Newspapers / University of North Carolina … / Feb. 12, 1998, edition 1 / Page 5
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2,199mfebruary 12,1998 The Banner Page 5 Features aitressing: skills for the jobs of tomorrow or shakinl : brings thl the audl pie of thl began, thl smale anf the peopll .. Approxil lalessigneJ andomlyj re likely n Its becausi commutel ) sheet wai muter stU' said Katii an major, is inconvj ntstocoi ling, unli: are a slio| ith. Rebecca Sulock columnist V ads a 5 cast, Alai endearinj deal exprel acumen tai the grouj ackaddeiT at, makesl irreal judJ to has-beel lly funny a rred Bona larcterizinl y comic asl ifiswondel :r. leos by Elvl ilton JoHij' i there ar| 3y Britcon lized by : find Hug| der”) in thj lits as “tbj iffourcoulq leared. ely worth he mood I rheater,”' 0 are secret! Anyone f(] in Americal Ah, waitressing. The venerable oc cupation so many of us are thrust into during our college years. We wait ables to help pay for our college education, realizing in the process exactly why we want the college edu cation, and then why we need the college education. Then, when we have the college education, we realize how valuable the waitressing experience was, be cause it will get us a job a lot quicker than, say, a Ph.D. in English. Before I say anything else, how ever, I should begin by decoding someofthesecret lingo that goes with the job. “We’re on a wait” means that there are angry people waiting at the door, demanding to know why they haven’t been seated yet at that one booth (“See that one?! That one in the corner right over there!”) where an elderly couple is still sitting, not .quite finished with their key lime pie (“They’re almost done! We’re goin in!”). When we say we’re “in the weeds” or “weeded,” it means that we’re panicked because of stressful circumstances, such as: the little crack In the roof above our section of the restaurant just broke open and no one requested “open-air dining to night, or the hostesses just got in another fistfight with the guy who wants the table in the corner, or we just ran out of Michelob Light on draft. But I think 1 speak for all of my brothers and sisters in the serving profession when 1 say: 1 love my job. It’s gratifying. At the end of each shift, you really feel like you’ve made a difference in the world. There is truly nothing more satisfy ing than pouring some sweetened tea in an empty glass of ice, and then seeing the smile of gratitude spread across the customer’s face. People really appreciate what we do. When someone needs extra napkins, we’re there for them. We’re there in way no one else can be, and we’re there when no one else is, not the deadbeat dads, or the surrogate moms, or the cheating wives, or the ugly stepsisters. We’re there unfailingly, always coming back with that extra butter or some ketchup. This is the substance, indeed, the very soul of waitressing. Occasionally, you run into diffi culties. In the lingo we call them “problem customers” or, on occa sion, “damn assholes.” Both of these terms are acceptable. The Rich People tend to treat you like their personal maid (or butler). Theycommandyou “Woman, bring me that A-1 sauce godspeed,” and you can tolerate it. But it’s hard to explain to them why you don’t have time to shine their shoes, or give them a thorough lintbrushing. You often meet with cries of outrage: “What exactly do I pay you for, insolent wretch?!” The Cheap People don’t seem to realize that the price of a meal has risen since they last dined out in 1975. They scoffatthe$7 entree, and usually end up ordering the most inexpensive item on the menu (a heaping bowl of bacon bits) and eat ing lots of our unlimited free bread. The Mean Parents are the hardest to deal with. An example: I was taking the drink order for a table, and one of the children asked me what he could have. I started to tell him, and he interrupted to ask if we had orange soda (which we do). His mother, however, screamed “No OF COURSE they DON’T!” and smacked the child upside the head. She had three other children, whom she treated with equal tenderness all night. The father was chugging Long Island iced teas so fast I could see the liver spots appearing on his head. This kind of family makes you want to scoop the kids right up and haul ass to the Depart ment of Social Services. The Heavy D ri nk- ers de mand to know why you haven’t brouglit that sixth double shot of tequila they or dered . You try to tell them, for the second time, that North Carolina law prohibits more than five drinks in a two hour period, and it’s only been twenty minutes since they sat down. Theyofi:en don’t see the logic in such legislation. Either you’re lucky, and they leave, sober up, and write letters to their congressmen about the injus tice of it all, or else they get very angry and yell and scream a lot. Stuff like “Well, 1 never heard of that! Who in the hell wrote that law?! My grampaw didn't lose his arm gettin’ shot at by federal agents when he was runnin’ moon shine d u r i n ’ Prohibi tion fer nothin’!! Great men like h i m fought fer MY right to drink!” only slightly less iu- 1 cid. The S p a c e - C'adets a r e pretty trying, tot). These people have the remarkable ability to enjoy an entire dining experience without ever looking at the menu! They also have anextraordinary sixth sense that allows them to come to the restaurant only when it is incredibly busy, so full of people that the guy who wants the corner table has actu ally sat down to dine with the elderly couple. Waitress: “Hello blah-blah..And what can 1 bring for you to drink?” Man dining with Space Cadet: “I’ll have iced tea.” Space Cadet: (after aboutrwomin- utes, hands resting on her unopened menu) “Oh, 1 don’t know... What do you have?” Waitress: “Well, we have Coke, Diet Coke, M r. Pibb...” (then she lists off all 21.3 possible beverage choices the restaurant offers, including every bottle of beer in the bar) Waitress; (gasping for breath after reciting list) Space Cadet: “What was the first thing you said? Coke? I’ll haye that.” Waitress: (running screaming away from table) Liter on you’ll end up listing eveiy appetizer, salad dressing, pasta dish, side item, and dessert in the entire restaurant, sometimes two or three times. All of this could be remedied by a quick glance at the menu. But, besides the occasional diffi culty, waitressing is mighty fulfilling. 1 look forward to many full years as a service professional, my college de gree raped wistftilly to the inside of [iiy check binder... Waitress: (with a hopeful look in her eye) “And while you’re deciding on an appetizer, would you like to know about the ancient civiliz;uions of Egypt and Mesopotamia?” Customer; (beating children with the table tent) “Shut up and bring me some bacon bits!” (leers menacingly) “By the way, y’all got Mich Lite on draft?” m For Your Infornialion academic notices Undergraduate Research - Summer Research Grant Proposals deadline, KH 126 (x6122) • 2/27 uary 12 thru february 19 UNCA FYI is a service of the Student Activities and Student Affairs offices. FYI is pulished each Thursday. Deadline to submit information is Friday at noon, for the following week's publication. Next deadline: February 13. Send a copy with basic information to The Banner, c/o Ad Manager, (3H 208Aor S. McDonald, HC 27. athletics Women's Basketball vs. UMBC, 2pm, JG • 2/14 Men's Basketball vs.UMBC, 4pm, JG • 2/14 Men's Tennis vs. Citadel, Noon, JC Courts *2/15 Baseball vs. WCU, 2:30 pm, GF • 2/17 Men's Basketball vs. Elon, 7:30, JG • 2/18 career opportunities/jobs inner Harbour Adventure Camp - Summer jobs - visit Patrick Kelly, 10am-1pm, HC (v/ebsite link from Career Center homepage - vmv/.unca.edu/career) • 2/17 Resume Review ■ appointments available, 1 -4pm, Mon., Tues., Thurs., WHC 101 or email nv/hite@ bulldog WNC Consortium Job Fair, Grove Park Inn (4/14) - see Career Center homepage for registered employers - uf>date v/eekly concerts/live entertainment Harlem Rockets Comedy Basketball Team vs. UNCA Faculty/Staff/ Students/Alumni, 7:30pm, JG, Free to UNCA students • 2/12 "People Who Must" - great college band, 9:30pm, HC Lounge , Free • 2/13 Tim Haden Trio, jazz. Noon to 1:30pm, Dining Hall *2/14 "The Kingfisher's Wing", theatre, 8pm, HLH, $3 students (spon. by Bahai Assoc.) (281-2379) * 2/16 Theatre UNCA: "I am a Camera", CBT (Box Office 232-2291) (Special Student Previewr - $5 • 2/18) • 2/18-2/22 Food Service Committee Open Meeting, 5pm, PDR *2/16 Dining Hall nev/ hours - dinner Monday thru Thurs., 4:45-7pm s'^S Table, guest speaker - Dr. Marcel Andrade "Misconceptions re: C. Columbus", Noon-1pm, PDR • 2/18 Poetry Reading/ Talk by Janet SyKrester, 7pm, Laurel Forum (x6411) • 2/19 homecoming '98 - "cruisin thru the decades" Homecoming King & Queen Voting, 10am-5pm, RL *2/12; 10am-3pm, RL & 4- 6pm, PH • 2/13; 2-6pm, JG • 2/14 Spirit Banner/Poster Making, Noon-4pm, HC • 2/13 Parade - over 20 entries & floats. Grand Marshall WLOS' Gary Stephenson, 4:45pm, Univ. Heights - Dining Hall to JC» 2/13 Pep Rally, 8:30-9:30pm, JC • 2/13 Moviethon- "Air Force One ", 11:30pm, H/c Lounge *2/13 Party at Biltmore Estate- Deerpark Restaurant, 9:30pm-1:30am, free shuttles from UNCA Dining Hall, $5 students with UNCA I.D., $10 guests *2/14 leadership opportunities "The Leadership Myth" - understanding team concept, by Melinda Costello, 5-6pm, PDR (sign up in HC 48) (x6588) *2/18 Greek Intern Position Available, apply in HC 27 • by 2/19 Resource Center/Leadership Library - outside HC 37 lectures/workshops/seminars thru Marilyn Murphy Exhibition, visiting artist, Univ. Gallery, OH 2/24 . Scott Woodard Exhibition, 2nd floor Gallery, OH • thru 2/25 • Alumni Art Exhibit, Ramsey Library (x6336) • thru 2/28 • UNCA Art Majors Exhibition, Asheville Gallery of Art, 16 College St. (x6875) ‘thru 2/28 IQ . "Air Force One ", 11:30pm -1:30am, HC LoungeJx6675)j^2/^ Last Lecture by Prof. Chris Bell, 7pm, HC Lounge (spon. by UP) (x6244) • 2/16 "Home Again: On Returning to Israel on the Eve of Israel's 50th Anniv.", by Dr. Rick Chess, 7pm, OCC (x6576) • 2/17 "In Search of Everest", by Adrian Burgess, British Mountaineer, 8pm, HC Lounge (x6001) *2/19 organizations/special programs Spirit Chain: Buy a link for 25 cents - proceeds to help prevent drug abuse (spon. by Alpha Phi Omega) • thru 2/14 "The Healing Force" - stimulate cultural awareness, community service, perf. arts, 7pm, HC Lounge (spon. by BSU, PCF, UMCM) (258-3817) * 3/5 outdoor activities (sign up in HC) Ojiler Banks - Spring Break Trip, $175 includes most meals, equip., guides, travel & camp fee - sign up now • 3/14-3/21 tickets-discounts-hc27"10am to 4pm Nat'l Theatre of the Deaf ■ "Peer Gynt," $5 students • 2/24-2/25 Charlotte Hornets, $10, February games on sale: 2/28 (x6584) Movie tickets to local United Artists theatres - $4 for students Wolf Laurel Tickets-$10 (regular $15) good any day/time; Student ID volunteer opportunities Be a "Busytown Busybody" - help children ages 2-10 & their families enjoy the tov/n created by author Richard Scarry at the Health Adventure, Pack Place • to volunteer, call 251-6588 Lewis Rathbun Wellness Center - 251-0595 Isaac Dickson Elementary - 281-3700/232-4120
University of North Carolina at Asheville Student Newspaper
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Feb. 12, 1998, edition 1
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