give
your boy individuality and
potential. Nurture him.
Cultivate him. And then
give him time to develop
into his own unique person-
ality like no other human
being on Earth.
QUESTION: Our pediatri-
cian told us he believes our
son may have attention
deficit hyperactivity disor-
der (ADHD). Can you tell us
what is known about this
problem?
DR. DOBSON: ADD, or
attention deficit disorder,
appears to be an inherited
neurological syndrome that
affects approximately 5 per-
cent of children in the
United States. It refers to
individuals who are easily
distracted, have a low toler-
ance for boredom or frustra-
tion, and tend to be impul-
sive and flighty. Some of
them are also hyperactive,
and hence they are said to
have ADHD (attention
deficit hyperactivity disor-
der).
These children have a pat-
tern of behavior that sets
them up for failure in school
and conflict with their par-
ents. They have difficulty
finishing tasks, remembering
details, focusing on a book
GRANDPARENTING:, A FAMILY FORUM
When to stand firm, and say no
Dee & Tom
Hardie
Dear Dee and Tom: My
granddaughter and her
“live-in” boyfriend have just
graduated from college and
are looking for jobs. They
need a place to live, and
each set of parents has told
them “No!” She then asked
if they could live with me. I
would like to help, but it
would be awkward, and a
burden. What do you think?
— Worried, Piqua, Ohio
Dear Worried: You
shouldn’t do anything
counter to what their par-
ents have said. You should
coordinate matters with
them, and present a united
front. Come right out with it
and tell your granddaughter
there’s no room in the inn,
and you're in no mood to
launch a bed-and-breakfast.
Stand firm, and suggest
they each find a job, regard-
less of pay, and make their
own nest. It sounds like they
may have already been
spoiled enough.
In order to save money
for a grandchild’s education,
we recently signed up with
a very innovative, free-of-
charge program,
“Upromise.” Members
receive discounts on a vari-
“ety of purchases, which are
credited quarterly to your
account.
Pick up a form at any
Exxon or Mobil gas station,
or log onto
Www.upromise.com. A
major caveat: grandparents,
and parents, remember your
username and password. If
you forget them, it’s a mind-
boggling minefield to get
back into the program’s
good graces. After an hour
of wandering around the
Internet, we reached a real
live young lady via a toll-
free number, but she was
stationed in India and we
couldn’t understand her
“English” accent, or that of
her supervisor.
But maybe that was our
fault, due to geriatrics and
modern science.
The moral of the story:
Upromise is a great idea, but
polish up your computer
skills before trying to sign
on.
GRAND REMARKS OF
THE WEEK
Dear Dee and Tom: I'm
still laughing at these two
remarks. Palmer, my grand-
son, then 5, and I were plan-
ning a picnic, and we both
made a wanted list and
together visited our grocery
store to buy provisions. We
were at the checkout counter
when I discoverd we had
forgotten to buy everything.
I said, “Palmer, Grammy
forgot the roast beef!”
Palmer, not cracking a
smile, answered, as if con-
soling me, “That’s OK,
Grammy, I know you have
short-term memory loss!”
That same weekend he
was misbehaving, and I said
gently, “Palmer, you know
better than to do that.” And
he answered, “But I'm not 6
years old yet!” He was pre-
tending that when 6 he
id Row! better, and not
m e Ng
Hamps i] Mgt Our
friend, a youthft ul 59,'w th
three children and three
grands, is a bookkeeper for a
local horse vet.
Dee and Tom, married
more than 50 years, have
eight grandchildren. They
welcome questions, sugges-
tions and Grand Remarks of
the Week. Send to P.O. Box
34, Butler, MD 21023. Or e-
mail them at grandparent-
ing(at)aol.com.
CLOSE TO HOME
CUTIE hyo Me RPS DRT Bs UN! VERSA OES SHAY CATE.
& e-mail: closetohome@mac. com
“Well, Susan, if you're feeling horribly ill, by all
means stay home from work. I'm curious,
however, why my caller |.D. says you're
calling from the Tiki Resort in Maui.”
POOCH CAFE
a, STi Tugine
A Recon!
STONE SOUP
i
Bt
WV tupson, arr
| GR COLLARS ARE
| Smek moeemER?
20 HON PIP YOU |
PICK Sona
AFTERTTOM DIED I HAD
T0 DO SOMETHING. JOAN
i I "HAD WORKED FORTH
NAH COMPANY.
od
ZHE THOUGHT
ID LiKE IT,
Located in The Diner
at I-85 and
Dixon School Road
or assignment, or even
remaining seated for more
than a few minutes. Some
appear to be driven from
within as they race wildly
from one thing to another.
They are often very bright
and creative, yet they're seen
as lazy, disruptive and terri-
bly disorganized.
ADD and ADHD children
often suffer from low self-
esteem because they have
been berated as goof-offs
and anarchists who refuse to
follow the rules. They some-
times have few friends
because they can drive
everyone crazy — even
those their own age.
Dr. Dobson is founder and
chairman of the board of the
nonprofit organization Focus
on the Family, P.O. Box 444,
Colorado Springs, CO.
80903; or www.family.org.
Questions and answers are
excerpted from “The
Complete Marriage and
Family Home Reference
Guide,” published by
Tyndale House.
Across
1. Fissile rock composed of
“layers.
6. _ Dusay, Monica Warner
on Facts of Life.
10. _ Biondi, U.S. Olympic
gold medal swimmer.
14. Buddhist monks of
Tibet or Mongolia.
15. Hint .
16. _ vera, used to treat
burns.
17.Broad upper portion of
either hip bone.
18. Rotating pieces in
mechanical linkage.
19. _ Hall, queen of vanity
entertainment.
20. Violent windstorms.
22. Father of the Cyclopes
and Titans.
24. Strong cart without
sides.
25. Relating to Thailand.
26. Jared _, American his-
torian and editor.
29. Acronym for the
American Telephone and
Telegraph Foundation.
30. Acronym for
Expeditionary Operational
Readiness Inspection.
31. Arresting hemorrhages.
37. Narrow. ridge of sand
formed by a stream flowing
beneath a stagnant glacier.
39. Soft food for infants.
40. To emit rays of light.
41. People who expect the
worse.
44. To repair defects.
45. Plant pouches contain-
ing fluid.
46. Brightly colored marine
fishes, having spiny fins,
thick lips and powerful
jaws.
48. Openings forming a
holder.
52. Of two or more colors
in patches.
53. To apply oil to as a
sacred rite.
54. Warned; directed.
58. Jenny _, the Swedish
Nightingale.
59. German automotive
industrialist who experi-
mented with rocket propul-
sion.
61. To lower in rank or
prestige.
.62. Null and _
63. Spanish word for “ciao.”
64. French city north of
Lyon on the Saone River.
65. Action or process.
66. Garment worn by
Scottish Highlanders.
67. Paradises.
Down
1. Long, narrow cut or
This Week’s Crossword Puzzle
See inside this week’s paper for answers.
opening.
2. Angels headdress.
3. Variant of emir.
4. Places where clothes
are washed and ironed.
5. Glacier in Ymer Bay,
Russia. ;
6. Elijah _, inventor of the
ironing board.
7. Expression of concern.
8. Alcoholic beverage dis-
tilled from a fermented
cane product.
9. Crafty, intriguing people.
10. Female head of a
household.
11. By oneself.
12. Receptacle of a flower.
13. To disentangle by
combing or carding.
21. To break by striking.
23. Timber fastened
together for floating on
water.
25. Archaic past tense of
stop.
26. To penetrate slowly.
27. To present for consider-
ation.
28. Havens of safety.
29. To collect.
32. Long narrative poems
recounting the deeds of
legendary heroes.
38. Indian city north of
Bombay.
34. Moral or legal obliga-
tions.
35. Small lodging estab-
lishments.
36. To grant typically by
treaty.
38. To have gotten up.
42. Digging tool with fea-
tures of an adze and an
ax.
43. Quantity drunk at one
time.
47. To assign a new name
to.
48. Unctuous adhesive
substance applied to
wounds.
49. Asian herb of the lily
family with pungent, edible
bulbs.
50. Like a cone.
51. _ International, the
largest manufacturer of fire
fighting equipment in the
world.
52. Piece guiding a tool or
machine part.
54. Decorative stamp.
55. To add a small anout of
liquor to.
56. Hippotion _, Common
Striped Hawkmoth.
57. Small, usually squalid
dwellings.
60. 21st letter of the Greek
alphabet.
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