EER
OPINION
The Kings Mountain Herald
December 28, 2006
Duck! Here comes that flying chicken again
If you really want an educa-
tion, read the Oxford Advanced
Learner’s Dictionary. It is chock
full of interesting information.
It's a mystery to me where all
that ‘useless information comes
from, but it’s there in black and
white.
For example, did you know
that a cockroach can live several
weeks with its head cut off? Do
you care? I don’t.
I'll bet you didn’t know that in
1836 a pig in France was execut-
ed by public hanging for the
murder of a child. There are
other pigs in France right now
who could do with a dose of the
average, nine years longer than -
left-handed people. But they
don’t throw curve balls as well.
The elephant is the only mam-
mal that can’t jump. Now I won-
der which genius figured that
out. Maybe Dumbo can’t jump,
but he can sure fly. Everybody
knows that.
It's against the law to burp or
sneeze in a church in Nebraska.
Passing gas is allowed without
penalty.
Are you aware that some
worms, if they can’t find food,
will eat themselves. That's what
happened to Jimmy Hoffa.
The longest recorded flight of a
chicken is 13 seconds. The
longest stay in a mental institu-
noose.
Right-handed people live, on
tion is 68 years. He was
the man who used to
make his living going
around recording the
flights of chickens.
A man named
Charles Osborne had
the hiccups for 69 years.
Despite the advice from
relatives and friends to
drink 10 sips of water,
breathe in a paper bag
or hold your breath for
two minutes, Osborne continued
to hiccup. When he finally was
able to stop, he forgot what he
was trying to say.
A giraffe can clean its ears with
its 21-inch tongue. So can Gene
Simmons of the rock group KISS.
Jim Heffner
Guest Column
It is written that bee-
tles taste like apples,
wasps like pine nuts
and worms like fried
bacon. I will never
know if that is true. I
do know that flies defi-
nitely do not taste like
raisins.
It is true that actor
Charlie Chaplin once
finished . third
Charlie Chaplin look-
alike contest. It is not true that in
1843 a Parisian street mime got
stuck in his imaginary box and
died of starvation. A friend in
California actually tried to con-
vince me the mime story is true. I
don’t even think Californians are
in a:
true.
The same guy sent me a few
other items he swears are factual,
but don’t you believe it.
According to him, a Hungarian
immigrant invented the type-
writer and left his signature on
the keyboard. His name was
Qwerty Yuiop.
You can actually sharpen the
blades on a pencil sharpener by
wrapping your pencils in alu-
minum foil before
them. I ain’t too sure I'd try that.
A dog’s naked behind leaves
absolutely no bacteria when
pressed against carpet. I don’t
think I'd drag my dog across the
living room to prove that.
A team of University of
inserting
Ce researchers released a
study promoting the practice of
picking one’s nose, claiming that
the health benefits of keeping
nasal passages free from infec-
tious blockages far outweigh the
negative social connotations.
What social connotations? That
one sounds almost gross enough
to be true. Maybe that’s why
UVA calls its sports teams
Wahoos.
Every Labrador retriever
dreams about bananas. Now
that’s the last straw.
Jim Heffner is a staff writer
for the Belmont/Mount Holly
bannernews and a longtime
columnist for The Herald.
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a.m.
Advent a new beginning
In Grants Pass, Oregon, four
six-week-old kittens were
abandoned at Wildlife
Images, a wildlife rehabilita-
tion center. Volunteers caught
and adopted three, but one
kitten eluded them. A few
days later, this kitten was seen
squeezing through a hole in
the fence that corralled
“Griz,” a 560-pound bear.
The little kitten slowly and
cautiously approached the big
bear while he was eating from
his five-gallon bucket. “That
cat was so hungry that he
walked up to Griz and
begged for food,” reported
Dave Siddon, founder of
Wildlife Images. When I saw
it, I thought, “Oh my, Griz is
going to eat that kitten!” But
to Siddon’s surprise, Griz
pulled a little piece of chicken
out of the pail and dropped it
on the ground, and the kitten
walked up and ate it.
Afterward, those two animals
OPEN
New Years Day
Pork Loin - Grilled or Fried
Greens, Blackeyed Peas, Cold
Slaw, Hush Puppies and Hog Jowl
Open from 11:00am - Until
a :
Gove 5
FISH BOX
ry Shelby Rd., Kings Mountain
004-739-4036 ¢ 704-739-8648
became inseparable.
Not all Christians
are strict observers
of “Advent,” but
whenever this sea-
son of preparation
for Christmas rolls
around again, I think
of how the birth of
Jesus signals for us a
new beginning. The =
prophet Isaiah once described
this new beginning in this
way: “The wolf will live with
the lamb, the leopard will lie.
down with the goat, the calf
and the lion and the yearling
together; and a little child will
lead them” (Isaiah 11:6).
Now I know that most of us
think of the Christmas story
as a sentimental story of a
baby’s birth, but it’s really
more than a collection of
songs sung by the aging priest
Zechariah and the young
mother Mary. It’s also a story
of freedom and hope, of the
Jeff Hensley
Meditation
blessings of joy, salva-
tion and a relation-
ship with God.
Indeed, Mary’s can-
ticle, which is known
as the “Magnificat”
(found in Luke 1:46-
55), envisions the
same sort of trans-
formed social order
that is foretold by the
Prophet Isaiah: “My soul glo-
rifies the Lord and my spirit
rejoices in God my Savior, for
he has been mindful of the
humble state of his servant . .
. He has performed mighty
deeds with his arm; he has
scattered those who are proud
in their inmost thoughts. He
has brought down rulers from
their thrones but has lifted up
the humble. He has filled the
hungry with good things but
has sent the rich away
empty.”
In December of 1985, the
apartheid government in
Pretoria, South Africa, banned
the lighting of candles and the
singing of Christmas carols in
the vast ghetto of Soweto.
The authorities there appar-
ently knew that the proclama-
tion of the birth of Jesus
Christ represents much more
than a sentimental story of a
little baby being born; in fact,
it is the story of a new begin-
ning, and everyone who fol-
lows the way of Jesus Christ
needs to be willing to
embrace a new way of living.
As we observe Advent this
year, my prayer is that we
won't be so caught up with
the sentimental qualities of
the season that we forget the
truly life transforming nature
of the birth of Jesus.
Dr. Jeff Hensley is pastor
of Kings Mountain Baptist
Church. His column appears
weekly in The Herald.
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